


Behind The Mask

by fever11



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Based on Songs, Drama, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Humor, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-27
Updated: 2016-06-15
Packaged: 2018-05-23 13:02:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 95,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6117265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fever11/pseuds/fever11
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke meets a masked stranger unable to get them out of her head. On a mission now she spends her time trying to unmask the stranger but if she's ever does will she be able to handle what is underneath?</p><p>Each chapter is based on a song which is the name of the chapter!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Bust Your Window

_I bust the windows out your car_  
_And no it didn't mend my broken heart_  
_I'll probably always have these ugly scars_  
_But right now I don't care about that part_  
_I bust the windows out your car_  
_After I saw you laying next to her_

 

“I can’t believe this.”

“Raven slow down!” Another loud boom echoed the street. She shut her eyes as the glass flew everywhere. Quickly moving to the other side of the car, she looked at the fresh new paint remembering how recently it had been done. She knew it cost him an arm and a leg to get his car redone.

“Please stop before you get glass in your eye!”

“Why isn’t this making me feel better?” Lifting the bat Raven smashed it into the left wing mirror. It came crashing down creating another loud bang. Some of the mirror had scraped her hand leaving a deep gash with blood oozing out of it. Without a doubt it would leave an infection and hurt like hell but that was the last thing on her mind though. 

“Because his car is nowhere near as expensive as your heart. It’s priceless, Raven. Your heart is priceless.” Turning her head Raven watched Wick stand there trying to convince her that the damage is not worth her while. 

“Yeah well he has to pay for something.” Again Raven lifted her bat but this time Wick grabbed it in mid-air. He tried to pull it out of her hand but it was glued to her hands. She held on for dear life but he used it to push her closer to him.

“Stop this. We can figure something else out.” Raven shut her eyes letting the memory fill her mind. 

*Flashback*

“Hey Finn I brought us some Chinese food!” Music was blaring as she walked into the room. She had missed coming home to this. After two years in Guatemala working in the Peace Corp to help design efficient ways of living for the poverty surrounding country, Raven was glad to be home. Finn and her had been through thick and thin and though she had been gone awhile she was glad they were still strong.

When Finn blasted music like this he usually was in some sort of mood, however, it was one of those sexual songs he liked to play during sex. Maybe he knew she was coming early.

Smiling to herself she shrugged her shoulders and stripped down to her bra and underwear. Sometimes he took too long to get to the chase so Raven jumped at the opportunity to speed things up. She opened the door to his room ready to strike some sort of pose against the door frame like she had seen in a movie.

“I said I got-” No words were able to leave her mouth. Her gaping jaw kept her frozen in the doorway. Immediately he stopped what he had been doing and froze too on the bed.

Her eyes tracked to the women in the sheets who quickly fumbled to cover herself up. The blonde hair girl stood up wrapped in his sheets.

“You fucker.” Striding at rapid pace towards the bed, Raven flung a right hook into the girl’s face sending her stumbling backwards. Then turning towards the boy she was again speechless as she was reminded of the five years they had been together.

“I can’t believe you! You fucking dick.”

“Raven wait!” 

“Don’t even come after me! We are soooo thru.” Before she walked out the door enraged she turned towards the desk and sent the speakers hurling at Finn.

The two in the room did not even get a chance to speak before Raven was out the door.

*End Flashback*

“I don’t understand. What did I do wrong?” It took everything in the girl not to cry as she felt the water brim to her eyes. 

“Nothing Raven. You have to let it go and move on. You can’t be happy if you dwell on this forever.”

Raven knew he was right but Finn and her were not just any couple. He wasn’t just her boyfriend, but her best friend; he helped make her dream come true. Now she was smashing his car for what?

This was not who she was, she knew revenge could be sweeter.

\------

“Damn she gave you one hell of a right hook!” Octavia walked over to the bed placing an ice pack on her eye.

“Is she a boxer? If she is I bet you she is totally hot. Oh my god you saw her body did she have abs?”

“Octavia.” Clarke groaned as she held the ice pack up.

“Sorry but a hot girl is a hot girl.”

“Can we focus on what really matters?” Octavia hopped onto the bed letting her back rest against the wall. 

“Retaliation right! We can egg his house.”  
“Nah too typical.” Clarke shook her head.  
“Okay what if I get Bellamy and his friends to like kidnap him then drop him off in the middle of nowhere.”

Craning her head, Clarke placed her hand over Octavia’s forehead to check for a fever. Nope, there wasn’t any yet. 

“Oh calm down.” Octavia removed her hand off of her forehead. 

Letting out a loud sigh Clarke felt as if it wasn’t even worth the stress anymore. They had been together for almost seven months and he even pledged his love to her. She never imagined Finn would be this kind of guy. 

Who even was the other girl? She had to been with him longer due to her accessibility to the apartment. It didn’t make her jealous of the girl because Clarke knew she’d be just as pissed. This was Finn’s fault not theirs.

Her blood began to boil as she was reminded of all the times he had been such a romantic sap and it was all just a show. He swore that night that it was her he loved and only could ever love. Now it was just a load of crap. That's when Clarke knew what she had to do.

“Where are you going?” Grabbing her jacket off her chair, she flung it over her shoulder with Octavia standing up now.

“To finish what he started.”

\-----

I bust the windows out your car  
But it don't compare to my broken heart  
You could never feel how I felt that day  
Until that happens, baby, you don't know pain

“And this is for saying you love me.” Clarke screamed as she smashed the window of the car. “Bastard.” She muttered under breath. Fine he wanted to break her heart so now she was going to fuck up his car. She knew how much it meant to him. 

After denting his hood she put a hole in his spare tire so when he needed it the most it was gone. She wanted to physically represent all the pain he had put her in into this car.

“I can call the cops you know.” Clarke’s head quickly spun as her eyes locked with a girl standing with her arms crossed. Clarke was ready to run but the girl had looked vaguely familiar.

“I-” She wasn’t sure she would be recognized as she had done this in the dead of night with her black hoodie on. Then again she was screaming.  
“You got the wrong car.”  
“You don’t even know what I am doing.” But not being able to resist she checked the car again. He did own a black SVU.  
“Yes, I do because I did it ten hours ago to his car.” Clarke watched as the girl pointed across the street to the other black SVU that was completely totaled. Well fuck she was screwed. 

“No, I’m not going to call the cops. I think you suffered enough with the black eye I gave you. Sorry about that.” Raven pointed to the eye. Strength had always been her biggest attribute despite her size. Never in her life had she felt so weak as she did recently.

“Honestly I wanted to fight you on that but you might win.” The blonde laughed trying to play it cool. Octavia was probably right, the girl likely did box and did have a smoking body. 

Responding back with a laugh Raven stuck her hand out. “Truce?” Clarke shook it and nodded.  
“I’m Raven by the way.”  
“Clarke.” She gave her a tight smile with now getting a better look of the girl’s face. She had truly given her one heck of a black eye. It made her feel guilty though as she didn’t know what the girl’s situation was.  
“Let’s get out of here, I think you did enough damage to the neighbor’s car.”  
“Haha, yeah I fucked up.” Clarke rubbed the back of her neck with one hand feeling guilty now that the neighbor had to deal with her rage. Before anyone caught them, Raven led them through the trees knowing a way out.  
“How long were you two together?” She ventured into the territory curious to know more about it and hoping to relieve herself of pain.  
“Almost seven months. And you?”  
“Five years.”  
“Wow.” The news shocked both girls at the realization of how long they had been played.  
“I guess he got lonely.” Raven suggested.  
“Why do you say that?”  
“Because I left to South America for two years.” It didn’t make things better but it made Raven realize how they left things. Though they never officially broke it off, they hadn’t talked much either. 

Raven stopped midway of their walking. “What are you doing?” Clarke countered.  
“You know what?” Raven came to a realization as she watched Clarke grasp onto her crowbar. She was never one to have many girl friends but there was something about Clarke she liked. They had the same idea to ruin his car and while great minds think alike, it brought her some relief she wasn’t alone in her pain.  
“What?”  
“Fuck Finn. We don’t need him! He just got me a new friend.” Raven grasped Clarke’s hand and placed it under her arm.

Only smirking, Clarke nodded her head in agreement. Who knew busted windows could be the start of a friendship that will be one to remember.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bust Your Windows by Jasmine Sullivan 
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mOzdfaEPaR0


	2. Unwritten

'Staring at the blank page before you  
Open up the dirty window  
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find  
Reaching for something in the distance  
So close you can almost taste it  
Release your inhibitions  
Feel the rain on your skin' 

 

It had been three months since her breakup with Finn. Clarke was not the type to dwell on things but something had been bothering her lately and she couldn’t put a finger on it. She had been living in the outskirts of the city with Octavia and their new roommate Raven. 

Surprisingly her and Raven clicked instantly that night and have created a real bond. Initially Clarke assumed hanging with Raven would be a constant reminder of Finn, who she at one point in her life truly loved. However, it wasn’t like that at all. Raven had been a wonderful addition to their group. She had a way of always cracking a joke at the right moment and balancing out Octavia’s hyperness with Clarke's calmness. 

Octavia had been up Clarke's ass about her artwork which could be a trigger to her bother. She was a recent grad of School of the Art Institute of Chicago, one of the top schools for art in the nation. Passed with flying colors, she immediately landed a job at a small newspaper company drawing comics. Though she hated it with every bone inside of her, money was now a problem.

The only reason Octavia was bothering her about the issues was because Clarke had a prepaid workspace where she could exhibit her artwork. For many years a small bakery ran in her father’s side of the family. Being the only child he quickly inherited the business but he never wanted it. After it closed down he decided two years ago, as a birthday present, to give the space to Clarke for her art works.

Once he had passed, Clarke found it hard to even walk into her studio anymore without the constant reminder it had. Her father had been her biggest fan and without him art wasn't the same. Day after day she sat in front of her blank canvas every night feeling uninspired. 

It was eleven at night and today was just one of those days. Her coloring of a tiger was not going to get her any buyers. Raven suggested she call people to put their work up in her exhibition to help create discussion in the art community. Of course it was a great idea, considering Clarke could not come up with any sort art. Maybe other art would inspire her. So she spent the day calling up other rising artist and potential buyers to start building up her first exhibition. 

Finally calling it a night she shut the lights off and locked the door. Outside a river flowed the streets. New York was experiencing one of those terrible rain storms and had highly suggested everyone remain indoors. The subways were closed so her only other option was to take a long walk home. Closing her eyes tight shut as the rain smashed loudly against her coat, she could feel herself ankle deep in water already. Checking to make sure she was going in the right direction she noticed the rare empty streets of the city. If you ever had a chance to experience one of those moments it felt as if you were watching New York being vulnerable. It never ceased to amaze Clarke as she understood this high expectation New York had and it was at these moments she didn't see it for its weakness but it's beauty.

Except for that one or two crazy people like her, no one filled the streets of the city so great they named it twice. However, Clarke was caught off guard when someone ran into her. It was impossible to see the face but it was clear it was a woman as she only wore a red shirt and blue jean shorts.

Though the hard rain and her hair covered her face, her dancing eyes stood out in the craziness that could distract any person, however, Clarke wasn’t any person. Immediately engrossed she felt as if she was walking through a dark forest as she stared into the woman’s green eyes. The kaleidoscope of dark greens for some reason looked like they had seen a lifetime, when in reality they had only seen a fraction. There was pain in the dark forest but the water splashing against her face seemed to reveal that pain she must hide. Clarke only could confirm that the woman was hiding her pain through the rain as her eyes were slightly swollen and red. It was a feeling Clarke had experienced one too many times.

“Oh my god. Are you okay? Do you need a jacket?” Clarke immediately looked to take off her own assuming the girl was homeless or something.

“No thank you I'm just enjoying the rain” She screamed over the smashing rain. Her wet hair covered her face but the girl didn't seem to have a care that her lips looked like they were turning blue.

“Are you crazy?” Clarke screamed back.  
“No you are!”  
“I don't understand!” She raised her hand to shield her eyes from the rain.  
“What's your name?”  
“Clarke!”  
“Well Clarke, here is a life lesson for you. When you are so close to your dreams you have to remember what reality is. The sun, the rain, or whatever it is that’s out there is there to remind you that realities and dreams can be one as long as you don’t forget about the other.” The girl began to back up spreading her arms out to let the rain devour her. “Feel the rain on your skin, Clarke! No on else can feel it for you! That’s the only way to live.” 

Clarke watched as this complete stranger gave her a life lesson that would stick with her for years. Laughing along with the girl she ran back to her studio suddenly inspired. 

Art was Clarke’s voice, imagination, and dreams tied into one. Starring at the blank canvas she finally had an image in her head that she knew would be her greatest artwork yet.

Now determined, she stormed up to her apartment banging on her roommates’ door.

“GET UP!” Clarke walked around the apartment in her wet boots and jacket trying to get her two roommates to join her.

“Are you on drugs? It's three in the morning.” Raven came out of her room rubbing her eyes.

Octavia only groaned ready to sleep strangle Clarke for disturbing.

“Come on! I finally found it!” Clarke threw shoes at the girls.

“It better be millions of dollars.” Raven reluctantly put on her shoes secretly planning Clarke's death.

Finally both girls were ready and Clarke dragged them to the steps of their apartment.

“Come feel the rain!” Clarke shouted over the loud banging of water against the different objects. Her wet blonde hair began to cover her face but she didn't bother to remove it discovering why the girl had done the same, because she couldn't give a shit.

Reminded of the girl, Clarke began to dance in the rain letting the cool water hit her skin and electrifying her every movement. Something clicked in Clarke as if the rain was sort of a blessing. After her father's death, work and mom struggles, her breakup with Finn, and other issues it was like the universe was cleaning her. 

Reality was giving her a chance to start over refreshing herself like some sort of nature baptism. Never had she experienced nature like this.

“It’s probably the fumes in her art studio.” Raven concluded as she watched Clarke dance in the rain. She nudged Octavia but her eyelids were tight shut.

Clarke may have experienced one of those life altering moments but all Octavia could think about was sleep and that's what she went to do.

Both Raven and Octavia headed back upstairs hoping to catch some more sleep before they had to get up in the morning. Grudgingly moving one foot in front of the other, Octavia suddenly felt a hand on her chest.

“Mmh?”  
“Look.” Raven pointed out to the painting standing in front of their living room they had failed to notice earlier. Octavia slowly moved her head up to drop her boots, knowing exactly who the painting belonged to.

Walking over to the painting she immediately noticed the two different mediums Clarke used. A woman stood in the middle of the street with her arms stretched out wide. Everything had been in charcoal but the rain that fell. Using colored wax she melted on rain drops and everything it touched. The puddle surrounding the girl was mixed with all different sorts of waxed colors.

“I call it ‘Feel The Rain’” Clarke stood behind them arms crossed with a large grin on her face. Octavia traced the raindrops with her finger in awe. Looking in closer she could see the extensive detail Clarke had put into every stroke and motion of the painting. The tall building illuminated over the girl had the windows down to a tee with the color waxed carefully dripping from the rims. As well the girl's eyes were covered in charcoal creating a mask with strokes falling down as tear drops. However, her eyes were meticulously painted with numerous dark green to make her eyes pop out.

“Its beautiful.” Octavia whispered. Then and there she was brought back to the moment she saw Clarke’s drawing for the first time. Octavia laid eyes on the painting and knew there was something so enchanting about her abilities. The way she expressed her emotions had always inspired the younger one. This was the first time in a really long time Octavia got that same swell she did when she first saw Clarke draw.

“What inspired you?” Raven inquired.

Clarke wanted to tell them about the random girl she encountered that evening. However, something in her told her that the moment she had was too special to share.

“I guess thunderstorms are an inspiration to me.”

Octavia, fully awake now, turned towards Clarke and leaped into a hug. Raven still new to their group had no idea what this moment meant to Clarke.

“He would have been so proud of you.” Clarke did everything in her power to keep the tears running down her face. Both girls knew she couldn’t make art not because she didn’t want to but because she couldn’t. Deep down she felt as if her father’s death was the death of her own work but tonight proved differently.

“Thank you.” She choked up tightening her grip around Octavia.  
\-----

Two months later Clarke had finally found people to exhibit their artwork in her upcoming exhibition. Though she had one or two of her own she wish she had more of her own artwork as this was intended to be her exhibition.

After final preparations she closed the door to her studio awaiting tomorrow's big day. There was something oddly satisfying and scary not knowing what tomorrow will bring. Being her first exhibition, you wanted to make the best impressions or reviews would kill her and she could start with a terrible reputation.

The next day had gone so smoothly. Clarke stood in front of the entrance greeting buyers and thanking them for their presence. People were buying artwork and the place was packed. Clarke felt she was running on adrenaline as she counted some of the donations made. Most people had flooded out with only a few people lingering around.

“Awesome we'll finally be able to pay May’s rent.” Octavia placed a hand on Clarke's shoulder who was admiring the exhibition.  
“It's August.”  
“Yeah I know. We are so late on rent.”  
“That bad?” Turning towards the younger she watched as she sighed in dismay.  
“Here.” Taking the envelope from Octavia’s hand, Clarke opened it counting two hundred dollars in it. Lifting up the envelope she raised her eyebrow in question.  
“It’s from Bellamy. He sends his donation and love to you. He feels bad he couldn’t make it tonight.”  
Clarke instinctively went in for a hug grateful for the Blakes.

“Let me put this away.” Clarke headed towards the back where her studio was hidden. Bellamy was deployed to Iraq eight months ago. Clarke always wrote to him as there was something very calming when she wrote to him. He looked out for her, made sure everyone respected her in high school, and was just one of her closest friends.

Arriving at her desk, she took a sticky note and reminded herself to send a thank you letter to Bellamy later.

“Very spacious area you have here.” Letting out a small scream, Clarke jumped and spun around to encounter a woman in a dark red tight dress with long dirty blonde hair that curled down as it reached her shoulder. Her olive skin color complemented the red dress that highlighted her hips. She was a striking woman who held a sturdy grin.  
“Excuse me you aren’t allowed to be back here.” Clarke clenched at her chest to make sure her heart was still there.  
“I'm looking for the owner.”  
“That's me.”

The woman gave a chuckle and placed her purse under her arm to use her hands. “No the owner of the building.”

“Still me.”  
“Oh well excuse me then. How is the circulation in this building? Is everything up to date?”

How the hell was one supposed to answer that? Clarke assumed she was one of those crazy art buyers who needed everything so perfect that even the room temperature had to be right for it. Reading it once in some magazine she definitely did not exclude that option.

“Yes everything is up to date.”  
“May I see the basement?” Why doesn’t she smile, Clarke inquired. Like how can people be so serious? Smiling is supposed to be good for the soul. Octavia and Raven always make her smile. Wait did she just ask her to see the basement?  
“What?”  
“I want to make sure there aren’t any animals living there. My boss likes a clean basement.”  
“The basement is not for sale. This building is not on auction.”  
“How much is it worth? We’ll double it.”  
“No.”  
“Fine, triple it.”  
“Decuple it.”  
“Deal.”  
“Wait no, I was joking! No one has that kind of money.” She had to be on a prank show or something, after all this is New York City.  
“My boss does.”  
“Well tell your boss they can shove it up their ass. I don’t want any money.” Clarke had began to lead the woman out, still in awe she had the nerves to even ask.  
“We won’t stop. When my boss wants something they get it, Miss. Griffin.”  
“Goodbye.” Clarke reluctantly took the card that was being shoved in her face as she led the woman back out.  
“This is just the star-” she started but stopped in her tracks. Clarke turned around when she didn’t feel the woman.

Clarke watched as she walked over towards the painting and stood in front. Her hands traced the outline of the girl just as Octavia had when she first saw it.

“What’s it called?” The woman whispered.  
“‘Feel the Rain’” Her index finger meticulously followed the raindrops to the puddles.  
“What is the representation behind it?” Eyes still fixed on the painting.  
“Well uh it’s to remind you that realities and dreams can be one as long as you don’t forget about the other.” Clarke uttered as she reiterated what the girl had told her. When painting it the girl’s words replayed in her mind inspiring her to depict realities and dreams.

The woman turned away from the painting now out of her trance. Clearing her throat, she looked slightly embarrassed. “I’ll buy it.”

“Its back here for a reason. It’s not for sale.”  
“I’ll triple your starting price.” For a second Clarke as felt she had touched the woman’s heart as she hoped her paintings would do one day. However, she could not believe this woman was constantly trying to throw money at her and could not respect the meaning of no.

“No.”  
“We will give you enough money to support you until the day you die.” She casually suggested.  
“No!”  
“We can buy you a permanent house.”  
“She’ll do it.” Both women turned around to find Raven standing in the entrance holding a cookie. Clarke’s eyes widened at the announcement. 

“She’ll give you the art for six million dollars.” Raven offered.  
“What about five.”  
“What happens when she has a family. She could sell this to someone else at a better price.” Sighing the business woman pulled out her checkbook ready to make the deal.  
“Who do I make this out to?”  
“Clarke Griffin.” Just as the woman ripped it out of the book to hand it to Raven, Clarke instinctively reached out and snatched the check.

“I said no.” Suddenly she felt aggravated that her prized possession was being bartered. Ripping the check she continued, “Get out of my studio before I call the cops to drag you out.”  
“Miss.Griffin I can assur-”  
“Leave now.” Without another argument the woman left the studio leaving with the declaration of a battle. “This isn’t over.”

“You could make another painting Clarke. What’s the big deal?” 

Too disgusted with Raven she used her shoulders to push into her. Clarke had a bigger issue on her hands now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you like it! It was inspired by Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TtGY4G7II6s


	3. Hit Me With Your Best Shot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't want to address last night's episode. Lets pretend it never happened. This is extra long to make up for the pain. It was also inspired by "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" by Pat Benatar
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=serV18MirGg

_‘Why don't you hit me with your best shot_  
_Hit me with your best shot_  
_Fire away_  
_You come on with it, come on_  
_You don't fight fair_  
_That's okay, see if I care_  
_Knock me down, it's all in vain_  
_I get right back on my feet again’_

 

Picking at her chow mein, nothing seemed to make her smile. There was something disturbing about this buyer. Why had all of sudden this woman came out of nowhere and want to take her business? No one has that kind of money to hand out. It had been a week since the opening with no further pursuits made at her business yet something did not settle right in her stomach.

Octavia seemed to notice the lack of joy on Clarke's face. “What's wrong Clarke? Chow mein is your favorite.”

“I don't know.” Stabbing her food she lifted the fork with noodles to shove it back in as she aimlessly watched.

“Your art gallery was a hit!” Raven picked up the newspaper reading the reviews. “Scoot aside New York and make way for up and coming artist Clarke Griffin. Her recent and first exhibition struck a chord in the heart of the city. Artwork that featured other upcoming artists including Griffin's, shed light on the importance of different focuses of the art.”  
“It's just a review.” Clarke hummed.  
“Is it this that business chick?” Octavia inquired. She knew Clarke could have everything perfect but if one thing was wrong she would dwell on it forever.

“I don't know. I just don't have a good feeling. Like what kind of person has that kind of money and wants this small place?” Running her hands through her hair, worries took over again.

“Let's look up who Mr.Billionaire is.” Raven suggested quickly jumping from her chair to grab her laptop.

Running across their squeaky floor, Raven landed in the couch.  
“What’s the card say?”  
“Her name is Anya Trigeda.” Octavia read off the card. “Woods Inc.”  
“What if it's like Bill Gates or Bloomberg! Oh or Zuckerberg isn't he like single?” Octavia pursuing her lips started to throw out all the billionaires’ names she knew.  
“Nah it's probably like Ingvar Kamprad.”

Both Clarke and Octavia turned their heads to the side confused as to who he was.

“He owns IKEA! He's iconic in the engineering world.” Raven explained clearly as if it were common language. 

The possibility that one of these guys wanted Clarke's studio made her anxious and more nervous. If it was someone like them then she would have no chance in keeping the building. They'd probably manage to afford her soul too.

“Stop.” Both girls turned to Clarke whose hands were covering her face. “Stop looking for who this person is. I'm going to go their building tomorrow confronting them and not worry about who they are and how much money they have. Nothing will stop me from losing this building.”

Frustration consumed the girl as she stormed out of their living room. She slammed the door shut wanting nothing to do with the world.

Her family's’ legacy was laced in the building. There was no amount of money in the world that could make the girl give up the prize possession. She would be a disgrace to her family and that was the last thing she wanted.

\------

Bank of America Tower, 1 Bryant Park, New York, NY 10036. That was the address of the building written on the card. It was the fourth tallest building in New York City and the sixth in the United States. Knowing nothing about buildings she could only acknowledge the glass building with a large spire on top. This could totally be like a cult or something and she was falling into their trap.After much worrying about this Octavia reluctantly agreed to come as “back-up”. 

Looking into the sky, the building seemed so much larger to Clarke than other buildings in New York. Without a doubt there was something special about the buildings that towered over the city but this one seemed like it was ripped out of the script of a horror movie.  
“Oh it’s not that bad.” Octavia suggested as if she had read her mind. Clearly she was scared shitless and if Octavia could tell then she was screwed. She had a goal to squash any threats to her art business, she just had to keep reminding herself that.

Walking into the building there was a desk surrounded by marble tile. The receptionist sat on the stool that stood in the middle of the circular desk. Inside the building seemed more tiny than she had imagined. She was overreacting but that surely had to be better than under reacting.

“How can I help you?” The women turned towards the man sitting in the middle. As he stood up, they noticed the security outfit that suited him very well. The cut short sleeves tightened around his muscular arms that partially hid his tattoo. Though the baseball cap covered his face, his chiseled jaw was covered by his sexy scruffy facial hair. His dark skin tone made him the perfect eye-candy which meant he could totally help her. At least that's what Octavia could only think about.  
“I need to see the owner of Woods Inc.” Clarke spoke up feeling confident now. The man did not smile but looked down at a book.  
“Do you have an appointment?”  
“No.”  
“Then I can’t help you.”  
“Please, Anya knows who I am. She’ll let me up.”  
“No.” Still no smiling, what was up with people at Woods Inc without smiling?

Biting the bottom of her lips, Octavia knew she could handle this obstacle.  
“We need to see her immediately.”  
“I can’t help you.” Looking down at his name tag she read his name and slurred out. “Lincoln, you can help your boss and us by allowing us to see Anya. Give her a call and if she says no then what do you got to lose?” One hand rested on the table while the other on her chin. Arching one eyebrow, she knew she had this man cornered as she could see him take a large gulp. Clarke watched as the two stare downed. The two waited for the other to cave only missing intense music to top off the dramatic moment. Lincoln was starting to slip and so Octavia licked her lips to bring him crashing down.  
“Sure, what harm could it do.” He finally caved in, tightening his baseball cap.

Then God said, let there be Octavia Blake, because Clarke was about to kiss this woman’s feet. She knew she was persuasive but not this good.

Dialing the number and clearing his throat, he answered. “Sorry for bothering you Ms. Trigeda, but there is a woman at the front desk named,”  
“Clarke Griffin.” Clarke whispered as he paused.  
“Clarke Griffin. I told her no, without an appo-”  
“Yes. Okay. Sorry. Yes, okay.” He hung up the phone and began to write something. 

“These are your passes, make sure to wear them at all times when you are here. You’ll be able to get in and leave as you please.” He handed the girls the ids, lingering slightly longer at Octavia. “Take the elevator to floor 32.”

When Clarke turned around to enter through the turnstile, Octavia flashed Lincoln a wink. The girl swore she saw a hint of smile come from the eye candy.

Awaiting them as the elevator door opened was the once again unsmiling Anya.  
“I want to talk to your boss.” Clarke immediately spoke as her foot hit the floor.  
“I cannot do that.” Uncrossing her arms she reached to poke at the elevator button but Clarke stepped in the way.  
“Then I can’t get you that building.” Grinning and crossing her arms, she knew she had Anya’s hands tied. Reluctantly the woman sighed signaling them to wait here.

“Damn girl, you didn’t even need me.” Octavia nudged Clarke who smiled wide feeling much more confident. She handed her some gum and taking one herself reading somewhere chewing gum can relax yourself.

Anya returned with the same unsmiling face, gesturing for them to enter the elevator. With every ding, Clarke watched as the numbers kept going up. What was she going to say to this guy? A billionaire is used to getting what they want and if Clarke denies this from them who knows what they’ll do to her.

Finally arriving at the top floor they all stepped out of the elevator with a desk sitting in the middle of the floor and door behind it. They followed Anya who nodded at the woman sitting down and led us past her through the door. 

Without another word or motion she left the women to gawk at the room. There was nothing exceptional about the room with only a small desk and a backwards chair in the center of the unnecessarily large room. It was the view that left both girls mouth dropping. Stepping forward, where the wall was supposed to be were large glass windows that allowed one to see the entire city.

“This is some fifty greys shit.” Octavia whispered as she nudged Clarke. “I can totally make that security guy my Anastasia.” Clarke turned her hips towards Octavia who looked somewhat embarrassed. “Sorry, I’m lacking in that department.”

Laughing it off she stared back out to the city where both girls took a step forward to get a better look. “I’ve never seen the city like this.”  
“Too bad you didn’t bring your canvas.” Octavia smirked.  
“Don’t worry, I am totally engraving it in my head.”  
“Like that girl you met?” Clarke this time whipped her whole body towards Octavia who still held her grin.  
“What are you talking about?”  
“Oh come on Clarke. I’ve known you since high school, that painting you did was not something you pulled out of your ass. You met a girl.”  
“So.” Clarke felt herself blush. This was so embarrassing but she knew she wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret forever. She was kind of glad it was offer her shoulders now as she wanted to gush about that moment. So many artist dream for an experience like that and it was so unexpected but she still wanted to keep this woman a secret.  
“That’s not what's important now. We got to figure out a way to beat this person, they aren’t going to give up.”  
“Whatever you say Clarke.”  
“I’m serious, I was thinking we could call Bell-”

Suddenly the chair that was facing the windows turned to now face the girls. Octavia let out a loud yelp punching Clarke in the arm at the process. Meanwhile, Clarke herself let out a yell, grasping at her heart again as it tried to runaway.  
“What the fuck!” Octavia let out extremely pissed the person had scared them. Upon noticing the person in the chair Clarke immediately straightened up. Not only was it a woman in the chair but a woman who was probably her age.  
“You're so young.”  
The woman only nodded her head in response. Clarke could see now why anyone who worked for Woods Inc didn't smile. She sat there twirling a pen looking angry at the world as if the world owed her and not the other way around.

“You wanted to see me. Here I am, now speak.” Looking towards Octavia, the younger one nodded at her to step forward. Clearly Clarke was expecting an older cranky man but a very young and surprisingly stunning woman was the last person on her mind.  
“We uh came to uh tell you.” Clarke cleared her throat knowing this already was starting off rocky with the woman having already heard some of their conversation. She was throwing her off her game. “You have to leave our business alone. I will not give up my building to some corporate shark or money enthusiast. I came here to demand that you leave me alone. My mind won't change no matter how much money you offer.” 

“You make a mistake Ms.Griffin. Why do you choose to make such a rush decision?”  
“I don’t trust people like you.”

The woman stood up now and gave Clarke a better look at her. She wore a skin tight black dress with long sleeves. Curving at her hips and cutting right above her knees, it showed off her muscular shoulders. However her long brown curly hair fell down on her shoulder all pushed to one side. The CEO of Woods Inc was...hot.

“I get my way Ms.Griffin.” Walking around the desk, her heels clicked against the floor until she was three feet away from Clarke.  
“Well, Ms..”  
“Alexandria Woods.”  
“Woods, let me tell you something. You better get used to the idea of not getting what you want now because that building is mine and I’ll fight for it.”  
“You won’t have the power to defeat me.”  
“Hit me with your best shot Woods.” Keeping her head held high she turned towards the door and confidently strode out with Octavia on her heels.

Alexandria Woods was in for a real treat.

\------

A silent three weeks passed as no threats or movements were made by either side. Clarke safely resumed her painting feeling more confident about her work. She wanted to do more with her art than just make money off it. Artists like Frida Kahlo and Cindy Sherman all had a vision that inspired others, made them question, and sparked discussion. No, she didn’t want to reach the world but she wanted to reach a few people to help them discover who they are. The problem was Clarke did not know who she was.  
She was stuck on this woman she met in the rain that day. Clarke had painted her face because her hair was all in the way it was like the woman was in a mask. So every time she painted her she used her hair as a mask letting streaks of black paint fall down her face to represent the tears she knew the girl cried that night. She used as much imagination as she can to fill out the rest but of course she highlighted the woman’s eyes. As a child her father used to take her hiking where Clarke became enamored with the earth. All its beauties the greens offered and not once did it falter in her eyes. When the leaves fell it didn’t make them ugly, it just made room for the trees to try a new look. 

There was just something about these eyes that reminded her of the forest. She could look at them and see a memory of her childhood. 

“You know we can find her.” Clarke reached for the hand on her shoulder. Octavia stood behind her admiring the work.  
“She is just a fantasy.”  
“What if she was real?” Clarke had chalked the woman to a fantasy because the next day she was stuck in bed with a terrible cold. Assuming she was a hallucinations, there was no reason to look for her. 

Octavia placed a kiss on the side of her cheek and left the studio for the day having cleaned up. It was still pretty early but Octavia wasn't feeling great either. As she left however, a man entered through the doors.

Clarke immediately stood up as the man looked very important dressed in a suit carrying a briefcase.

“Hello my name is Gustus.” The man reached out his hand and Clarke happily obliged.  
“Clarke-”  
“ Griffin. Yes I know.”  
“How can I help you?”  
“I recently had a friend attend your exhibition and fell in love with your artwork and the vision of other art you had. Clearly the other art work you had chosen from other artist was meticulous and well thought out.”  
“Thank you.”  
“I am currently looking for an Art Commissioner. I would like to hire you.”

Clarke's eyes widened in surprise. She never imagined buying art for other people but only making it. It was something she never considered assuming people would be the ones to buy from her. Noticing Clarke's struggling thinking Gustus continued,  
“We can hash out details later I just would to like to know if you are interested.”

Without hesitation Clarke jumped at the opportunity. Many times she has heard stories of people traveling the world and seeing art and getting paid for it. She wasn't sure how much it paid but she knew this had to be better than a struggling artist.  
“Absolutely.”  
“Perfect, I just need you to sign a paper saying you are interested. That way no one else tries to steal you from us.”

Nodding her head Clarke picked up the paper being handed to her. Skimming it over she blindly reached for her pen. When she didn't feel it she glanced up for a second noticing the man's briefcase. An expensive leather wrapped the box with a symbol Clarke was all to one familiar with it. Gustus had not noticed what Clarke had and waited patiently. He didn't smile either and that was Clarke’s tipping point as she left a wonderful signature on the paper.

She handed the paper back to Gustus who without checking shoved it in his briefcase.  
“Thank you so much. I can't wait to work with you.”  
“Can't wait to see you around.” Clarke smiled back watching the man walk out the studio clueless.

\----  
“She did it without even reading through the contract. What a child.” Gustus responded as he grasped the paper out of his bag to hand it to his boss.

Taking the paper out of his hand and immediately turning to the back page they read the signature out loud, “Screw you Alexandria Woods. Love always, Clarke xoxo.” 

Ripping the paper into multiple shreds, Alexandria let the pieces fall to the ground and raised her hand. Gustus’ face went pale in embarrassment. He couldn't even form the words to explain what had happen. She turned around as Gustus was escorted out of the room unemployed now. Sometimes she had forgotten how stupid her employees were. If was going to defeat Clarke she needed to do this more strategically.

Clarke was smart, Alexandria had to admit but now she had the next shot. She had to hope now Clarke wouldn't pull an incredibly stupid move.

\----  
“Yas Clarke!” Octavia cheered on, proud Clarke had discovered what Alexandria was pulling off. 

All the roommates were sitting on the couch planning what could hurt a huge business woman like the one they were facing. Coming with a Plan A and B Clarke felt extremely nervous and scared.

“Listen Plan A will probably do some damage as we hope but I think Plan B will solve our issues.” Raven was positive of it. Plan B was something she had experienced herself.

They planned to execute the first one tomorrow morning but Clarke secretly hopped it would help as she really did not want to fall into the second plan. Raven believed this woman’s problem was that she had nothing to love but her work. After much digging and research, Raven found that she devoted her life to the company. The woman inherited her family's company at a very young age, taking it new levels unlike previous successors. She had turned the mediocre business to a billion dollar company with extremely smart business moves. So, Raven suggested Clarke get close to her and find out her perfect person so that they could set her up. The girls did not want to break this woman’s heart as they both knew what that was like all too well.

The next morning, Clarke rallied up a few friends, some who owed her favors, and stood outside Wood’s building. Passing out posters she lined everyone on the street just off the sidewalk to avoid complaints.

This was risky as she knew from her research how many times protests have failed before. Especially not having done this before, they were going to put someone’s work under the light. Though Clarke doesn’t truly have any issues with the actual business she felt she had enough motivation from Alexandria herself. Reminded of her anger she looked towards Raven who gave her the nod of approval.

“Lack of green in Woods” Clarke started to chant as people began to follow her. Clarke then raised her own poster as everyone followed. Honestly, it had started very rough. Not many people paid much attention them as people went in and left the building without a second glance at their protest. It took them a solid fifteen minutes just to march and speak in sync. After two hours some of her friends began to question what the point of this was. Jasper had declared his hunger was going to take the best of him soon. Monty backed him up as he didn't feel motivated to continue nor did he want to as he wanted to work for the company. Others complained their feet hurt, that they were thirsty, and that they had to go to the bathroom. Clarke too felt all these things ready to give up on the stupid plan.

However things began to take a turn when media showed up. Apparently Raven had tipped off some reporters and with the cameras there more people began to notice and some strangers began to even join in their chants.

“Why the sudden protest?” The reporter inquired.  
“For a company named Woods Inc, the eco-unfriendly actions they take is astonishing. The amount of pollution their factories release and the deforest of large areas is hurting this planet. They don't even try to mend their cruel actions. How can they even continue their business if there is no land to have one. Enough is enough.”

Within minutes of Clarke’s complaints there were abundance of people now sitting in front of the building. The news had spread out the article all over television. More networks came over to interview her once the local station caught on. The work day still had two more hours to go but according to Monty, their stocks were declining today. It was not much but enough damage to make a change.

“Can I speak to you Ms. Griffin.” Clarke turned around to find Anya waiting at the entrance of the door.

“Anything you have to say to me you can say to everyone here!” There was a chorus of yeahs to her response. 

“Please.” Anya requested again not sure how to handle it. Clarke turned towards Raven who nodded at her to go, this what they wanted. 

“We got this girl. Lack of green in Woods!” Raven yelled out. Laying her poster down Clarke followed Anya into the building where it was quite. 

The entrance was cleared with not even the security guard there.  
“Listen, we’ll back off if you get off our property.”  
“We are on the streets for a reason. We aren’t on your property.” Rolling her eyes it was clear Anya did not want to have to deal with such childish issues, probably not being paid enough.  
“Ms.Woods will no longer pursue your business if you dismantle your protest.”  
“Why won’t she tell me this herself?”  
“Because she is not here. She is taking care of more pressing issues in Beijing at the moment.”

Clarke nodded her head believing Anya. She was skeptical at first but Anya ensured her the true intentions of a businesswoman. As well Anya informed Clarke that Alexandria wished her to call her Lexa.  
“Why?”  
“I do not question my boss’ request.” Accepting the odd request, Clarke continued.  
“Tell her I hope no hard feelings and that we can move on from all this.” Nodding her head to the message, Clarke left to dismantle her protest. What she did not know was that Lexa was watching the entire protest from her office all day plotting her next move. 

When Anya came to tell her of Clarke’s response, Lexa walked to the window sipping her tea.  
“Check Clarke.” A smiled crept on the woman’s face finally enjoying some true competition.

\-----

Once again the women were at stalemate as they both enjoyed the peace their business offered them. Clarke had officially broken it off with her job at the newspaper company and put her full efforts into her personal arts. More time was spent creating art and selling it. She was very proud of herself and to help thank her friends for everything they had done, she rented the space every Monday to Octavia who held a Pilates class at night. As well they had worked together to make the studio a public art space for other upcoming artists to work on their own art. Raven meanwhile was working as a mechanical engineer for Suneris Inc. She was really enjoying the work and especially the pay. 

All the girls had been caught up in their work lives they forgot so many times about their personal lives. However, that began to change when one morning Clarke and Octavia were opening up the studio and a man dressed in chemical resistant coveralls with resistant gloves entered.  
“Excuse me. I am looking for Clarke Griffin.”  
“Yeah thats me?” She answered wary. She turned towards Octavia who shrugged her shoulders not sure who they were.  
“We got a complaint that there were pests in this building so it is protocol to shut down this building for a few months and clear it out.”  
“What!” Clarke grabbed the paper out of his hand. Reading it she saw an unknown number on the person who called it in. The person had been anonymous but Clarke knew exactly who placed the complaint. 

“She has got to be fucking kidding me.” she reached for her jacket where Octavia beat her to it.  
“Don't do anything too stupid.” She offered as she handed her the jacket. Of course Octavia was pissed too not just for Clarke but for her own work that was thriving in the studio. There was no doubt on who made the call and so she let her go hoping it worked for the best. Clarke stormed out of her building without another thought by immediately calling for a cab taking her straight to Lexa’s building. There were many inappropriate words popping into her mind but for some reason they were so appropriate. Fumbling with her fingers, many scenarios were running through Clarke’s mind. Her brain told her not to be an idiot but her heart was too ignited with anger, knowing she would not have the confidence to do this without it. How could Lexa be so cruel? They had a deal but clearly her words were meaningless. 

Arriving at the building, Clarke threw money at her driver and slammed the door. Well Lexa was now going to get a piece that mind.

“Lincoln right?” The security guard Octavia had flirted with was sitting at the front desk. He nodded his acknowledging his head, still no smiling. One day Clarke was going to get down to the bottom of that.  
“I’m here to see Lexa, what floor is she on?”  
“She is in a meeting right now.”  
“Oh, she is expecting me.” Nodding his head he searched the computer and gave her the floor number. Using her pass she gained entrance immediately passing the turnstile and heading to the floor. Once those elevators door opened Clarke stormed to the room with words already falling off her tongue.

“Ma’am you can’t go in there.” A man working at a nearby desk came over to stop her but she was on a mission now as her hand turned the doorknob.

“You lying bitch.” With her sturdy face, Clarke did her best to maintain composure and the look of surprise as she walked into a room full of people. Lexa was sitting at the head of the table with 20 different business people surrounding the table. All eyes were now on the painter who confidently leaned on her right leg with her arms crossed.  
“We had a deal. You promised you would back off and now the building is shut down for inspection?” Anya, who happened to be in the room was on her feet now making movements towards Clarke. Noticing the movement, Clarke quickly walked around the other side of the table until she was in front of Lexa who too now was standing up.  
“You don’t scare me Alexandria Woods. In fact I can’t wait to damage your empire. You are going to wish you have never met me.”

With no movement but a small nod from Lexa, Anya immediately had everyone escorted out of the room in apologies. People began to murmur and complain as they got up and left. The room had finally been cleared leaving the two women alone.  
“What’s your problem?”  
“That was unnecessary, Miss.Griffin. You embarrassed me in front of my people. I would have gladly met with you in private.”  
“Bullshit. You send some exterminators into my building to shut it down and you don’t think I’d act on it?”  
“I’d hope you would respond more respectfully.”  
“Oh Lexa that went out the window when you decided to come after my building come after my building.”  
“If I call correctly, you told me to hit you with my best shot.”  
“You fight unfair using your powerful position but you know what? I won’t rest until I know you won’t touch my building again.” The two girls were so close now that their breathes had been brushing against the other’s skin. Lexa would never admit it to anyone but she missed to closeness of a human body. No one had stood this close to her since her parents died. As well, she never noticed Clarke until now. Her long blonde hair was kept out of her face by the side braids. Her pale complexion brightened her blue eyes on her round face. Lexa had to hold in an inner laughter as she noticed the red paint across her nose.

“I know our ways seem harsh but we must do what we do to keep our business safe.”  
“I won’t understand why you do this but know we can never be at peace unless you be the leader you claim to be.”

Clarke left with her words to instill in Lexa. What she did not know as that Lexa had planned everything even up to her barging into the meeting. Clarke was just a pawn in her game and Lexa was winning in their game of chess.  
“Checkmate.”


	4. Masquerade

_Hiding behind a disguise_  
_Can you feel me watching you?_  
_It's magic then I'm lost in your spell_  
_But you don't even have a clue_

 

“No! Rose why did you let go? Two people could have fit on that damn door.Fucking Jack, poor guy. No this isn’t fair.”  
Now you would think that was Octavia screaming at their TV for third time that night at Rose for letting Jack go. You would be right if you said Jasper because he hadn’t left their apartment in three days now. Maya had broken up with him, so he took it upon himself to use our TV, couch, and food to spend his days crying. Monty tried everything to get him back into it but nothing worked. So now it was Clarke’s, Octavia’s, and Raven’s “duty” as a friend to help him get his life back together. 

Raven's answer to this was to play sad emotional movies all day for him. She figured he would man up at some point and stop crying but he was surprisingly a complete mush inside. At least he was eating better food than he was originally.

Clarke was digging through the kitchen cabinets for food when their apartment bell rang, twice. 

“Hello?” Clarke spoke into the speaker. She looked towards Jasper who too was now curious, pausing his crying and movie.  
“Go.” Clarke used her head to point to the door.  
“I do want to. What if it’s some sort of killer.”  
“Take an umbrella.” He gave her a look but reluctantly stood up and picked up the umbrella heading out the door.

Clarke waited for the door to fling open but was scared by Raven.  
“Boo.”  
“FUCK” Clarke yelped as Raven’s hand tapped her shoulder.  
“What’s going on?”  
“Someone rang our bell twice but no one answered. So Jasper is going to check it out.”

That's when the door opened with Jasper in his PJs holding a letter. Everyone looked at each other questioningly as the envelope was addressed to Clarke in fancy writing.

“What's going on?” Octavia skipped through the door to see everyone staring at each other curiously. Looking for the culprit she found the envelope in Jasper's hand and quickly snatched it. 

Without any thought she opened the letter and read it aloud.

“Dear Clarke, I am very dismayed with my actions and I hope to correct my mistakes. To start to make amends, you and two friends are cordially invited to New York's Elite Masquerade Ball. Hope to see you there. Lexa xoxo.”

Raven couldn't tell if she was more shocked with the invitation or the xoxos. Octavia already had all three dresses planned in her head with perfect masks to go with it. Clarke was just as shocked to receive the invitation and well Jasper was just confused.

“The xoxos?” Raven questioned. Clarke smiled to herself knowing the exact reference.  
“She was referring to a letter I sent to her once.” Clarke picked the letter up herself to better read it. It was clearly personally written by Lexa.

“This is an opportunity for Plan B.” Raven suggested, now excited to put it in motion.

“What if it's a set-up?” Clarke didn't have a good feeling about this but she didn't whenever it involved Lexa.

After much dispute and complaining from Jasper that he couldn't go, the girls finally decide to go then leave if anything felt wrong.

\-----

Clarke checked the mirror one more time in her blue dress that fell down to the floor and was fastened with a sparkling diamond like belt just below her chest. Her sweet heart neckline cut flattered her breasts and her dark lipstick surprisingly added a nice balance.

Walking out of the bathroom she watched as Octavia was doing the same thing Clarke had done in the mirror. Her fingers traced her chest where her necklace rested. Clarke walked behind and held her shoulders to make her body straighter.  
“You need better posture.” Octavia rested her head on Clarke's chest holding onto her hand.  
“My slump brings all the boys to my yard.”  
“Thankfully we don’t have a yard.” Clarke joked as both girls laughed.  
“Thank you for tonight. I really need it.”  
“He’s going to be okay.”

Neither Octavia nor Clarke have heard from Bellamy for two months now. They kept trying to chalk it up to busyness but of course when you have family in the army it's hard to think positive.  
“And he would not let you out in this.” Octavia began to laugh as Clarke spun her around to get a good look of her dress. “If he ask I don't approve.”  
“Okay fair enough. Oh wait.” Octavia stopped Clarke before she left.  
“Close your eyes.” obeying the order, Clarke could feel an object being placed on her face and Octavia ran behind her tying the string. When she opened her eyes Octavia refused to let her see what the mask looked like.  
“Just trust me.” She left Octavia to pick theirs masks and knowing she would not let them down. 

It had been an hour into the party and Lexa was nowhere to be found. Clarke sat at a table admiring people dance around the dance floor. She was beginning to wonder why they even came. Raven was off networking with another guy about mechanics. Octavia surprisingly found Lincoln who she had not let out of her sight since.

“Why are you always so tense?” Octavia had been looking out of the balcony where the sea of buildings brightened the night sky. She turned towards Lincoln who stood straight up with hands behind his back.  
“You were so stiff even when we danced.”  
“I’m just always aware.” He clarified as if it was enough explanation.

Octavia stepped closer but he didn’t move and so she took another and then another until her chest was just about to brush his. That’s when she saw him make such a slight adjustment it almost wasn’t there.  
“I make you nervous.” Octavia wanted to toy with him. He hadn’t said much since they first saw each other. He asked her to dance but not once did he say anything. She had been the one to talk the night away, cracking jokes, telling fond memories, and what she as up to nowadays. Since he had yet to complain, she assumed he enjoyed hearing her talk but of course she wanted to know more about the quiet man.  
“You are an intimidating person Octavia.” She could feel the smile on her face explode as she tried to hold in any blush that was rising. 

He surprised her when he moved past her to stare at the city holding onto the balcony still keeping rigid.  
“Hodnes laik kwelnes.”  
“What does that mean?” Octavia now stood by his side but she admired him rather than the sparkling city.  
“It’s what my father told me as a child. I come from a military family.”  
“My brother is in the army.”  
“Then he would understand, love is weakness.”  
“Is that why you don’t smile?”  
“Its why I am the way I am.”  
Lincoln was a stubborn man and she knew that the moment she met him. It was clear to her that he didn’t want to believe such a harsh phrase but something made him, maybe someone.  
“If Lexa does this to you then why stay?”  
“You do not know Lexa. She helped me.” Yeah right, Octavia had a hard time believing that one.  
“Don’t be so shocked.” He turned his head to look at the girl giving a small smirk. She smiled even more having gotten the man to break that rigidness.  
“Well you say she has a good side then why is she doing this to Clarke.”  
“We’ve all got a monster inside of us, Octavia, and we’re all responsible for what it does when we let it out.” Both their bodies were turned to each other now. Octavia would be lying if she said believed Lincoln, being too consumed with past experiences. He was trying to avoid the question by providing some sort of safety net from the reason.  
“She is after Clarke for no reason she never did anything to her.”  
“Clarke has something she wants.”  
“What do you want?” Octavia suddenly found herself changing the subject wanting to know this man better and finally finding a way to. Sure she wanted to know more but Lincoln was like an onion and she had to peel carefully or he would never be peeled. She could see him take a large gulp contemplating the right words afraid to say the wrong thing. Truth was he couldn't say the wrong in front of Octavia because she already knew there was something special about him. With him still debating Octavia took it upon herself to place a small kiss against his cheek. Placing her hand to his arm and gripping to it she continued,  
“Even if it’s not with me you deserve to be happy with someone.” 

Octavia turned back towards the city, Lincoln following. They watched the cars drove by, lights flashed, and the sounds of the street whistling away. There was nothing better than a fresh night in New York City and that night got better for Octavia as Lincoln placed his hand over hers.

Another song ended when a brunette with floppy hair approached Clarke asking for hand. She admired the man who was dressed in a black tux with a slim black tie and simple black mask. Being pretty bored Clarke reluctantly took his hand and slow danced with him.

“I’m Clarke.” The man just smiled and gave a firm nod.  
“And yours?” She inquired. He didn't answer but instead spun and dip her bringing her closer to him. Interlocking their hands he kept it between their chest swaying to the song she was unfamiliar with. Surprisingly the two hard natural chemistry as their movements were in sync almost immediately seeming as if they have done it many times before.

Guess he didn't want to talk and notably Clarke didn't want to either. She wanted to enjoy the moment and so she did putting every best dance move she had. Immediately she assumed he worked for Lexa as he didn’t smile or talk and those had to be characteristics of Woods Inc employee. Three dances later with the stranger she never enjoyed herself so much. All her practicing with Octavia was finally paying off. 

Her eyes were held shut as she swayed with no other sound but the piano charming their bodies. However, new movement caught her off guard on the fourth song as he led her off the dance floor. Without hesitation she let him lead her body. When people wear a mask they are suddenly much more intriguing. However her father always taught her to be skeptical especially when she felt so comfortable with the stranger.

They were out of the main room now and heading up the stairs.  
“Where are we going?” Clarke now stopped on the third step feeling uncomfortable about where this was going. Still no answer from the masked man. 

Ripping her hand out of his she watched too many horror movies to know this was not a good idea making her paranoid.  
“Answer me.” Clarke demanded but he only gave her a shake of the head.

Without another thought she reached for his masked and pulled it off.

“Finn?” Clarke dropped the mask disgusted to see the face. It all made sense now why he didn't talk as he knew she would know his voice right away.

“Clarke.”  
“When I said I didn't want to ever see you again I meant it.” Turning away from the stairs he grabbed at her arm to turn her back.  
“Please let me explain Clarke.”  
“There is no explanation.” She moved down to the bottom of the steps keeping her back towards him.  
“Clarke.”  
“I hated you for what you did. I thought I finally found love. I’ll never understand why you did what you did.” Closing her eyes she fought the tears that wanted to resurface. It was a terrible time for her because she truly thought she was finding love again, an emotion she swore she lost.  
“One day you'll see what it is like to love two people so much that choosing would never be an option. I hope you'll never have to choose Clarke because I lost the two best things I've ever had.”

Unlike many months ago when Clarke walked out on him, she watched Finn leave her with his words in the air. She watched as he climbed the stairs as he never felt more confident in his words and truth.

Clarke was left with frustration. She did love the boy and admittedly he would always be her first love but he would never be her true love.

He meant it when he loved two girls at once and he meant it when he hoped Clarke would never have to be faced with the decision he had to. After all those months he would equally love both girls like he loved no one else.

“I told you she would hate to see my face.” Finn sat on the chair in the middle of the room as the door was closed behind him.  
“So what do you suggest I do?”  
“Clarke stopped painting after her father died. I'm not suggesting you kill someone but make her lose something important to her.”

Finn wasn't necessarily proud with what he was doing but what choice does one have when their future is in danger. His life wasn't necessarily threatened but his career was and that was all he had.

“Can I go, now?”  
“Yes.”  
“Is our deal still in tact?”  
“Yes, Finn. Next time think before you commit fraud.”  
He stood up from his chair rolling his eyes. Of course it was true as he wouldn't be in this situation. Ever since the breakups he’s been trying to fix his life but he kept messing up. One day he swore he was going to get back everything he ever loved but he had to figure out first what that was. Just as he reached for the doorknob he responded.

“Just don't break her heart.”  
“Don't worry, you already did that for me.”  
He left with his face burning red. Never again would he make a deal with Alexandria Woods.

As the door closed behind him, the two women began to plot their next move.

“What do we do now?”  
“Lexa, I always thought you had a Plan B.” Anya looked down at Lexa who had her hands placed in her lap thinking.

“Lucky for you I know exactly how we can do it and tonight while Clarke is still here.” Lexa’s head immediately shot up to see the older woman smirking.

“When I was in Clarke’s studio she had this painting of a woman she has been fascinated with. The only reason I know she doesn't know this person is that she places a mask over her face and there isn't much detail to the woman, very vague considering how important details are to an artist.”

“We need that woman.” Lexa finished her train of thought. “But we don't have time for that.”

“Lucky for us you have green eyes. That seems to be the only feature in the painting Clarke remembers.” Anya implored. “And I already had the mask made with a black dress for you to wear.”

Lexa knew she had a smart teacher but she wasn't necessarily on board with this. This was devious and dangerous waters.

“That would mean I would have to hurt her.”  
“No. We'll get someone else to that Lexa. All you have to do is pretend to be her for the night. It’s the perfect way to peak her interest considering we are at a masquerade ball.” 

This was cruel and Lexa knew that having been hurt once before, pain was not unknown to her. Lexa really needed that building for so many different reasons that Clarke had not known. She wished the younger one would have respected her wishes instead of having to go through all this trouble. Love was weakness, that's what she was told growing up and that's what she had to believe.

“Okay, let's just get this over with.” Lexa took the simple black dress that covered up with a red shawl. The dress strapped over her shoulders and fell down with a small train behind her.

“What if she recognizes my voice?”  
“Talk normal Lexa and relax. She'll be too much of in a state of fantasy to even realize.”

Taking the black mask from her hand, it wiped across her face with three different streaks falling down on each side. As she dressed, Anya relayed the information of the painting she knew that Clarke had revealed to her.

“Find the real girl in that painting and fast.” Lexa demanded as she walked out the door and headed down the stairs.

 

“Whiskey on the rocks.” Clarke ordered as she was now finishing her third whiskey that night. She actually did like hard liquor as there was something about the harshness it had as it runs down her throat that invigorates her.

“Let me guess, Irish whiskey.”  
“Thought you knew me better Raven.” Clarke turned her body to see Raven leaning on the bar with a big grin on her face.  
“I never dubbed you as a scottish whiskey kind of girl.”  
“Yeah well nothing better than the smokey taste it brings.”  
“I’ll take a bud please.” Raven really did love her beer and that had been a surprise to the girls when they first met her. Sometimes it actually worried Octavia because she would drink it with dinner every night. However, the girls choose to keep an eye out rather than confront her.

“Guess who I ran into.” Not really wanting her to guess and jumping to the point she continued, “Finn.”

The beer that she was sipping was now in the air in spit form. After cleaning her face she whipped around to Clarke who had just shrugged her shoulder and was now on her next whiskey.  
“What is he doing here?”  
“I didn’t even bother to ask. I danced with him unknowingly then when I found out he tried to explain himself.” Raven shook her head in dismay and frustration. Finn was probably lucky he didn’t see Raven because she wanted to give him a piece of her mind. It took her longer than Clarke to get over the boy as they had been together much longer. Finn had managed to help her get into the college of her dreams which meant she wouldn’t be here now. However, there was no excuse for what he did and Raven was sure of that more than ever.

Unexpectedly Raven felt the backlash of her spit as Clarke herself did not swallow her drink.  
“What the fuck?” Raven grabbed the napkin to clean off her face. Great, it felt sticky now her make-up was probably all smeared.

“It’s her.” Raven turned around to look for this her but wasn't sure who she was looking for.  
“The girl in my painting.” Clarke responded as if she read her mind. That's when it clicked in Raven’s head as she saw the brunette stride across the room with her head held high. From the distance the woman looked exactly as the woman in the painting. Even the mask that Clarke had drew on her was matched to the dress.

“How did she know?” Clarke was talking to herself but didn't realize she said it out loud as she watched the woman converse with other guests.  
“Know what?”  
“The mask. No one has seen that. It was in the back at the art gallery.”  
“Oh girl everyone was back there. I saw so many people go back there it was so easy to get to. Could be anyone.”  
Clarke now lifted her eyebrows in shock and confusion as to why anyone would go back there. However that train of thought crashed as she saw the girl on the move again.

 

‘I'am hypnotized yeah  
I'm drawn to your eyes  
I just wanna see your face  
Welcome to my Masquerade’

This was her chance to talk to her. Leaving Raven, Clarke quickly got up and approached the girl. A new song began to play and the crowd got meshed into one causing her to lose her. Knowing those green eyes, this was her chance to finally meet her muse, to complete the face she still had not known.

“Fuck.” Doing a 360 the girl turned confused looking for the mask woman. It was in the corner of her eye she caught the girl leaving the main room. Quickly dodging the people Clarke picked up her dress and was finally on the tail of the woman who was walking down the grand hall.

“Wait.” Clarke shouted from one end as she was about to turn the corner. The woman stopped and turned her head.

This had to be the woman, she could not not believe in it. What were the odds this woman would be here? Clarke made her way to the woman with many questions to bombard her.

“Who are you and why are you dressed like the woman in my painting?”  
“I am the woman in your painting.”  
“How do I know that?”  
“Realities and dreams can be one as long as you don’t forget about the other.” Lexa quoted Anya who had quoted Clarke. This was supposedly what the painting meant and so she relayed on the information in hopes she had said the right thing.

Clarke felt her stomach drop knowing the exact quote. The only way she would know that was if she was the woman herself. Quickly she reached out her hand and introduced herself. “I’m Clarke but you already knew that.” 

Anya had been right about the painting having everything work out in their favor. Lexa shook her hand but refused to say anything. They didn't think this through, what would her name be. Maybe that won't matter. She truly didn’t think this would work but Clarke was stuck in a fantasy and Lexa had to keep her in there.

“And yours?” Okay so it did matter.  
“I didn't tell you the first day we met for a reason.”  
“Which is?”  
“Talking to a stranger is easier and less complicated. You never know when you will see them again.”  
“What if I want to see you again?” Clarke got a better look of the woman now only seeing her eyes because of the mask. The eyes that were engraved into her head. They were a much lighter green now and her eyes had this loneliness to them.

“That's not up to us to decide.” Lexa felt more confident now as she talked the Clarke but her heart ached. Just in her voice Lexa could hear the hopefulness.  
“Can I ask for a weird favor.” Involuntarily Lexa nodded her head in response being used to responding in that manner but quickly flashed a small smile.  
“Could I paint you?” Clarke knew once the words came out of her mouth it would be absurd but she couldn’t resist the opportunity.  
“Oh well like I said it’s up to the univ-”  
“No like right now.” Clarke interrupted having all these different ideas circling in her head.  
“How?”  
“I have my painting supplies in the car. All I need is a muse.”  
“Uh sure.” Fuck. That probably was not the right answer. She just screwed herself more. She was supposed to keep a safe distance so Clarke could chase her around. Now she was going to be stuck sitting and being painted. This was why she never went into the entertainment business as she clearly could not act. What harm could truly be done, all she had to do was sit quietly right? She just had to keep the mask on that covered majority of her face.  
“Come on.” Quietly the girls left the building and walked down the street looking for the car.  
“You have a car in the city?” Lexa looked to make conversation feeling uneasy needing to get her focus off her own thoughts.  
“Nah this actually my roommates Raven’s car. She is a mechanic and likes to work on it.”  
“Oh. And you didn't use valet parking?”  
“Ha that's for the rich snobby people. We don't have that kind of money nor want to waste it on that.” Unknowingly Lexa was taking strong mental notes of everything Clarke was saying. So she has a roommate named Raven, a mechanic. She also doesn't like rich people, but she already knew that one.

Arriving at the car Clarke opened the trunk where painting supplies and a canvas laid.

“You carry painting supplies with you?”  
“You never know when you are going to be inspired.” Clarke smiled back at the woman taking her back.

Lexa hadn't seen Clarke smile, well not in person at least. Of course she stalked the woman on social media to check out her competition, it was only routine nowadays. However, have you ever laid your hand on an extremely luscious soft pillow? That's what it felt like when Clarke smiled. It was soft and warming. It was infectious too and for the first time Lexa struggled to actually not smile.

Clarke motioned with her head to leave as she grabbed everything in her hand.  
“Let me help you.”  
“Don't worry. I got it, now come on.” Immediately Lexa realized they were walking away from where the party was being held. Lexa knew Anya would be pissed that she was not in the building as all her bodyguards were there supposedly keeping an eye out on her. However, she couldn't remember the last time she didn't have one always following her around. She may not be like a Madonna but she was huge in the business world and someone always had beef with her. 

“So what do I call you mysterious woman?” Pulling her out of her thoughts Lexa made eye contact with the blonde contemplating a name.  
“Heda.”  
“Heda?” Clarke retorted back at the unusual name.  
“It's what people used to call me as a child, a nickname given to me.”  
“I like it.” Clarke happily walked along the sidewalk and entered Central Park as the party being held was right there. Since it was already late at night not many people were in the park. Clarke looked to a bunch of rocks towered on top of each other. She motioned for them to climb up there. Setting up, Clarke placed Heda ahead of her canvas. She began to open her paints lucky enough to bring a light that attached to the canvas and the moon giving off enough light to see Heda.

Lexa was feeling lucky it was late at night so that Clarke did not have a clear view of her. This was not what she had planned but this wasn't as bad as she expected. All she had to do was sit quietly.

“I know this all seems sudden but I would really like us to be friends.” Clarke explained mixing a few colors.  
“Why? You don't know me.”  
“That's the thing about friendship Heda. You are supposed to get the know the person. For example my favorite color is green, like your eyes.”

Lexa was definitely glad it was dark because she felt her cheeks burn. She couldn't remember the last time someone complimented her without wanting or needing something for her. It was clear to Lexa right off the bat that Clarke was a good person and had the right intentions.

“What was your childhood like?” Lexa ventured into this thing called friendship, trying to recall one she actually had. Always being thirsty for more knowledge and information she was determined to learn as much as she could about Clarke.

“Um let's see. I am an only child and grew up in the suburbs. My mom is a doctor and my dad was an engineer. Unfortunately he passed away so now it's just me.”

“I’m sorry for your loss Clarke.” The painter aimlessly mixed the colors on her pallet reminiscing unmindfully about her father. 

He used to take her to work in hopes that Clarke would choose more mathematics than science like his wife. So many hours were spent drawing possible structures that he missed how addicted his daughter got to drawing. Clarke fell in love with watching objects come to life on her paper all because of her hand and imagination. Of course she learned medicine like her mother and had a lot of practice with it as well. Yet she would never forget the day when she told her parents should be a painter. They were so shocked they could not believe she had chosen neither of their career paths. Her father decided to buy them ice cream that night and joked he would pay now so I could start saving up. Not a day went by where she didn't think of her father. There were days where she didn't even know how she survived without him and then there were days like today where she was at peace with it. 

“It's okay. Things happen.”  
“And your mother? You seemed not to like the words coming off your tongue.”  
Clarke laughed, the woman was clearly observant.  
“After my father died we developed trust issues. So after I left for college we just became distant and only call one another to make sure the other is alive.”  
“You are very lucky to have a mother.”  
“Why do you say that?”  
“I would just assume losing one parent would make you more connected with the other. Realize how lucky you are to even have one.”

She caught the painter completely off guard. Now Clarke was trying to rattle in this new theory as she drew the outline of Heda. Having two parents made her a bless child, there are children out there who lived without either. Suddenly she felt as if she didn't deserve either having been so unappreciative of her parents.

“You're right. I should probably call her later.” Clarke suddenly felt so guilty for ignoring her mother all this time. As well, she felt embarrassed for not making the effort and realization sooner. “Anyway, what about you? Hopefully a more exciting one than mine.”

Immediately Lexa wasn't sure if she should tell the truth or make-up some random lie. It was probably best to lie. It didn't help when Clarke's big blue eyes, Lexa will swear they looked like they belong to puppies, looked up at her questioningly. Involuntarily she began to tell the painter of her childhood.

“Well I um actually grew up in foster care.” This caught the woman's attention who immediately stopped painting to give the girl her undivided attention.  
“Not sure whatever happened to my birth parents but after five years of jumping from house to house I landed in a military family. They were super strict, raised us to be emotionless and not have any hopes. Life can only suck, after all we were already foster kids.” Lexa realized how deep she was going but she couldn't help herself as she never talked about her childhood, it was like the scary basement of a house no one ever opens.  
“The family was actually American and they brought us to America. Eventually I was moved to another family who adopted me but by the time I turned 18 both my parents had died leaving me the family business.”

Of course Lexa did not mention what the business was and how she turned it into a billion dollar empire. She told as much as she could remember spending so much of her life trying to block it all out.

“I’m so sorry. That so tragic.”  
“I made the best I could out of it.”

Clarke continued to paint watching the girl with much more sympathetic eyes, unsure how to even approach the topic. No one should ever be judged by their cover and suddenly Clarke was reminded of Lexa. She had treated Lexa so poorly without ever knowing the woman and her intentions no matter how many times the woman angered her.

“Tell me more about your foster family. You say you came to America.” Clarke could tell Heda had not spoken of her past much. She had spoken very slowly as if she was trying to recall events that seemed to be long gone.

“Yeah, honestly I don’t know where I am from. I was still little when I came over and when I did they never told me where I came from. I grew up with many siblings in the same situation as I. One of my brothers used to take me to the library and read books to me because I was illiterate at the time. After every book, I used to be so in awe my imagination was just bursting with possibilities.Of course picture books were my favorite.”

Clarke began to work on the woman's eyes listening to the stories of the woman's childhood. At one point Clarke even closed her eyes to just listen to the woman talk. Her voice was smooth but aching. She was a girl forced to grow up so fast and have all these obstacles thrown at her. Clarke admired the woman for having hope despite all the people who told her there wasn't.

Almost three hours had passed and the two girls were now laughing at the time Clarke tried to reach for the juice on the top shelf that fell and ended up rolling in it as she could not get up from the slippery mess. The girls had bounced numerous stories and memories off each other.

Clarke had finished her painting almost an hour ago and now was just mindlessly touching up as she didn't want their night to end. What she didn't know was that Lexa was desperately holding onto these moments too as she had never laughed so much her stomach actually hurt. Her face ached from smiling all night but it was a smile that was genuine. 

That's when both girls were caught off guard by a light drizzle.  
“Oh what are the odds!” Clarke joked looking at her muse sitting in front.

The entire night Lexa just wanted to rip off her mask and tell Clarke who she really was. The truth was, even if she could, Clarke would probably punch her if she saw her.

The painter finished putting away all her supplies and using her jacket to save the painting as Heda stood next to her with her red shawl trying to cover them. When she stood up the rain was coming down a little harder and Heda was standing closer to her than she realized. Clarke found herself staring at the woman. Her eyes were different. They still had this dark green forest feel but these eyes were lonely today. They seemed sadder than she remembered as if they had seen unspeakable horrors. She was caught off guard as the woman grasped her tricep.

“We should probably get going.” She spoke hoping the girl could hear her due to the rain. However, the truth was Clarke wasn't listening but rather staring at this woman. It was the touch that made Clarke realized how much she was aching to be touched. All women had sexual desires to fill and Clarke had no idea how much she was craving human contact. Now staring at the woman's lips she found her mind enchanted with her feeling drawn as if it were a magnet.

“I want to see you again.” She responded instead, fighting every urge that told her to kiss her. 

Lexa wanted to remind the girl of what she said earlier but she wanted to see Clarke again just as much. The girl’s blonde hair was being taken by the wind. She was reminded of some terrible 90s romantic comedies as this moment seemed to be ripped out of the script. If script would have it Lexa would take her by her face and capture her lips between her own trying to express emotions of desire and happiness all at once. Lexa would hold onto her as she foolishly thought she could never feel this happy. She would be whisked away by Clarke and would end the night cuddled up by the fireplace. She would listen to Clarke tell a terrible joke and Lexa would genuinely laugh swearing she has never heard anything funnier. They'd fall asleep on the couch wrapped up in the warmth of the other. Clarke would know it was Lexa and wouldn't care for their battle anymore putting happiness first. However this was not a 90s movie. Lexa could not kiss Clarke without repercussions. She couldn't whisk her away to her apartment and cuddle by the fireplace mostly because she didn't have one. Clarke wouldn't accept who she is and would put her business first. With that she knew could never have this girl. Hodnes laik kwelnes.

“We can't Clarke.” 

“You can allow yourself to be happy for once. To have hope.” Then those soft pink lips formed a smile again giving Lexa that bubble in her stomach. Being this close to someone was something she missed and desperately wanted. She was supposed to make Clarke fall in love with this mysterious woman and then yank her out of her life. However Lexa was unsure how she was going to get on with her life without seeing Clarke.

“One day I will but I can't right now.”  
Clarke let out a sigh letting her win this one, however, despite the light rain Clarke didn't want the night end. It was almost five in the morning and the sun was starting to rise.

“Do you mind the rain?” Heda shook her head. “Good, wait here for like ten minutes. I'll be right back, I promise.”

Then Clarke took off and Lexa froze unsure what the woman had planned. So she called Anya while waiting.  
“Where the hell are you?” Anya demanded on the other line without even greeting her.  
“I’m fine. I'll be back in the apartment later.”  
“Are you with Clarke? Lexa, does she know who you are? Do you even know who you are? You have never done anything like this.”  
“So? I’m working like you wanted.”  
“Okay say woods if you are in danger.” Rolling her eyes Lexa wished she could see her eyes burning through the phone.  
“We aren't talking about this now Anya.”  
“When are we going to talk about this? I almost called the police.”  
“Cancel any meetings I have today and give my bodyguards the day off. You too Anya.” Without waiting for a response Lexa hung up the phone. Within in minutes Clarke returned with a bag and an umbrella. The woman was still in her blue dress and heels. Her hair was slightly frizzy due to the rain. As she got closer Lexa found herself smiling noticing the paint on her nose. This time it was green and she fought the urge to tell her as it did bring her some amusement.

“Since I'll never know when I'll see you again I figured we can have some breakfast.” Lexa laughed as she grabbed the coffee out of her hand. Clarke was grateful New York City had bagel shops always open. As well the rain had stopped and now the girls were eating their bagels.  
“You've never had cream cheese.”  
“No.”  
“Okay well that's going to change.”  
“No Clarke. Seriously I'm okay.”  
“Heck no!” Clarke took a piece of her bagel and shoved it in the girl's mouth.  
“Jwkkeneidl” Lexa spoke with the food in her mouth. Swallowing it for Clarke's sake she groaned.  
“Ha you like it.” Admittedly it was really good and she wanted more but she couldn't give in.  
“It’s okay, nothing like smooth butter though.”  
“Oh you suck! You just don't want to admit it. One day you will Heda.” Clarke took a bit of her bagel refusing to believe the girl's comment. The girls laughed enjoying their food and watching the sunrise behind the buildings to tower over them.

“You could take off your mask you know.” It was the question Lexa dreaded all night. Clarke had those puppy eyes causing Lexa to look away. She couldn't reveal herself it would ruin their plans. More importantly Lexa knew Clarke wanted the fantasy girl and not the woman who was after her business.  
“I'm sorry.”  
“Whatever you are trying to hide, just know I'll accept you. You've been my muse these past few weeks and accepting you would be the least I could do. Quite honestly these past few hours I've gotten to know what's way beyond the mask. Something I could tell you never talked about before. You are right it is easier to talk to a stranger but I hope one day we don't have to be that to each other.” Clarke reached for her hand and gave it a tight squeeze to show her support.

Lexa suddenly felt water brim to her eyes. Quickly, she looked up to let the tears fall back in. Why did Clarke have to say stuff like that? She made it incredibly difficult to dislike her.

She didn't want her to let go but eventually did noticing the time. The girls walked back to the building where the party was at. Clearly it had been long over and Clarke checked her phone where her roommates told her they were leaving. However they stopped a block before the building.  
“Do you not have a ride back?” Lexa questioned immediately realizing the time and how she did come with her friends here.  
“Yeah I'm just going to walk back it's kind of the other way. Hold on.” Clarke walked to side to answer the phone call that began to ring. It was Octavia freaking out because she hadn't answered the girls and it was almost five in the morning.

As Clarke handled an angry Octavia, Lexa felt unsafe letting Clarke walk home alone not realizing how much the girl actually does it. Lexa of course could have easily called one of her drivers to take Clarke home but that could give her away. So she quickly called a cab and paid him in advance for the trip.

“Sorry about that, Octavia went into parental mode.”  
“It's okay.” Clarke noticed the car behind her.  
“Your ride is here.” She pointed out.  
“No, it's yours. Take it, your feet are going to hurt.” Clarke laughed grateful for the woman's consideration.

Caught off guard Clarke moved closer to Lexa placing an object in her hand.

“It's my favorite and first paint brush. My father bought it for me so you can already understand the significance it has. I am going to entrust you with it. Because I know I’ll see you again. When I do I’ll expect you to return it and then I'm never letting you out of my sight again.”

“How can you be so sure?”  
“You have the power here. You know my name, where I work, and even what I look like. I know you'll come looking for me when you are ready to let yourself not be tied to your responsibilities. When you owe nothing more but your happiness to yourself.”

“You can't guarantee that Clarke.”  
“But I am and you won't change my mind.” Clarke placed a small kiss on her cheek feeling the heat on her skin. No there was no guarantee she would see this woman again but she would hope and pray every night that they would.

Clarke entered the cab closing the door shut but Lexa quickly stopped it signaling for Clarke to roll down the window. She realized she had forgotten the most important thing.

“When can I see the painting?”  
“When you are ready to see me.” Clarke smirked knowing that was not the answer she wanted. It was fair enough though and Clarke hoped it would be enticing enough to bring her back to her. The cab driver took off as Clarke waved out the window. Lexa waved back regretting having not told her the truth.

How was she going to ever fix this? She clutched onto the brush wishing she was the girl in the mask and not herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Lexa is not the girl in the rain but for those who wondered how they would start to get together voilà. As well we got a small look into Lexa's past and Lincoln and Octavia's relationship. This song is called Masquerade by Robosoul
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZIJliTYdtU


	5. Funny

'If you lose your soul,  
you'll lose it all  
If you're at the top  
then brace for the fall  
Surrounded by faces,  
no one to call’

The normal pen that she twirled in her hand when she was thinking was replaced with the paintbrush. She had not let it go since that night and made sure she had it wherever she went. Though the odds of her running into Clarke and telling her the truth was slim, it wasn’t impossible.

Three weeks had gone by since their night together and Lexa wasn’t sure if Clarke was thinking about her as much as she was. She hadn’t been focusing on the business as much. During the day Lexa thought about what the painting looked like, daydreaming on how Clarke held the brush smoothly letting the paint fall onto the canvas. At night her dreams were consumed of laughter with Clarke by her side. Days seemed brighter with thoughts of Clarke on her mind but they were constantly cloudy as she couldn't actually be with the woman. 

On Anya's side there was no luck for her on finding the woman in the painting, which actually was to Lexa's benefit. When Anya pushed that they just pay an actor, Lexa would refuse claiming they needed the real person. Rather than searching, she was secretly paying someone to keep an eye out on Clarke to make sure nothing happened to her. Her lookout had been struggling as they felt Clarke was a very intimate person and knowing if she was ‘safe’ could only be by being with her. She planned to tell Anya, if she found out and asked, that Clarke knew her secrets, however, Lexa cared for the girl. If someone was so willing to accept her despite all her fucked up issues how could she let go of her? 

Lexa spent her days surrounded by so many different faces and none ever choose to be her friend. None of those people ever choose to ask her how her day was. Though the people constantly praised her she knew how much they truly despised her. Lexa would never admit to wanting friends and a family. She would admit to the all the money and fame she desired as she was sick of poverty secretly hoping these would bring her her true desires. However money and fame were chains holding her down and she wasn't strong enough to move with them.

“You wanted to see me?” Lexa looked up, pulled out of her thoughts as Lincoln entered the room. Nodding her head she signaled for him to sit. Taking a seat he kept his unsmiling feature and heavy stance knowing how she was.

“You are dating that Octavia girl, correct?” Suddenly Lincoln felt himself get stiffer at the mention of her name, not liking where this was going.  
“I am seeing her.” He confirmed.  
“And she is friends with Clarke?” He knew exactly where this was going and he wasn't liking it. She wasted no time to get into discussion as Lexa laughed at the nonsense that was small talk. So Lincoln followed suit and went straight for the meat of their conversation.  
“I will not use Octavia to learn about Clarke.”  
“That’s not what I asked.”  
Lincoln continued, “I will not ruin this. Octavia is a special woman.”  
“So is Clarke.”  
“Whatever your obsession with destroying Clarke is needs to end.”  
“I just need someone to keep an eye out on her.” Lexa tried to reason herself.  
“I will not do your deeds for you.” Lincoln was at a boiling point with Lexa. This was mostly due to Octavia as she began to push him to his potential. Lincoln had been so willing but she brought out a side of him that believed and stood up for himself.  
“You work for me.” Lexa felt herself get angry now as she controlled her words. “And you'll do what I say.”

“I'm also your brother and I won't put up with this.” Since she had pulled her boss card he angrily pulled out the family one.  
“Don't play the family card.”  
“Why not? Are you embarrassed by me?” Lexa stood up from her chair furious he would even make such a comment.  
“Don't you dare ever say that.”  
“Then explain to me why you are doing this?”

“I don’t want anything bad to happen to her.” That was when Lincoln made the connection. 

“You like her.” He had seen this behavior once before, with a woman she was forbidden to love. “Like Costia.”

Her head whipped at the sound of her name, with eyes of suffering. The story of Costia and Lexa was just one of unfortunateness. Costia was already impossible to have as she was part of their foster family. The two snuck around recklessly as Costia’s free spirit brought out an open side of Lexa that was caged by the environment she was in. Costia had gotten the two always in trouble as she was always searching for a new adventure as Lexa found herself happier than ever. It wasn't until Lexa was adopted where the two were more open about their relationship. Through their ups and downs the two were inseparable. As soon as Lexa fell into the business she initially owed a lot of money and because so a loan shark took Costia away. Lexa will not talk about it and even banned any conversation of the woman, too ashamed and in pain. For those who knew understood the fate and never questioned it as the territory was dangerous. It caused many people in Lexa’s life to leave her or act as business partners rather than friends. 

Though Lexa did not owe money now many people did not like her due to what her large business can cause. One night Lexa was approached by a man who was laid off by her and attempted to assault her. Since, Lexa became very cautionate with the people she cared about. However her cautious ways did not explain why she wanted Clarke’s business, that was another topic for another day.

“You know to never mention her name.”  
“I’m sorry Lexa but you can talk to me or even Anya.”  
“She's my assistant.”  
“She's also your sister.”  
“Work first and family later.” Lexa reminded him. It was true that both Anya and Lincoln were her brother and sister but not by blood; they all grew up in the same foster family. They all started in another country and were then brought to America by the military family. Once Lexa had been adopted and got the business she immediately offered them jobs to pull them away from the abusive family. She supported them and helped them back on their feet leaving them all where they are now. Lincoln has always felt indebted to her for that which is why he loyally stays by her side even when Octavia can not understand. 

Lincoln stood up from his chair now understanding that this conversation was going nowhere and over. Lexa had made her point and it was set in stone.

“I will keep an eye out on Clarke.However, if it jeopardizes my relationship I will end it.”  
“Fair enough.” Lincoln turned his back ready to walk out as Lexa spoke.

“Keep Octavia close Lincoln. She's a wonderful influence on your life.” Of course Lexa had noted the newly found confidence in Lincoln as was proud of her older brother. There had always been a lack of it which she could never understand seeing how much potential he had in him.

Costia will always be a woman she loved and have a special place in her heart. However, when talking to Clarke she didn't feel an aching pain in her heart. Clarke was special and Lexa knew this the moment she met the woman. Every second of her day was now spent on the right and safest way to tell Clarke the truth.

\-----

“Give me a chance.”  
“For the thousandth time, no Raven.” Clarke walked around the studio cleaning the mess the last class made. When no one was around she would pretend she was Cinderella as she swept with her old broom. Despite Raven now being in the room she still played the songs in her head singing along.

“You haven't even seen it.”  
“Exactly why.” Raven wanted to put something up on her upcoming show tomorrow. Again Clarke took upcoming artists’ work and her own to show, loving the idea of having as much art showcase as she could. Yet she was picky about was shown as her reputation was always on the line.  
“Please Clarke. Just give me one chance. If it doesn’t work out I'll buy half the paintings here.”  
“You can't afford that.”  
“Don't question my means Clarke just help me.”

She wasn't sure why there was a sudden desperation to have her artwork up. Clarke would like to believe she is a good friend so she gave in and let Raven have a spot. The only thing left to do was to hold her breathe and make sure everything went okay.

“Good afternoon lovelies.” Octavia strode into the room with Lincoln in hand. Clarke had to admit they were a cute couple despite how much she secretly despised Lincoln because of who he worked for. Of course she did not approve at first convinced this was Lexa's doing but Lincoln brought out a new side of Octavia. A woman who was very care free was now more sturdy and looking for stability in her life.

“Clarke gave me a spot in the exhibition.” Raven declared as Octavia laughed.

“She did not.”  
“Pay up!” Octavia reached for her pocket handing the woman money.

“You guys bet on this? What the fuck!”  
“Oh calm down Griffin we still have another one to see if anyone will actually buy it. Want in?”

Clarke of course was not shocked as these two bet on everything but she couldn't deny her annoyance that they did, especially since it felt they were betting on her career.

Lincoln eyed Clarke following orders as usual. He took in her demeanor and was surprisingly really helpful. He had bent down helping Clarke pick up the dirt off the ground and even helped her back up. Octavia commented on how he was such a gentleman but something seemed off to Clarke, who never had good feeling. It had to be Lexa's doing.

The next evening came and thirty minutes had passed since the opening of the exhibition. Raven had a box in her spot choosing not to reveal what was inside until enough people were there. So occasionally the artist would search the perimeter looking for clues. Coming up short did not make her happy and made her lose focus a lot. She was a perfectionist especially when it came to art. Clarke undoubtedly was angry but worked with other clients throughout the night helping them with their purchases.

Raven finally declared it was time to reveal what was in her box. She had called everyone over to surround the area. Clarke's nerves kicked in as a few critics and journalist came by to watch. Raven was about to either destroy or make her career and there was nothing she could do at this point. Octavia and Lincoln stood by her holding hands in excitement.

“Good evening everyone. I would like to thank you all for coming on behalf of the artist who runs this show and who is also my best friend, only in successful times like this.” She earned a laugh from the crowd putting in her charms. “This may seem like an ordinary box. In fact it will remain an ordinary box to most of you. However, never judge a book by its cover. The box's inside is what matters.”

At the moment the box opens up itself revealing a fully uniformed soldier holding flowers. A loud yelp came from the woman standing next to her as Clarke quickly covered her mouth in shock.

“BELLAMY!” Octavia let out as she ran to her brother's arm. He caught his sister giving her the tightest hug he could without killing her. Tears had rolled down her cheeks and everyone cheered in awe at the soldier's homecoming.

After finally pulling away he greeted everyone and lingered longer on Clarke's hug, something Lincoln picked up right away.

“A round on the house! Now please enjoy the rest of the exhibition.” Clarke declared as everyone cheered in unison once more. The crowd dispersed now leaving the group of friends to talk. Octavia introduced Bellamy to Lincoln who did not show any fear clearly not knowing how protective Bellamy was over his little sister. He then went on to bond with Jasper and Monty who caught him up on current life. Finally Clarke had pulled them over to get the groups all drinks.

“Tell us about the battlefield!” Raven announced curious to learn what the military was like. Clarke had to admit she was impressed with Raven's surprise skill and managed to pull it off. Bellamy ranted on about his adventurous lifestyle as Clarke jumped from the group's conversation to her job.

The night had gone flawless and now her friends were helping her clean up. Clarke went to the backroom to organize a few receipts and make sure everything was now in check. Raven tagged along as she wanted to help with what she calls behind the scenes.

“It's really nice what you did Reyes.” Raven turned towards Clarke with a huge grin on her face.  
“It was the least I could do.”  
“Why do you say that?”  
“Octavia and you have done so much for me.” 

Clarke waved her hand. “Psh we've done nothing. You're like family.”

It was true. The girls had not known each other long but boy did they get super close. None could imagine their lives without the other as the addition of Raven to their friend group was perfect. Constantly they bust each other's chops as banter was the core of their friendship. Clarke recalled one time she was throwing up after too much tequila Raven helped pick her hair up. She was in just as bad condition as she was but was determined to help her. She knew at that moment she was going to be a friend she wa

“Yeah well I didn't have that so thank you.” Clarke ran to Raven where she tried to pamper her with kisses.

“Ew, no stop. I did not approve of this.” Raven around the room trying to escape the love.

“You know the deal. Keep 10 feet back when you get all emotional.” Clarke threw the small bottle paint at Raven jokingly who quickly dodged it.

“You will love me one day Reyes.”  
“You wish.” Raven scoffed at Clarke's hope. There was no doubt she loved her but she couldn't admit to it out loud or Clarke would never let it go.

Raven took it her cue to leave the artist to finish up some actual work and see if anyone needed help. After sorting through the donations she appreciated the fact that there were people who were not so stuck up and actually showed gratitude. She had to admit she was nervous about the art show especially with Raven's surprise but some of the critics came up to her telling her how emotionally genius the piece was. Octavia’s tears definitely helped as people truly enjoyed the sentimental moment.

Speaking of sentimental moments Clarke could feel her heart swell up as she looked up to her piece of Heda. Wow, did she miss the woman. There hadn't been a moment in her life where everything felt so at peace. There had not been a dull or awkward moment between the two considering they just met.

Tracing her shoulder line with her eyes she began to laugh to herself as she recalled one of Heda's stories. After watching Spiderman and deciding to swing off a tree, she fell down and popped her shoulder out. Heda refused to go to the hospital because she needed to prove how badass she was and that she was a superhero so she would self heal. When they finally popped it back in, her stoic persona and no reaction to pain earned her the name of Heda. She explained that it meant Commander. Clarke found it ironic though as when she talked to the woman she was extremely dorky.

“Princess.” Her head shot up from her desk. Though it wasn't her favorite nickname Clarke was immediately pulled out of her thoughts responding.  
“Hey Bell! Great surprise! You got everyone. We were all worried about you, you know.”  
“I know I'm sorry I didn't write sooner.” Bellamy stood at the makeshift doorway but moved as Clarke ushered him in with her hand.  
“What's up, you okay?” Clarke placed the papers in a folder noticing Bellamy's smirk became wary and approached as if he was unsure of something or nervous. Definitely nervous, and that was unusual.

“Yeah totally, it's just I have to ask you something.” It seemed important so Clarke walked around the desk to lean on the front with her arms crossed. She was closer to Bellamy now, who was playing with his fingers behind his back.

“There was a point when I was on the battlefield where I thought I completely lost myself. We were ambushed by a group of young rebels. I began to shoot after our group leader was shot. We had killed them all within seconds, there had to be almost a hundred of them and only five of us. I remember walking through the dead bodies and noticing a soldier I shot. It was a child, Clarke. I was so disgusted with myself I didn't even know what I was fighting for anymore.” 

Clarke reached her hand out to place it on his forearm. She could never fathom what war was like for him. Unless she had experienced it herself she could never understand what it was like to take a life way, to watch the world crumble in front of your eyes. She knew she couldn't say anything that would change it so she continued to listen.

“I tried to find myself again and that involved discovering the things I love. That's when I realized Clarke we are more than just friends.” Immediately Clarke became puzzled as one eyebrow arched.

“I want to give us a try. I want to take you out on a date. You are a truly incredible and spectacular woman.” Clarke froze as she had not seen that one coming. “I don't want to waste my life anymore, time is too short for figuring things out. We have to go for it.” He held out the rose for her waiting.

She had never seen Bellamy in that way. Though she had considered him her friend he had always been Octavia’s big brother. He was right, life was too short, reminded of her mother who wish she took advantage more of the days she had her father. Maybe there was something there with Bellamy she never realized. They had always gotten along, gotten in trouble together, and had always been there for the other.  
Despite all this Clarke somehow was reminded of the woman in the painting. Life was too short but did life give her the opportunity and she blew it? It was probably too late to even question it as three weeks had passed and Heda never made an effort to reach her. Though her days were consumed with wondering what she was doing, there was nothing she could do to go after the girl. Most of her time was spent wondering what if, what if she just pulled the mask? What if she pushed further for her name? What if she didn’t let her go? Now she had an opportunity with Bellamy and if she says no she could lose him too. He could rush back to war and Clarke would never know always asking herself what if. She didn't want that anymore and she wasn't going to say what if ever again.

“I would love to give this a try.” She gave him a soft smile and he quickly embraced her in a hug of joy and relief. 

What Clarke was not aware of was Lincoln's presence who heard the whole thing.

\----

Lexa was in her office looking out to the city. Her headquarter was technically in Florida but of course lately she was spending time in New York. Quite honestly she wished she actually explored New York. She spent so much of her time in the office that she has barely even walk the streets. Her days were spent trying to decide if she could outsource a job and save money or if she wanted the design for a new building passed. Her mind was consumed with business but lately it wasn't the case. She watched the people from top floor of her building interact and laugh. Families would walk together, couples hand in hand, tourist with their cameras and so forth.

Watching from her building she would question countlessly what was it all for? Was it for fame or glory or money or power? What had been the point to creating all this fortune?

Her adopted father had warned her about the lonely business life, part of the reason it wasn't as large as it was now. However, he didn't know how Lexa was raised. Life was just about surviving and if you weren’t trying then you would be dead. It made sense now why he had adopted as he didn't have time to raise a child despite his wife's plea. Her adopted mother used to tell her that once he thought he had it all, he lost his soul and he was no longer the man she loved. Being at top Lexa knew she had to be ruthless and she could only hope it didn't take her soul away.

“How is she?” Lexa remained with her hands behind her back and back to the door as the man entered the room. Clarke had been the only person on her mind and the only thing she wanted on it.

“She is dating someone.” That earned a turn as Lexa quickly spun her body to face Lincoln. He continued, “She is dating Octavia’s brother.”

“And?”  
“They already had their first date. According to Octavia it went extremely well, they even shared a kiss. I’m sorry Lexa.” Lexa immediately felt her blood boil. Anger arose, mostly jealously as she was deprived of something she wanted. Lexa was used to getting everything she wanted since she rose to fortune but that was what everyone believed. No one knew what Lexa really wanted were in immaterialistic; love, happiness, a purpose to everything. Lexa swallowed down her truth as she looked to respond to Lincoln in some way.

“I think I have found a way to get Clarke's business.” Anya strode into the room with a bunch of papers in her hand quickly flipping through and not taking her eyes off. Lincoln watched as his sister placed the stack on her desk completely ignoring him and their conversation. Finally looking up she gave him a nod and looked towards Lexa who was still trying to process how quick Clarke had moved on.

“See we can talk to the contractor who-” Though Anya was not vocally cut off Lexa raised her hand signaling silence.

“We will no longer go after Ms.Griffin's business.”  
“Lexa but-”  
“I said no more. Don't ever make me repeat myself.” Lexa spat at Anya who quickly took a step back. The two other siblings all looked down waiting for Lexa to make the next move. Both knew never to push Lexa when she was angry because she was angry so little. Though Lexa would never hurt them she had a lot of power so she only demanded respect. She finally did as she turned her back and returned an eye out for the city.  
“Give the day off to the rest of my body guards. Anya stop looking into Clarke's history as we are letting this go. The business will not benefit with hers. And thank you Lincoln.”

There was no further arguments or advancements made. Anya left to finish her work and Lincoln returned to Octavia. 

With everyone out of the room Lexa opened the desk draw. Here she retrieved her mask letting her fingers outline her way to Clarke's heart. Maybe it was time to reveal herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was unexpected for me too. Sorry it was a little shorter but this was more a filler. Lexas past is rough and not easy :( The next chapter will definitely be a tear jerker. Thanks for all the comments and kudos! The chapter was based on Tori Kelley's Funny!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBSVm9WBWz4



	6. If Only

_What is it about her_  
_That's so wonderfully, impossibly familiar?_  
_Why do I feel dizzy_  
_In a way I've only felt but once before?_  
_How come when she looks at me_  
_It seems like time stops moving_

 

It was a late night in the studio and Clarke was finishing up a pot. She decided to try some new forms of art even though her paintings were good. Expanding her horizon and pushing her boundaries only could make her better. So she started to throw and surprisingly she was good at it, having already made a bowl for her mother.

Speaking of, she had just gotten off the phone with her mother realizing how much better their relationship was getting. Truly it was all Heda’s doing having slapped some sense into the girl. Her mother was actually now in Nicaragua doing some service project and having a wonderful time. She was scheduled to come back in a few days and take up a job in Virginia. Heda had done a lot for her and she did have to thank Lexa for that. Without the masquerade ball she would not have met her muse. Raven still wanted to go after Lexa putting Plan B into effect but Clarke dropped the battle in hopes that maybe they could start over and forget the whole mess happened.

It was almost two in the morning and Clarke reluctantly was giving into sleep as she let out another yawn. Finally closing the studio she stepped outside and locked the door. 

Being late at night, most of the streets were quite. Checking her clock she wondered if she could still catch the last train. Before she could make a decision an object appeared out of the shadows causing Clarke to jump a little.

“I didn't mean to scare you Clarke.”  
“Well I think I'm actually starting to get used to it.” Quickly recalling all the different times someone scared the living daylights out of her as she held at her chest.

“Heda.” She finally breathe out realizing who the shadow was by her voice. Without a second thought Clarke found herself hugging the girl to greet her, probably lingering longer than she should have. Heda didn't mind though as she slowly and cautiously placed her arms around Clarke. She was taken back by the affection immediately but it was feeling she could easily become accustomed to, especially with Clarke.

As Clarke pulled away she noticed she was dressed pretty casually in dark black jeans and a white tee. However, she still had on her mask as if it were glued to her face. Clarke speculated that maybe Heda had a face disorder which is why she was so ashamed. It could have been some wicked story as Beauty and the Beast. Also partly why Clarke never pushed her to reveal herself.

“You finally came.”  
“I'm sorry I took so long.” The girl pulled out the paintbrush out of her pocket. “This belongs to you.” A wide smile appeared on Clarke's face as she noticed the paintbrush on the outreach hand.  
“Keep it.” Clarke curled Heda’s hand over the object. “Unless you plan to reveal to me who you are tonight then I don't want it until you do.” 

Giving her a nod she understood what the paintbrush was, confirmation. Lexa looked down at their hands and immediately noticed Clarke's hand. Turning it over she saw blisters everywhere and they were bright red with cuts along her knuckles. Raising an eyebrow she unspokenly asked what happened very concerned. Lincoln was going to hear what she had to say because she was not happy.

“It's just happens when I throw. Making bowls is not as easy as it may seem. Don't worry I'm fine.” Lexa looked up now and could see Clarke's blue eyes. Her heart dropped and stomach flipped at just the sight of the woman. Without realizing what she was doing she pushed a strand of hair behind Clarke's ear as it distracted her view. It kicked in with Clarke just how close the woman and her were and she wanted to be even closer. So maybe she did forget she was kinda of seeing someone but life was short and they weren't exclusive right? She didn’t want to say what if but instead she ducked her head as she felt her cheeks burn up at Heda’s touch.

“I told you if I saw you again I wouldn't let you go.” Clarke declared.  
“If only it were that easy.”  
“It can be.” Clarke couldn't see what the problem was but Heda knew. Heda knew they would end up arguing why she should reveal herself. 

“Can we walk?” Heda declared not wanting to discuss possibilities. Clarke nodded her head and the girls headed down the street with no destination in mind. It was actually quiet between the two of them for a few blocks. It was a comfortable silence though as each had to process that they were actually together. So many scenarios ran through their minds wondering how they would meet again. Now that they were together they just wanted to enjoy that presence while they could.

“Did you know that a planet thousands of light years away can see earth during the Roman era and not us now?” Lexa was a huge dork when it comes to facts, something Clarke was picking up on. She topped in her classes due to her eagerness to learn about the world. In fact she made it her goal to always learn something new.

“Why do you say that?” Clarke was curious now as Heda broke the silence.

“Because it's proof that time doesn't exist, that it is arbitrary. If time doesn't exist it means forever is possible for us all. And if I had to live forever I wouldn't mind spending it all with you.”

Clarke felt her heart drop and jump out of her chest. It seemed really rush to say and for a second she felt very unsure. They had not seen each other much despite sparks flying right away.However she understood what Heda was saying. She wasn't necessarily declaring her love for the woman but rather how much she genuinely loved spending time with Clarke. Time could pass forever and she wouldn't even notice when she was with Clarke, time stopped. She only understood this because she felt the same way. Time ceased to exist when she talked to Heda.

Just before Clarke could respond, Heda stopped looking towards a building. Following her line of sight Clarke noticed she was asking if she wanted to grab something at the 24 hour diner. Only nodding her head the girls walked in the direction.

The diner was completely empty leaving the girls to sit wherever they like. Clarke choose a spot and before the waiter left she quickly ordered.

“Can we get two chocolate milkshakes and two orders of scrambled eggs with bacon, toast, and homemade fries.” The woman nodded her head as Clarke handed her back the menu's she barely looked at it.

Of course Heda was going to ask her how she knew but Clarke was already one step ahead. “Call it a lucky guess.” She smiled back in response and leaned back in her chair getting a glimpse of Clarke in the light now.

Clarke was in a pair of overalls with only one side actually attached to the clip. Her small white shirt revealed some of her skin on the open side. Her blonde hair fell down both sides in a curly messy fashion. Naturally Clarke's hand were all messy but Lexa laughed to herself noticing there was actually no paint on her face. For the first time her face was actually clean but she had to admit she missed the paint. It was Clarke's heart weakening blue eyes that Lexa felt her breath hitch. There was nothing more she wanted to do than tell the woman how beautiful she was but that was off the table. There was so much she wanted to tell her and she wouldn't even have to say half of it if Clarke looked. However Lexa knew why she didn't as Clarke confirmed that even more now.

“Heda, I have to tell you something. I'm seeing someone.”  
“I know.” Clarke of course was going to question it but Heda responded, “Call it a lucky guess.” 

Clarke let out a small giggle as Heda had used her own words against her. 

“I'll be whatever you need me to be. Right now you need a friend.”  
“I have two best friends.” Clarke stated immediately referencing Octavia and Raven.  
“And now you have three.” Her response was not something she had expected but somehow it was the most reassuring words she ever heard. It caught Clarke off guard and in that moment she had never been so amazed with a human being before. Heda had put Clarke and her emotions first. What fascinated her more was the change of topic, not choosing to even discuss what they were as Heda was completely satisfied with what Clarke wanted.

“Did I tell you about that time my sister hung by her feet from a rope on a tree?”

Clarke took a sip of her arrived milkshake completely ready to hear her stories.

“Oh my gosh no, how did that even happen?”

The night had gone so smoothly between the two women but they knew it was coming to an end. Their tummies were pretty full by now especially when Clarke shoved her spoon of eggs into Heda's mouth. Logically Clarke felt they could not go to waste and Heda was the only person she could feed her food to. Clarke continuously persisted and so Lexa caved in as she could not say no to Clarke.

Clarke knew their night was winding down and she didn't want to lose contact with the woman again. So she grabbed the pen out of her bag sparked with an idea.

Taking Heda's arm she quickly scribbled something on it. Looking down Heda read it and smiled knowing exactly what it was.  
“Your phone number.”  
“So we don't have to meet in the dead of night just to talk. We can talk whenever.” Clarke declared as she did appreciate sleep. 

Lexa knew she was going to hold on it just as much as she held onto that paintbrush.  
\-----

“Bellamy, relax it's just Clarke.” Octavia declared as she fixed the tie he decided to wear. He wore jeans and a collar shirt that he claimed gave him a young sexy teacher look. Rarely had Octavia seen her brother nervous but he genuinely thought he was going to make a fool of himself.

She sprayed him down with cologne giving her brother the sign of approval. It was Bellamy's biggest concern not to make things awkward for Octavia and Clarke knowing how close they are. Octavia quickly declared to disown her brother if he ever hurt Clarke since she was her wing woman.

“We need to talk about this Lincoln person.”  
“He's a good guy.”  
“He's changed you.”  
“And war changed you.” She didn't fail to see the new Bellamy who was constantly on edge. As he noticed his sister more determined and soughtful. Though neither of these were bad they were different Blake's starting to become unrecognizable to the other. There were five minutes left until he had to meet Clarke. So he quickly gave his sister a peck on the cheek and moved on from the topic, hoping to address it later.

**Heda: you are going to be late.**  
**Clarke: Okay okay! So the blue or red top?**  
**Heda: I like the blue.**  
**Clarke: Thanks, I’ll do the red! After we finish I’ll call you. Will you be awake?**  
**Heda: You suck and if you need me to I will.**  
**Clarke: you're the best!**

Clarke shut her phone quickly putting on the red top and her sneakers on. It was their third date and Bellamy was on the steps of her apartment.  
“Ready Princess?” Giving him a firm nod she placed her arm under his. He led them down the block as they both decided to walk to the mini golf course.

“You have probably lost all skill Bell. I have been practicing and I am pretty sure I am beast.” Clarke declared her skill level was one of mastery.

“Ha I laugh at your overwhelming confidence.”  
“Just because you are in the military doesn’t make you the best at everything.”  
“I think it does.” 

The place was not too far but the wind was becoming unbearable as Clarke felt herself getting colder. She walked closer to Bell in hopes she could stay warm. Now she was wondering why she listened to Heda, who told her she wouldn’t need a heavy jacket.

Though they had not made anything official they both felt it was pretty unspoken they were exclusive. It felt like old times when she was with Bell. With him being away she forgot how much fun they used to have together. The only thing that was different now was he was allowed to kiss her. There really wasn’t any harm in dating each other. In fact they both decided that whatever happens they would always remain friends especially for Octavia’s sake. 

They were just around the corner when Clarke stopped in her tracks. She spotted Lexa walking down the street. She wanted to quickly turn around but Lexa had caught sight of her and was making her way towards them. There was someone following her but it was clear it was her bodyguard keeping a distance. 

“Fuck.”  
“What happen?”  
“That’s Lexa, the girl I was telling you about who tried to take my business.” Bellamy made an o shape with his mouth understanding now why she stopped. Lexa nodded as she approached the two.

“Hello Ms.Griffin.”  
“Clarke.” She hated being referred as Ms.Griffin and Lexa knew as she has clearly stated she wanted to be called Clarke. “This is Bellamy.”  
“Hi.” Bellamy reached his hand out but Lexa didn’t even acknowledge it looking back towards Clarke. Heda couldn’t be a bitch to Bellamy but Lexa totally could and she was going to take full advantage of that. 

“Did you enjoy the masquerade ball?”  
“I surprisingly did have a wonderful time. Thank you for that.” Lexa had to squash her smile as she knew she was referencing Heda.  
“I hope we can put our differences aside. I apologize for my behavior.” If there was any way Clarke was going to get to know who Heda was, Lexa had to be on her good side. Clarke could not respond as she was interrupted by a fire alarm sound that was clearly a phone ringing. It was evidently Lexa’s as she opened her purse. As she rummaged through her bag she finally got a hold of her phone that she began to pull it out.

Before the phone was fully emerged Bellamy let go of Clarke’s hand to lunge at her tackling her to the ground. Clarke let out a loud shriek as her head banged against the concrete sidewalk as Lexa’s bodyguard came running over.

However, Lexa was quicker to react as she tackled Bellamy off of Clarke. Lexa raised her right hand and punched him multiple times to weaken his fight against her. When he was slow to react she took advantage to turn him on his stomach. Sitting over him she grabbed his right hand keeping it up, twisting, and pushing it back in the air as her other hand pressed on his shoulder blade causing him to yell. He tried to move but surprisingly Lexa was stronger as he could not fight back. Using one hand she signaled her bodyguard to stay back as he made an effort to help her.

Clarke was frozen as she could not believe her eyes as she watched it all from the ground. She must have banged her head really hard as she watched Lexa effortlessly take Bellamy down. Did Lexa seriously just take a militarian down? The word suddenly registered in her head as to why now Bellamy attacked her. 

“Got off him!” Clarke declared as she tried to stand up with her head being slightly dizzy. Stumbling as she got up Lexa again quickly reached for her to keep her balance. Still annoyed with Lexa she moved her hand out of the strong grip Lexa had on her forearm. Lexa moved giving her space but just enough where she make sure Clarke would not fall again. As well she did not say another word as she watched Clarke interact with him.

“Bellamy?” She tried helping him up to his feet as she watched his eyes dart back and forth in confusion. “It’s me Clarke. It’s okay you aren’t at war anymore. You are here with me.” She raised one hand to his face to cup his cheek.

Her hands could feel his shaking as he tried to process what was going on. It was those words that kicked in with Lexa too as to why he was acting like this. It was Clarke’s fear when he left for the military having heard so many tragic stories but she hopped it would never happen.

Bellamy was experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder. The alarm must have sent some sort of trigger when he tackled Clarke. When he finally looked into Clarke’s eyes it clicked that he wasn’t at war he was with her. His breath became steady and his eyes became fixated on the woman in front of him.  
“I’m so sorry.” He looked down in embarrassment keeping silence around all of them.

“Clarke, you are bleeding.” Lexa stood behind breaking two away from the other. If anyone asked she wouldn’t admit to it but she felt the jealousy rise in her. Anger shook in her as the man had just hurt her and she was giving him the attention.

Looking down, Clarke saw some blood coming down from her elbow as she must have scrapped it. It didn’t hurt at all but she turned towards Lexa now feeling a little guilty.

“I am sorry about this.”  
“Are you okay.”  
“Yeah I am fine.”  
“That’s all that matters.” It hurt Lexa to play this double role but she couldn’t hide her care for Clarke. 

Of course Clarke and Bellamy felt it was best to return home after they said goodbye to Lexa, who as one can suspect did not apologize for punching Bellamy as she quite enjoyed it. Clarke explained everything that happened that night to Octavia. The girls got on the phone together and called a few therapist. They were concerned for Bellamy’s health and did not want to put anyone in danger. 

The night had been a long one as it was really late and Clarke wanted to just forget about it in all honesty. She wasn’t sure if it was best to date Bellamy right now. He needed to take care of himself before someone else gets hurt. Who knows what could have happened if Lexa wasn’t there. If Clarke was being honest with herself she knows it was not just tonight’s events. Her heart wasn’t in it as she continually talked to Heda every day since they last saw each other. There was something special about the woman and it wasn’t something she could ignore.

Looking at her phone, all she wanted to do was hear her voice and so she called her despite the time.

“I thought I wouldn’t hear from you tonight.”  
“Is it too late?”  
“No, not at all. I always have time for you.” Lexa had actually been waiting all night by her phone for Clarke’s call. She wasn’t sure she would call but she needed reassurance that she was okay, having witnessed tonight’s events.

“Okay, good it’s been a long day and I just needed to hear your voice. You always know the right thing to say.”  
“Do you want to talk about it?”  
“Honestly, not really.”  
“Good, because you still owe me one.” Clarke and Heda have been playing truth or dare, mostly truth. However Clarke owed Heda a secret after hanging up the last time they talked. She laughed recalling the dare she failed.  
“So you won’t let it go will you?”  
“I expect things to be up hold when they are told to.” Clarke laughed knowing she really would not let it go.  
“Okay fine but not even Raven or Octavia know about this.”  
“This has to be good then.”  
“I am a sort of a doctor.”

Lexa literally choked on the other line at the confession. She couldn’t be serious.  
“No way, you are lying.”  
“I’m so serious.” Clarke whined as she heard her laugh on the other line.  
“But you are an artist.”  
“Yeah well during grad school I got my bachelors in chemistry and then went on to Med school. I went abroad as everyone thought I was traveling the world but I secretly went to school. I passed all my test, I have a few more credits to be done though. ”  
“Why did you do it?”  
“Because I was always fascinated by saving lives. I wanted to be able to help people.”  
“So why are you an artist now?” Lexa could not wrap her head around the confession and slightly finding it humorous considering how different the two fields are.  
“After losing my father, I somehow felt keeping my artistry skills alive kept him alive. Don’t get me wrong I love art and don’t regret my decision at all. I just kept medcine on the back burner incase I ever changed my mind.”  
“You are so young though. Aren’t you?”  
“Yeah but I graduated high school early.”  
“So should I address you as Dr.Griffin now?”  
“Only you.”

They talked for another hour when Clarke finally declared she needed sleep feeling as if a lifetime has passed with the night’s events. 

\----

_I guess you never will_  
_I guess it doesn't show_  
_But if I never find a way to tell you so_  
_Oh, what I would give_  
_If only you could know_

“Bellamy will be fine.”  
“I know Clarke, it’s just he’s my brother and I don’t even recognize him anymore. Also it says three eggs.” 

Raven’s birthday was in a month but they wanted to surprise the girl for once in her life as she was always so on top of everything. Till this day no one has surprised her so they figured if they celebrate it early they would catch her off guard. Making the cake from scratch was Octavia’s brilliant idea and they were already a mess having a flour fight twenty minutes earlier. 

“The hospital is taking good care of him.” They all felt it was best if a treatment facility helped him as they could do nothing about it.  
“His heart is broken you know.”  
“I’m sorry Octavia but I had to.”  
“I know I understand.” Clarke felt it was best for Bellamy to get himself back before throwing them into a relationship. She was going to be there for him anytime he needed but she was scared too. He had hurt her, unintentionally, but she was still completely defenseless and so they all knew what had to be done. 

“Anyway how is the boyf.”  
“Oh my god Clarke, he is amazing. He took me to Long Island last week and we ate dinner on the beach and watched the sunset.” Clarke broke the eggs into the bowl listening to the love bird.  
“He sounds like a romantic sap.”  
“Boys like that are hard to find these days.”  
“And how did that first fight go?”  
“Lincoln still supports Lexa’s actions but what can I say or do. He will stand by her side no matter what.” Octavia sighed as she placed the butter into the mix. Just as much as Clarke, she hated Lexa and she wished he didn’t work for that ass. It bother her that he stood by her unconditionally without explaining why. There was something more between the two and Octavia assumed it was because Lexa was holding a deep dark secret he must have. She was determined to find it.

Clarke had grown fawn over Lincoln as he continuously proven to be worthy of her best friend. They had their first fight when Lincoln choose to side with Lexa on the whole Bellamy incident. Clarke had to admit that Lexa had done the right thing but she didn’t want to believe that the woman might actually have a soul. She was still surprised she had whipped his ass. Bellamy woke up the next day sore with a black eye and bruised lip. He refused to press charges even though Octavia really wanted him to. Bellamy claimed he deserved it and Clarke really didn’t want to have to deal with some law case. In fact she did owe Lexa a thank you but that meant actually seeing the woman.

“Oh this is my song!” Octavia screamed as Clarke turned up the volume.  
“You don't gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work! But you gotta put in work, work, work, work, work” Both girls sang in unison as they tried to twerk to Fifth Harmony’s song. Clarke may not have been the best dancer but Octavia was getting down as she let her booty do a few drops blowing Clarke out of the water. Clarke threw the dish towel at her as she knew she lost the dance battle.  
“That’s not fair you actually have an ass!”  
“Don’t be jealous!” Octavia yelled over as she shook her butt in Clarkes’s face.

The girls were interrupted by Clarke’s ringtone. Jumping to her phone she noticed the caller ID was unknown. Shrugging her shoulders, she signaled for Octavia to lower the music as she answered.

“Hello?”  
“Is this Clarke Griffin?”  
“Yes, who is speaking?”  
“Hi my name is Samantha and I am a nurse for New York Presbyterian Hospital. You’re friend Raven was in a car accident this afternoon. She has you listed as an emergency contact.”  
“Oh my god is she okay?” Octavia walked closer, getting quieter as she could see the seriousness on Clarke’s face.  
“She is in surgery right now, I have no further updates.”  
“I’ll be right there. Thank you.” Clarke hung up on the woman looking towards Octavia.

“What happen?”  
“Raven was in an accident.” 

Both girls rushed to the hospital as the paced the halls of the waiting room. There had been no other news since their arrival. It made the two woman crazy. Clarke had already contacted her mother, who was now already on her way. It was the only person they had trusted and if anything was wrong she knew her mother would be able to help.

The cops arrived while Raven was still in surgery.

“Bystanders said it was a hit and run.”  
“Did they find them?” Clarke questioned as he explained to them how the accident had happened. Raven had the right of way but the driver drove right through the red light hitting her and another man in the process.  
“No we have not.”  
“Well then do your job and get out there and find them!” Octavia spoke up with anger in her voice, completely not understand the incompetence of the police officers. The man committed a crime and he was here not doing anything.

The doctor finally walked through the doors announcing the surgery was over. They rushed to his side awaiting hopeful news.  
“We had a few complications but what matters right now is that she is alive.” Clarke felt her heart dropped at the sudden relief of words. He lead them towards the room where they could see her as Clarke got a message from Heda.

**Heda: Hey can we talk?**  
**Clarke: I can’t now. I’m in the hospital with Raven. I’ll call you later.**

Clarke and Octavia walked into the room where Raven was lying all hooked up to different monitors and machines. For a girl who was always so strong she seemed so vulnerable and helpless that Clarke had to blink a few times to make sure it was Raven.

Octavia wanted to cry feeling so much pain for the woman on the bed. It was taking everything in her not to go find the man who did this and whip his ass. It made her wonder too how the other pedestrian was doing. She could not believe people could be so heartless to leave two people on the street like that. 

Raven’s head a huge gash that came from her hair to trickle down her forehead. Examining the rest of her body there were no other marks she could see on the outside. The doctor had said the major issue was her spine as some of the glass that shattered was stuck in her back. 

“She looks so peaceful.” Octavia brushed the girl’s hair out of her face admiring how beautiful her friend really was. Out of all the people it happened to, Raven was the last person who deserved this. Her family was gone, she had been on her own since she was a teenager and her heart had been broken one too many times. She just wished everything would turn out for the better as she was almost positive Raven was going to bounce back from this like nothing.

Octavia suddenly screamed and jumped back as Raven’s eyes shot open and yelled boo.  
“You fucking asshole!” A laughing Clarke had caught Octavia who was now furious with a racing heart.  
“I’m not dead geez, you are all so morbid.”  
“Can't you be serious for once you are hurt!”  
“Now where is the fun in thaaaat.” Raven drawn out and that's when they both knew how much medication she was on. Clarke felt content though knowing Raven hadn't lost her sense of humor.

A few hours passed and Raven finally fell asleep as the medication wore off. Octavia too was now napping and Clarke sat watching over her friends though she had to admit she was in and out of sleep. It had been an exhausting few hours and she just wanted to curl up in bed right now.

“Clarke.” A light voice jolted her up as she turned to see who was standing at there.

Heda.

Clarke took a second to process why she was even here. A small smile crept on her face when her eyes opened. Realizing where she was she quickly got up ushering her out the door not wanting her friends to see her as she still had not told them about her. 

“What are you doing here?” Clarke scanned the woman now in the light. Her masked still attached she wore a business outfit as she seemed to have just rushed out of work.  
“I thought you were in the hospital.”  
“I am.”  
“I thought you were the one actually sick. I got worried.” She smiled knowing the genuine concern on her face. Heda never failed to amaze her as she had clearly dropped everything she was doing for Clarke. However, she couldn't help but wonder how she even knew she was at this hospital. As if she read her mind Heda responded,  
“Call it lucky guess.” Truth was though she had called every hospital in New York looking for a Clarke Griffin or Raven Reyes. It was definitely not a lucky guess.

Clarke once again pulled Heda into a hug and this time she easily wrapped her arms around the girl melting into it. The blonde hair ruffled in her face left a lingering smell in Lexa's nose as the warmth of her body made her feel as if she was wrapped up in a fleece blanket sitting by the fireplace. Clarke's hugs felt just right and being there with her was just right.

Knowing she lingered longer than she should have Clarke pulled away and looked into those green eyes. They were eyes she could never forget as they were embedded in her head. She could walk miles in them getting lost in all the adventures they hold.

Clearing her throat and silence Heda spoke, “I should get going. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” She handed her the sunflowers she had gotten her.

“Calla lilies are my favorite.” Clarke confessed as she took in the smell of the other flower.

Clarke smiled placing her hand on the girls tricep and giving it a squeeze. It was meant to say a silent thank you but Clarke could feel the girl's muscles and could almost feel her mouth drop at how strong the woman was. That was something she totally had to address later. Placing a soft kiss on her cheek, Clarke took a step back satisfied with her thank you she gave.

Heda began to turn around to make her way out when Clarke recalled their texts.  
“What did you want to take about?”

Lexa remembered Clarke having told her the next day everything that happened with Bellamy and how she ended it. Lexa had finally worked up the courage to ask the girl out but with recent events and still having not told her who she is, it was just a sign for her not to do it.

“It was nothing important. Just wanted to hear your voice.” Lexa left with her words stuck in her throat. If only she had been nicer when they first met. If only she wasn’t after her business. If only she wasn't Lexa Woods, then she would finally have the girl.

When Raven woke up the doctor finally came in to run some test. She was sitting up as Octavia and Clarke stood by her bedside.

“Okay tell me if you feel this.” The doctor used a small needle on her right foot by brushing it against the bottom of her foot.

“Yup I feel it.”  
“Wonderful. Okay and now the left foot.”  
He repeated the process but no response. Raven wasn't allowed to see what he was doing as he didn't want her to influence her response. However Octavia and Clarke could see, feeling their hearts drops. He touched them again but applied more pressure. There was still no response.  
He moved further up. No response. He kept going. No response. A little more. No response. He was right above the knee when Raven said, “I feel it! Why was that one so high up?”

No said a word as Octavia and Clarke towards each other not sure what to say. Raven looked between the two as the doctor removed the barrier. The realization kicked in to Raven as she desperately tried to wiggle her toe in her left leg. Staring at her legs she couldn’t understand why they weren’t moving. 

Panic set in as she sat up more now to reach for her leg. She hit hoping it needed a little kick, nothing.  
“Raven.” Octavia whispered but the girl hit her leg again in frustration. A few more bangs on her leg and Octavia grasped her hands to stop her from hurting herself.

“Raven, it looks like you suffered substantial nerve damage to your left leg.”

The girls looked towards Raven now who visibly took a large gulp. They both had a hand on her arms to show their support but her mind was racing with all sorts of ideas.

“I’ll give you some time.” The doctor walked out letting the girls talk about the issue.

“We are going to be here for you Raven.” Clarke spoke up taking charge of the situation.  
“Yeah we’ll go with you to therapy and we will rearrange the apartment to make it easier.” Octavia echoed her sentiments. 

Raven looked between the girls as a smile crept on her face. “Guys, I am going to be the next Iron Man. I can totally amp up my leg and have some sort cyborg leg. I am going to be a total badass.”

It was clear to Clarke that Raven was trying to substitute her pain and emotions through humor. She had seen the same reaction when it ended with Finn except this was a lot more severe. Was there any right way to handle this? Raven is such an active person and relies on her body so much. A part of that was just taken from her and she was cracking jokes. Octavia could not understand how calm she was. By now she probably would have hobbled over to whoever this asshole was and beat the shit out of him. 

Octavia left the room to answer her ringing phone to update Bellamy on what was going on with Raven. Clarke took the moment now that she was alone with Raven to her advantage.  
“I know you are going to put up some walls now but just know I am going to be here every step of the way. You aren’t going through this alone no matter how broken you feel you are.”  
“It’s not going to be easy, will it?”  
“No but we got this Reyes and when you do decide to let down your walls we are going to be here. I will promise you that.” 

Raven could feel the water brim in her eyes. If anything Clarke was the only one who somehow always managed to feel her pain. To understand what she was going through was difficult but they both managed to understand the other’s unspoken words. They had become partner in crimes and best of friends, having Clarke by her side was what she was going to need the most. However she couldn’t deny to herself the pain she was feeling. If only she not left a little earlier. If only she took the subway instead of walking. If only she didn’t take that route. If only she wasn’t Raven Reyes right now, then she would not be paralyzed in her left leg. 

The girls spent the next few hours discussing with the doctor and Abby, Clarke’s mother, about what to do next and how to approach the situation. Raven was released out of the hospital a few days later and was expected to return for physical therapy to help teach her how to move with her leg now. They gave her a brace but for the first few weeks they also had her use crutches until she felt she could move without the support.

Clarke had turned to Heda for support with the recent events. There were nights when she didn’t know what to do with herself and Heda would talk her through it. Sometimes she needed a refresher from something other than the situation that was surrounding them. Clarke is a well put together woman but everything that was built up inside of her came easily crashing down as she talked to her. Heda too in turn was relieving her emotions through Clarke. Whether it was her traumatic childhood or her annoying job, which Clarke still knew very little about, she was able to talk through it. 

**Heda: Is she doing better?**  
**Clarke: Honestly I don’t know. She won’t talk about it to anyone. Anytime we try to talk she just plays it off with some sort of joke.**  
**Heda: She’ll come around, give her time.**  
**Clarke: Yeah and someone is always with her 24/7 to make sure she is okay. Lincoln has been a huge help surprisingly. When neither Octavia, I, nor any of our friends can be there, he is there with her.**  
**Heda: He is a good man.**  
**Clarke: If there ever was one good thing that came out of me meeting Lexa it would be for Octavia to have found Lincoln. That was the best thing no matter how convinced I am that Lexa set him on some sort of mission.**  
**Heda: You have Lincoln, so focus on the positive.**  
**Clarke: I do have to tell you something.**  
**Heda: Don’t tell me you have finally come to your senses and you are going to declare your love for me.**  
**Clarke: Ha funny, you wish.**  
**Heda: It was worth the shot.**  
**Clarke: I enrolled back to med school to finish my classes.**  
**Heda: Why?**  
**Clarke: I need to help Raven, and I want to help people like her**  
**Heda: What about art? Your studio?**  
**Clarke: I think I am just going to cave in and give it to Lexa**  
**Heda: You are going to regret that for the rest of your life Clarke**  
**Clarke: I have more important things to focus on.**  
**Heda: Art is important**  
**Clarke: Not as important as saving lives. It’s time I grow up and act like an adult**  
**Heda: It keeps you grounded, you love it**  
**Clarke: I love my friends more ******

Having thought about it for so many nights she felt it was time to give up art. She was kidding herself when she thought she could make people feel something with it. That was not was important in life. It is helping people, saving lives, making a difference in this world that is so fucked up that matters. Watching Raven struggle just to get out of bed was hard in itself. Her mother was making a difference always proud of herself and Clarke wanted to look in the mirror and get that feeling of accomplishment. With only a year left she just had to finish school then hit up a residency which she knew her mother would easily help her with. Talking to Heda about it she felt more secure about her decision despite how surprisingly unsupportive she seemed. 

Raven had hobbled into the kitchen and as Clarke turned around she walked into a table knocking over a vase Clarke had made a few years ago. It came crashing down leaving it splattered everywhere. 

“Fuck.” She mumbled as she attempted to reach down and pick it up. Clarke jumped off the couch to pick up the pieces.  
“I got it.” She could hear a frustrated sigh come from the girl. There was annoyance in it as she wanted to do it herself but she knew couldn’t, not yet.  
“I think the table moved again. We need to start chaining it down.” Clarke just smiled knowing the joke was inevitable. It was something they were all going to have to get used to no matter how much it infuriated Octavia who just wished the girl would talk about it so they can move on. 

“Hey Clarke, can you do me a favor.” As she threw the pieces in the garbage she walked over the girl who was standing in the doorway of the kitchen.  
“Whats up?”  
“I haven’t gotten any medical bills and I should have by now. My insurance isn’t that great. Could you go to the hospital and check it out for me?”  
“Absolutely. I’ll go now and I’ll call you.”  
“Thanks.” 

It was one of the very few favors Raven had asked for and Clarke immediately jumped at the opportunity to help her friend. So she made her way to the hospital jumping on the train hoping to catch human resources before they were off for the day. She had another text from Heda but she didn’t want to respond. Heda hadn’t done anything wrong, it was just starting to become a hard reminder. Clarke was leaving art and she had been inspired so much lately due to the mask girl. Talking to her was a reminder of what she was going to lose. It didn’t help that she wasn’t on board with her decision either. 

Arriving at the hospital she made her way down to human resources. Upon entering the building she immediately felt sick to her stomach reminded of the last time she was here. Raven had made progress but the girl would never be the same having been broken so much. Octavia and Clarke were her only family now but sometimes Clarke wondered if that would truly be enough. 

The lady at the desk held up a finger as she finished on the phone. The room was kind of bland with little color and she could only imagine how depressing it must be working here. Especially with sick people everywhere it must get sad around here.  
“How can I help you?”  
“Hi my name is Clarke Griffin. My friend Raven Reyes was here in the hospital not too long ago and she hasn’t received any billing information yet.”  
“Okay give me a second.” The woman looked towards her computer and quickly sought out her name and the results.  
“Oh everything has been paid for.”  
“What? Thats impossible.”  
“It says here it’s been paid ma’am.”  
“By who?”  
“Uh Alexandria Woods. Any other billing goes directly to her as she requested.”  
“Could I get copies of everything please. Thank you.” 

She could not believe what was happening. Was the woman actually serious right now? There was no doubt in her mind Raven was going to be angry but Clarke was even more mad as she made her way towards the cooperation. Ideally it sounded wonderful but what it actually does is it makes Raven feel even more incapable than she already does. Not only does Raven feel worse but it also makes Clarke in debt to her for helping her friend and not just owing a favor but actually in money debt. 

Arriving at the building she was becoming way too familiar with she entered with Lincoln sitting in the front desk as usual. 

“Clarke it’s nice to see you.” Lincoln smiled but it quickly vanished as Clarke waved her hand and then jumped the turnstile running towards the elevator.  
“Clarke you can’t do that!” He chased after her but getting out of his desk took him longer allowing Clarke to close the elevator door. Normally using the pass she was given earlier would have been ideal but the card had been revoked after her last abrupt entrance. 

Arriving at the top floor she stormed into Lexa’s office all too familiar with the scenario as anger fueled her motivation. Swinging the door open she saw Lexa facing the glass windows in her office. 

“What’s the point of having a security guard if they can’t even keep people out.” Lexa stated with her back still turned. 

“Why do you keep antagonizing me. First we make a truce then you lie, then you try to make nice invite me to a masquerade ball then you beat my friend up and now this. I don’t understand Lexa what are you trying to do here.”  
“Define this.”  
“Don’t play stupid you know exactly what you did.” Clarke moved closer to the desk continuing, “You shouldn’t have paid the bills.”  
“Most people would say thank you.” Lexa turned towards Clarke now with the same unmoving face that she always had. In all honesty Lexa did want to help hoping it could make things better for them but clearly it only infuriated her for reasons unknown to her. 

“I am not most people! Paying her bills meant you-” Suddenly Clarke lost her words and train of thought as her eyes caught the object on the table. All the papers in her hand fell to the floor as realization had hit her. Lexa confused followed her line of sight to the desk and immediately felt her stomach clench noticing what Clarke had. 

“Clarke.” Lexa began to move from behind the desk. However Clarke was walking backwards now having the phone in her hand and dialing the number. She shook her head in disbelief praying her assumption was wrong. On cue the phone on Lexa’s desk began to rang. 

Clarke’s mouth gaped open as Lexa froze in her spot with any words she had to say stuck. With everything inside her Lexa tried so hard to say anything but anytime she tried to open her mouth nothing would follow. 

Clarke’s eyes trailed back to the object on the desk. It was something she could not have mistaken belonged to her. It was her paintbrush. It was her first paintbrush. It was the paintbrush her father had given her. It was the paintbrush she had given Heda. It was the paintbrush that symbolized a possible future with her muse. It was now the paintbrush on Lexa’s desk. 

Instantly Clarke called Heda’s phone in hopes that this was all mistake but when that phone on the desk rang on cue everything in Clarke suddenly crumbled. The woman who gave her so much hope, inspired her, made herself feel more confident was the same woman who tried to steal her business, tried to ruin Clarke as an artist, and beat up her friend. How had she not noticed sooner? 

“Clarke.”  
“This was part of your devious plan wasn’t it? You wanted to get to know me so you can take me down for good and break my heart while you were at it.” The words came trembling out shaky and confused. 

Lexa stepped forward but Clarke took a step back.  
“That was never my intention at first-”  
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. I don’t ever want to see your face again. Don’t call me, don’t text me, don’t find me. NOTHING!” Clarke screamed with a shaky voice mixed with anger and heartache. “I hate you Lexa Woods.” Clarke spat as she felt her first tear fall quickly wiping it away with her hand. Looking into the green eyes she kept a sturdy face as the green eyes of Lexa’s matched the dark forest that was Heda’s. She broke in more tears as turned to leave feeling disappointment shaking in her. 

Lexa stood frozen in her office trying to understand everything that had happened so quickly. Clarke felt her heart break but in that moment Lexa felt her entire being crack losing someone she was beginning to care for so much. Lexa had once again lost something else now being convinced love was weakness. If she didn’t care for Clarke it would not hurt this bad. It was not supposed to feel like this when Clarke found out. How ironic was it now as the Lexa heard the woman she was falling for spit out the words. Three words and eight letters Lexa wanted to say were the ones Clarke had chosen first but not the ones she hoped. 

Lexa turned towards her desk and in outrage swung her arms across the desk to clear it all off. A loud scream came out of the woman’s voice having kept in so much emotion for entire life. Life had finally brought her hope, a chance for her to be happy and now it was gone with a snap of a finger. 

If only Lincoln did his job and kept her from coming up stairs. If only she had put the paintbrush away. If only she had said something when Clarke was here. If only she wasn’t Alexandria Woods then maybe she would be happy for once. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that was a lot hun? The chapter was extra long but definitely emotional to write. I am actually very excited for the next chapter but I wanted to say thank you for some of the comments definitely motivates me to write more. I'm sorry about the whole Bellamy relationship but I had to put it in for the plot line later
> 
> This song was really important to me and it shaped this chapter a lot. It is a quartet from the Broadway show Little Mermaid called If Only. I would recommend you listen to feel this chapter better


	7. Champagne

_I got champagne for the pain,_  
_Blackout all the memories_  
_Runnin' through my veins,_  
_I don't really wanna feel anything_  
_Tryin' to escape,_  
_I'm my only enemy_  
_Drinks up, keep 'em laced_  
_I don't really wanna feel anything_

 

198\. 199. 200. He stood up from his push-ups happy to have finished his third set on a strong note. There was something calming and rhythmic to move his body up and down. In the military the Sergeant's voice was harsh but motivational as he yelled at them to ‘move their fucking scrawny asses’. He would remind you that if you weren't strong enough to hold yourself up death would bite you. If you couldn't help yourself you were useless to the country as you were expected to help save this nation from the heinous crimes of other countries.

His Sergeant was different than most people realized though. He wanted you to feel all your emotions. They were a reminder of their job. If they couldn't love then they couldn't love their country. If they couldn't get angry then they couldn't find the motivation to fight back. 

Feeling everything inside you made you a better soldier as it meant you understood yourself and limitations which allowed you to correct those errors. However one wasn't allowed to love anyone other than their country. One wasn't allowed to be angry at anyone other than their enemies. They could only have emotions for war otherwise they were expected to remain unchanging.

Bellamy had finally been released of the facility and was on his own now. Octavia offered to help him out but he needed time alone. What he was really trying to accomplish was to feel something. Every moment spent in the facility was filled with no emotions as he couldn't feel happy, angry, shock, even pain. He was emotionless and if he was to ever have a shot with Clarke again he needed to get his shit together. 

He began to overwork himself as the gym was now his new bed. However he wasn't getting anything out of it. He was now in the boxing ring getting punch after punch. It was the only thing he actually felt.

“Ha! And the army let you defend our country.” Murphy hit him again and again but Bellamy wasn't putting up a fight. They had both fought on the battlefield together and when he heard Bell was back he immediately called him up to work out.

“Enough!” The trainer insisted as Bellamy took another blow to the stomach. “He isn't even fighting.” 

He was right. Bellamy wasn't fighting he wanted to be hit. Every punch and kick made him ache and that's all he wanted. 

After Murphy gave him a rough beating and the trainer calling the fight off Bellamy headed towards the alley where it was fairly late in the night. Lucky for him, the people were waiting there.

“Money first.” Bellamy pulled the bulk of money out handing it to the guy with his arm stretched out.

“Make it worth my while.”  
Nodding two men came up on the side and grabbed each of Bellamy's arms. The guy who held the money shoved it in his pocket and immediately gave the man a right hook. He repeated this until Bellamy's nose was bleeding excessively.

“Come on! Is that all you got?” Bellamy spat the blood in his mouth towards the guy. 

One of the guys hit him behind the knee causing Bellamy to fall but the two holding him lifted him back up as he took a kick to the stomach. It went on for thirty minutes until Bellamy was puking call it his final point. 

Throwing him to the ground the men left Bellamy choking on his own blood. He felt his ribs ached, his stomach sore, his head pounding, and pain almost anywhere he could imagine.

Finally he felt so alive.

\-------  
There were three hundred and sixty five days in a year and somehow this felt like a long nightmare that isn't ending anytime soon. She needed more Advil. She could feel the pain in her head ready to burst. It was like a sumo wrestler was sitting on her head. Trying to read the paper she had to blink a few times to unscramble the words. What was she doing here again? God all she wanted was her warm bed that she knew would never leave her. So soft and cuddly it was like she was in the clouds when it's just her bed and her.

Looking up she noticed the man in front of her. She then had to hold in her gasp as she noticed there was two of them. They merged back into one as she blinked the second time. Thank God there was only one she wasn't sure if she could handle two of the bald man.

“What do you think?” She heard the voice from the table. Definitely food, she was now thinking of food. Was there any chance she could some guacamole? There was a weird craving for that maybe it could solve her headache too.

“Ms.Woods.” Her head shot up to the direction of the voice. She let out a mmh acknowledging the person talking. Truth was she had no idea who was talking to her and she was actually looking the wrong way.

“I'm over here.” She turned and there was a woman sitting there with a paper reached out. Lexa grabbed the paper and had to move it away from her face to read it. Was it a menu? Now she had to move in closer to check. Oh a pie chart. Wow could she use some pie right now. Maybe apple pie would be best. She heard of this place on Long Island that sold some darn good pies.  
“I want pie.” Lexa hummed.

Anya looked mortified as Lexa searched around the room confused and in questioning. The board in the conference room did not look to pleased with Lexa right now.

“I don't think Lexa is feeling to great right now. Why don't we reconvene on Monday? It's been a long day for us all.” Everyone in the room agreed grabbing their stuff and leaving. Lexa took it as her cue to bolt heading into her office.

“Those people just drag on and on and on Anya. I'm too young for this stress this job puts me in.” Lexa reached her desk with Anya following on her tail. Opening the draw she pulled a glass cup and her favorite bottle out.  
“Oh my god Anya! I am so completely rude. This is my friend Jameson. I call him James for short.” Lexa opened the bottle and poured herself another drink. It was empty so she reach down to her bottom draw where the twin lied.  
“Oh do you want some? How rude of me not to ask.” Lexa spoke when she realized Anya was still at the door angry.

Anya quickly closed the door before anyone caught the act. “How drunk are you!” She gaped in disbelief as the woman opened the bottle.

“I'm not drunk.” Lexa spat offended that she would even call her that. Before she could take another sip Anya snatched the cup from her. “Go home Lexa. Please.”

“Finally. I’m free!” Lexa took the bottle with her snuggling it close as she left the room with her only friend.

Shocked, Anya watched her sister somehow embarrass herself and almost ruin something it took years to build. Never had she seen the woman so reckless but here Lexa was, unrecognizable to her.

\------  
_I got all these, brand new addictions_  
_I'm bound to,_  
_I'm bound to_  
_Anything that, stops me from thinking about you_

She was so close to getting the wire into the hole. All she had to do was steady her hand and slip it in which she could do in her sleep. As she began to move her hand a shooting pain shot up her leg causing her to jerk, break the wire, and miss the hole. It was the fourth time she had failed the simple task.

Annoyed she pushed all the materials away from her. Thinking of all the possibilities that were screwing her over, her thoughts always led her back to her leg. There was always pain in her legs. Her doctor told her to take the medicine when she was in pain. Pills were something that just made Raven feel so sick but she would do anything to get rid of her pain. Picking up her medicine she popped two pills in waiting for the painkillers to actually do their jobs for once so she wouldn’t have to think about her leg.

“Raven you aren't supposed to be here.” She turned to find her boss who was walking over to help her with the mess. “I can do it myself.”  
“You're hurt. I got it.” That's what everyone had been telling her since the accident. It was as if her legs made everyone suddenly believe she was incapable to do anything. Jaha was very easy going but after her accident he's been up her ass about her health. She use to come in here sick as a dog and still work. Now she can barely walk in here without being told to get out.

“Sorry it's boring at home.”  
“Well go be bored somewhere else you aren't cleared here.” Groaning the woman reluctantly got up and gathered all her things. Her boss was being a dick but she knew he would call her soon asking for her opinion. He knew she was the smartest person they had.

As she stepped onto the sidewalk Raven steadied herself as she could feel herself unbalanced. After leveling off she began to walk now having finally gotten rid of her crutches. To move she had to drag her left leg along causing her to take up more of the sidewalk than she would like. However once she had gotten some rhythm it wasn’t as bad as she imagined. She watched now as people moved visibly faster than her. In New York City no one had time for slow walkers everyone needed to be somewhere. However that's what Raven's mistake was. She wasn't moving fast nor did she have any end destination.

As if on cue a man from behind walked into her pushing her off balance. He continued walking as if he hadn't nudged her. The push had caused her to fall to the floor.

“Fuck.” The worst part of all this was actually getting off the ground. It wasn't the first time she had fallen but almost every time someone was there to help her. 

That was one of the many reasons she left for work. It wasn't always because she was bored but because no one left her alone. Octavia and Clarke had made sure that Raven was never alone and always had help. She appreciated it but the help became suffocating as there was never any time to herself.

As she struggled up she held onto the pole shifting her body weight and using her upper body to pull herself up. It didn't come as a surprise to her that no one helped her. In New York, it wasn't that people were trying to be rude but cautious of themselves. On her first week here she helped a man to stand up. He ended up grabbing her purse and running. So it wasn’t uncommon and she didn't blame anyone as she would have done the same thing.

Finally standing up she needed somewhere to rest feeling as if she had just ran a marathon. Lucky for her she fell near a pub so she took a seat at the bar struggling a few times to hop onto the tall stool.

“What can I got you doll?” The man behind the bar smirked cleaning his hand on the towel.

“I'll take a Heineken on draft.” Within minutes she finished her first one and moved on fairly quickly as her mind wandered off to the music playing. Occasionally she would feel her leg ache again so she took another pill just to take the pain away until she got home.

“You shouldn't be here.”  
“What the fuck happened to you? Did the mafia finally get you.” Raven turned towards Bellamy who hopped on the chair next to her. His shirt was covered in blood and his face was scared everywhere as there was a poor attempt to clean it up. 

“If they did I would be dead.” Raven pointed her drink acknowledging the true point. 

Raven had to admit it was weird to see him there as she never pictured him as the fun type kind of guy. She really did not know him but when first meeting him he came off as an extreme dick. Since he left for the military they really had not gotten to know each other. There wasn't any motivation on either part to make that effort though. The other one was there and that was that.

“So you going to make me guess?”  
“What does it look like? I got beat up. Thought you were some smart ass engineer.”  
“And I thought you were some badass military man.” He turned towards the girl giving her a stern look unhappy with the comment. Raven wasn't the kind to beat around the bush. In fact she didn't give a shit what had happened to Bellamy. She raised her glass for another one as the bartender walked over.

“Sorry hun but you're cut off.”  
“What the fuck?” The waiter didn't even argue handing the girl the bill as she was almost on her eleventh drink, leaving to attend another customer. Of course it had to do with her leg. The bartender probably thinks she can't even handle her drinks and won’t be able to walk home. Every curse word came to mind as it took everything in her not to speak them. This was going to be like this for the rest of her life.

“I have an idea.” Bellamy mentioned as he noticed the look in Raven's eye as she was cut off. Giving him a wary look she reluctantly paid the bill and followed him out of the pub. He led them down the alley where he pushed Raven against the wall.

Raven didn't respond as Bellamy pressed his puffed lips against the woman's. It took a few seconds before she could grasp what he was doing. He pulled away to answer the question in her eyes.

“You want to be treated normal.”  
“I am normal.”  
“Not anymore. You’re disabled, paralyzed.” He lifted the girl up against the wall forcing his lips on her. This time she didn't fight back as she let her lips work old magic. She couldn't recall the last time she was kissed. What he had said was true and it annoyed her more that out of all people he was the one to notice. No matter how much she disliked him she wanted to feel normal and he could give her that right now. He pulled away again to speak.

“And I need to feel something already.” He spoke trying to reason his actions.  
“You’re okay with this?” He asked trying to confirm he wasn't stepping any boundaries.  
“No, but you're all I got. Now just fuck me already.” Raven slurred as she grasped Bellamy’ s neck to bring their lips crashing together again.

\-------  
_If I get this just right_  
_I could lay here all night_  
_Is it too much?_  
_One cup,_  
_Tryna fill up_  
_The spaces you left in me_

There should be some sort of mathematical solution to how many drinks can actually numb the pain. Looking at the glass she began to pour to just measure the right amount. When it wasn't working she decided to just pour the whole bottle in.

Laying on the floor of the room she looked up to the ceiling. Her life may have been one depressing shit hole but this ceiling was making her cringe. Why had the people who designed this building make everything so depressing. The blank beige walls were bare and lonely. It then hit her they were symbolic of her own life.

She was going to be alone forever. Yup there was no doubt in her mind that she was going to spend her last days with this bottle of…...Krug. She had to do a double check as she wasn’t sure what she was drinking today. If her memory was correct she was supposed to save it for a rainy day as her adopted father informed. It was some fancy champagne bottle that had been passed in the family for a while awaiting the right moment to be opened. Looking at the window, the sun was shining with no clouds in sight and the company was actually having a terrible day in the market. Eh, she could do worse things. 

Like being alone. Ah yes she was the epitome of the old lady sitting on her front porch with hundreds of cats surrounding her. Except she hated cats and she was allergic. Maybe dogs were a better substitute. Fuck, Clarke liked dogs. Taking another swing at her Krug she then began to think about girl.

The stupid fucking blonde artist who had these fucking beautiful blue eyes and these damn alluring ample pink lips. The ass of a woman who had the fucking perfect body wrapped in silky skin that had the fucking softest touch. The way she held herself with lots of fucking pride but humble as shit. The way the bloody woman cared for her and listened to the stories of her childhood and would comfort her despite how many people would run. She would laugh at her terrible corny jokes and it was genuine. The way she so easily made her smile and making everything inside her melt. Oh, who was she kidding. Clarke was the best she was going to ever get, the woman was just perfect in her eyes. 

A knock came on the door but she was too busy staring at her beige, representative of her life, dull ceiling. She missed Clarke. Every time her phone rang she would run to it in hopes Clarke had finally changed her mind, but she hadn’t. There had always been a fear in her to let herself be open with someone again. To experience intimacy not physically but spiritually was a power beyond anyone. Losing Costia made her sick to her stomach. Not a day went by where she didn’t think of the woman and how brutally she was ripped away from her. All her life was spent trying to believe that life was only about surviving. Coming to America was supposed to be hopeful and when she met Costia she found that hope. However, when she was gone it was proof to her that hope was a figment of the imagination. 

Clarke was filling the whole Costia left but when those three words and eight letters left her lip she somehow managed to leave a bigger whole that she spent so much time patching up. The alcohol did it’s best to fill up the space but it clearly did a shitty job as she was thinking about Clarke again. Taking another swing from the bottle she smiled delightly as her cheeks got warmer.  
“Ms. Woods.” Anya opened the door with one of the board members following behind her. 

Lexa turned her head to the side as she remained on the floor with her Krug never leaving her side. With everything inside her, Anya did her best to remain calm.

“Ms. Woods, what is going on?” It was too late to turn the man away as he saw Lexa curled up with her drink. He walked into the room standing just a few feet away.  
“I’m trying to figure out a way to solve our economic issues.”  
“With a bottle of Krug?”  
“Only the finest for my mind.” The woman took another swing. As she attempted to get up she stumbled but Lincoln, who had escorted them up, was by her side to help her stand. He grabbed her arm to steady the woman who didn't fight back. Looking into her brother’s eyes she smiled a thank you and handed him the bottle. Lifting up on her tiptoes she whispered unintentionally loudly, “Take good care of her.”

Lexa turned now towards the board member as she wiped the wrinkles off her shirt.  
“And why we meeting today?” Lexa slurred as she tried to act professional.

“Titus, this is a bad time. Why don't we just come back later?” Anya spoke up from behind.

“No Anya. This is the fourth time we have had to cancel because Ms.Woods cannot get her act together.” The man spoke up turning towards the assistant.

“She's been having a rough time sir I'm sorry.”  
“Yeah well if she doesn't clean up her act the board will revoke her position as she cannot separate her private life from her work.”

His choice of words sent Lexa into a rage.

“I am the one who built this company. I'm the reason this company still breathes and I am more than capable of separating my feelings from my duty.” She spat as she was now in Titus’ face. “Leave and don't come back until you can appropriately address me.”

Titus left the room without another word not wanting to have to deal with the childish girl but of course still her boss. Anya and Lincoln exchanged glances unsure what had sent Lexa into this behavior.

Happily, Lexa walked to the window to enjoy the view of the city as she picked up her best friend, Krug.

 

\-----

“Yeah!” There was a chorus of screams as everyone raised their glasses to clink with another. The Giants had scored another touchdown and everyone was excited. Raven had never been a big fan of football, not by choice but just having never seen much of it. It was clearly important to the many men surrounding her in the pub. She cheered along as she found herself enjoying screaming at the TV for no reason.

The bartender passed her another beer and began to gulp it down as if it were water and she had just spent her days thirsty in the desert. It had been almost fifteenth straight days she had been at this bar and the bartender was catching on when she wanted and what she wanted to drink. The game was now gratefully coming to an end and Raven took it as her cue to head home.

As she hopped off her stool she turned walking into a large and very intoxicated man.  
“Watch where you are going crippled.” He bickered nudging her as he walked by. Disgusted Raven left knowing if she took any action she would be arrested for murder.

When she got home it was pretty late and it was clear Clarke and Octavia were sleeping. Trying to contain her laugh she did her best not to knock anything over which she failed. Papers on the table she just hit when flying everywhere. Shrugging it off she headed to her room when something hit her. She had to pee.

Rushing to the bathroom she happily sat down feeling much relief she had not known was even possible. Getting up to wash her hands she looked up in the mirror to see a woman who looked strangely familiar.

“What do you want?” The girl looking back began to laugh at her. “What's so funny?” Raven continued as she was unsure why the girl was being so mean.  
“You got called a crippled today.” She responded crossing her arms. 

Raven narrowed her eyes at the woman not understanding the antagonization.  
“So?”  
“When are you going to realize you are not going to be anything anymore Raven?”  
“I still have my brain.” She reasoned.  
“But you are a mechanic. You need your hands. You couldn’t even complete the simple task the other day.” Raven was about to argue with her but then she felt a pain shoot through her legs again.

“Ha see.” Rolling her eyes and determined to prove the girl wrong she picked up her painkillers and popped two more to relieve the pain. However she felt the pain again as they weren’t working. Again she popped another two growing frustrated with her body.

“Your mind will never be able to keep up with your body now.”  
“Shut up.” She looked down at the sink unable to make eye contact with the girl staring back.  
“You can’t even do things for yourself without Clarke or Octavia coming to your rescue.”  
“Leave me alone.” Raven ran her hands through her hair slowly trying to pull it out of her scalp.  
“You are alone. No one is going to ever want a cripple.” The taunting was getting to her as she felt another pain in her legs. Grabbing the painkillers she opened the bottle to realize there wasn’t anymore so she flung it across the room.  
“Stop.”  
“That’s what you are Raven Reyes. A messed up all alone broken crippled.” Finally the anger that had been built up inside the girl had its final straw. From Jaha not letting her work, to tripping, to the man at the bar she let it out on the girl in the mirror. She slammed her fist into the mirror creating a shatter effect of glass and blood everywhere.  
“I said stop.” She screamed sending another punch. 

Before she could grasp what was going on around her she felt two arms wrap around her waist pulling her away from the mirror. Raven scream trying to fight against the strong arms but she wasn’t able to. She found herself on the floor of the arms of the person kicking her leg to struggle free and wailing her arms.

“Shhhhh.” The voice whispered as one hand stroked her hair. It was a voice she could recognize anywhere, Clarke.  
“She was antagonizing me.” Raven tried to explain in a cry suddenly feeling the tears on her warm cheeks. The girl in the mirror had taunted her and was making her feel terrible about herself  
“There is no one here. It’s just me and you Raven.” Crumbling in the arms that held her she let the build up go. Crying in her arms all she wanted to do was not exist anymore. Everything had been taken from her. How was she going to ever be the same person she once was? The woman who used to be so resilient, intelligent, useful was now broken.

“It’s okay Raven. We are going to fight this together.” Clarke whispered holding the shaking girl in her hands.

Raven Reyes was her own worst enemy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one was emotional and I am sorry about that. Fluff is on the way but I want to be realistic as possible with this story. With that being said addiction is a hard thing to deal with it especially alone. I am here to listen to anything you want to get off your chest. 
> 
> Comments are appreciated! Let me know if you are looking to see something happen! 
> 
> This song really connects with the chapter! Its called Champagne by Niykee Heaton https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jry11x7FV30


	8. Take Me Home

_Came to you with a broken faith_   
_Gave me more than a hand to hold_   
_Caught before I hit the ground_   
_Tell me I'm safe, you've got me now_   
_Would you take the wheel_   
_If I lose control?_   
_If I'm lying here_   
_Will you take me home?_   
_Could you take care of a broken soul?_   
_Will you hold me now?_

 

“We can make some lasagna.” Clarke suggested as she flipped through the channels of the TV. Nothing caught their attention as they continued making plans.   
“Yeah I'll pick up the ingredients after work. Just send me the recipe.” Octavia confirmed munching on her bag of chips.  
“How is work going?”   
“Eh” Octavia mumbled with at least five chips in her mouth. “It could be a lot worse I'm just waiting to get my hands dirty already.”

Octavia had chosen law school after Clarke left the country. Attending Columbia Law School, she encouraged Clarke to move into the city with her which is how they ended up here.

“And how is school? I still can’t believe you were secretly getting a degree in medicine. Who does that?”   
“Yeah I know I’m crazy but it's going good, midterms are around the corner.”   
“Those were sons of a bitches. Glad I’m done with that shit.”

Clarke still had a hard time believing she had done the same too, however, after this year she will be able to get her degree and then go into her residency. Octavia wasn’t thrilled either with Clarke giving up art but she understood where she was coming from. If Octavia could she would be a professional athlete but she felt she could make more of a difference in law. Neither hated being a lawyer or doctor in fact they loved it but their hearts would always be attached to something else.

“Wait do you realize how badass our apartment is now? You are going to be a doctor. Raven is an engineer and I am a lawyer. We could totally take down Lexa now.” 

It sent a wave a chills down Clarke’s back with the mention of her name. It was so hard not to talk to the girl. After a stressful test, getting a parking ticket, and taking care of Raven one night, all Clarke wanted to do was hear the girl’s voice having this calming affect on her. Her voice was soothing but always assertive bringing her a sense of comfort and protection. She missed Heda but she didn’t want to believe Lexa was Heda. 

“I know that look in your face Clarke.” Her eyes shot up to look towards Octavia who was now skeptical.  
“I don’t understand.”  
“Something is bothering you. What’s going on?” Maybe she was struggling with this so much was because she had kept it so bottled up. However she was afraid if she told someone about Heda she would lose this secret bond they had. There was no doubt in her mind though that Octavia would badger her until she let it out so she finally gave in.

Clarke had told her everything from the masquerade ball to their night at the diner to Heda being Lexa. It was overwhelming for them both as Octavia tried to take everything in. Her best friend was crazy that was for sure. Octavia slapped the back of Clarke’s head creating a thud.

“Ow.” Clarke rubbed the back of her head in pain. “What was that for?”  
“First of all for not telling me all of this while it was happening. Secondly for not having called her back.”  
“Why would I?”  
“She stopped antagonizing the business once Clarke met Heda. Obviously she genuinely cares about you. And don’t tell me you don’t like her either.”  
“I don’t like Lexa.” Clarke was sure of that.  
“Lexa has to be like that for business purposes Clarke. Don’t be an idiot. You out of all people know what it’s like to have to act a certain way to keep up appearances.”  
“We are talking about Lexa Woods here. The one who tried to destroy me as an artist. The one who punched your brother.”  
“Fine you want to talk about Lexa Woods? The one who listened to you countless hours ramble about your feelings. The one who got you talking to your mother again. The one who rightfully put my brother in his place, protecting you. The one who helped out Raven financially no matter how much she denies she didn’t need it. Because we can talk about her too.”

Clarke sighed knowing Octavia was right but the woman had betrayed her trust and that was so important to her. It felt so embarrassing to her that she had not connected the two faces sooner. There was nothing more she wanted to do but give her a chance. She couldn’t be with Heda because she didn’t know who she was and she couldn’t be with Lexa because of who she is. Now everything was all mixed up. 

A ringtone went off and Clarke reached for her phone answering the unknown number.  
“Hello?”  
“It’s Chris. Raven is here again. I’m not sure she can get home by herself.”  
“Thanks we’ll be down there to get her.”

Hanging up the phone Octavia raised an eyebrow in question. Clarke grabbed her coat and threw Octavia’s at her responding, “Raven again.”

“Ugh.” Octavia groaned as she threw her jacket over her shoulder.

Arriving at the pub the girls looked for Raven. Clarke could not remember now how many times they had to come find their roommate in a drunken state. After Clarke found Raven like that, the girl begged her to let it go and that she would get her act together. However, she wasn’t and Octavia was getting annoyed. She loved her friend to the end of time but she refused to get help and that was something she could not accept. 

Octavia found the girl and quickly was by her side to catch her before she fell.  
“Octaviaaaaaa.” Raven cheered wrapping one arm around her neck. “You’re my hero.” Clarke was now on the other side of the girl helping to hold her up. The girls led her out of the bar and made their way back to the apartment.

“I have two legs. I can do this myself.” Raven groaned. The girls learned to ignore Raven’s rambling as she was clearly incohesive. “I’m not weak. I can totally go wherever I want when I want. Like Florida. Fuck it if I want to walk to Florida I will.”

Finally arriving to their apartment they laid her gently on the couch. Clarke began to take off the girl’s shoes who was now rambling about how she could make an explosive with her eyes closed. She then requested for her pain killers as her leg began to ache.

“Enough!” Clarke and Raven turned their head toward Octavia as they watched her run her hands through her hair pacing back and forth. “I have had it up to here with you Raven!” The girl made her way towards the drunk now quiet girl as Clarke squatted by her side.

“You come home drunk every night and the nights you don’t come home we have to go searching for you to make sure you are not lying in some dumpster.”  
“That was one time.” Raven argued but Octavia wasn’t finished.  
“You got into an accident Raven, we know. We told you we were going to be by your side,” Octavia picked up the pill bottle and put it in Raven’s face. “But you have a problem.” Flinging it across the apartment they all watched it scatter everywhere. Raven quickly stood up but Octavia pushed her back down. 

“You need help Raven and if you don’t get it now then get out of this apartment.” Clarke stood quiet the entire time unsure how to respond to Octavia’s commotion. Standing up she then began to lead the girl away as she knew how temperamental she could get.

“You don’t understand!” Raven stood up now screaming back.  
“Then tell us Raven. Help us understand.” Octavia pleaded.  
“You can’t.”  
“Then get out.” Octavia spat.  
“I’m fucked up.”  
“We are all fucked up Raven. Clarke watched her father die, I never had a father and my mother was never home. We all hurt but if you don’t tell us what’s really wrong we can’t help.”

Clarke wasn’t sure if it was Octavia’s screaming or the walls finally being built too high but Raven broken down as she fell to her knees.

“I’m a broken soul. I can’t do my job without being in pain. I can’t smile without hurting and feeling empty inside. I’m a cripple now. My body was everything to me and now I feel like it’s all gone. I literally lost a part of myself and I don’t know how to move on without it. Half the times I struggle to even wake up in the mornings. Like what’s the point of all this. What’s the point of life?” 

Tears had swelled up in all the girls as Raven confessed what she had been feeling. Her jokes and her drinks kept her out of her own emotions and it was all coming crashing down as Raven too now realized how she was truly feeling.

Clarke and Octavia were now kneeling with her holding her close to them.   
“I’m sorry I lost so much control.” Raven whispered now embarrassed for her actions.  
“We are going to help you steer this back on track Reyes.” Octavia stated, feeling better now the woman was being more honest.  
“It’s time you get help and that’s what we are going to do for you.” Clarke confirmed as Raven cried.

\-----

Five voicemails she had left her. She could be dying and of course Lexa would not know as she didn’t pick up her phone. When Lexa revealed to her that she was too young for all the stress the job puts on her, she began to take some of the responsibility off the girl so she could breathe. Many times she would see Lexa as her boss and not her sister. 

Things needed to be taken care of and Anya needed Lexa’s approval on a few matters. She hadn’t been in the office for a few days after the incident. Lincoln suggested she go to Miami or getaway but Lexa refused. Neither of them knew what had gotten into her and caused her to go off the rails so much. So they decided to let Lexa stay home until she was ready to clean herself up.

Having a key to the apartment Anya walked in ready to start her search for Lexa. The place was decently tidy up with the exception of a few things just lying around one that caught Anya's eye. Walking over to the coffee table she picked up the journal letting her hand run across the words. She began to read noticing Lexa's handwriting right away.

_Why is that I feel so empty? When you stomach is empty you fill it with food. Well what do you fill your heart when it's empty? All my life I've been told not to love. Love was rare in my life. My parents abandoned me then I was fostered by people who believed love was weakness. I was raised to think love was something I was in capable of. After Costia I had never been so sure of it but Clarke was different. I didn’t love her but I knew I could. There was something so comforting with being with her and she didn’t want me for my money. I’ve never had time for a relationship being in the business but being Heda was the best decision I’ve made. So yeah I drink to numb the pain but if you knew what it felt like you would buy me ten bottles yourself. I’m not an addict as I have seen what one is. I just need something to fill the whole for now. I don’t know if it was Clarke that made me feel all of this but her being in my life brought this hopeful side of me and I’m not sure how I’ll find that again. I stumbled upon it now but if it’s going to leave me again what’s the point in searching? I wish I wasn’t Lexa Woods because Lexa Woods clearly wasn’t made to keep love but watch it always leave her._

Anya felt guilty not recognizing what was truly wrong with Lexa sooner. When Costia was gone she had shut down completely as there were literally no emotions emitting from the girl. However, now she acted recklessly with no care for anything. Anya had experienced a love once but he had been torn out of her life for reasons she wished to never think about again. No one understands a broken heart until you feel it and Lexa had felt it twice. 

Anya continued throughout the apartment to find Lexa on the balcony sprawled out on the chair. She was clearly sleeping with a book open on her chest. Carefully she removed the book and a closer look revealed a bottle.   
Lexa woke up frantically to the touch on her a but settled when she saw Anya. Her vision was still shaky but lucky for her Anya lifted her up putting one arm around her neck and leading her back to the bed.

Laying her down in bed she threw the sheets over girl. “Thank you.” Lexa mumbled in her sleepy state.

“You will find love Lexa and it won't leave you, I promise.” Lexa hadn't heard what her sister said but Anya was determined to be what she needed. She knew Lexa had it worse between all the foster children in the family. It wasn't fair for her now to have to deal with all those, she deserved better. 

Lincoln always stood by her side no questions asked. It was time Anya returned her the favor for her little sister, helping to steer her life back together.

\------

Lincoln was on his way home after leaving the gym. He loved working out late nights as no one was around to disturb him so he could blast his music. Working out relieved so much stress and lately that had been a huge build up. There were times he would come late to dinner with Octavia but she never argued as long as she got a glimpse of his hard earned abs. He would laugh every time as he lifted his shirt and she would dramatically sigh. 

Deciding to surprise his girlfriend, he was going to show up to her job with food since she was working late. On his walk however, he began to hear someone yelling in agony. As he turned the corner he found a few guys beating someone up. His instincts kicked in and he quickly pulled the guy off him sending him a right hook. He then turned towards the other one and threw him the ground. The one he punched retaliated but Lincoln pushed him too into the dumpster and knocking his knee into his stomach.

“Leave.” He growled. The two men glanced at each other noting the look in his eyes. It was one neither wanted to mess with as they scrambled from their places and ran in the other direction. As he turned to help the person being beaten up he was suddenly pushed against the brick wall.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He barked. Looking up Lincoln noticed it was Bellamy as blood dripped from his face. He didn’t understand why he was so angry as he just helped him. It was the first time he had seen him since he went to get help. Lincoln now recalled Octavia hadn’t seen him since either and judging by his current state he knew it was best she didn’t. 

“They were helping me.” He spat as the blood from his lips splattered everywhere. The realization kicked into Lincoln as to why he was getting himself beat up. There were two things that were possible as Lincoln was no stranger to these options. He either felt guilty and deserved it or he was trying to feel.

Growing up he knew love was weakness and to feel anything else he always put himself through pain so he wouldn’t have to feel it. As well his guilty conscious got the best of him once in awhile. Lexa had helped him get it back together but it took a lot on his part to fix himself. War changes a person and with stories he hears from Octavia this was not her brother.

In one swift motion he turned his body and pushed Bellamy off him so now his body was pressed against the wall. He tried to move and struggle in a fight but Lincoln was much stronger.

“Stop it!” He thrashed his head but Lincoln punched him.   
“Do it again.” Bellamy cried out. Lincoln picked his body up and smashed it against the wall curling his shirt in his fist so he had control.   
“Stop.” Lincoln screamed over him finally getting through to him. He stopped moving and Lincoln was now in his face so he could hear him clearly.  
“You aren’t going to ever solve your issues like this Bellamy. You and I both know Octavia would disown you with your behavior now.” 

At the mention of his sister name he moved again but Lincoln was far too much stronger. He knew Bellamy was not only being beaten upon but actually beating up people himself as he could see his knuckles were bruised. 

“Get your act together before Octavia see’s you like this. How can you protect her if you can’t protect yourself?”  
“I can defend her.”   
“Not now.” Bellamy knew he was right and it aggravated him more moving his body in frustration. “Clarke would never want you like this either. Grow up Bellamy. Stop acting like a child and running away from your problems. You want to feel emotions again? You want to stop feeling guilty or sorry for yourself? Well than act like a man and participate in the real world. Maybe then you’ll be worthy of those two great woman.” 

Not wanting to deal with his foolishness, Lincoln let him go. He quickly stumbled having been held up by Lincoln too long. Tough love was what Bellamy needed and it was time to get his act together. 

\-------

Clarke was finishing up her homework in the waiting room. They had finally managed to get Raven to a therapist and to make sure she went one of them always took her. 

No, she wasn't happy about the whole thing but Octavia had put an ultimatum and Raven knew without them she'd struggle. They all relied on each other so much that they were like a machine. If one piece stopped working almost everything could fall apart.

Leaving the office they began to walk home with the nice weather they were having. Their walks were normally silent but today was different.   
“Thank you Clarke.”  
“For what?”  
“For taking me home.” Clarke understood what Raven had meant. She was going to stick to by her side no matter what. The best thing that ever came from dating Finn was Clarke. The two had formed such a strong bond like sisters though neither had a sister by blood. Everyone has had tragedy, no one is an exception from that devil. However, their tragedy isn’t less important as the other. Raven was becoming resilient and was finding her groove again. They were all broken inside and it took each other to realize it.

As they arrived at the apartment both girls froze as the unexpected woman was sitting on the steps. Raven stepped in front of Clarke ready to defend her. Admittedly, Raven felt like a mama bear ready to defend her cub knowing she really didn’t have a chance. Clarke placed a hand on her shoulder letting her know it was okay.

“Can I talk to you alone, Clarke.” Raven looked towards her roommate who gave her a firm nod. Patting her back she helped her up the stairs and watched her leave. When Raven was gone Clarke looked back to the woman who was now standing on the sidewalk.

“What do you want Anya?”  
“Can we talk?”  
“Isn’t that what we are doing?” Nodding her head understanding where she was coming from she continued. “Please fix things with Lexa.” 

Clarke crossed her arms and felt her body stiffen at the mention of the name. She was determined to stand her ground. “Did she send you here? I told her-”

“No she didn’t.” She quickly cut her off. “I don’t know what happened between you two but you left her heartbroken.” Anya remembered now the past few days of her sister’s recklessness and felt the anger rise in her as it was due to the woman in front of her.

“I don’t know why you left but you need to grow up Clarke Griffin. Special people in your life don’t come everyday and when you lose them you regret not cherishing all the moments. Ask your mother.” Clarke stepped closer to defend her mother. Anya was no stupid woman as she had done her research on Clarke and her family. Special people were no stranger to her and so she was going to use every piece of information she had on the girl to break her down.  
“My mother cherished every moment with my father.”  
“I bet if you ask her it wasn’t enough. Once it’s gone it’s gone Clarke. I don’t like you but I will do anything to protect Lexa. If you don’t fix whatever you did you will regret ever having that building of yours. I may seem angry now but I am much more angrier inside.” Anya spat. She handed Clarke a piece of paper and left leaving the girl speechless. 

She wasn’t ready to fix this but Anya was right and she didn’t want to admit that. Octavia and Anya were trying so hard to slap some sense into her but there was something that held her back. A part told her maybe it was Bellamy but she knew that when she was with Heda he was the last person her mind. Clarke had to patch things up with Lexa even if it meant staying as friends. 

Looking at the paper it was an address scribbled on, Lexa’s address.

\-----

Lexa had woken up in her bed not remembering how she got there but damn did her head pound. There was some memory of Anya being here but that was as far as it went. Groaning she lifted herself up from the bed and headed towards the living room. It wasn’t messy but it was unusual for Lexa so she began to pick up the mess. Maybe she should take a few Advils before she did but she was suddenly determined to fix up the mess.

Carrying one too many things Lexa dropped everything in hers hands causing the glass cup to shatter on the floor and cut her hand open.  
“Dammit.” Lexa knelt down to pick up the glass but jumped at the voice.  
“That’s a deep cut.” Lexa stood up immediately staring at the girl in the doorway. She felt her breath hitch at the sight and Lexa couldn’t tell if she looked more stunning than she did before because she couldn’t have her. She wore black jeans with a white tee and black leather jacket. Her blonde hair curled casually down her shoulder as she held a small smile.  
“It’s nice to scare you for once.” She smirked as she made her way into the apartment.  
“Clarke.” It was the only thing could manage to get out of her mouth at the moment.  
“Let’s take care of that wound.”  
“I’m fine.”  
“Don’t argue. I’m the doctor here remember?” Lexa nodded and led Clarke to the bathroom where the first aid kit was. Opening up the kit and looking for the things she needed, Lexa took a seat on the toilet cover.

Clarke began to clean the palm of her hand in silence. The blood had been pretty messy and getting a better look at it Lexa realized it was pretty deep. Lexa knew she hadn’t been the best person in this whole mess as they had both done something wrong to end them up in this situation. 

She couldn’t wrap her head around all this. One day she wanted to destroy Clarke and now she wanted to protect her. She couldn’t help but be angry towards her as she had hurt her. Lexa led herself to believe that this was not just about Clarke but finding hope for herself and she hated that she had no control over it. Silence had always been her best friend however the silence now was irritating her.

“Why are you here? Thought you didn't want to see me again.”   
“You're lucky you didn't cut your hand more. Could have needed stitches.”   
“Clarke.” Lexa was firm in her words now. She wanted and needed the answer. Clarke sighed knowing she was avoiding the question.  
“I don't know.”  
“You can't waltz in here without an explanation.”  
“I don't hate you Lexa. I was angry. You weren’t who I was expecting.” Clarke had finished bandaging up the hand and was now kneeling on the floor with her arms resting on her thighs.  
“So what are we doing? What are we now?”  
“Remember when I told you I was seeing someone?” Lexa gave a firm nod remembering the night at the diner.   
“You need me to be your friend right now don't you?” Lexa finished her sentence knowing where she was going with it. Clarke gave a small nod confirming.  
“I'm not ready to be with someone. I thought I was but Bellamy made me realize it wasn't.”  
“Did he hurt you?”  
“No, he just helped me understand that maybe I’m not ready to be with someone.”   
“Can I call you?” Clarke stood up now bringing Lexa with her. Looking in her eyes she knew the broken look all too well. She was hurt and when she put herself in her shoes she understood why Lexa was so hurt. However she couldn't give her what Lexa wanted and that's what hurt the most. 

Without hesitation Lexa leaned down to place a soft kiss on Clarke's cheek.  
“I'll be what you need me to be.” Lexa confirmed knowing this time she had nothing to lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well everyone has to get their shit together at some point. Next chapter will be very Clarke focused for all you Clarke lovers. I just don't like ignoring other characters they have feelings too haha
> 
> Anyway let me know what you are thinking, Clarke will not be ready for what's coming to her!
> 
> Song is by Jess Glynne, Take Me Home. Beautiful song!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ebfSItB0oM


	9. Strangers Like Me

_Whatever you do, I'll do it too_  
Show me everything and tell me how  
It all means something  
And yet nothing to me 

So Lincoln was right, he had to get his shit together. Which is why Bellamy had decided to see his sister and make up for lost time. Everyone had been excited to see him as they all caught Bellamy up on everything as he did the same. After lots of laughter and fun he invited all the girls to an elegant gala being held for veterans and current soldiers. It was a fundraiser and of course he asked Clarke to be his date. Reluctantly they all decided to go as Clarke demanded a group date. 

Lucky for Bellamy all he had to do was wear his uniform but the girls struggled to find the right outfit. After two hours of preparing Bellamy and his two dates left for the function. Raven opted out last minute due to feeling sick but Octavia and Clarke were more than excited. It was a wonderful opportunity for Octavia to meet some politicians and network, which she did as soon as they walked through the door. 

Bellamy found them a table but quickly left as he encountered a few friends. Asking Clarke to come, she declined and decided to sit at the table not wanting to admit her feet were killing her. Why she choose to wear these stilettos was beyond her but if they didn’t make her calves look so damn good she would be more skeptical. Her dress was a nice dark green that she normally would be so opposed to but Octavia insisted.

Taking into view of the room there were so many soldiers dress in their uniforms some navy, some marines, and wow did she need to get her one. Anyone could admit that a person in uniform is a hundred times more sexy and badass. Scanning the room Clarke felt a lump in throat when she saw Lexa. What was she doing here? Lexa had made eye contact with her and gave a tight smile, returning back to the conversation she was in. They continued to share a few glances as Clarke could see she wanted to come over but people kept stopping her every chance she could.

“So much sexual tension.” Clarke turned to see Octavia sipping on her drink.  
“There is no sexual tension between us.”  
“I can feel the eye fucking from here.” Clarke almost choked on her drink with that comment.  
“We've decided to just be friends.” Octavia once again hit Clarke in the back of her heard earning her a stern look.  
“You are so stupid. I don't understand how you are going to be a doctor.”  
“I'm not ready.”  
“I know Finn was a jerk he cheated on you but I don’t Lexa is like that.”  
“Lexa lied to me.” Octavia couldn't argue with that but she knew there could be something brewing between the two and it aggravated her that Clarke couldn't see it. She watched as the two girls again made eye contact. It was literal eye fucking, how could they not see it.  
“If love were easy Clarke we all be married to the first person who dated but it’s not. I know you two have said you moved on but don’t hold this over her head and continue to be friends.” Octavia took it here cue to leave as she watched the mayor go by. She was totally going to take advantage of this. 

It was true that after Clarke had come over they agreed to move on. They had texted every night but they hadn’t seen each other face to face since. As Octavia scurried away Lexa took it as her cue to walk over.

“Clarke.” Pulling her out of her thoughts she quickly stood up, not wanting to be rude.  
“Lexa. What are you doing here?”  
“Military family.” Clarke made an o shaped with her mouth completely forgetting Lexa’s background. “Also someone has to pay for this function.”  
“You sponsor this?”  
“Yes.”  
“Didn’t know you did charity.”  
“It’s always good to give back. Come dance with me.” Lexa held out her hand for the girl and smiled as she said “friend.”   
“You know how I feel about it.”  
“Trust me.” Clarke couldn’t help but give in to curiosity. Looking at the girl now she never noticed how truly stunning she was. Lexa wore a dark blue dress that covered one shoulder and slid down sliming on her body creating a pool of cloth beneath her feet.

“You know without your mask and business clothing on you really are beautiful Lexa.” Clarke whispered into her ear knowing she wouldn’t be able to hear her with the crowd. Though Clarke was behind her she knew she could feel Lexa trying to hold in the heat rising in her cheeks. She continued to lead them but away from the dance floor and out of the room. 

“You missed the dance floor.”  
“I wasn’t aiming for it.” Both girls were out of the room now and walking up the stairs still fingers interlocked. 

“Remember what you told me about dancing?”  
Clarke smirked immediately remembering when she revealed she would never dance at public events sober because she sucked so bad.   
“A worker of mine is getting married here in a few days and the room is already set up. Thought we could use it for a little.” Lexa stated with a smile. Clarke looked at her questioningly but felt her jaw drop as the double doors opened. The room was stunning as the ceiling above the dance floor was covered in string light and the room filled with candles, lots of it.  
“I added the candles.” Lexa grinned from behind.  
“I know what I am getting you for your birthday.” Clarke laughed as she entered the room now leading. Lexa followed behind but look towards the DJ booth to play some music.  
“I have no idea what songs are on here but it says slow songs.” Lexa called out and Clarke only nodded giving her the thumbs up. Of course a slow song began to play and Lexa made her way back to the dance floor where Clarke stood. It took everything inside her to not let the little girl inside of her come out and jump in excitement.

Lexa reached out her hand and Clarke placed her own in it as she moved them closer.  
“Just step left back and sideways.” Clarke attempted to move but quickly stumbled.  
“I told you two left feet.” Clarke groaned as Lexa helped her steady.   
“You are thinking too hard.” Frustration got stronger but Lexa never backed away from a challenge. It took a few more tries before Clarke was actually moving around swiftly but slowly.

Clarke now rested her head on Lexa's shoulder as she swayed them back and forth. She controlled their pace very slow so Clarke wouldn’t have to think about it too much.  
“I didn’t know friends did this.”  
“I can be your friend and still win your heart over.” Clarke smiled at her confidence secretly knowing she wouldn’t have to do much. 

Lexa had been really fucked up the last few days but after seeing Clarke and lots of yelling from Anya she was getting her shit together. The company was now back on track as she took more control and fixed issues. There were times where she was allowed to be fucked up with no questions asked. She never had it easy but she had to bounce back some time and she making her way. Maybe Clarke isn't the love of her life but she gave her hope and that's what she needed.

The song surprisingly changed into a Spanish one. It happened to be one of of Lexa's favorite as she softly sang along keeping the same movements.  
“Y el corazón no tiene cara y te prometo que lo nuestro nunca va a terminar y el amor vive en el alma.”

Clarke looked up in shock when she realized Lexa was singing in Spanish.  
“You speak Spanish?” Lexa laughed as she spun the girl away, swayed her hips, and pulled her back to her.  
“And dance it too.” It was fucking sexy and Clarke was trying to make sure her legs didn't give out.  
“I speak 7 different languages.” Lexa continued.  
“Why?”  
“I'd like to appropriately communicate with investors, workers, and all that who are from different countries. It makes my business more effective and opens me up to new cultures.”  
“I didn't know that.”  
“There is still a lot you don't know about me Clarke. Now, let me teach you how to dance this song.”

Lexa pulled away to now have the girl stand in front. She step to the side twice then popped the opposite hip then did the same thing on the other side.  
“It's called bachata.” Clarke nodding her ahead attempted to imitate the girl but was struggling. Lexa put her hands on Clarke's hips to help lead the movement.  
“One. Two. Three. One. Two. Three.” Lexa repeated as Clarke was finally getting the rhythm down. Popping her hip up at three was difficult especially if you weren't good with yours hips.  
“You got it!” Clarke smiled brightly not trying to change her rhythm. So Lexa grabbed her hand and pulled her closer following the same beat.  
“You’re a natural Clarke.” Clarke looked down now feeling the tables turned on her. She didn't want admit how turned on she was by the sexy dance. She knew it was too as Lexa had placed her leg in between her pulling her closer with almost no space between them.  
“What is he saying?”  
“And the heart has no face and I promise you that our thing is never going to end and love lives in the soul.”   
“It sounds sexier and romantic in Spanish.”  
“Agreed.” 

They continued to dance letting the song fade out and others take its place. Silence mostly rested between the two as it was all they really needed. When the Celine Dion version of Beauty and the Beast began to play. Clarke couldn’t contain her laugh as Lexa playfully imitated the role of Beast stepping back and bowing in front of her. 

“Who knew Lexa Woods is a huge dork.” Clarke joked as they began to waltz around the room at a faster pace now that Clarke had gotten the hang of it.  
“I think what you meant to say was how diverse I truly am.” The smile on Clarke’s face never left as she danced around the room realizing how talented Lexa truly was in dancing. She could safely assume she had taken some sort of dance classes seeing how much the girl loved to learn.

“Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme.” Clarke sang out this time with another spin. Lexa brought her closer than before as they faces were just barely touching.  
“You sing too.” Lexa breathe out. She licked her lips as Clarke pressed their foreheads together still slowly moving. The lyrics dimmed as the piano took over.  
“We shouldn’t do this Lexa.”  
“We shouldn’t have done any of this.”  
“Then why did we?”   
“I know why. I’m just waiting for you to know.” Clarke let the words sink in trying to understand what she had meant by it. How could she know but not her? “I-”

“Sh, don’t ruin the moment.” So Clarke didn’t, laying her head back on her chest curling up against it allowing Lexa to place her chin on top. 

She was too happy at the moment for it to be taken away from her. There was a contentedness in both girls as everything seemed to fall into place. It was only them two in the room but even if there were more everything was blocked out of their minds. Nothing else mattered for those few seconds. It didn’t matter what they were to each other or what happened in the past between them. Lexa wasn’t worried about her business and Clarke wasn’t worrying about her final exam coming up. They were living in the present something they both failed to do so many times. However, Clarke would have to wonder soon what Lexa implied by her words.

“You knew I was coming to the event.” Clarke whispered against her chest. She could hear the rhythmic thump of Lexa’s heartbeat. With certainty she knew she could fall asleep to that lullaby.   
“Call it a lucky guess.” Clarke didn’t need to look to know Lexa was now smirking as she hummed an ‘I knew it.’   
“You know one day we are going to have to tell each other those guesses.”  
“Today isn’t that day.”

They stayed there for two more songs when they decided it was best to rejoin the party. As they headed down stairs Lexa grabbed Clarke by her arm before entering the main room.  
“What are you doing Sunday?”  
“We are friends Lexa, no dates.” Clarke gave her a jokingly pointed look.  
“It’s not, I just want to show you something.”  
“Lex-”  
“I’ll tell you why I wanted your business.” Hoping to sway her in the right direction. Immediately Clarke’s eyebrows raised removing the wary look off her face. She gave her a kiss on the cheek confirming her answer. Lexa watched as the girl strode back into the room and smiled at her victory.

Before even getting a chance to move to her table, Clarke was quickly pulled by Bellamy as he wanted to introduce her to someone.  
“Hi Clarke Griffin.” She held out her hand and the man happily shook it responding, “Dr. Michaels, Medical Service Corps Officer.  
“It’s nice to meet you.” She smiled as she felt Bellamy wrap an arm around her waist. She kept her arms in front of her feeling suddenly nervous at the mention of doctor.  
“You’re mother is Dr.Abby Griffin, correct?” Clarke smiled giving a firm nod.  
“I used to go to school with her many years ago. She is a lovely woman.”  
“Yes, she actually just got back from doing service abroad. She is very happy.”  
“Oh wonderful, that's pleasant to hear she is doing great. Well your friend here Bellamy told me you were looking for a job in the medical field.”  
“Yes, I am interested in one.”  
“You’ll be finished with your required courses this semester and I thought it would be a wonderful opportunity for you to work at a base and get some experience. I know you have not done your residency yet but afterwards you’ll get into almost any program and will be much more ahead than the rest. I know you come from a family of hard work having met your mother. So I am positive in this decision.” 

Clarke stood frozen and in complete shock. It was such a wonderful opportunity and something awesome to put on her resume. She was already so behind but this could be a big move for her.  
“I think she is interested.” Bellamy spoke up for her when she didn’t respond. The group surrounding them began to laugh as Clarke feverishly nodded her head.  
“Wonderful. Here is my contact card. Training begins very soon in Houston.”  
“As in Texas?”  
“Yes. So start packing. I have to run but it was lovely meeting you Miss.Griffin. Take good care of her she is a special woman.” He pointed at Bellamy as he left the two together.

Clarke spun around giving Bellamy a hug. “Thank you.” She mumbled he smiled happily knowing he was working his way back to her good side.

\-----  
 _Come with me now to see my world  
Where there's beauty beyond your dreams  
Can you feel the things I feel  
Right now, with you  
Take my hand  
There's a world I need to know_

 

Sunday evening rolled around and Clarke had been texting Lexa all day. She had no idea what to wear or where they were going. Failing she could not get the girl to reveal anything but to only wear casual clothing. 

Grunting Clarke picked out an outfit and headed downstairs upon Lexa’s text. Of course there was a town car waiting outside. Lexa did nothing half ass. Opening the door she hopped in with a smirking Lexa inside. 

“Just because the windows are tinted doesn’t mean I can’t see you roll your eyes.” Clarke did roll her eyes at the ridiculous and then did it again to show her that she didn’t really care. Lexa uncrossed her legs and reached over to hand Clarke flowers.  
“This isn’t a date Lexa.”  
“Oh I know. You told me you liked calla lilys so I’m fixing up for that time I got you sunflowers.” Clarke admired the flowers not wanting to admit that she did love the gesture.

“So how don’t I know you aren’t going to take me to the woods and kill me off so you can finally have my building.”  
“If I do recall correctly you did tell me you were going to give me the building.”  
“I told Heda, not Lexa.”  
“Same person Griffin.”

Admittedly she did still have a hard time wrapping her head around Heda and Lexa being the same person. She couldn’t understand how Lexa still wanted to be with her considering the fact almost every night she ranted on to Heda about how much she hated her. They arrived at the building and Clarke looked at Lexa warily unsure where they were. 

“An art gallery.” Lexa simply stated as they walked up the stairs.  
“An art gallery? Do you have a secret love for art Lexa?” The girl smiled as she looked towards her. She knew eventually she would have to tell the girl everything but she wanted to enjoy the moment while she can. It was a pretty big exhibition and they decided to take their time trying to critique as much as they could. To Clarke’s surprise the girl knew a lot more than she had expected even. Lexa would comment on structurally how it was built to even the medium used. Conversation had flown easily but Clarke wanted to get down to the meat so she finally pose the question that had been dancing her mind since they got here.

“Why did you want my business.” Lexa looked at her finally giving in to the blue eyes.  
“Why don’t we sit?” Lexa laced her fingers with Clarke leading her through the crowd to a few tables. Both took a seat as she waited patiently for Lexa to speak.

“A few months ago I decided it was time to see my foster family and catch up. I hadn’t seen much of them since the business took off. One of the children, who was just a baby when I was there, began to talk and he told me of a box with my name on it. So when my foster parents left for the day I decided to check it out. Apparently a few of my belongings from birth parents were there, mostly paperwork. I found a few letters from my grandmother. Allegedly she had a secret lover in America who owned a bakery shop which happened to be here in New York. I found the address and tried to buy that building but you were stubborn. I couldn’t let it go then because I kind of got competitive and you were a challenge for me, one I couldn’t turn down.”

Clarke couldn’t stop laughing when puzzles began to connect now in her head.  
“What’s so funny?” Lexa got more defensive as she watched Clarke cling to her stomach. Groaning in frustration she crossed her arms waiting for the girl to finish. When she finally did Lexa raised an eyebrow.

“That lover was my grandpa.”  
“WHAT?” Lexa almost had a heart-attack right then and there.  
“Yeah, my grandparents owned that bakery it’s been passed down for generations which is partly why I didn’t want to sell it. My grandma told me once he had an affair but it didn’t work out.”  
“That’s weird, our grandparents were lovers.” At the realization both girls shook their body trying to throw away the image out of their head. The coincidence was one of amusement for both girls and understanding now why the building was so important to each of them. Lexa wanted some connection to her birth family and part of it was here in New York. The irony was one they would remember for a while and glad they never got together as they wouldn’t be here together now. It was funny how the universe works.

“So why did you bring me here?”  
“Lets finish the gallery.” Both girls got up and continue the walk around. Stopping at the second to last piece Lexa finally answered her question.

“I don’t want your building, Clarke.” Clarke turned from the painting as she raised an eyebrow in confusion. “I know you wanted to give me the building as you now pursued your career in medicine.”  
“I’m glad I’m giving it to you. I know what it means to you now.” Shrugging her shoulders she knew it would be in good hands now.  
“I don’t want it.”  
“I don’t understand.”  
“Look at this painting. Tell me about it.” Confused Clarke turned towards the painting starting to explain the details and the meaning.  
“I would have never thought to use watercolor paintings here but it is intriguing with just a few strokes capture the melting wax on the candle is incredible. You can’t even see his face but you somehow sympathize with him feeling the agony and pain he is surrounded in. Look at this line right here. They managed to capture the light bouncing off his chair that makes him radiate clearly making him the center of attention despite how far back he is in the painting. And-”  
“Clarke.” Clarke froze when Lexa had cut her off. She had been rambling on and on about this painting she probably didn’t even realize that Lexa didn’t need all that information.  
“I’m so sorry it’s just I get carried away-” Lexa pressed her finger to Clarke’s lip demanding quiet.   
“How can you give up painting when you are this passionate about it Clarke? I know you want to help people and yeah medicine can do that. I don’t doubt your skills one bit but I think your heart is in art.”  
“Lexa.”  
“No hear me out. I saw your paintings in your art gallery. I saw the painting you made of the girl in the rain. You are so talented I have never related to something so strongly in my entire life. Placing that mask over the face depicted how much the girl hides her feelings though her eyes were swollen red. You somehow managed to depict so much emotion that when I looked at that painting I finally felt someone understood me.”

Clarke now took a step closer feeling how much emotion Lexa was trying to express, it was very endearing. “That’s very sweet of you to say but art is not what I want to do anymore.”

“Yes it is Clarke. Art is everything for you. You can still help people with your art. They won’t feel alone anymore.”  
“You don’t understand.”  
“I do understand Clarke. I know you and this isn’t what you really want. Imagine what your father would say. I know he knows how much you love art and don’t really want this.” Clarke now felt a switch in her go off with that mention.   
“You don’t know me Lexa.”  
“Clarke.”  
“No you listen now. We have a had a few wonderful moments together but that does not constitute you to insinuate that you know me or my father.”  
“Clarke I didn’t mean to.” Clarke took two steps back turning her back on the woman and walking away before stating, “I appreciate what you are doing Lexa but you don’t know what you are talking about. We are just friends, get it through your head.” 

Clarke left leaving a frustrated Lexa surrounded by all the paintings she claimed can help people. Well if they could talk Lexa would beg them to help her right now because she couldn’t wrap her head around everything that just happened.  
\------

“I’ve never been a fan of Lexa but this post Heda Lexa is really likable.” Raven argued trying to catch the rice that fell from her chopsticks. The girls were all too tired from work to actually cook so Raven had gotten them all Chinese food. A few days had passed and Lexa had decided to give Clarke some time to cool down.

“I still can’t believe your grandparents got it on.” Clarke had just revealed to them why Lexa wanted the business so badly and the girls had been shocked with the news just as she was. Octavia had laughed for a solid five minutes while Raven contemplated about calling Abby to tell her knowing how much of a kick she would get out of it.

“You should talk to her. It can’t end like this.”  
“She’s not my girlfriend.”

Octavia happily chewing her chicken wings put her two sense in as well. “Look I know you are pissed and all but she was just trying to help.”

“I don’t know.”  
“You just can’t let go of her lying. That’s the problem here.” Raven fumbled with her chopsticks trying to pick up her piece of beef. Octavia leaned over for the fourth time to help her hold her chopsticks. The girls had spent months trying to teach Raven how to use chopsticks but she wasn’t really good at it.   
“If this is about Bellamy. Then honey you need to choose.”  
“Bellamy is safe he knows me already.”  
“But does he give you a bubbly feeling?” Octavia pointed out handing a fork to Raven giving up now.

He was a good guy and always meant well but there was something safe about him. She didn’t have to go through all that getting to know you phase. They could just be and that was that. There was no sorting through emotions or anything, it was just I like you let’s date. Maybe it was Bellamy that was holding her back. Raven stood up now heading to window after hearing an old song she recalled was named, In Your Eyes.

“Oh my fucking god.” Octavia jumped first looking to see what Raven had spotted.  
“NO!” Octavia now had her hand over mouth trying to contain all her emotions in.   
“Clarke you need to see this now!” Rolling her eyes, Clarke finally got up to see what all the commotion was. Her friends could exaggerate but this time they could not even put into words what they saw.

Clarke moved to the center of the window to find Lexa standing there with a boombox over head. Instantly, her mouth fell to the floor as she watch Lexa turn down the volume to speak.  
“That's the thing about friendship Clarke. You are supposed to get the know the person. For example my favorite color is blue, like your eyes.”

Fuck, she hated when Lexa used her own words against her. She recalled the night she first met Heda who was scared to open up. Clarke had promised her it would be worth it and now Lexa was doing the convincing.   
“You’re crazy.” Clarke shouted from above as Raven awed behind her.  
“This is fucking adorable.” Octavia whispered behind her other ear.  
“Your favorite color is green. You already have a bucket list and on the top is sky diving. You are allergic to shellfish. You clap your two fingers together when you are nervous. I’m standing out here with a boombox because I know you like 80s movies. Your favorite one is ‘Say Anything’ but you won’t admit it to anyone because you are afraid of how corny and cheesy it is and how people will perceive you.”

“Damn I didn’t even know that.” Octavia whispered again as the two girls tried to peek over to see what Lexa was doing. They kept nudging each other as they continued for a better view.

“Lexa.”  
“You are right I don’t know you. I don’t know what scares you. I don’t know about your past relationships. I don’t know what keeps you up at night. I don’t know if you have a tattoo or even like them.”  
“Oh she does!” Raven called out from behind.  
“All I’m saying is that, this is what friends do. They get to know each other and I want to know you Ms. Griffin.”  
“Ah so you do know what agitates me.” Clarke called from above as she watched Lexa smirk, knowing the exact game she was playing. Sighing she stepped away from the window for a second to breath and Octavia and Raven took the opportunity to jump in.  
“I’ll date you Lexa.” Raven called out first.  
“Do you have a brother?” Lexa laughed to herself knowing Lincoln had not told her yet of their relationship. That was another story she couldn’t wait to tell.

“I’m going to buzz you in. Come up.” Clarke called out. Lexa relieved finally put the boombox down and headed up the stairs. She was nervous but relieved Clarke had not thrown her out or ignored her completely.

“Leave.” Clarke demanded as she shoved Octavia and Raven into another room.

“We wanna see her.” Giving them a stern look she crossed her as the girls groaned knowing she wouldn't budge.  
“Yes mom.” Raven scoffed as she linked her arms with Octavia heading into another room.

“I figured you were the mother of the group.” Clarke turned around to find a smirking Lexa leaning against the doorframe with her boombox. 

The girl was a complete dork and Clarke could confidently agree to that as she made her way through. It was becoming clear to Clarke she did nothing half ass. Almost every time they have met since she found out Lexa was Heda has been with a grand moment. 

“I’m sorry the way I acted. It wasn’t cool of me.” Clarke admitted as she made her way closer to Lexa. She motioned for them to sit on the couch which they both did.   
“Are we going to talk about you going back to art?”  
“I know you mean well Lexa but right now my focus is in medicine. I played around too much with art. It's time I get serious.”  
“Why can't you be serious with art?”  
“Please can we let this go? I know I overreacted and you mean well but I've made my decision and its final.” Clarke was going to stand her ground and Lexa couldn't argue with that knowing how stubborn she was. So Clarke did over react but she was going to make up for it one day.   
“If you are going to be this dorky when I overreact, maybe I should overreact more.” Clarke tried to relieve the tension that had built up.  
“I am not a dork.”  
Clarke giggled at the girl’s refusal to believe it. “No you just stood out my apartment reenacting the most classic love confession of movies.”  
Scoffing Lexa would not concede to this claim as she had to uphold her badass image.   
“Lexa Woods is a badass.”  
“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”  
“You are very rude to a girl who just brought you food.” Raising an eyebrow she watched as Lexa pulled a brown bag out of her bag. Opening the bag she pulled out a bagel. Clarke reached over to grab it but Lexa leant back.   
“Give me the bagel.”  
“What’s the magic word?” Lexa played knowing how to push Clarke’s buttons  
“Give me the fucking bagel please.” Clarke said as she sat up straight with her arms cross. New York bagels were to die for and she knew how much Clarke really loved them.  
“Ha not even close.”  
“What! I said please.” Clarke leaned over again and Lexa leant back but this time Clarke didn’t pull away she kept going as Lexa continued to reach her arm further away. Lexa’s arm was longer than hers and Clarke could not reach it unless she literally climbed over her. Looking down Clarke realized how close she really was to Lexa now whose smile completely vanished. There was a hunger in her eyes and Clarke could not deny she felt the same. Those green eyes were at it again creating that feeling in Clarke’s stomach that made her stomach clench and want to tighten her legs. That kaleidoscope of green gave her a glimpse of the forest finding the irony now of the girl beneath her last name.

“Give me the bagel Lexa.” Clarke husked now as she visibly watched Lexa take a large gulp. If anything she was sure Clarke could see her sweating having never been this nervous. One more word and she was going to be pushed over the edge.

“If you are gonna eye-fuck get a room.” Clarke quickly jumped removing herself off Lexa as she watched Octavia prance into the room.Those were not the words Lexa wanted to hear right now, however she could not deny the embarrassment she was feeling. 

“What are you doing out here? I thought I told you to stay inside.”  
“Why so you two can finally fuck?” Octavia laughed grabbing the water out of the fridge knowing she was going to hold this against them for a while.  
“Relax,” she continued, “I just came to get Lincoln he said he was here.” Just as she spoke there was a knock on the door. Swing the door open she stood on her tippy toes to kiss her boyfriend who happily responded.

“Why am I so single?” Raven groaned as she entered the living room now too.  
“Hey, I’m single too.” Clarke argued from the couch. Her two roommates laughed at her naiveness.   
“I give it a month.” Raven argued.   
“Nah you should have been here two minutes ago Reyes they were on top of each other. I give it a week.” Octavia hummed from behind as she linked arms with Lincoln dragging him into the apartment.  
“No, we weren't.” Both Clarke and Lexa said at the same time. Their intentions weren't to do anything but they couldn't deny what they were thinking either. Walking completely into the living room Lexa stood up straighter making eye contact with Lincoln. She nodded her head in acknowledgement as did he. They were actually more comfortable with each other than the roommates knew. Octavia dragged her man into her room as Clarke stood up motioning for Lexa to leave the room with her. 

The two girls were outside of the apartment now in silence neither wanting to talk about what happened early.

“I should get going.” Lexa stated as she could feel her pulse blazing through the roof.   
“Thank you for the food and for being a dork.” Clarke smiled earning her a wide grin from Lexa.  
“Just keep that between me and you.” Lexa finally caved in.  
“I’m not sure I can you saw Raven and Octavia.”  
“Those two are trouble makers.”  
“They are just doing their rightful friend duties.”  
“And what are my rightful friend duties?” Lexa took a step forward putting the blonde on the spot.  
“That's not fair.”  
Taking another step closer she put more pressure on her, “What's not fair?”

Being this close was becoming too common for the two woman. They were constantly breathing down each other's neck. Octavia had been right, all they do is eye fuck but neither refused to be the one to cave in. Both were aware of what the other was trying to do as neither wanted to be the weak one too competitive and mighty to admit their feelings.

The door was swung open as Clarke stumbled back having used it for support since Lexa had backed her into a corner.  
“Oh sorry didn't mean to interrupt.” Raven quickly shut the door back as the intense moment dissolved quickly. Clearing her throat Clarke finally found words to speak.  
“Thank you for coming to fix things up Lexa. I appreciate it.” Giving a firm nod Lexa took it as her cue to leave knowing there was only friends could leave.  
“Goodbye Clarke.”

\-----

Things had been going great between the two girls as a few days passed now since they were in Clarke's apartment. They talked every night on the phone and text during the day as they both did their best to find that old groove they once had.

It was pretty windy today as Clarke stood outside of Lexa's building holding onto the two hot cups for warmth. A car pulled up to the building and Clarke stepped forward knowing right away who it was.

“What a nice surprise.” Lexa spoke as she made her way towards Clarke. The woman handed her out the cup in her hand and Lexa happily accepted. Sipping the coffee she immediately pulled back making a sour face.  
“What? I thought you liked that coffee?”  
“Clarke just because you like a hot macchiato half carmel, half mocha no whipped cream but extra foam and a extra shot of espresso with a dash of cinnamon doesn't mean I like it too.”

It then clicked with Clarke that she had handed the girl the wrong cup.   
“Oh sorry.” They quickly changed cups as Lexa let a small giggle left from her lips. “Wow that was impressive that you knew my entire order.”  
Lexa began to walk towards her building with Clarke by her side.  
“I am a CEO of one of the largest corporation in the world. Coffee is no stranger to me.” As Lexa held the door opened for her they entered the building in the lobby where it was pretty empty beside Lincoln at the front desk.

Lexa motioned for Clarke to follow her upstairs but she didn't follow.  
“I'm sorry Lex I have to run to class now. I just had to ask you something.”  
“Was the coffee a bribery?”  
“Of course don't flatter yourself too much now. Anyway there is a party next weekend, I want to know if you wanted to come.” Clarke smiled happily swaying back and forth from the balls of her feet to her tippy toes. “As friends.” She quickly added.

“Clarke I know we are just friends you don't have to say that every time you invite me somewhere. And yes I’ll love to.” Lexa smiled as Clarke placed a kiss on her cheek.

“Thank you Lex!”  
“It’s Lexa!” Lexa called out as Clarke had spun and made her way out of the building. She added, “Bye Ms.Griffin,” just so she could have the upper hand on the blonde. 

“You suck!” Clarke called out as she left the building heading to her three wonderful hours of med class.

Lexa watched her leave with a large smile on her face now.  
“Good morning Lincoln. Anya.” Nodding her head she left the lobby to head to her office.

“Do you think we could pay Clarke to bring Lexa coffee every morning.” Lincoln proposed as he watched his boss happily walk into work. Anya only hummed in agreement as she watched the improvement in her little sister.

\------  
 _Every gesture, every move that she makes_  
Makes me feel like never before  
Why do I have  
This growing need to be beside her

 

The party had been in full motion for a while now and Lexa decided to arrive much later so it would be less awkward for her. As well she brought Anya along as she had never been to a social event like this. Clarke had told her it was casual but she had never been to one where didn’t have to dress up and be all elegant. Anya promised her it wouldn’t be bad but she knew it would be a night that would go down hill. She had never associated herself with people her own age.

From growing up with a very strict family and then falling straight into the business world, Lexa never had time to socialize with other people. In fact she wasn’t sure she would know how to. It was so easy with Clarke because she met her through business and can now only wonder if things would be as smooth if she hadn’t met her then. 

Finally working up the nerves to enter the house, Lexa was immediately bombard with people dancing trying to work their way around. She turned around quickly to see Anya but she was already out of her view. Fuck, this was not going to be easy for her. The small space was extremely crowded and she couldn’t understand how people were enjoying this. Walking around she kept her head up looking for Clarke but the blonde was nowhere to be found. 

Catching sight of Lincoln and Octavia she sighed in relief making her way towards them, however, she then saw their faces being mushed together and she definitely did not want to be near that. Just as she was about to turn around, she felt a body jumping on her back and instinctively she grabbed the legs that wrapped around her waist. The two arms snaked around her neck with one hand holding a cup which was accidentally shoved into Lexa’s face.

“Hi.” Right away Lexa knew it who was latched onto her like a leech. “Thank you for coming.” She whispered cheerfully in her ear as her arms were tied around her neck. It suddenly hit Lexa that she was holding up Clarke but a very clothe-less one. Her legs were completely bare and her arms were naked. The realization made her tense up as she swallowed down what she was thinking. 

“You’re drunk.” She could easily smell the alcohol off the girl’s breath.  
“And you’re strong.” Clarke moved one hand to grab onto Lexa’s tricep giggling at how solid it was. Rolling her eyes she finally put the girl down to get a better look at it. Confirming her theory she was wearing red shorts with a white top that strapped around her chest and cut off short to show a little bit of stomach. 

“Would it be wrong for me to say if I said your smokey eye made you more smokin hot?” Lexa found herself casually flirting with the girl as she couldn't help herself when she was around her. Clarke ducked her head trying to hide the wide smile that was appearing on her face.  
“Don’t do that.” She mumbled.  
“Do what?”  
“Make my stomach bubble.” Clarke said as she grabbed the girl’s hand. Lexa now felt herself smile wide as Clarke led them to another part of the room.   
“Hey everyone this is my friend-”   
“Hey what’s up!” Jasper went in for the hug as Lexa stood straight up unmoving not returning the hug. Octavia, Raven, and Clarke began to laugh as they watched how uncomfortable Lexa physically looked.  
“Lexa. Lexa Woods.” Clarke finished as she had been interrupted by Jasper. A mortified look appeared on his face as he backed away remembering stories he heard about her. Embarrassed he found himself bowing in front of Lexa as an unamused face remained on her face.  
“Better.” Lexa calmly spoke sending everyone around them into laughter again as Jasper walked away in embarrassment.  
“Nice to meet you.” Monty held out a hand as Lexa shook it.   
“Lexa.” Another voice spoke from behind.  
“Bellamy.” The two eyed each other for a brief moment but other than that remained silent towards. That was until Clarke decided to embarrass him in front of everyone.  
“Oh my god. Oh my god. Remember when you two fought and Lexa beat you.” Bellamy felt his body stiffen as a few of the guys laughed.

“I wasn’t in my head.” He mumbled as the guys picked on him. Lexa couldn’t help but feel victorious especially since she thought Clarke had hated her for that. Maybe she was more impressed than she realized.

The rest of the night had been a little hectic. Two hours had passed and though Lexa had little to drink; she really did not want to get drunk as she preferred to stay sober. Clarke and her had danced a little but too embarrassed Lexa preferred to watch. She was sitting in a corner now talking to Anya as she snuck a peak at Clarke every chance she could. Anya was similar to Lexa having not gone out as much but Raven managed to bring out a more carefree side of her. She too had missed a lot on the recklessness of a single life.

Clarke had her feet in the air now as someone held her up.  
“Chug! Chug!” The chanting went on as she completed her Keg stand. Everyone cheered as she raised both hands in excitement. Catching Lexa's stare she playfully flexed her muscles. The girl responded with a shaking of her head.

“Once again you two are eye fucking.” Octavia appeared from behind now watching the interaction. Clarke took the drink being held out at her as she rolled her eyes at the woman.   
“We are just having fun!” Clarke nudged her trying to get her roommate to loosen up.  
“Don't lead her on Clarke if you just want to be friends because you know she is wrapped around your fingers.” Clarke looked towards the girl again who gave a her a cry for help begging her to take her away from Jasper who had now been ranting on about lord knows what. Lexa then bit her lip as Clarke had licked her own to capture all the beer that was still floating on it.  
“If you wouldn’t do it with Raven or I then don’t do it with her.” Octavia walked away leaving Clarke with a guilty feeling. She enjoyed what the two had going but she couldn’t deny the point that was made. Finishing her drink she knew it was going to be a long night.

Clarke woke up the next morning not being able to remember anything. The sun was beaming through the window and she couldn't remember the last time it was actually this bright in her room. The pillow was much more soft and the sheets were surprisingly really silky. As she rolled over she suddenly could feel the floor. Her eyes shot up as she realized the bed she was in was built into the floor. This wasn’t how her bed was designed.

Clarke sat up now and saw her clothes lying on the floor. Slowly looked down at her afraid to see the damage. Luckily she was still in her bra and underwear which shocked her when she remembered she didn’t wear a bra to the party due to her outfit. Checking the other side of the bed she noticed it was empty. Sighing in relief she looked around the room that clearly now wasn’t hers. It was very bare but anything in the room had very earthy colors. The walls were a soft green giving the room amenity. 

What the hell had happened last night? Getting up from the bed she began to hear music playing. It was getting weirder by the minute as none of the pieces from last night were clicking. She looked for her clothes to see if she could leave here quietly but she couldn’t find them on the floor anywhere. Who has sex and doesn’t leave the clothing on the floor? Unless maybe things got intense outside the room. Shit her clothing was probably outside and she was pretty much naked.

Searching the room she noticed a chair by the door with a robe. So she decided to wrap it around herself. As she opened the door from the room the very huge and long hallway she looked back and forth trying to get out of this penthouse she managed to wake up in. No clothing outside the door either, nor a trail. The floor was so clean she was sure she could lick off it.

Carefully walking around she finally entered the living room finding a woman sitting on the piano playing a tune in sweatpants and a bra. Her bare back had been revealed as her dark hair was pushed to the front. It wasn’t a surprise she was probably this beautiful in the morning. Clarke smiled as she knew exactly where she was now feeling slightly better. It was weird that she could tell who it was but something in her just confirmed it. Walking closer she noticed the many different marks on the girl’s back. There was a single tattoo that followed down her spine. There were two circles one filled in at the bottom and the other on top. Something followed down it but the words were covered by her bra. On top of her neck was an infinity sign. Continuously she noticed the tattoo that wrapped around her right bicep. Divided into four the tattoo wrapped around but did not connect having an arching outline that was scribbled in with further details.

Unconsciously Clarke moved closer running her fingers down the girl’s spine. Her fingers carefully outlined every part of the tattoo she could touch. There were other marks on her body but they looked more like scars than anything. 

“Feeling better?” She whispered as she held out the last key. The brunette had to keep her eyes tight shut feeling many different sensations swirling inside her. Clarke’s soft fingertips allowed her shoulders to relax having never really been touched like this in a long time.  
“What do they mean?” Clarke redirected.

Before she could answer her stomach growled allowing the brunette to avoid the question. “You have nothing in your stomach.”  
“Yeah I’m really hungry.” Clarke realized now clutching to her stomach now. Octavia’s words echoed in her head again as apparently that was one of the very few things her brain decided to remember from last night.  
“I can have breakfast made, if you like.” The girl turned towards her now with a soft smile on her lips. There was only one thing on her mind now as she noticed how naked she woke up and the other woman’s bare body.

“Lexa, did we?”  
She shook her head feeling relief flowing through her body as she released a long breathe not noticing it was being held in.  
“You lived too far so you decided to crash here. Octavia was off with Lincoln and Raven couldn’t carry you home alone.”  
“My clothing?”  
“You were throwing up all night. Hope you don’t mind wearing one of my bras. You didn’t um have on one.” It was becoming clear to her how uncomfortable Lexa was becoming. “I um promise I didn’t uh take-” Clarke cut her off by placing a kiss on her cheek.   
“Thank you Lexa.” A now smiling Lexa began to help her piece the night together and felt better knowing she was in good hands. Clarke had felt so awful about the whole situation as she probably could only imagine what Lexa was thinking of her now. Apparently Clarke spent the rest of the night over a toilet bowl as Lexa held her hair up.   
“You must hate me.”  
“That’s what friends are for Clarke.” Lexa turned around and Clarke suddenly noticed the man in the room. Nodding her head he quickly moved like a shadow in the dark.

“Who was that?”  
“Don’t worry about it.” Lexa stated motioning for Clarke to sit on the piano bench with her. Lexa lifted Clarke’s hand placing it on the keys as she began to speak. “People only see the black and white but when you close your eyes and listen, millions of colors will begin to sound.” Lexa then made a bad sound noise with the keys. “You also have control over how you play life. Play a bad sound you’ll get a bad sound. Every three counts press these two keys.” One hand over Clarke’s she showed her what to play and then began to play another tune on the other side. Counting out loud she pressed the keys as Lexa closed her eyes listening.

The music became intense somehow manifesting all her emotions. As Clarke watched Lexa’s hand dance against the keyboards she could feel Lexa’s emotions. Her normal stoic body was now relaxed as she could admire the brunette feeling it. Anger for her parents leaving her. Loneliness for not having anyone to love her the way she deserves to be loved. Despair for all the times she had the most precious things taken away from her. Frustration for all the times she has failed unable to move on. Agony for the pain that still lurks in her body.

Clarke could empathize with the brunette suddenly wanting to do everything in her power to remove all those emotions from her. This was a woman who had seen a lifetime in just a few years. In this moment as she played the piano she finally found a way to be bare and vulnerable. Clarke was witnessing Lexa in such a fragile state that something in her fell and who knew how long it would be before Clarke realized it did.

They had shared a lot of moments together in the past few weeks. What they had going was nice, it was comforting. Except the problem was Octavia was right. She kept telling Lexa she wanted to be friends yet here they were barely clothed playing the piano. Would this be something she would do with Octavia or Raven? She almost laughed at the thought knowing this atmosphere wouldn’t surrounded them. It was slowly making sense to her now what Lexa had said when they danced together that night. It still seemed mushed but she needed to test that theory out more.

Lexa had finished the song looking at Clarke with her bright green eyes.  
“Where did you learn to play?”  
“It was in the attic of my foster house. I began to play with it one day and soon it became my best friend. It was the only thing that could shut everything out.”

Now it may have clicked in with everyone surrounding them but she was slow with her feelings. Clarke was a stranger to Lexa’s world but she wanted to know more. She needed to hear more, more of who Lexa was. 

Who knew how long it would take Clarke before she could fully understand what Lexa had meant when she told her she was waiting for her to know what she already knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay lots of fluff to make up for the last two chapters without Clexa lol but the next chapter will be very short i decided to split it up to give y'all a break! T
> 
> Also i will be changing the name of this story so the next you read it it will say **"Behind the Mask"**
> 
> the song is from Tarzan written by Phil Collins called Strangers Like Me (i love disney sorry)
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zc3MnoSS5Hw


	10. Voulez-Vous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NEW TITLE:
> 
> **THIS USED TO BE CALLED "CHOICES WE MAKE"**

_People everywhere_  
A sense of expectation hanging in the air  
Giving out a spark  
Across the room your eyes are glowing in the dark 

 

“Yes mom. Okay will do. Talk to you later. Love you too bye.” Clarke shut her phone off staring out the window. 

She was glad she put a bench by the window as she loved to watch the people of New York City walking around going about their day. Just closing your eyes and listening to the city and it’s vivaciousness of it was incredible. It always amazed her how many stories could fill up a street and no one ever really notices. 

Looking to her side she saw the paintbrush and canvas lying on the coffee table. She couldn't deny the fact that she wanted to paint the stories she saw but she forbade herself from it. Clarke knew if she picked up that paintbrush she would never leave it. It was time she grew up.

Letting out a long sigh the girl felt it was best to get back to studying before reading the new text she got.

**Heda: All I'm say is that giant squids are an underrated animal.**

Clarke hadn't gotten around to changing Lexa's name on her phone but she wondered how her and Lexa would have been if she still knew her has Heda. She had been talking to her for a few months getting close. Heda had surprised her now and then during those months. The most important moments were during Raven’s road to recovery as Clarke had to always put up a brave face but was vulnerable with Heda.

Putting Lexa and Heda together was still weird for her but some of it was beginning to make sense, like how Lexa knew Raven was in the hospital and paid those bills. Clarke knew the good heart that laid in Lexa no matter how tainted the world tried to make it. There was something more than friends there as Octavia had consistently pointed out but why ruin something that was going so good?

“I brought donuts for you from your favorite bakery!” Raven called out as she entered the building.

Clarke walked out to see her already digging into the food. More like donuts for her.  
“It looks so bare in here without the art.”

Clarke looked around her studio and could understand what she meant. They hadn't been here in a while but Clarke used it as her getaway. All of the classes that were being held in here and the gallery were all brought down when Clarke went back to school.

“So what are you going to do with it now? Still giving it to Lexa?”  
“Lexa doesn't want it anymore. But funny you asked. I was talking to my mother and we were thinking of making this an urgent center.”  
“That sounds pretty dope.”  
“My mom will obviously run it but I will help. It’ll be very cheap service to help those who can't afford to go to those big hospitals for little injuries.”

It was a great idea surprisingly as it came to her one night when she was studying some homework on trauma. She would help her mother here after her trip to Texas. 

“So how was Lexa in bed.”  
“Oh shut up. She was really sweet about that night. She slept on the couch and gave me her bed.”  
“Guess Lexa Woods isn’t a full time bitch.” Though Clarke could not remember the night she remembered the entire morning, smiling at the thought. 

Most of the morning was spent playing on the piano but before they could grab breakfast Raven had fallen and was struggling to get up. She had called Clarke for help who rushed over ending their morning together. It had been a few days since but they hadn’t spoke to each other either. 

“No, she isn’t the same Lexa I knew a few months ago.” Clarke mentioned as she munched on her food. 

“So why won’t you ask her out already? Can’t keep playing games, she has a heart you know. I suspect it’s fragile.” Raven finally asked the question that had been on everyone’s mind. Even Anya had been wondering noticing the two girls forming a close bond. Octavia had hinted even Lexa knew, everyone was just waiting for Clarke to finally get some sense knocked into her.

“You and Octavia are relentless. Relationships are hard.”  
“Don’t be a baby.”  
“I am not. Why ruin what we have?”  
“Because it could be better than what you have now.” It was common sense to everyone but the blonde.

“What if it’s worse?”  
“Listen, I know Finn fucked up but he shouldn’t be the reason why you don’t move on.”

“Why haven’t you?” Clarke had turned the tables now, not wanting to have to answer the question. There was no question that Raven hadn’t moved on but there was something else holding her back and Clarke suspected it did not have to do with her leg.

“Finn was your first love but that doesn’t mean he was mine.” Raven sipped her coffee being flooded with all these memories of her past love. 

He probably was an ass but it had been the only wrong thing he had done. She thought about going back to him so many times as the two girls had crucified him for his one mistake. No one was perfect right?

Shaking off the mentality she had to remind herself what he did. He couldn’t love two girls at the same time, it wasn’t fair to any of them.

“So hows that leg?” Clarke changed the subject knowing Raven wasn’t the type to touch that emotional side of her unless she wanted it to be seen.

“I think I’m getting the hang of it. Your mom is helping big time.”  
“You both inspired me you know?”  
“How?”  
“I’m gonna take the National Physical Therapy Examination. I thought about being a surgeon but I think rehabilitating could be a lot more meaningful to me. Besides I can start a lot sooner than a surgeon and when I’ve had enough experience I can make this place my practice.” 

Raven had almost tackled her down as she gave the girl a big hug.   
“I know you are going to miss art but you are going to change lives.” Raven whispered in her ear.

\------  
“So what did you do at the party?”  
“These young Americans party very oddly.”  
Lexa couldn’t help but smile slightly as she watched her sister fiddle through her phone as she talked. She knew better enough to know the woman enjoyed herself a little but would not admit it.

“Yu laik emo kru.” _(You are those people)_ Lexa laughed as she looked out the window of the town car.

“Nowe.” _(Never)_ Anya huffed annoyed she would make that accusation. 

Lexa always knew she was a younger version of Anya having been taken under her wing since they met. No one knows about Anya’s past but herself and Lexa. It was something she revealed to her one night under excruciating circumstances. If people knew what Lexa did then they would never question her ways.

“Gon?” _(Because)_  
“Leksa.” _(Lexa)_  
“Beja.” _(Please)_ Anya sighed looking up from her phone knowing Lexa was not going to give up; something she sometimes wished she never taught her.

Anya had taught Lexa to be tough as the ground but free as the wind. If she could not slave herself to the environment she could never dominate it. It was part of the reason why they both had an okay time at the party. They both learned to be versatile in any situation they were thrown into even if they didn't enjoy it.

“Raven was not drinking either. So we had a nice time talking. That girl could talk for hours.”  
“Em ste...peculiar.” _(She is…)_ Anya grunted in agreement closing her phone knowing they were close to the building.

It was not unusual for the girls to talk in their native language. When Lexa spent time with her sister she actually preferred to speak it and casually switch to English.

“En Klark?” _(And Clarke?)_  
“Sha?” _(Yes)_  
“You should invite her.”

“It is frown upon to have strangers there Anya.”  
“They respect you there. Be the leader you are and make a new change. Clarke would love to see it.”

Lexa imagined bringing Clarke this weekend. Theoretically it was a wonderful idea but she feared the people would be angry with her. There has never been a situation like this. Boundaries would be pushed and if the wrong lines were crossed, she was doomed.

“Speaking of.” Looking out the window she watched as Clarke stood outside her building.

It was starting to get colder here in New York. Winter was just around the bend which meant scarfs, hats and hot coffee. The winter was something Clarke had hated as a child. Her father was the one to show her how wonderful it really was and how lucky they were to have it. 

Looking up Clarke watched a flake slowly glide its way down. Not everyone knew what snow was and how in one moment it can make a landscape so pure and innocent. Tracking its movement Clarke's eyes halted on the woman getting out of the car.

“If you are going to do this more often I can at least pay you to be my assistant.” Clarke stepped forward to see a smiling Lexa making her way towards her.

“Here is your coffee, black just like your soul.” Handing her the coffee, Lexa removed her glove to grasp onto the hot cup. Smirking at the truth of the statement. Ah it was definitely hot.

“You say the sweetest things Ms.Griffin.” Rolling her eyes she followed the girl into the the building, after waving hi to Anya.

“To what do I owe the pleasure?”  
“Can’t I bring you coffee as a thank you?”  
“No. You have that look in your eyes like you have something to say.”

Okay so Lexa could read her pretty well. That was mostly due to Lexa's observant ways. It wasn't anything Clarke had picked up on going straight over her head. Clarke did have something to tell her, multiple things actually. However there was one she was too excited to keep in.

“Do you have class?” Shaking her head, Lexa motioned for them to talk upstairs as people began to flood the lobby with the work day beginning. Lexa stressed privacy and made sure she had it as much as she could.

The elevator door opened to the top floor where the woman at the desk immediately stood up. She handed Lexa a hanger who picked it up and put her coat on it. Clarke did the same and then followed her into the office.

Lexa took a seat behind her desk as Clarke immediately walked to the window.  
“I'll never get over this view.”

Turning around in her chair she watched as the blue eyes darted all around the city. She was trying to take everything in always unable to fathom how such a small area can hold this many people. 

“You should come here and paint it one day.” Lexa suggested as she watched Clarke's shoulders as tensed up. The girl slowly turned towards Lexa with her arms crossed.

“So I wanted to tell you about the building.” Clarke swallowed her emotions as she didn't want to bring up the subject of painting knowing how their conversation ended last time. Lexa dropped it because it would just cause an enraged Clarke.

“I’ve talked to my mom and we are going to make the building an urgent care.” 

Lexa stood up so that she was on eye level with Clarke now.  
“That's incredible.”  
“Yeah my mom has already made a few calls and we are working on trying to start it up.”

Lexa took in the bright beam that was Clarke. There was excitement in her eyes knowing what the future was holding for her. With everything inside her Lexa saw Clarke was itching to pick up a paintbrush and design this city so that people could not only see it through her eyes but feel it.

However Clarke was stubborn not allowing herself have what she deserves. It was something admired and hated at the same time. Lexa who only wanted her to be happy at all times. So she knew she had to get on board with her new practice because Clarke wasn’t going to be happy unless everyone else was.

“I know some investors who would be willing to help.”  
“Really?”  
“Absolutely. I can pull a few strings.” Lexa opened a book as Clarke watched over her shoulder.

“What does a woman do who makes millions of dollars a second?”  
“Pull up that chair and I'll show you.”

Clarke did and began to watch as Lexa opened up a few tabs on her screen. She showed her how her business started up and how she keeps track of it. There was a lot of mathematics as well as guessing and having a good eye. Lexa got very deep into what she had been explaining, hoping some of it Clarke would pick up on.

“Just divide that by this sum.” Lexa showed her helping her calculate the problem. Clicking it into the calculator her mouth dropped when the result showed.

“I could be making that much?”   
“Well you have to subtract by all your debt then you can make that.”  
“That'll take me years.” Clarke whined as she put the calculator down.

“The wonders of college benefits.”  
“I can see now why you didn’t go.” Lexa held a tight smile knowing how much better she was off with that education. It was ideal for most people but Lexa wasn’t most people.

There was a slight knock on the door followed by the entrance of a man. The suited up bald man came in with an unpleasing face as he kept his hands behind his back.

“Ms.Woods.” Clarke watched as Lexa immediately stood up and stiffened. 

“Mebi oso na hit choda op.” _(May we meet?)_ The man spoke at the door. Clarke was convinced he held the male version of resting bitch face.  
“No.”  
“Ste em gon gon disha plan?” _(Is it because of this woman)_ Lexa gripped to the edges of her desk where her eyes looked to the side to see Clarke. He continued, “Em ste foto.” _(She is bad)_

“Shof op.” _(Shut up)_ Lexa huffed slowly looking back towards the door.

“Yun nontu-” _(Your father)_

“Pleni!” _(Enough)_ Lexa roared now taking control of the conversation. 

Titus had his ways of getting under her skin. Her father had always been one of a touchy subject that was very rarely discussed since his death. It blew her away he had the nerves to walk in here when she had a guest to make a comment like that.

“Ai laik Heda. Ai sad in gon ai. Bants!” _(I am Heda. I decide for I. Leave)_

Nodding his head he turned on his heels to leave out the door afraid to speak another word.

When the door shut Clarke looked up to Lexa who clearly was frustrated. Normally Clarke would not want to intrude but something had seemed off in the encounter.

“What language was that?” It wasn't her place to ask what was going on but she was more than happy to change the subject.

“Trigedasleng.”  
“I've never heard of it.” 

Lexa looked down sitting back down where she was. Visibly relaxing when she looked at Clarke.   
“It comes from an indigenous culture. Before I came to America it was the last place I remember being.”

“It's a rare language then?” Lexa nodded her head confirming the theory. If this man knew the language too there had to be something deeper between their relationship.

“Speaking of Trigedasleng. What are you doing tonight?”

“Probably watching a movie.” Clarke knew she had a huge test coming up but procrastinating was her middle name.

“There is a festival. Come with me, I want you to see it.” Lexa's face lit up just at the thought of bringing Clarke. It was something that was clearly special to her and she wanted to share it with her. So Clarke happily nodded her head as a soft smile appeared on Lexa's face.

Clarke had been searching for two hours for a nice outfit. Why was clothing so important? Couldn't everyone just wear sweatpants for the rest of their life.

“Just wear jeans and a shirt.” Raven suggested as she flipped through the magazine.

“Don't listen to her she is grumpy. Wear this long skirt and top.” 

“I'm going to freeze my ass in this Octavia.” Clarke picked up the very light skirt and soft material. The outfit was beautiful but she wasn't sure it was ideal.

“I've read up on this language it comes from the tribe Trigedakru. Not much of their past is known but lots of shit went down.”

Flipping through another page she continued her knowledge on the history. 

“About 20 years ago there was a terrible war going on there. Everyone was dying it didn’t look good for them. Most of the children fought but some were sent away to keep the culture alive for precautionary measures.”

“Oh my gosh you think Lexa was one of those children?” Octavia had stopped folding her clothing to listen to the story.

“There is very little information. Not many care for the story like other indigenous colonies that have been wiped out.”

“That's so sad.” Clarke stood up now noticing the time. “Shit I’m going to be so late.” 

Without another thought she put on the outfit Octavia laid out. Pressing a kiss to her cheek as a thank you.  
“Have fun!” The girls chimed out as she ran out the house to meet Lexa.

The thought of Lexa being a child soldier sent shivers down her spine. It was a great possibility considering that Lexa did not always live here nor talk about in detail of her past. Most of her stories were filled with adventures but never any background information.

It was a complete genocide that Lexa had avoided and now was living this life that she was probably not meant to live.

Arriving at the address Lexa was already there awaiting with a small smile on her face when she saw Clarke.

“Hi Lexa.”  
“A tulip?” Clarke handed the girl a single flower with a large smile on her face. Lexa took in the smell of the sweetly scented fragrance.

“Iris.”  
“Iris?”   
“That's my favorite flower. For the next time.” Clarke couldn't help but laugh remembering when she told Lexa hers. It only meant Clarke was going to have to fix her mistake.  
“Very cocky.”  
“Call it ambition.”   
Clarke shook her head knowing Lexa was always confident when she knew she could put someone on their heels.

“Why the flower?”  
“Why the festival?”  
“Touché.” But of course what made their relationship special was that Clarke knew exactly what to say to put her on her toes.

“Let me show you then.” Lexa motioned with her head to follow as the girls began to walk down the street.

Lexa knew this was going to be overwhelming for the girl so she tried her best to brief the girl on the history. 

“Most of the children in my foster family came from this tribe called Trigedakru, including myself. The people who came from there formed a community here that met every once and awhile. An underground festival formed that happens twice a year. Today is one of them.”

Turning down an alley Lexa knocked on the door once with a solid thud. There was a moment of silence before a voice came through. 

“Chon ste der?” _(Who is there)_  
“Ai laik Heda com Klark.” _(I am Commander with Clarke)_ Lexa responded loudly. 

The door was opened immediately before Lexa could finish. The woman standing behind quickly bowed her head as Lexa stepped forward.

“Come Clarke.”   
With precaution she followed Lexa in the completely black room where she encountered a set of stair. Going down she followed her down hearing a loud bang of the heavy door being shut behind them.

“Heda?” Clarke didn't understand what Lexa had said but she knew she couldn't miss that word.

“It's what they call me here.”   
Another door was open when they reached the bottom. Joyful noises filled the air as she walked into the room.

Room was the wrong word though. She had stepped into another universe she could not believe existed. Immediately it had looked like they were outside as the ceiling was painted as the night sky to create an illusion. Clarke could not believe the meticulosity that went into that detail.

Assumingly fake trees soared around them creating a forest like atmosphere. There were buildings too that had vendors and activities that as well laid out on the ‘street’. Most of the buildings looked to be made of wooden sticks and adobe. 

There was another world down here trying to capture what was left behind. However here it was safe, untouched by the monsters above.

Clarke tried to explain what she was witnessing but no words were coming out. Closing and shutting her mind was overwhelmed.

There were people everywhere crowding every inch. Children, both boys and girls, were fighting with war paint smeared on. There were people dressed in their native clothes as they performed different skills they were efficient in.

Clarke looked down to Lexa who was a step below her. Now looking at her she realized Lexa was in a simple black dress with spaghetti straps that was cut to reveal a part of one leg.

“Clarke Griffin speechless?” Snapping out of her thoughts Clarke still couldn't produce words but instead let her cheeks brighten.

“Come there is a lot to see.” Lexa gave a soft smile moving towards the crowd. Clarke quickly followed as she noticed the sandy like texture of the floor.

Standing next to Lexa, Clarke immediately gravitated to the first stand she could where a woman was making braids. The woman kept a straight face she looked towards Lexa nodding her head. Then turning towards Clarke she smiled motioning for her to sit in the chair. Looking towards Lexa she nodded her head encouraging Clarke to get it done.

Sitting down the woman spoke, “Chon ste em?” _(Who is she)_  
“Em ste no baga. Nou get yu daun.” _(She is no enemy. Do not worry)_ Lexa responded with her hands together in front of her.

“I am going to learn this language one day.”  
Smirking Lexa said: “She only asked who you are. Everyone knows everyone here.”

As she began to work Lexa was immediately approached by another woman. “Heda.”

“Indra.” Turning away from the woman Lexa looked to Clarke. “Excuse me for a moment.” Clarke nodded her head as she watched the woman move towards her.

Clarke looked the other way to pretend she wasn't paying any mind. However, she listened to the two women talk.

“Why is she here?”  
“I brought her.”  
“Where are your guards?”  
“I do not need them.”  
“You know she doesn't belong here. Heda, people will be angry. She could be dangerous and you need protection.”  
“Let them. Not everyone is an enemy to us. Clarke is good.”  
“You have done many noble things in your life. Do not let this moment of weakness ruin you.”  
“Love isn't weakness.”  
“It is when you are a leader. She is child's play.”  
“She is a strong level headed woman.”  
“Let me show you something.”

Lexa looked over to Clarke who was almost done. She knew the girl would be safe and venture around. So she left with Indra hoping she wouldn't receive another lecture.

The woman had finished her braid and immediately Clarke fished around her pocket for money. The woman laid a hand on top of the frantic hand.

“No money here. Today we celebrate. I offer my service with pride, especially to one of whom is friends with Heda.”

“Thank you. I love it.” Clarke looked in the mirror as she genuinely loved how it came out.

“Heda will think you are beautiful.” Clarke felt her stomach turn at the thought. She wondered what Lexa would think of her if she was one of her people. It was becoming clear that who she is may not be accepted here.

“Why are there no others allowed here?” Clarke looked to the woman who sighed and shook her head.

“Enjoy the festivities.” Clarke knew it was her signal to leave. Thanking the woman once more she made her way around the stands. 

There were all sorts of stands for food, clothing, tools, and so forth. She began to notice that many of the people had tattoos. Recalling Lexa’s she wondered what the significance to them was.

Many people gave her looks as they watched her make her way. The glaring surrounded her and she could tell people were not fond of her presence. 

Walking by, Clarke noticed a woman making pots. It was the only thing she could connect to when she felt so out of place, art. Naturally she made her way over taking a seat on the small stool that stood in front.

With her eyes closed and humming she watched the woman make a bowl without even looking. Just when she was close to finish she would crash it down again. Confusing her she couldn't understand why she had ruined the perfectly shaped pot. The woman was a very old one so she attributed to age.

People had been moving all around her but Clarke was enchanted by the way the woman moved her hand. It danced around the edges moving quickly when the tune of the song she hummed sped up. When it was sad she slowly moved the clay.

 

“I see you.” The woman spoke with her eyes closed. Confused Clarke looked around her to see if she was addressing anyone else.

“You no from here.” She spoke again.  
“No I'm not.” Clarke whispered in agreement.  
“You make pot too.” The wheel stopped moving as the woman reached out her hand keeping her eyes shut with every movement. 

“Oh no I can't.” Clarke shook her head knowing it wasn't a good idea.

“Make pot.” The woman gave her a stern look now. She wasn't going to give up and would probably drag her by the hair if she didn't. Switching places Clarke decided to start slowly trying to think how she wanted to make it. Carefully watching what she was doing to make sure she was creating a solid foundation.

“Eye close. Feel art.” The woman’s eyes were still closed slightly creeping Clarke out but she did as she was old.

The older woman began to hum as Clarke began to feel the clay more shaping it to her imagination.

The lady was old enough to be her great grandmother which meant she had to know some of the history here. Deciding to take a chance she hoped maybe she could reveal something out of her.

“Why don't people like me here?”  
Her humming stopped as she paused. The silence hinted that this was not a good sign. However the woman chose her words carefully.

“You Skaikru.” Of course she didn’t understand. What was a skaikru? It probably meant invader. 

The woman went on humming so Clarke continued to dive herself into her work. Closing her eyes again she let the sound of the festival consume her ears. It was when she picked up on the woman speaking. The older lady was not just humming but telling a story. Quietly listening she understood it was in Trigedasleng.

There was no understanding of any of the words but somehow the words strung together created a beautiful melody. Clarke could hear the climax and the sad moments, feeling the character’s desperation to survive. 

“Skaikru bomb air.” She continued in english. A part of Clarke was convinced she was psychic as she switched to the other language when Clarke made the realization. “Kill many. Laik Maunon.”

She made drastic movements with her hand as she tried to explain to her best of abilities. “Blood, death, sadness. We come here. Heda save us.”

That had really caught her attention now. Ever since they walked in here people had been bowing their heads to her showing respect. She had assumed it was because of her high ranking business but now she realized Lexa was a significant figure here.

People obviously admired her here and the thought made her smile. Lexa had made a difference for these people and though she didn’t know what it was she would be determined one day to.

“Can you keep a secret?” The woman nodded her head.  
“I think I like Lexa.” She felt her face flush. Knowing this woman wouldn’t remember her, she talked to her freely. A ton of bricks finally were lifted off her shoulder at the aloud revelation that was mostly meant for herself.

“Heda good woman.”  
“She is wonderful.” Clarke hummed in agreement. The woman continued to sing as Clarke messed with the pot in hand and mind wandering. Admittedly she wanted to know more about Lexa. So much of her history was here. She would tell Clarke memories but she had never revealed her past.

“How did she save you?” Clarke hoped to revert back to the previous conversation. She was curious now to see what she had meant.  
“Heda unite clans.”  
“How?” The woman shut her mouth and continued to hum the tune.  
“Wait, how? What clans?” The older lady continued to hum ignoring advancements made by Clarke. Searching around to see if anyone was looking she noticed why she had stopped. Lexa was coming.

“Aloisia, are you trying to scare my friend away?” Lexa walked over putting an end to their conversation. Nice timing, it was as if Lexa just knew when people were talking about her. Clarke looked up to see the girl smiling as she placed a hand on the shoulder of the woman who grasped on. Something had shaken her up and she knew she would have to ask later.

“I see you are working hard there Clarke.”  
“I didn’t know what to do.”  
“How does it feel?”  
“I’m afraid to tell you because I know you’ll rub it in my face.”  
“I just want to see my friend happy.”

 

“She like Heda.” Aloisia pointed to Clarke who stopped her hands. The woman was a child and could not believe she had rat her out like that cutting off their conversation.  
“Oh really. Clarke?” Clarke felt her mouth drop in mortification as the woman had revealed her secret.  
“Seriously, we had a deal.” Clarke tried to whisper.

“Yeah so about that art. It feels great, totally awesome.” Clarke tried to cover up as Lexa could see her on the edge. This was something she was going to hold against her for a while.

“Heda like Clarke.” The lady spoke again and this time the table had turned. Clarke was trying to hold in her laughter as Lexa’s eyes widened.

“Aloisia, you don’t know what you are saying.”   
“Heda smile. No smile like that for long time.” Lexa didn’t get angry but only grinned knowing the truth behind the statement.

Clarke watched the two women interact taking in as much as she could knowing she doesn’t see her interact like this much. After Aloisia spoke she watched as Lexa grinned with pride, proud of the new Lexa standing before them.

“Not since Costia.”  
“Aloisia.” Lexa warned having not told Clarke about her.  
“Hodness. Heda deserve happiness.” She finished her statement. “Klark en Heda keryon laik teina” _(Clarke and Heda souls are entwined)_  
“Thank you.” Lexa untended as she responded. 

“What did she say?” Clarke inquired.

Lexa knew the woman had seen herself as a storyteller which involved the past, present, and future. This allowed her to believe she could predict the future and say that Clarke’s and her soul are entwined. 

Now it could be seen as a dramatic notion but something in Lexa knew the truth behind it. After all their grandparents were once in love. Maybe it was destined for them to meet no matter what they would become in the end.

“Something I am waiting for you to see.” Lexa hummed. Clarke raised an eyebrow but she waved it off as she motioned for them to leave.

The girls had enjoyed the festivities as the hour had passed. There were angry eyes when she was alone but constantly with Lexa people never questioned and only showed their respect.

“I really do like your braid.” Lexa hummed as she made her way to the next stand.  
“She is so talented! I could never do that.”  
“Everyone learns how to do it as a child. It’s part of a tradition.”  
“Will you braid my hair one day?”  
“Only if you try this.” Lexa had walked over to a man who was selling food. She picked up the plate that held a skewer with something on it.  
“What is it?”  
“If I tell you, you won’t eat it.”  
“Bu-” Lexa placed the food in her mouth with her hand under her chin to catch anything that fell. Chewing Clarke’s surprised face lit up as she began to chew.

“Oh my god. What is this?”  
“Grub.” Clarke almost choked on her food as Lexa smirked.

“That’s for making my stocks plummet with your protest.” Clarke chugged down the bottle of water as she knew Lexa was enjoying every second of it. She was going to get the girl back at all cost.

Walking around music began to play very loudly. It sent an idea to Lexa as she led them to another stand.

Clarke looked at this one noticing the different sculpted animal faces that were hanging. Each one was intrinsically designed to express the animal, its stunning features, and strengths. 

“These masks are to represent you and your strengths. We believe that these animals not only represent us but protect us for once we were one of them. It is a tradition to wear and have one, so choose wisely.”

The man behind the table nodded towards Lexa then looked at Clarke. He held out his hand with his palm facing up. Looking towards Lexa she lifted her hand and placed it in his. The seller began to examine Clarke’s hand as if he was looking for a clue. Grunting he looked at all his masks and picked one out he believed was right.

“Normally this is a big moment in a child’s life for us. Today you are going to take part in a tradition that has been around for almost a hundred years.” Lexa spoke as the mask was revealed to Clarke.

“A lion.” She whispered.  
“You are a leader. Rule with an iron paw and lay waste to those who defy you. Your words are infectious and vital to those who follow. Lead them well.” The man spoke as he handed the carefully crafted mask.

There was no color to it but as Clarke ran her hand over the leather material. The mask had sharp edges as if it was surrounded in flames. Her eyes were emphasized with the thickening of the material. 

“Where is yours?”  
“I do not wear one.” Before she could ask why she continued, “For reasons I cannot explain to you now, however. I will wear this.”

Lexa pulled out the mask she had worn the day she first met Heda.  
“This caused us a lot of trouble.” Clarke commented as she watched Lexa put it on.  
“It was worth it.” Lexa spoke up as the music got louder. “Remember that special dance I showed you?”

Clarke nodded her head enthusiastically. “They are about to perform it and so are we.”

“Wait what?” Clarke mumbled as she was dragged onto the dance floor. 

Clarke stood on one side of the line while Lexa stood on the other facing her.  
‘This is bad’ Clarke mouthed as the music began to play. 

They both took a step forwards and reached out their arms. Grasping to the other they began to walk in a circle.

“What if I forget?” Clarke whispered knowing all eyes were on the dance floor now.

“You are a lion.” Lexa spoke as a smile grew on her face. “Wear it like you mean it.”

Suddenly the dance began and Clarke found herself in Lexa's arms dancing around the room. 

The music danced along as they moved in unison to the music. The people around them were clapping, cheering, and singing along. It was impossible to not feel the excitement that consumed the air

“I think I'm better than you.” Clarke whispered knowing how competitive she got.  
“You can't keep up.” Lexa whipped back. “And you can't catch me.”

Part of the dance required to separate and then return, however, Clarke had forgotten and now was on the end of the dance floor confused. Maybe she spoke to soon. She thought she was in the right place but Lexa was not there.

“Lexa?”

Carefully she danced herself through the crowd to find her. People meticulously moved as her eyes frantically searched. 

Catching Lexa's eyes she felt a little bit of relief. She motioned Clarke with her finger to come forward. Moving towards her, Lexa was quick to move again to get lost in the crowd.

That's when it clicked to Clarke what Lexa was doing. She wanted her to chase her down. If that was what she wanted that's what she was going to get.

Clarke felt her body go into predatory as she moved through the people. If they had been in a safari, Clarke imagined the people being the tall grass. Catching sight of her again she moved towards her but now she was off the dance floor.

Walking by the stand she saw the girl two rows ahead playing with an apple. After taking a bite she placed it on the table and made another move. Clarke quickly acted as she moved to go to the next row.

It was too late Lexa had already vanished leaving her bitten apple as a trail. She was taunting her showing the power was in her hand. If Clarke caught her prey then she would be the powerhouse. After all both women were strong powerhouses which probably could be unhealthy for them considering they always fought for dominance.

Lexa was playing with a child now showing him how to draw the bow and arrow. The children around them cheered as he successfully completed the task.

She then whispered to the children a secret. Clarke was making her way over now knowing she had the girl trapped. She watched as the girl straightened her body as the children followed her soldier like stance. Then without any words she pointed towards Clarke.

Within seconds the children turned towards her and ran right at her to tackle her down playfully. As she tried to look for Lexa through the mess of arms and legs she caught sight of the girl smirking.

After Clarke was successful in getting the children off her she completely lost sight of the girl. One of the children came up to her smiling.  
“I'm Aden.”  
“Clarke. Nice to meet you.” She shook his hand.  
“Heda told me to tell you that you stink at being a lion.” Clarke was not squatting so that she was face to face with the child.  
“Oh really? Got any hints for me?”  
“Yeah she went that way.” He nodded eagerly as he pointed in a direction.  
“Thanks bud.” She ruffled his hair as she quickly made her way.

Lexa wasn't hard to spot but that may be due to the fact that Clarke had her face embedded in her head.

She saw the woman who began to move again. This time she found her going through a closed off section. Following her through she entered into a tunnel where she ran.

“I’m coming.” Clarke shouted as she pushed her legs faster.  
“Should I go faster?” Lexa joked making the sexual innuendo.

Clarke finally caught up to cut off a running Lexa. She backed up into a wall and Clarke moved close enough to not let Lexa move blocked by her body. Her hands hovered each side of Lexa's head to trap her more.

“Caught you.” She whispered as the girl grinned. Both tried to catch their breath with heavy breathing.

“Took you long enough.” Lexa let out shakingly. Clarke unconsciously licked her lips as Lexa could not tear her eyes off them. Her breathing became heavier but it was definitely not because of the running. Clarke could not stop looking in the green eyes. The forest she always wanted to walk in.

Unable to help herself Clarke went to place her hand on the brunette's hip to bring them closer. She successfully moved their bodies closer just aching for them to touch. Clarke could feel her thighs tighten in between trying to hold it in. She couldn’t wait any longer so she began to move her other hand.

However Lexa was quicker to move as she grasped Clarke's arm. She turned them as now Clarke's back was against the wall and her hands pinned above her head by Lexa's tight grip.

Showing a visible gulp, Lexa spoke with assertiveness. “Don't start what you can't finish Clarke.”

Their lips were just seconds from finally closing in on each other but as Clarke leaned in Lexa pulled away smirking as she continued to make her way through the tunnel.

Clarke groaned as she felt her body curse in sweet agony.   
“You’re a tease Woods.” But at that moment Clarke would do anything to fill those desires so she followed Lexa into a room.

It was almost like an in ground pool she walked into as Lexa was walking around it. It was very small, just as big as hot tub. It was no ordinary room though. The small water was made in rock as the water inside bubbled with colors. The room was glowing with all these vibrant seaweed and rocks. Though the rocks made the room darker the fluorescent colors managed to create a mystical atmosphere.

It was odd to even see such a thing. Considering Clarke lived in New York for a while now this was something she never expected.

“This is beautiful.” Clarke whispered. “What is this place?”

“Trigedakru owns a few of these tunnels and they created this pool for special rituals.” Lexa spoke as she watched Clarke fascinate over the room.

Clarke leant over the water to see if she could see the bottom but somehow she managed to slip in. 

When she didn't pop up right away Lexa, without a second thought, jumped in to grab her flinging her mask to the side. The colors were bright making it very hard to see. 

Lexa had forgotten how deep this really was but finally she caught sight of a blonde that was struggling. In one swift movement Lexa grabbed her by the waist and pulled her up as they both gasped for air.

“I could swim.” Clarke huffed as she frantically tried to remove the mask off her face getting out of Lexa's grip. “This mask wouldn't let me see.”

Lexa watched as the girl ranted. Grinning she noticed the blonde hair all wet and messy poured down her body. She ran a hand through her blonde hair to clear her face of the mess. The water dripping on her face reminded Lexa of the paint Clarke always used to have on it. A sight that had become one of her favorites.

There was something so innocent, vulnerable about the girl at the moment. Though she was ranting on her blue eyes were highlighted by the water making them brighter than before and her rosy cheeks brought a new color to her.

“Why are you staring at me like that?” Clarke spoke when she noticed Lexa staring and smiling creepily.

“You're beautiful Clarke. I don't care what we are. I just need to have you.”

“Lexa.” The confession was out of the blue but she was done pretending like what they had wasn't real. Lexa swam closer now, she always got what she wanted and now she wanted Clarke. 

“Nothing promised. No regrets.” Clarke spoke now noticing how the green eyes went from dreamy to hungry. She needed the girl now. It was time she showed her why she had her nickname.

That was when Lexa reached for her neck and pulled her closer so that their lips came crashing.

Sighing in relief a part of Clarke felt the need satisfied but grew hungrier. The girl's lips were sweet and soft as if she was licking sugar off a candy. A wave of euphoria filled her body as the heat of the water and her skin began to burn inside her, Clarke felt so alive.

Clarke adjusted herself so Lexa was against the rock. The kiss was soft at first as the lips tangled with each other to get to know them better.

However when Clarke used her hands to cup the brunette's face it became hungrier eliciting a low moan like a growl rising from her throat. Clarke wrapped her legs around the girl’s Lexa held onto her back to push her closer.

All sensible actions went out the door as the tension between the two were resolving past desires but increasing new ones. Lexa's hands began to roam her body looking for the hem of the shirt.

Upon touching her skin a loud moan came from Clarke not realizing how badly she needed to be touched. She could feel the pounding between her legs knowing she no longer just wanted Lexa but needed her. Swiftly Lexa caught Clarke's desperate cry as she removed the shirt and with one click her bra was off as well to let the clothing float in the water.

“Smooth Commander.” Clarke murmured. Lexa now switched their positions as she herself removed her dress.

“So you know what Heda means now.”  
“Yes, now live up to your name.” 

Smirking the girls dove in for another kiss as her hands began to roam her chest. Clarke wrapped her own arms around her neck. Their tongues began to fight for dominance as it was not surprising to either girl. Clarke almost had to hold in the laughter at the thought of it but oh Lexa was too good to be true as she worked her way down her neck. Just as her teeth grazed at the skin they both got surprised.

“Ahem.” Another voice appeared as Clarke and Lexa immediately pulled away from the other. Clarke quickly dipped her body lower to hide her naked body.

“Anya.” Lexa growled as she became annoyed. The woman stood there with her arms folded over the chest.

“The closing ceremony is about to happen. Someone saw you run off in this direction.”  
“Oh.”  
“I am going to get you ladies towels and new clothing.” Anya walked away now and Clarke could feel the embarrassment fill her body.

“I’m sorry Clarke.”  
“Don’t be. I think we got carried away.” 

Lexa frowned at the comment. When Aya spoke she realized they had taken this too far. She let her frustrated sexual desires consume her rather than think with her head. Octavia’s words rung in her head ‘If you wouldn’t do it with Raven and I then don’t do it with Lexa.’ If she wanted them to remain friends having sex with her was not the smartest move.

“No promises. No regrets.” Lexa repeated understanding now what was going on in her head coming to the same realization. Lexa was never one to be spontaneous but in that moment with the blonde every rational thought went out the window.

Anya had returned with the clothing as they each got out to dry up and change. It was silent between the two afraid to say the wrong the thing.

After they were all clean they left back to the festival which was winding down now. Walking side by side they remained silent and somehow Clarke lost all interest. The wonderful music, the happy people, the active children all just seemed like background noise now as she tried to understand what was going on between them.

She kissed her. She liked it. Why was she debating about this so much? She could be with Lexa in the blink of an eye but she was hesitating. All she had to do was tell Lexa she wanted her too in that pool but she didn’t.

She wished nothing more than her father to be here right now. He would hold her close and tell her to stop being so foolish. There was no doubt in her mind her father would blame himself and Finn for the closing off her heart.

It so easy for the walls to come down but they needed be built to protect the heart and she had to keep them sturdy for the sake of her own weakness. 

Lexa approached the floor with a crowd surrounding her. Clarke stayed right behind her with Anya to watch. Before she could speak, a man in the crowd came forward to point behind Lexa’s shoulder where Clarke stood.

“She doesn't belong here!” A man screamed approaching the girls.  
“Wamplei kom Skaikru! Heda ste natrona!” _(Death to Sky People! Heda is a traitor)_ He yelled again with a few roars following him. Lexa felt the anger rise in her as he had the nerve to call her a traitor.  
He moved closer to the girl and instinctively Lexa moved to the front pushing Clarke behind her.

“Chil yo daun gona.” _(Stand down warrior)_ Lexa responded with assertiveness and anger. The tension grew in the room as two other big men came from behind. He did not respond to her request to stand down.

They were going to attack Lexa as they approached her. She had seen her in action once with Bellamy but wasn't sure she could take on three men who looked this strong. Looking towards Anya the woman only stepped back. Why had she not stepped up to help her?

Suddenly the man attacked. Clarke took a step back as Lexa dodged the first punch then sending one to the ground. In a turn she faced up another one who had a knife.

Clarke didn't get to see what happened next as the other one came running towards her with his own knife. The crowd had completely backed away now creating a circle around the fight. No one had made a move to break it up. 

Instead Clarke watched the knife come down on her before she felt her body yank from behind. Anya had pulled her away and was now fighting the man. Using her own dagger she fought with him to take control. Why did everyone have daggers?

Clarke frantically looked towards Lexa who too was struggling with the other man. It didn’t get better though as the initial man who spoke was now coming towards her. He didn’t have any weapons but she was sure he could strangle her without thought.

Knowing she could not flee she instinctively dodged the first punch. Putting her fist up she hoped she could defend herself for long. However, when he threw multiple punches at her, Clarke was not able to dodge them all as she earned herself one to the stomach. 

Grabbing her from the shirt his arm rose. Clarke closed her eyes waiting for the pain but when it didn’t come she felt her body drop to the floor. Opening her eyes she saw the man with a knife in his shoulder. Lexa stood almost fifteen feet away standing over her own man’s body as she looked at Clarke.

Anya had fought her man successfully when Clarke realized Lexa had flung the knife across the room into his shoulder. Understanding the commotion now, Clarke quickly got up to help the man bleeding.  
“I can stop the bleeding.” Clarke spoke as she checked for how deep it was. He wasn’t going to die but she knew it was going to leave a tough scar. The man lying on the floor spat in her face. 

She used her arms to clean it but before she could respond she was being pulled away.  
“I don’t want your help.” He screamed as another few people then approached to help him.

“Are you okay?” Lexa looked frantically between her eyes to make sure she wasn’t badly hurt. Still in shock she nodded her head trying to process everything.

Then she noticed the blood dripping from her face. Snapping out of her thoughts she had to fix the girl.

“Lexa you're hurt.” her hands began to touch her face to fix the blood but Lexa took hold of her wrist and put her hands down.

“Let’s just go home.” Lexa whispered in her ear. She began to move holding Clarke by the shoulders as she understood the blood was the least of her problems now. Just as they reached the top of the step to enter back into the stairwell that led them upstairs, Lexa stopped to look over the people.

“Zog Klark em yu zog ai.” Lexa roared as everyone looked up to watch the girl who now stood tall hands by her side. “You attack Clarke and you attack me.” Lexa translated to make sure everyone understood her. 

Her word was final for those who didn’t believe it witnessed it tonight as she took down the men. She had a reputation here and she proved once again why she was Heda.

Clarke would not understand how and why she had the title but she was grateful for it. It was one of honour and Lexa wore the name proudly.

Finally back on the streets of New York City, Clarke had to blink numerous times trying to wrap her head around where she just was and what had happened. It was like the mafia down there were only the members knew what was going on. If she was so clueless to this she could only imagine what else she was blind to.

“Let me see.”  
“I'm fine.”  
“Are you feeling light headed?” She shook her head.

Clarke went over all the symptoms in her head. “Do you feel nauseous? I can take you to the hospital. You are still bleeding.” 

Lexa was backing up raising her hand but Clarke followed.

“I told you I'm-”  
“Alexandria Woods let me see that cut now.” Clarke articulated every word annoyed as she saw fear in her eyes now. Lexa was almost never afraid but somehow Clarke using her full name sent the shivers down her spine.

Clarke looked above Lexa's eye where the cut was made. Her nose was bloody too so she handed her some tissues to stop the bleeding.

Using some water from a bottle and the spare band aid she carried, she cleaned up the girl's eye.

“Please ice it tonight.” Lexa nodded her head knowing not to argue.

There was a town car waiting for them and Lexa ushered them both in. Silence had filled the air as Lexa took an unmoving stance. This was the Lexa she had first met, always serious and stoic. 

Her eyes were fixated out the window as her chin rested on one hand. There was a sadness again but more of guilt than anything. Tonight had gone all wrong and she couldn’t tell what was worse. The attack or the kiss. Sure the kiss was great. Actually there were no words for it, Clarke felt she was on cloud 9 but she wasn’t sure if that was because of Lexa or because she desired it.

She hadn’t been touched like that since Finn and when a moment intensifies one can’t help but wonder why. Was Lexa struggling with the same issue? The attack was something she would get over knowing no one was dying or anything like that but how did she feel about the kissing.

“Lexa?” The girl clearly being pulled out of her thoughts hummed in acknowledgement.   
“Are you feeling okay?”She let out a hum of agreement keeping her unmoving body. 

“Why did they call me Skaikru?” Clarke whispered as she knew it was the reason they had started the fight.

She turned so her body was completely facing Clarke now. Understanding this was a serious conversation she sighed releasing the current tension that built up. 

“Anyone who is not part of culture we normally call Skaikru. It means sky people. Mostly because when we were attacked we were bombed from the air. Now that we have these festivities underground everyone above is considered one of those people.”

“But I don’t want to hurt them.”   
“I understand that but they think everyone is out to get them.”  
“Will you ever tell me the all of your past? Like why Aloisia said you saved them.”  
“One day. I'll explain it all just not tonight.”  
“You're head hurts.” Clarke noted aloud but she knew Lexa would not admit to it. She only mentioned it to let her know that she did know.

Clarke placed a hand over Lexa’s to show her support.  
“I’m so sorry about tonight Clarke.”  
“I had an amazing time Lexa. It was wonderful to see another part of you, if you know what I mean.” Clarke wiggled her eyebrows.

Lexa threw her head back with laughter as she shook it knowing how childish she could be. But it was one of Clarke’s special qualities. She knew how to make her laugh and just being in her presence calmed her down.

They were in front of Clarke's apartment but neither of them moved. Clarke wanted to lean in and kiss her but they needed to talk about what they are before anything.

“I really am sorry Clarke.” Lexa finally spoke.

“You are going to have to teach me how to use a knife like that one day.”

That smile appeared again. Oh how accustom Clarke could become with that soft smile. It was a smile reserved for her only but Clarke would never know that. 

“Only for you.” Clarke leaned in and pressed a small kiss to her cheek.

“Goodnight Lexa.” She stepped out of the car now taking one more look at Lexa as if it were the last moment she had. 

The woman was out of this world, nothing she would ever see like in her lifetime again. She was so complex and with every layer she peeled off the more she became in awe of the girl.

Closing the door she quietly headed up the stairs with her thoughts and emotions on overdrive.

\------

“No Octavia he needs to wear the green tie!” Raven groaned as she placed it against his chest.

“Hell no! Black shirt and red bow tie will get him laid today.” Octavia argued as she began to unbutton his shirt.

The boy sat there mortified to say anything as the two roommates bickered. Most guys would find it hot especially to have someone like Octavia Blake ripping off his shirt but he wasn't most guys.

The door to the apartment opened and he felt a sigh of relief as Clarke walked in. The girls too busy to notice her took the opportunity to run over to her.

“Help me. Your roommates are savages,” he whispered as he held onto one arm.

“Yo Monty I heard that! Get over here!” Raven stormed towards them but Clarke stepped in front to shield the boy.

“Move Griffin. I got business to handle here.”  
“I got cookies.” Raven untensed her body at the mention of food.

“That won't stop me.”  
“They’re from Georgie's Bakery.”  
“What kind?” Raven gave the suspicious. Needing confirmation it was the right cookie so she wouldn't tackle Monty.  
“Red velvet with that cream cheese filling you like.”

Raven's eyes light up as Clarke threw the bag onto the couch. Following the bag the girl immediately ripped it open to devour her favorite cookie.

Within seconds Octavia followed as the two girls fought for the bag.

“You're a lifesaver.” Monty whispered in her ear glad to be safe. Clarke then lifted up another bag to reveal she had cookies for them too.

“And a god.” Monty opened the bag as he ate one too.

Laughing Clarke headed over to the kitchen to put the groceries away. Everyone happily ate their food with the fights subsiding.

“My exams went great. Thanks for asking.” Clarke called out from the kitchen.

“We have more important things to worry about!” Octavia responded waving her off. Putting the last of it in the fridge she walked over to the living room where everyone was gathered.

“What's up?”  
“Monty's going on a date.” Raven grumbled with a full mouth.

“Who is the lucky gal?”   
“It’s a lad!” Octavia corrected as she clapped her hands.

“His name is Miller we met at the mechanics the other day.”   
“Oh my god Monty this is awesome! I need pics.”

Everyone began to fuss against the topic of what he should wear was brought up. Clarke preferred the red tie too causing Raven to get angry again. Miller had told him formal but not too formal. The long tie just screamed too formal the bow showed fun and ready to mingle. 

The buzzer to their apartment went off so Octavia went to handle the call confident her tie would win the battle.

“Who is it?” She spoke through the mic.   
“Lexa.”   
“Oh, come right up!”

“Lexa is coming up.” Octavia skipped into the room as she plopped on the couch. Clarke quickly stood up as she fixed herself frantically.

“Why so nervous Princess?” Raven watched as she fixed Monty’s tied.

“Something happened between you two.”  
“Nothing happened.”  
“She is lying. She is avoiding eye contact.” Raven sneaked closer as Octavia stared from behind the mirror.

“We kissed.” She blurted out as she fixed her hair.

“What?” Her roommates screamed.  
“Actually second base.”

“WHAT?” Even Monty had spoke up as they watched Clarke fidget with her hands. Raven and Octavia were now facing the girl in awe. Octavia grabbed her shoulders to shake her.

“Spill. Now.”

The knock came on the door and Clarke felt her body crumble beneath her. They hadn’t talked since the festival mostly due to overload of work. Clarke was stuck in the library and Lexa had to fly to her headquarters in Florida. She must have just gotten back. 

“Oh we are so not done with this conversation.” Octavia declared as Clarke made her way to the door.

“Lexa.” Clarke breathe out.

A wide smile took over with the mention of her own name. Spoken on Clarke’s lip was sweet like a chocolate covered strawberry, which she actually really craved right now.  
“Can I come in?”

Nodding her head she entered the apartment with Octavia and Raven sitting on the couch with exciting eyes.

“Raven. Octavia.” She nodded her head towards each of them as she was still formal with the two.

She noticed how desperately Octavia was trying to hold in something as Raven tried to avoid eye contact. Clarke’s roommates were weird, she wasn’t sure how they all meshed together sometimes.

Lexa really needed to get to know them better for Clarke’s sake. It was no question they were all attached at the hip. When Octavia began to flutter her eyebrows that's when the realization hit her.

“You told them.” She turned to Clarke who just shrugged her shoulders.

“You try living with them.” 

“How did it happen? Clarke hasn't told us any details yet.” Octavia jumped in excitement.

“Was she a good kisser?” Raven joined in seeing how quickly Lexa was getting flustered. It was very enjoyable to watch her uncomfortable knowing how impassive she could be.

“Oh she is!” Octavia spoke as everyone quietly turned to her. “Y'all relax it's not like we had sex.” She finished as Clarke stood embarrassed of her friends.

“Okay too far.” She pointed at Octavia then turning towards the business woman. “Lexa to my room.”

“Gonna hit a homerun Woods?” Raven continued as Clarke threw a pillow at her. Octavia made kissing noises excited to bust her chops later. Grabbing Lexa’s hand she led them towards the room where she slammed the door shut.

“I’m sorry for them.” Clarke spoke quickly picking up some of her clothing off the floor. “And this room. Didn’t know you were coming and with finals I haven’t even had a chance to breathe.”

“Here.” Clarke turned towards Lexa after she placing the clothing in a laundry basket. “Your clothing. I had them cleaned and dried.” 

“I totally forgot about these.” She sniffed her clothing jokingly. “Mmh lavender?”  
“Impressive nose.”   
“Thank you very much.” She beamed.

They stood in silence unable to tear their eyes from the other. Clarke had to admit it was really nice to see the girl as it felt like a lifetime for some reason. She took in the girl never failing to impress her even in her work clothing. 

She wore a tight navy blue pencil skirt with a white blouse that was without a doubt one too many buttons undone. Maybe she had a thing for business women because it was definitely getting hot in here.

Lexa took a step closer to her. Clarke watched her carefully as another step was made. Clutching onto her clothing she felt her body tense with another step.

“I want to kiss you again.” Lexa’s breath caressed the blonde’s face enveloping her into whatever trance this girl had her under. Raspy and deep her voice could easily make her eyes roll into the back of her head. Was it going to be a problem now every time the girl would be near her?

Unconsciously Clarke bit down on her lip feeling her body ache for the girl. There was something in the way she caressed her body in the pool. Her touch was delicate and gentle but just devilish enough to make her want her more. The heat that rose in her was a fire that couldn't be contained. Being near her was already setting on the fire alarms in her body.

As Lexa cupped her face with one hand she began to lean it with no protest. However, just as her lips were about to touch hers Clarke turned her cheek. The soft skin was not what she wanted to be met with. 

Removing her hands Lexa took a step back slightly shaking her head and keeping it down.  
“I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.”

Taking a step in her direction Clarke began to apologize. “No, I'm sorry. I just. I just need to tell you something first.”

Clarke motioned for the girl to sit on the bed with her. Cautiously she sat with the girl’s hands in her lap.  
“Are you going to tell me you are some-”  
“I'm going to Texas.” Lexa nodded her head acknowledging the point.

“For about a year.” Immediately a wave of disappointment consumed Lexa's body. Her face remained unmoving as to being so accustomed to not moving.

“I got a training opportunity there. At that soldier event, Bellamy introduced me to a doctor and offered me a job at the base.”  
“Bellamy?”  
“Yeah, he is working at base there. He actually left yesterday. I leave tomorrow.  
“Tomorrow?” Clarke only nodded her head.

“Is this what you want?” Not another word from Clarke but a nod.

She let Lexa take in the information knowing what really was going on between the unspoken words. There was more to this than just her leaving to Texas.

“I can visit you. One of my buildings is there.”  
“Lexa.”  
“Money isn't a problem. I can fly whenever wherever.”  
“It's a 24 hour job. I'll barely be able to speak to you. Personal devices are banned on sites.”

Lexa sighed knowing there was not much of a case she could make to get Clarke to stay. Being dedicated to their jobs made them so similar. How could she not understand Clarke putting work first? She was convinced they wouldn’t ever really get a swing at this. Something was always going to keep stopping them and Lexa needed to accept that.

“I should get going.” Lexa slowly stood up keeping her hands behind her back.   
“Uh yeah.” Clarke joined as they walked towards the door and went straight to the apartment door. Her roommates did not say a word as they could probably feel the tension in the room.

At the door Lexa turned to leave as Clarke let out a long sigh.  
“Can I take you to the airport tomorrow?” If she wasn’t going to see her for a while, she would take every second she had with her.

“I’d love that.” She nodded enthusiastically. Nodding her head she watched Lexa leave hoping that she wouldn’t hate her for doing this.

\------  
“Noooo don’t go.” Raven was attached to Clarke’s leg as she slowly dragged the girl against the floor.

“Clothing. Check. Toothbrush. Check. Passport. Check. Ticket. Check. Clarke. Not check. Ugh. Clarke you are going to be late!” Octavia screamed as she went off her checklist to make sure she had everything. 

Clarke tried her hardest to move only going at a slower pace than a snail.  
“See you can’t handle my weight! You aren’t fit for the military.”  
“Ugh Raven.” Only holding on tighter she finally made it to the couch where she tried to catch her breath.  
“You can’t leave me alone with Octavia! I’m going to die. Don’t you understand this?” She pointed towards Octavia who now had her hands on her hip.

“The real problem is going to be living with you.” Octavia spoke giving the girl the death stare.  
“See Clarke she is going to kill me, look at that death stare! I won’t be here if you leave.”  
“I promise I will be back.” Clarke whined as she checked her phone, getting a text from Lexa to let her know she was here. 

“Come on Reyes, Lexa is here.” With that Raven shot up from the floor to wiggle her eyebrow.  
“Lover girl is here.”   
Groaning she moved towards her stuff checking everything again to make sure she had everything. It had been a crazy day. She spent most of the morning with her mother planning the new clinic that would already be running when she got back thanks to Lexa. 

Then Octavia had packed the rest of their afternoon with bonding activities because she wanted to enjoy every moment no matter how many times Clarke tried to explain she was going to a training camp and not war. 

It was time to go and she was going to miss her flight at this rate.  
“Bring it in Reyes.” A smiling Raven hobbled over to squeeze the blonde.

“Gonna miss you Princess.” She whispered as they both held on. Clarke began to feel her eyes water up. She placed her hands on Raven’s shoulder to make sure she looked her straight in the eye.  
“You listen to me Raven. You are the strongest, smartest, most independent, resilient person I know. Do not let this leg thing get you down. I am going to come back and you are going to be so past this it’s not like it ever happened. You do not need those things to take the pain away. Got it?” 

Raven nodded her head as the first teardrop fell. She wasn’t a cryer but Clarke knew how to tug on those heart strings.

“Save some tears for me.” Octavia spoke with tears already filling her eyes. Clarke lunged herself at her best friend who held onto for dear life. She snuggled into her neck knowing she was going to miss their cuddle sessions, late night talks, and everything else in between.

“Now you listen to me Clarke Griffin. Even if this doesn’t work out we are going to be here for you a hundred percent. I know Bell will look after you as I made him swear to it. Just please be safe.”   
“I’m going to miss you.”  
“A year is going to fly by like nothing. Come on now, group hug!” All the girls crashed into each other as they sniffled their tears back in.

It wasn’t a ‘goodbye’ but a ‘see you later’ and Clarke had to keep reminding herself. Raven had been living with them for a while now but Clarke knew it was going to be hard without Octavia. 

The girls had seen so much of each other since they first met in highschool. They went to college nearby but when Clarke left abroad it had been the hardest separation for both girls that Octavia spent her summers with her there.

This was a whole year and she probably won't be able to talk to them often at all. Pulling back she wiped all the tears away and picked up her stuff.

“I love you girls.”  
“We love you too!”  
“Go on now you are going to be late Princess.”

Taking one more look over her shoulder she waved goodbye to the girls and headed downstairs.

Lexa had been leaning against the town car dressing very formally per usual. Recalling correctly she had informed Clarke she had a business meeting that morning with new investors.

Quickly coming over she picked up one of Clarke's bags and swung it over her shoulder.  
“You've been crying.” Lexa noted the puffiness of the red eyes.  
“My roommates are emotional. Don't make me cry too Lexa.” She pointed sternly at the girl.

As both entered the car most of the ride was silent to JFK. Her plan was to take a cab but Lexa of course graciously offered to take her.

Just as they arrived Clarke picked up all her bags and quickly checked from the curb.

The two were still silent as they both waited for the other to make the next move. Neither did.

Lexa was engraving every feature to memory. The way Clarke let her blonde hair fall down or how her blue eyes spoke with passion when she talked. She was undoubtedly going to miss the girl who looked at her past her shell and saw more than anyone else. Ever since their kiss she has had a need for the blonde that she couldn't hold down.

When they had first met she thought it was the challenge Clarke gave that made her come back for more. However, Lexa was starting to believe there was more to it.

The honking of the cars snapped her back into reality knowing she didn't have much longer.

“I have something for you.” Lexa spoke as she turned around and picked up the small wrapped box.  
“Lexa you didn't have to do that.”  
“Open it when you get there.” Smiling she nodded and placed the gift in her bag.

“I should probably get going.”  
Lexa nodded her head understanding.  
“Can we try this again when I get back?” Clarke had to hold onto something for that year. She needed to know Lexa would be waiting for her when she got back. 

Before she could answer her phone was going off and it was her mother. Knowing her mother would be angry at her if she didn't pick up she knew it was her cue to leave.  
“Um I need to take this.” 

Nodding her head she let the girl get going.  
“I'll be back soon Lexa. I promise.”  
“Goodbye Clarke.” Clarke kissed the girl's cheek giving her a tight hug. She left for the airport as she picked up her mother's call.

After hanging up with her mother she decided to get some coffee before she boarded. There was still paperwork that needed to be filled out and her day had exhausted her to no end. Dunkin Donuts was admittedly her weakness as she went to order herself a macchiato. 

There was still some time before she got on the plane. Bellamy had texted letting her know the hot weather there. She did miss him and was happy they would be reuniting.

He had a messy patch since he came back from war. Octavia wasn't thrilled about him going back afraid he would fall back into old habits but he claimed it was all he had. Though she wasn’t going to see much of him, it was comforting knowing she was going to place where she at least knew one person. 

“Clarke.” Her head shot up at the sound of her name pulled out of her thoughts.

“Lexa? Oh shit did I leave something?” Clarke frantically looked around her but Lexa stopped her gripping onto her wrists.

“No.”  
“What? Then why are you here?”  
“You asked me a question. My answer is no.” She let go of the wrists to give the blonde space.

Before her phone rang she asked her to give them another try. She hadn't given Lexa the opportunity to answer completely forgetting herself. 

“I won't wait for you.”  
“I don't understand.”  
“Tell me you aren't going for Bellamy.”  
“Excuse me?” Clarke took a step back noticing how close they were. Confusion filled her face as she couldn't understand what was going on. Clarke had spent so much time with Lexa she had almost forgotten her Bellamy had a thing once. It was absurd for her to even think she was going just to be with Bellamy.

“I'm going for a job opportunity.”  
“Then stay here. There are tons of rehabilitation centers in New York City.”  
“They offered me-”  
“You and I both know that is not the only job you could get.”

Lexa also knew she wanted to go there partly because she didn't know what to do. Now, Clarke was sure of it and so it was her chance.

As Lexa stepped forward Clarke held onto the girl's forearm. Why was Lexa suddenly making this so difficult?

“Lexa I know you want me to stay but I can't.”   
“Why can't you?”  
“I told you it's the job.”  
“Screw the fucking job Clarke that wasn't your only option. You are going to the other side of the country to a place where you know no one can reach you.” She ran a hand through her hair trying not to attract attention.

“Why are you doing this?”  
“Because I'm tired of waiting for you to see Clarke. To see that you like me. You have feelings for me you are afraid to admit. You and I both know there is something more here and Lord knows how patient I've been.”

She felt anger rise in her as she finally spoke her words out loud. There were so many things she needed to say and she had to make sure they were all said.

“I can wait forever for you to figure yourself out. What I can't watch is you running away from us.”  
“I'm not running away.”  
“Then stay Clarke.”  
“Lexa.”  
“Stand there and tell me that our kiss didn't mean anything.”  
“We weren't thinking.” Clarke tried to reason but this battle was out of her hands now. Frustration was building in both of them.

Clarke was building this wall around her heart and every time she let Lexa in she would build it twice as high. There was an explanation to this but Lexa would never know if Clarke couldn’t communicate that to her.

Lexa was being ridiculous in her eyes. She should have left things the way they were. It ended on a soft note with both their minds at peace, at least hers.

“Don’t run away from me.” Anya had told her so many times she never put herself which was why she was so miserable. So this was her chance. It was an opportunity for Lexa to be happy with a woman she was becoming crazy about.

Clarke looked frantically between the girl's eyes. That damn green forest that had her trembling at the knees since they first met. 

Of course she was running away. She was running away from all her problems she was afraid to admit.

Leaving for Texas she wouldn't have to deal with the new business. Clarke could finally move on from art if she put herself through intensive training. She could escape her building, the one that caused her headaches, not having to worry about leading anything.

She would be able to escape Lexa. Though they may have just kissed it was clear they were growing attached to each other. It was inevitable something sparked but she didn't want to open herself yet. In Texas she wouldn't have to worry about the green-eyed girl.

“This is the final boarding call for all passengers booked on flight 372A to Houston, Texas.” The final announcement was being made. 

 

“Clarke if you go on that plane then don't expect me to be here when you get back.” Lexa had made her ultimatum.

She needed to make a decision right now. There would be more difficult moments in Clarke’s life undoubtedly. However, at this moment she was trying to defuse a bomb. If she were not careful enough she would lose everything, that is Lexa.

Closing her eyes tight she made her choice.

“Lexa, I-”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I'm an ass for ending like this sorry :( but hey its extra long! 
> 
> Let me know what you are thinking! The song is Voulez-Vous from Mamma Mia soundtrack


	11. If This Were A Movie

_Come back, come back, come back to me like_  
You would before you said, "It's not that easy."  
Before the fight, before I locked you out  
But I take it all back now 

“This is the final boarding call for all passengers.”

Watching intently, the next plane took off and was up in the air gliding its way higher and higher. It was mind blowing to imagine that humans have created technology to allow us to be free in the air.

It would be an adventure to soar through the air with no weights holding you down. The way the wind would whistle through your ears and engulf your entire being. For once in your life no weight would be on your shoulders with nothing on your mind.

Being on a plane or in an airport a sense of adventure filled the room. Every passenger was off to a destination writing their own story as there was something waiting for them when their feet touched the soft earth again. Stories were so magnificent because no one ever had the same. Without a doubt she was sure this story was one not heard.

What was their story though? A woman who came prancing in the middle of night to tell her to dance in the rain changed her whole momentum of her life. Becoming enamored with the unknown girl she found herself inspired and motivated. That stuff was just pure movie quality and now she was faced with this choice. 

The universe clearly kept slapping in her in the face as their fates have entwined from their grandparents, to work, and now to their personal life. If Clarke ran somehow she knew she would meet Lexa again, it would be inevitable. 

 

“Clarke.”

Looking up she saw the woman standing there in her usual business clothing. Those damn business clothing she was so attached to. It was almost mind boggling not see her in them.

There was hopefulness in those green eyes as the words rolled off her tongue. A desire was aching and there was no control over what she wanted. Clarke shut her eyes tight feeling her brain about to burst.

Lexa made her happy. She couldn’t think of a moment where she didn’t want to be with the woman, well after she found out she was Heda. Waiting day by day there was something more new and marvelous about the girl. 

Smiling to herself, she knew she could pinpoint the moment where she started to fall completely in awe of this incredible woman. Lexa had played the piano with such passion and emotion she had understood now why Lexa related to her paintings.

Maybe it was pure coincidence it worked both ways. However, there was a sense of understanding towards the other’s emotions, especially the pain. For an unknown reason words were not a necessity for expression.

Every note was laced with an emptiness determined to fight through it. Just as Lexa claimed that her paintings were extremely relatable, Clarke couldn’t help but feel the same way of her music. 

She wanted to beat herself up sometimes when she remembered that Heda and Lexa were the same person. So many times she wondered what would have happened if she left the studio a few minutes later. The choices we make are so impactful, the wrong one could leave you regretting your entire life.

Had she made the right choice?

“Lexa, I won’t run away. Not from us.” 

She dropped her bags to the floor taking the other girl’s hands in hers. The words were all the clarification she needed as Lexa’s smile grew wide. It was those words Clarke needed to hear herself say.

She brought their lips together having been aching for them for so long. Lexa’s touch was sensational it was all she needed to drive her crazy. The brunette had wrapped her body close not wanting to let go, afraid she would lose her.

This was the right decision. Clarke was convinced of it. Lexa had her way of getting into that deep place no matter how much it scared her. She didn’t have to worry because she had Lexa now and that was all she needed.

Lexa pulled away cupping the girl’s face. A tear rolled down her cheek having felt something right clicked in her.  
“Thank you Clarke.”

Just as Clarke went to press her lips against hers, Lexa had grabbed her by the shoulders and began to shake her worriedly.

“Clarke?”

The shaking continued as Clarke frantically looked into the worried eyes unable to open her mouth and communicate. She felt her throat thicken as her head became foggy. Lexa’s shaking was not helping as nauseous began to brew.

 

“Clarke!” Opening her eyes she saw the woman shaking her and felt a sigh of relief.

Her eyes scanned the brunette standing there not understanding what happen. Blinking a few more times her mind snapped back into reality quickly looking to hug her best friend.

There was nothing more she had missed than being in her best friend’s arm as she was embraced by them. Clarke was met with a tight smile of understanding and not wanting to push her for details.

Gratefully, Octavia knew her all too well picking up the bags to leave the airport. The nausea filled her stomach again remembering everything that had happened in that spot.

“Come on let’s go home.”

The beginning of the ride back was mostly met with silence through the rough airport traffic. Clarke spent her time on the phone texting and making numerous calls.

“You got tanned.” No response from the blonde.

The only focus Clarke had was trying to get to the person on the other line. Since she had walked out of that airport she felt herself walk in shame as if she was coming back home from a terrible night the next morning only this was much worse.

“She isn’t going to pick up.” Octavia spoke from the driver’s seat frustrated. 

“Drop me off at her job.” Clarke demanded unable to keep her eyes off her phone. There was determination hoping she would get a response sooner rather than later, well maybe just any response.

Octavia sighed knowing the girl was in denial. This was all sorts of fucked. After Clarke had called her one evening telling her of past events she felt her body tense with anger at her friend. Stupidity was her middle name.

“Come home Clarke. Raven has a surprise for you.” Her attempt to be civil only could go so far. 

“I’m not in the mood for one.” She tried to reason with the girl hoping to get her mind off of it but she was not going to deal with rudeness. 

“Cut the crap Clarke. You know I don’t put up with bullshit. We aren’t going to her job and that’s final.” 

Getting angry at the girl Clarke whipped her body towards her away from the phone.  
“Pull the car over then.”  
“No.” She gripped her hands tighter on the wheel letting her anger flow into it.  
“Fucking shit Octavia. Pull this goddamn car over before I jump out of it!”

Octavia locked the door as she pulled over to the side of the road just as Clarke went to reach for the handle.

“Octavia!”  
“Shut the fuck up Clarke!” Another attempt was made by the girl but Octavia was stronger and held her grip on her arm pulling her back into the car. When the blonde whipped to face her, the blue eyes were glassy.

Shame. Guilt. Humiliation. Disgrace. Regret. The list could go on of all the emotions plastered on her face. Her friend had done what she does best, put up walls. For once she had something really working for her but she flushed it down the toilet and there was almost no way of getting it back.

It took one look, the first real look Octavia had seen in a year from Clarke to break down. She found herself crying in her arms.

“I fucked up Octavia.” Clarke mumbled into her shirt. Rubbing her back there was nothing she could say or do to take the pain away.

 

The ride back was solemn as Clarke had finally given up on the phone. Octavia was right about that surprise because as they walked into the apartment she was bombarded with a ball of fluff.

The fluff ball began to bark insanely as he greeted the new face to him.  
“A dog!?” Clarke screamed as he jumped excessively.

“Meet my new companion, Cado. He is a pomsky!” Raven gleamed with pride.

“He is a service dog.” Octavia whispered in her ear as she entered the room.

“Good boyyy.” Clarke chime petting the very hyper boy.

“Sit.” Cado happily obeyed which allowed Raven to tightly hug her friend.

After settling back in the girls ordered pizza and drank a few beers. They all caught up on the past year but things didn't go so well when Clarke asked about her building.

“How's the urgent care?”

Octavia looked down afraid to answer the question as Raven turned her head towards the dog. Was he eating her shoes? No wait that’s Clarke’s shoe. She probably should stop him but he looked like he was having so much fun.

“Hello?”  
“You tell her.” Raven mumbled a little too loudly.  
“Hell no I had to deal with her in the car.”  
“What’s going on?” Confusion set in the blonde as she watched the girls bicker over telling her some news.

“Rock paper scissors?”  
“Best 2 out of 3.”

The girls competed while Clarke provided them with a death stare and crossed arms. Obviously something was up but it couldn’t be that serious. After all if things had gone to shit they would have called her. Right?

“Fuck.” Raven had lost and was now the bearer of bad news.

“Uh Clarke, someone bought out the urgent care.”  
“I don’t understand.”  
“Well you see um LexaBoughtTheRightsToYourBuisnessWhichAllowedHerToBuyTheBuilding.” 

“WHAT!?”

Having somehow understood every word in one breathe she had said Clarke was now up on her feet. Clutching to her chest there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that she was about to have a heart attack. 

“Clarke?” Octavia stepped forward to her friend who fell back onto the couch trying to find her breath. Everything and anything was running through Clarke’s head. She couldn’t understand what was happening right now. If her father knew what was going on he would kill her.

Her fingers comb through her hair having lost one of her family's biggest prize possession. Where was her mother throughout this?

“I don’t understand? You know how much that building means to me and my family! How could you let her do this?” Clarke stood up pushing Octavia at the shoulders. 

No response. Octavia kept a straight unmoving face taking somewhat of a beating.

“Why didn’t you stop her?” 

Pushing her again she felt the blood rise inside her with another cry of words.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Another push. She had entrusted her best friend to take care of her prized possession while she was gone. She was supposed to protect it with her life.

“You left Clarke!” 

Octavia retaliated now as she stepped closer towards the girl. 

“How could YOU do this to her?” Octavia delivered her first push sending Clarke back in the direction she came from. 

“She was fucking hurt and seeked vengeance for the heart YOU shattered!”

Another push back as Clarke took them without fight, rightfully deserving them.

“Don’t blame me or Raven or Lexa for any of this! You fucked up. This was your fault Clarke. This one is on you.”

The words lingered in the air as no one understood what was going on Storming the living room, Octavia left full of anger at her friend. Raven quickly left the paperwork on the table following Octavia into the room.

She stood as a bystander knowing Octavia had meant every word. Cado followed suit and the door to the room was slammed shut causing Clarke to flinch.

Trying to put everything in the back of her mind she began to read the new contract.

Nothing made sense anymore. This was not how it was supposed to happen. Clarke knew she messed up but now she had to pay the price.

Thinking back to the night in the airport Lexa gave everything she could to get Clarke to stay.

No one would know that this strong hard woman would crumble for the blonde. Now Clarke was going to be met with as Raven called ‘Bitch Lexa’.

She was doing what was best for her company but she also knew how much Clarke would hurt over this. If Lexa swung hard before she was going to come swinging ten times harder now.

The girl tried her cell phone again. No response. There was a possibility that maybe she was out of the country but she was sure she was just ignoring her.

Wait! Clarke thought she finally found a loophole in the contract. Reading through the clause again pencil gripping tight her eyes feverishly scanned the page.

“Thought about it too but you waived your rights when you didn't attended the meeting.”

Clarke looked up having to blink a few times to see who was standing there.  
“Octavia I'm so sorry.”

Clarke stood up to embrace her friend in a hug. They stayed like that for a few minutes unspokenly apologizing and forgiving the other for their actions.

“I've read through it so many times Clarke. I tried so hard to get it back, I even had my boss check it.”

Clarke placed the contract on her table feeling her body relax into the couch. Octavia sat across with a stern but sorrowful look in her eyes.

“I'll never understand why I didn't stay.”  
“I do and so do you.”  
“I know Finn-”  
“It's not about Finn.” Sighing from her side she wished Clarke wasn't so blind to her emotions. It could make her a stronger person if she tried to realize she wasn't made out of stone.

“You have to fight for her now. Forget the building right now. It won't go anywhere. You aren't the person I thought you are if you don't do this.”

Standing up the girl rewrapped herself in her robe. “It's three in the morning. Let's go to bed.”

Rubbing her eyes Clarke followed having not realized she spent six hours picking apart the contract.

Nodding her head she reluctantly went to bed as millions of thoughts of Lexa clouded her mind.

\-------

“A hot macchiato half carmel, half mocha no whipped cream but extra foam and an extra shot of espresso with a dash of cinnamon and a black coffee.”

Digging in her bag she pulled out her wallet to pay for the coffees. It was still early in the morning and the girl had no idea if she would be here. This was probably the worst idea she had but she couldn’t think of anything else. 

Her business would always be there but the girl wouldn’t and so she had to fight for the right thing. At least that was what Octavia had been pounding in her head for hours. 

The town car pulled up feeling the anticipation build inside. As the door opened the heels that collided with the sidewalk were not the ones she hoped for.

She waited for another pair to follow but the door was slammed shut.

When the woman made eye contact with her she rolled her eyes as continued towards the entrance.

“Anya!” Clarke called out but she didn't respond keeping her focus on the door.

Entering the building she followed suit trying to get the woman's attention.

“Anya. Anya. Anya.” Walking through the lobby she prayed the girl would turn around but she would not shut up. Turning right before the turnstile to the woman she gave the girl the deadliest look.

“I need to talk to her.”  
“She isn't here.”  
“I know you two are always together. Please.”   
“You think coffee is going to fix this?” Anya was always straight up and lately she had enough of Clarke's crap.

“Let me explain myself.”  
“I don't want to hear it.”  
“Let me see Lexa then.”  
“I'm serious Clarke she isn't here. She moved back to Florida where our headquarters are.”  
“Could you just-”  
“Stay away. Lexa doesn't want to see you, you made your decision and so has she.”

Shrugging her shoulders Anya decided to grasp the coffees and take it upstairs. With that Anya left the girl in the lobby as her heels clicked her away. 

Sighing in frustration she had no idea what she was going to do. A time machine could be really useful right now.

\-----  
 _Come back, come back, come back to me like_  
You could, you could if you just said you're sorry  
I know that we could work it out somehow  
But if this was a movie you'd be here by now

 

“The Trigedakru festival is coming up Ms. Woods.”

Last year was not as ideal as she hoped. She made it to the summer festival but this was not one she wanted to attend. Lexa had almost killed a man and though their culture allowed it, the American law was not as understanding.

There was duty that needed to be filled and she knew she would have to fly to New York soon. She avoided it like the plague so much that she flew to Newark airport in Jersey if she had to.

How could she be mad at Clarke when she knew she would have done the same thing. Work always came first, it was just how they were built. Personal desires always took a back seat in their lives and now it was biting them in the ass.

She felt so stupid she gave an ultimatum but this time didn't hurt as bad as the last time she fell into oblivion.

The situation was not her fault, she tried to convince herself of this so much. Had she been wrong in believing they had a chance?

“Ms. Woods?”

Oh yeah that's right, she is Alexandria Woods. Happiness just wasn't in her cards. Her name just sounded ugly now as it felt branded with misery. 

“Yes book my flight to Newark day of.” Unfortunately she still had responsibility though she did miss her city.

Indra had left the room now leaving her to scan over the presentation for next week's meeting.

Lexa felt it was best Anya took over the New York quarters as she took her next assistant to help her here. Of course she missed her sister dearly but sacrifices had to be made.

Anya deserved the position and there was no one else she would feel more comfortable with. Trust was so important in a business and luckily for her she had her sister.

It worsened though when Lexa demanded Lincoln to move with her. She wanted him to be her new detailed bodyguard but the problem came in the form of an Octavia.

It meant he would have to move away from her something neither were fond about. Lexa promised him more days off to make the deal more intriguing.

Lincoln spent so many hours fighting with Lexa to reveal their relations but she held her ground. Reluctantly he caved in leaving an angry and confused Octavia at home as they tried a the long distance relationship.

The younger one was convinced she had it out for but the truth was she needed her family. With Anya staying in New York she needed stability in Miami.

Her phone rang again for the hundredth time today.

_Clarke_

Lexa knew the year was up, mostly due to the fact she had been counting down the days herself. Having been good at avoiding her calls she reluctantly picked up the phone. She read through their old messages hoping for some comfort, maybe a better understanding.

**Clarke: No you can’t be serious**

**Lexa: I was just as disappointed**

**Clarke: How is that possible?**

**Lexa: The naked eye does not have the necessary color cones. So we mostly see it in white and grey**

**Clarke: Thank you for that dork**

**Lexa: It'll cost you for information like that**

**Clarke: It's on my bucket list**

**Lexa: Paying me for valuable information**

**Clarke: Haha no, to see the Northern lights**

**Lexa: Why?**

**Clarke: After my father passed I wanted to make sure I lived and not just went through it because I had to. So I started writing down things I want to do**

**Lexa: Have you done any?**

**Clarke: Yup. Meeting a famous person.**

**Lexa: Who was that?**

**Clarke: You, you dummy!**

 

Was there anyway she could go back to being Heda? Clarke really liked her, even Lexa liked her more. There was no expectations of Heda not like the demanding ones she had now.

What was worse was that all Clarke had to do was come home again and say sorry. Lexa knew she would cave in eventually but she couldn't help but be selfish for once.

If this were a movie Clarke would already be here by now. There would be no more waiting and there would be a happy ending. That was all Lexa really desired, a happy ending just like everyone else she was no exception. 

Shutting off her phone Lexa knew no work was going to get done today so she decided to call it a night. 

Paging her driver, she let Indra know she was done for the evening and to have food be sent to her house.

“Lexa.” 

Upon hearing her name her head shot up to look at the door. She was surprised someone had used her her first name as no one in the office did.

What shocked her even more was the woman standing in front of her. Everything in her hand fell to the floor feeling her whole body shake. 

“C-Costia?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha don't hate me. You definitely won't be expecting whats coming next but I PROMISE that this angst will all take a break soon i have so much fluff on the way
> 
> This was also mainly a filler thats why its short. This is song is If This Were A Movie by Taylor Swift, its cute you should listen to it.
> 
> SHOUT OUT to my beta reader Caro! Always quick and efficient thank you!!!!


	12. Back To December

_Because the last time you saw me_  
_Is still burned in the back of your mind_  
_You gave me roses and I left them there to die_  
_So this is me swallowing my pride_  
_Standing in front of you saying, ‘I'm sorry for that night,’_  
_And I go back to December all the time_  
_It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you_  
_Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine_  
_I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right_  
_I go back to December all the time_

 

“C-Costia?”

She shook her head not believing what was happening. She was dead, wasn’t she? Walking around her desk she made her way towards the woman wanting to embrace her in her arms.

Her face was embedded in her mind, every feature was there as she hadn’t changed one bit. Her brunette hair cascaded down the right side of her body with entangled braids she always wore. Those eyes always shone bright with adventure and hopefulness causing a soft smile to form at their memories together.

Her crazy beautiful audacious Costia was standing right in front of her. That had to be a miracle! Lexa could feel her heart already crumbling at just the sight knowing how she always demanded the room.

Trying to comprehend the situation, she couldn’t understand how Costia was breathing in front of her. Taking hold of her arms she needed more confirmation that this was not some crazy ghost story.

“I thought you died.” Lexa had finally managed to let out with a shaky breathe.

“I did.”

“I don’t understand.” Lexa instinctively held the girl by her face to let her thumbs run over the soft warm skin. Grabbing onto her wrist, Costia leaned into the touch.

“This is your dream Lexa. Remember?”

“Why am I dreaming about you now?”

“I don’t know. You tell me.”

They took a seat in the couch of her office as Costia laid her head on her chest. Lexa pulled her in close keeping a tight grip on her body. She missed the warmth that always radiated from the girl. It always felt so right to hold her in her arms, to know they were safe in these moments. No one could take that away from her.

This wasn’t unusual for Lexa to see Costia like this. In fact many times she had it was because she was overcoming a problem and she had no one to talk to. After she lost her she spent so many nights talking to her in her dreams. 

Costia would visit as they would talk about everything and anything under the sun. Sometimes it was in her office, other times it was through the park, but wherever they were Costia had always help her through whatever was circulating in her mind.

“I haven’t seen you in a while.” Lexa had admitted taking in the sweet smell of her former lover. Home, just the way she liked it.

“You found someone.” She whispered.  
“I don’t want to talk about.” Pressing a kiss to the wrapped arm she knew Lexa better than that. She wanted to enjoy every second she had left with the girl before she woke up from this but they needed to talk.

“I think that’s why I am here Lexa.” Sighing she knew she would have to give in otherwise Costia would antagonize her.

“Her name is Clarke.”

“Tell me about her.” Lexa ran her fingers up and down her arm as Costia snuggled closer.

“Well, she is something else. You would get a kick out of her Cos. She challenges me always keeping me on my toes. She is so determined and passionate about everything she does. Her fierce self fights for what is right and will ‘till her last breath. ”

Lexa’s smile got wider as she continued on about Clarke, something that did not go unnoticed by Costia.

“But god Costia, somehow she understands my pain. She knows what it’s like to hurt and she listens to every word I say as if it were a sacred text. Clarke makes me laugh when I feel I shouldn’t. I’ve tried so hard to make myself suffer after they took you. I don’t deserve to smile but she makes me feel good about myself and I hate that.”

Lexa went on to explain their current situation on how Clarke had left as she gave her an ultimatum. It was such storybook material as Clarke ran off into the plane leaving Lexa hurt. Costia almost wanted to slap her for being so dumb.

“You’re stupid you know.”  
“Why?”  
“You would have chosen work in a heartbeat Lex. ”  
“I know.”

“You gave her that ultimatum because you knew what she was going to say. This was your insurance policy to get out while you could. Out of all people I knew work was your life it always came first. Why does it suddenly not matter for Clarke?”

Sighing, Lexa hated that she was right. There was no reason she had to make Clarke make that decision. There were about a thousand other ways to handle that situation not helping her case.

It was time she owned up to why she put herself in this mess. There were so many possibilities but it all came down to how she lost the girl in her arms.

“I’ve already almost gotten her killed and we aren’t even dating.” Lexa had admitted immediately giving understanding to Costia what was going on in her head.

“What happen?”

“I brought her to the Trigedakru festival and a few people wanted to rid her as she seemed to be invading our space. I tried to tell them she was no threat but of course they would not believe it. I almost killed one of them.”

“You know how dangerous it is to bring a Skaikru there. You must really like her.

“I’m head over heels for her which is why I can’t lose her the way I lost you, Cos. It’ll kill me.” 

“You will do better with her.”

“What if I don’t?” Costia turned in her arms so that she now faced the girl completely as she straddled her hips. Lexa doubting herself was nothing new. She had been doing it since they were children and every time Costia had to remind her of the incredible woman she was.

“I am so sorry Costia. I never wanted any of that to happen to you.” She ran her hands through her hair feeling guilt consume her actions.

Every time she had seen her she would apologize to no end. Costia was dead because of her and everyday she had to live with that price that gloomed over her. It was the reason Lexa never looked for love again. It was the reason she preferred to remain alone for the rest of her life as she did not want anyone to suffer at her hands again.

“No matter how many times we go through this, I will always tell you the truth. It was not your fault Lexa. Please don’t stay like this forever, you deserve to be happy. I know how much you want it but it won’t happen with you sitting doing nothing. I approve of Clarke, I can see she makes you happy. Give it a chance.”

Lexa beamed a smile as she was reminded of Clarke. She did make her smile, laugh, feel better about herself something she rarely experienced. It wasn’t difficult with her only they made it seem like it.

“What if I can’t protect Clarke?”  
“You’ll find your way Lexa, you already have once. Soon you will realize how great it is to have someone again I know you will protect her with your life.”

Costia placed a small kiss on her nose. “You Lexa Woods will be happy one day but right now you need to wake up because someone is waiting for you.”

“Who?”

Confused, Lexa watched as she got off her lap and made her way to the doorway. However she stopped before turning back around to look at Lexa.

“Oh Lexa, how is my sister?” Lexa smiled remembering how she never left without asking that one question, the other woman in her life that meant everything to her.

“Anya is doing good. She is working hard and is really making a name for herself.”  
“Personal life?”  
“The same as always.”  
“I was afraid of that. Promise me you won’t let curl up into a ball and forget the world like you do.”  
“I do not do that!” Costia gave her stern look as Lexa stood up. “Okay fine maybe a little.”

“I just don’t want her to end up alone or be sad. I worry she will always believe love is weakness. Please remind her it’s not Lexa. Or I’ll come back and haunt you.”

Costia had joked knowing her humor was one of Lexa’s favorite things. It was a win win because she always got to her cherished laugh that followed.

“I promise.” As she turned out to leave again before her voice dragged her back in.

“Costia wait.” Turning around she found Lexa closer.

“If I move on does that mean I won’t see you again?”

It clicked in her head that she sees Costia because she couldn’t let go of her past. She hadn’t seen her in a while because she talked to Clarke about her issues. Now her issues were with Clarke. 

Moving on would mean she would finally let go of her. That was something she wasn’t sure she was ready for. Their hands entwined she could feel the girl’s luminous aura. Costia placed a delicate kiss on her lips. 

“Mebi oso na hit choda op nodotaim, Leksa.” Lexa kept her eyes shut not wanting to open them for if she did, her former lover would be gone for who knows how long.

Feeling their hands slowly separate she slowly opened her eyes not knowing if Costia was truly gone for good.

The sun was beaming bright as she blinked a few times to adjust to the daylight. The sun was going down which meant it was going to shoot right at her face. Using her arms to shield it away she sat up realizing where she was.

“If you are going to be on the beach the least you could do is change out of your business clothes.” 

Turning her head she saw as Clarke sat there in the sand with her mushy smile. Of course she looked more stunning than ever as the sun setting behind her with the Miami wind taking her blonde hair.

She wore colorful pattern shorts with a white shirt and a shawl wrapped around her to protect her from the wind. Her skin was darker giving her a more mature look. Thinking back to her conversation with Costia she knew this girl had to be special, so special that she was sneaking her way into her heart.

“How did you find me?” 

“You always talked about how beautiful the beach is in Miami. So when I saw you weren’t at work I came to the closest spot.” 

Remembering what happened she had too much of a stressful day at work so she headed straight to the beach where she must of fallen asleep without realizing it. Brushing off some of the sand on her shirt she noticed the book and pencil in Clarke’s hand.

“Is that the book?” Clarke nodded her head as she handed over the pages. 

It was the present that Lexa had given her before she left to Texas. It was clearly being put to use as she recalled what she had written on it.

_Dear Clarke, stop being so stubborn. You are depriving the opportunity for others to be changed by your work. If you won’t do it for me then do it for you, you owe yourself that much._

Every page had a drawing following a small piece of writing. Flipping through it most of it was of either her experience at the base or of herself. She had been clearly working on drawing her as she saw the unfinished drawing on the last page. 

It was herself having fallen asleep in the sand. The writing next to it wrote, _I’m sorry._ It was genuine and sincere as she wished they never had to deal with this in the first place.

All the other drawings of herself had the same writing next to it. Guilt consumed her but that wasn’t something Lexa didn’t not expect. It was the many different drawings of herself she was stunned by, though they weren’t the only ones it took her by surprise she thought about her that much. 

“You’re right. I can’t let it go.”

“You’re so talented Clarke. I get you thinking you that being a doctor will make your life more useful but art can do the same.”

“Lexa.”

“I’m serious Clarke. You have an opportunity that I didn’t have. You have a choice. I’m jealous that you do.”

“Did the CEO of a billion dollar company just tell me they were jealous of me?”

“Don’t get too cocky there.”

Lexa’s hands dangled over her knees as she took on the taunt of the blonde. Her art was amazing and she would stand by it even Clarke couldn’t do the same for herself. It was her laugh that triggered a heart stop as she listened.

She missed her and that laugh proved just that emotion. It had been way too long.

“A year is a long time Clarke.”

“Lexa.” The laughter drained from her face as she became somber. There was a lot to be said but how does one begin.

“I go back to December every day. I try to think why I walked away from it all. You were right I could have easily worked in New York. Every moment I wish I could go back and change what I did. I’m sorry for that night Lexa.”

“Why did you do it?”

“I don’t know.”  
“You do, you just won’t tell me.” Lexa stood up now as she wiped away the sand that covered her body.  
“I can’t tell you because I still don’t know! Have you even figured it out?” Clarke almost screamed trying to convey her message in frustration. Running her hands through her hair she looked up to see the girl standing over her.

The truth was she didn’t figure it out either. Not until she saw Costia in her dream. It became clear as to why she made Clarke decide.

Sighing she sat back down and began to explain herself.

“I fell in love. I thought she was the one. I thought this is the girl of my dream. Then one day someone took her. I was a rising business woman and I had owe a lot of money I couldn't pay back.”

Clarke stood quiet listening to every word intently.

“They gave some time but they began to get impatient. Threatening me I shrugged it off. Then one day I woke up and she was gone. I paid them with everything I had but by then it was too late.”

Placing her hand on her arm she gave a comforting squeeze understanding the point being made, however, Lexa continued.

“I thought if I cared for anyone again I would end up losing them too. Seeing you go I was afraid you wouldn't come back. I couldn’t lose you.”

“I’m here with you now Lexa.”

“Not entirely. I need you to be honest with me now too.”

Clarke stood quiet for a minute but found herself shaking her head. She couldn't bring herself to admit whatever it was being held inside.

Lexa stood up knowing that looking. Knowing she wasn't going to admit whatever it was hurting her, what made her so afraid.

“Lexa.” Clarke stood up now too to follow the girl who began to make her way towards the boardwalk.

“Lexa.” Clarke tried again this time cutting off her path. “I don’t know the answer. I don’t know what to say.”

Lexa could see the confusion in her eyes. So much guilt and frustration was blockading her and all she wished was for the girl to tear down her wall already but Lexa could not do it for her. 

She cupped her face as Clarke immediately grabbed onto her wrist not wanting to let her go.

“Find me when you are ready to break down the wall. That was our deal.” Lexa placed a soft kiss on her forehead leaving the blonde on the beach alone.

_*9 Months Ago*_

_“Have everything packed for next week. Lincoln is a go. Call Mr.Trent and schedule a meeting. Clear everything from 12 to 2 so that I can take the call from Beijing. Also make sure I have food already then.”_

_Taking a deep breath she turned towards Lexa. “That is how you do it.” Anya smirked barking orders at the new assistant who scurried off to do as she was told._

_“Very impressive Anya. You’ll do a good job here.”_

_“I know. After all I did boss you around for most of our childhood.” Sitting on her desk she picked up the pencil on her desk twirling it in her hand._

_“And yet you still work for me.” Lexa took the pencil from the girl. Standing up from her chair she looked out the window to enjoy the view of the city, the very few she would have less of soon._

_It was a gloomy day as the sky poured down a few drops already. It was amazing how many skyscrapers began to disappear in the clouds as she felt her own slowly being immersed. There were days she enjoyed that fact as it covered her from the rest of the world._

_The knock on the door caused Anya to sit off the desk as the new assistant walked in.  
“I thought I gave you something to do.” Anya crossed her arms as the assistant clutched onto a handful of manila envelopes._

_“I am doing them. I just have a message for Ms.Woods.”_

_Without speaking or turning Lexa raised her hand to signal her to speak._

_“A woman named Ms.Griffin is here to see you.”_

_Quickly, Lexa turned her whole body around to face the assistant now. Anya too moved quickly noticing Lexa’s reaction as she hopped off the desk to make her way towards her._

_“Clarke?” Her voice was already laced with too much hope and desire._

_“Send her away.” Anya spat immediately. Worried she knew what the girl had done and was personally furious at her._

_“What is she doing here?”_

_That was the issue, she gave Lexa hope and then took it away every time she was gone. Clarke had too much power over her. Anya hated to see her sister like this which was why she planned on doing everything in her power to keep them apart._

_“It doesn’t matter Lexa. She made her choice.”_

_“It’s only been two months.”_

_“Lexa you-”_

_“I need to see her.” Coming out of her shock trance she made a move towards the door but Anya moved faster so she could block the girl from leaving. The assistant stood frozen on the side afraid to ask what was even going on._

_“Tell her to come up.” Lexa spoke._

_“No, don’t do it.” Anya retorted leaving the assistant to swing back and forth._

_“Do it and I’ll give you a raise.” Smirking, Lexa knew she had one up her but Anya was not one to easily give up._

_“Tell her to come and you're fired.” Now she was smiling knowing she had it in the bag. However, it did not stop Lexa to make a move again towards the door but Anaya pushed her back._

_“She left YOU! Clarke left you!”_

_It was that reminder she needed as she shook her head. Anya was right, Clarke had made her decision. A choice had to be made and she made it. So it was time to move on._

_The assistant finally left receiving the approval nod from Lexa. Walking back she flopped back onto her chair and turning it so she could face the window again._

_“Get me the files for Project Expansion.”_

_“Lexa.” Anya realized she may have just pushed the girl back into her cage as she shut down again. It wasn’t intentional she just needed to protect her little sister as she promised._

_“Don’t make me repeat myself Anya.” Without another attempt she left the office as Lexa looked over the new files in her hand. The plan she had brewing was going sting._

_Every bit of her wanted to see Clarke but she needed to hold her ground. It didn’t surprise her that Clarke would come back but she surely did not expect it this soon. It was time to go through with a plan that she knew will cause fire._

_After receiving the news that Lexa did not want to see her Clarke grew frustrated. If she was going to fly all the way over here to see her than she wasn’t going to give up that easily._

_Nodding her head to the assistant she made her way outside the doors where the rain began to pour ten times harder. She wasn’t allowed to stay inside the lobby so she opted for the more inconvenient choice, to sit outside in the rain. If she had to wait all night for her to come out then she was prepared for that._

_A few hours passed before a boy came out from the office. He turned towards Clarke and handed her umbrella._

_“No thank you, I’m okay.” He shook his head and forced her the umbrella again but Clarke declined again. Sighing he sat next to Clarke on the floor where he held the umbrella over their heads._

_It didn’t surprise her that this was Lexa’s doing. Even if she was mad at Clarke she wouldn’t let her sit out here and get pneumonia. That was just the person she was, always caring even when she was mad._

_Giving in she took the umbrella feeling sorry for the boy. He must have been an intern and was probably hating his job more than anything right now._

_A couple more hours passed before Lexa came out with Anya trailing behind. Almost having missed her because she fell asleep she quickly stood up to stop her._

_“Lexa.” The girl had stopped but Anya whispered something in her ear. She wanted her to turn around and give her a chance to explain._

_“Lexa. I don’t want to run away anymore. I’m here now.” Clarke tried again with one hand on her shoulder. She wished for the woman to turn but she didn’t._

_Instead she slapped her with her words without making eye contact or turning. “I am seeing someone Clarke. You had your chance.”_

_Something inside her broke at those words. She didn’t want to believe it but she watched as Lexa got in the town car following the other brunette._

_“Why did you say that?” Anya whispered as the door shut._

_“Now she will stay away.”_  
“I know you don’t want that.”  
“It’s for her own safety. After what happen at the Trigedakru festival, I can't have her exposed.” 

_After Clarke left she thought about why it didn’t work out and it all came down to that night. Wa she a bad kisser? Did she scare her away? But it was thought of someone trying to attack her that scared her. Lexa had been so caught up with feeling this new emotion she forgot why had banned herself from it._

_As the car began to pull out it suddenly stopped jerking them forward._

_“What the fuck?” Anya looked over to see what it was but Lexa had spotted it first already opening the door._

_“Are you trying to get yourself killed?”_

_“You aren’t seeing someone.” Clarke called out as her hands were still attached to the hood of that. “I know you!”_

_“I am. Get out of the way Clarke.”_

_“I miss you Lexa.” It was those words she didn’t want to hear. It was not what she needed to say because they could have been avoided. Jumping out of the car she moved towards the girl._

_She strode towards Clarke who was now drenched from head to toe._

_“I miss you? Is that all you have to say?”_

_“What do you want me to say?”_

_“I don’t know Clarke maybe sorry for leading you on for so long and then leaving you in the airport without an explanation.”_

_Clarke had never really heard Lexa yell but this sounded very close it as they were now both in the rain drenched._

_“You put so much pressure on me I couldn’t even think. You just threw it on me.”_

_“Why are you here Clarke?” She was shaking her head now as her voice simmered down. Lexa moved closer so she could see through the rain and hear her._

_“I came back for you.”_

_“It’s been two months.”_

_“You’re right I do like you a lot and I just didn’t know how to handle it. The last person I thought I loved cheated on me.”_

_“You know I’m not like most people.”_

_Unintentionally they gravitated closer trying to express the emotions they were both so terrible at acknowledging._

_“Tell me to stay and I will.”_  
“You don’t know what you are saying. You need to go back to Texas.”  
“But I want you.”  
“Why did you go?”  
“I don’t know Lexa, maybe because of all the confusion? You make me feel things I’m not ready for. When I’m around you I can’t think straight.” Clarke answered warily. There was a tendency inside her to get all mixed and tangled when she was this close to Lexa. 

_“That’s why you need to go back to Texas. I need you to figure out why you left that day. Clarke if you can’t break down your wall then this won’t work.”_

_“What about your wall? I know there is so much you don’t tell me. Like why in the first place you put me under pressure like that.”_

_Lexa stepped closer as now their bodies were brushing against the other. Wiping away all the blonde hair from her face she looked into those bright blue eyes. Even with the pouring rain coming down, she knew she could look into them forever._

_“Break down your wall and I’ll break mine down. Then we can try this.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Find me when you do.”_

_Clarke placed a small kiss on the corner of her lip. A sign of hope and a chance for them. Just this small hurdle to jump and then they were home free. Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Another quick update. This chapter, the one before, and the next were supposed to be one but I decided to break it up to give you all time to process. Did you really think i would be mean and just bring back Costia? So what are you all thinking?
> 
> For those who will be confused Lexa and Anya are not related by blood but grew up together as sisters in their foster family. Costia is Anya’s real sister by blood a story for the future :D
> 
> Song is Back to December by Taylor Swift. This song helped shaped this chapter and speaks to Clarke's point of view.


	13. I'm Yours

_I hate that I_  
Spend my days just wasting time day dreaming 'til I see you again  
I'm not used to this  
Oh, I used to be so used to boys just using me  
For you to be you to me  
Feels new to me  
'Cause I usually cheer for the bad side  
Love under a bad sign  
So it makes me mad I'm  
Falling again 

There were days like today where Lincoln did not want to even get out of bed. As a child he had that mentality for so long mostly because he was afraid of being in the house. His bed was his safe space from the world and today from his responsibilities. Gratefully he was not in charge of Lexa today so he decided to get up and go for his morning run.

Getting out of bed he realized what had evolved from his dream last night. It was all he had thought about lately, not just the sex, but missing his girlfriend. Octavia was constantly on his mind.

From what she was doing to what she was eating he just wanted to know everything. The woman had become a drug as he had become addicted to her being. From the moment he met her he was enchanted by her entire essence.

Octavia was the girl for him and he would gladly wait out this long distance relationship to work out. When he had received the text from Octavia that Clarke was back he knew it was inevitable for his sister to finally return home to New York where they could reunite.

Finally shaking his thoughts he threw on a pair of shorts, shirt, and grabbed some money he figured it would be best to grab breakfast afterwards. This was way better in Miami as he would have to bundle up if he were in New York during this time of the season.

 

After a mile in down the boardwalk his body stopped short. Running released all the stress building up with the wind blowing through his body and bald head. It felt good no matter how many times people had busted his chops over that statement.

Now he was considering that maybe there was too much tension built up because he swore he saw his girlfriend leaning against the rail on the boardwalk.

The girl seemed to be distracted as she watched the waves slowly crash against the shore over and over.

She had planned to see Lincoln later after she saw the morning waves. He had claimed over the phone it was a sight she had to wake up to. So she did allowing herself to gather her thoughts that had been wrapped up in her boyfriend.

Work had been taking a toll on her and with no way to relieve the stress she had become very antsy and defensive. Lincoln was her reliever and if she did not get it soon she was going to explode. Realizing how hard she was falling for Lincoln felt like a bad sign to her. 

Octavia was not the one to have a great love nor she ever imagined settling down. Before college she had been very spirited wanting to explore the world with her great curiosity. Only it proved to be dangerous as hormonal boys took advantage of her innocence. 

Bellamy had been very protective steering away the good boys and attracting the bad ones who were up for the challenge. Boys were the definition of trouble which she soon buried herself in. 

Lincoln was beginning to break her bad habits just by showing his care for her. It was a dangerous to play a love game with Octavia because no mercy was spared. 

“Octavia?” Turning her head the smile that formed on her face was inevitable. In seconds he felt the girl in his arms as she made her way as fast she could into them.

To say he was surprised was an understatement. Spinning her around her laughter filled his ears in excitement. She really was here.

Before he could even ask why she was here her lips was pressed against his. Full of hunger and desire she couldn’t believe how much she really had missed him.

“Not complaining but what are you doing here?” Slowly he placed her feet back onto the ground afraid of letting her go again.

“Clarke is trying to fight back for Lexa, so I decided to make the trip with her here.”

“I’ve missed you.” Lincoln pulled her closer as Octavia wrapped her arms around her neck.

“Me too.” She kissed him again missing the feeling of the butterflies flying everywhere.

“How long do I have you for?”

“How about some breakfast?” He nodded his head that was pressed against her.

“I ran here though.”

“Don't worry I got us covered.” Keeping a tight grip on his hand she led them to a parking lot where they made idle conversation.

“Did you know I was going to be here.”

“Actually no. I was going to go to your job and surprise you. I just wanted to see the shore.”

“Well surprise I am.” 

They made their way down the boardwalk hand in hand despite Lincoln’s protest to his sweaty hands. While Lexa had been up his tail with business lately his stress and no sleep was starting to catch up. It was his girlfriend that kept him grounded.

All his life he remained grounded by the realities of life. Only he spent those times just living life because he was afraid to die. With Octavia life was not what it used to be. He saw that he wasn’t just trying to get by everyday. 

Days used to be spent hoping he could just see tomorrow without another scratch but now days were consumed with with not only wanting but needing another tomorrow because there was just not enough days for them to be together.

Similarly Octavia had felt the same way only before, her tomorrows were days she could live without. Much of her childhood was spent in fear and desperation not wanting tomorrow to come as that day nothing had happened and that was perfectly okay with her.

Despite growing closer the issue the two struggled with was remaining unknown to each other. Neither discussed their pasts as they preferred to take advantage of the now considering that is how they lived for so long. 

What had to be hoped was that no type of past would come and haunt them otherwise they would face the struggles that come from a history of trials and tribulations.

Once they had reached the parking lot he noticed what Octavia meant by she had them cover.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah it’s not mine. My friend owns one down here and let me borrow it.”

Octavia noticed the wary look on his face as she approached the vehicle. It all made sense now why she was dressed the way she was. Despite not seeing his girlfriend in a while he couldn’t help but get excited. 

“Come on Linc, you scared?”

“Never.”

“Then hop on.” Octavia winked before placing the helmet over her head. Sitting on the bike she waited until Lincoln sat behind her wrapping his arms around her waist. 

“I hate you.” He grumbled in which Octavia responded to the roaring sound of the bike.

“Can’t hear you.” Octavia screamed over the engine. Kicking the stand back she began to drove off laughing at her boyfriend.

\---------  
 _And I wasn't trying  
To melt this heart of iron  
But the way you hold me makes the old me pass away  
And I would be lying  
If I said I wasn't scared to fall again  
But if you promise me you'll catch me  
Then it's okay_

“Faster.” She ignored the girl who was as per usual trying to command her.

“I’m going at my pace.”

“Raven if you don’t do it then I will do it myself.”

“I don’t care.”

“Just watch me do it and learn.”

“Anya.”

“Shut up. We do it my way or we don’t do it at all.” With a loud sigh she knelt on her knees to do the dirty deed.

“You worry too much you know.” Anya rolled over onto her back then standing back up doing her best to ignore the mechanic.

“They won't find out about us, you know.” Despite her annoyed look Raven continued to try to understand this woman who was just a rock, more of a boulder, that needed to be pushed.

“There is no us.”

“You know what I mean.” Raven knelt on the ground to follow the instructions barked by Anya. Still struggling with her leg she carefully moved it to the side.

“I am only training your dog.”

“And I appreciate that I know how hard this can be for you.”

Anya pointed to the ground working with the dog as he followed all the instructions in the motion of her fingers.

“I don't understand.”

“You try to be some badass with no heart but here you are helping me.”

“Don't get ahead of yourself.”

“I'm trying to figure out why you are such an enigma to me. I could read anyone no problem but with you it’s like I’m staring at a blank page.”

“Well stop trying. Some things aren't meant to be understood.”

“What if you're not.” Raven looked up at girl who had been staring down at her. Anya quickly shifted her gaze toward the dog knowing she had been caught.

After the party Anya had reluctantly joined Lexa too, Raven and her exchanged numbers. They had talked every once in a while since occasionally actually calling over the phone.

When Raven had explained one day she was trying to train her dog and failing miserably Anya offered to help her train him. Initially Raven had laughed at the mere idea of her even being able to actually have a caring side. 

It had caught her by surprise that Anya had managed to express a very nurturing side. However, her stiff side was very handy in whipping Cado into shape.

“Cado down.” Anya commanded then finally looked back to Raven who remained patient.

“Come let's go for a walk.” Raven only nodded her head trying to get up. Anya wanted to help instinctively reaching her arm out to help the stumbling girl.

Yet Raven was able to catch herself not needing help. Proud she could get up she smiled awkwardly at the girl.

“Got lucky there.”

Raven almost felt her jaw drop when Anya responded. “No Raven you're strong.”

“So you do have a heart.” Quick to pull up her comedic side to protect herself she made the joke. Something inside her stopped as Anya stared at her with intent. The almond eyes were laced with determination and passion. 

There was concern for the girl genuinely speaking from the heart. Even if neither of them realized it Anya's dam of emotions cracked just a little to let a drop of water through. 

“I'm just being honest.” That dam was quick to be patched despite Raven stepping closer unaware of her body's intentions. Clarke knew her pain best but with Anya she had understood and felt it too making it a lot easier to be around. 

It was Anya who had mentally kicked herself to snap them both back into reality. “Let’s go.” 

Agreeing she followed the girl down the paved road in Central Park. Cado followed along in their silence. It was uncharacteristically warm for New York this time of the year which is why they decided to head outside today.

Sneaking a look over to the girl who kept her eyes straight ahead she didn’t want to admit that she wanted to know more about the girl. When she had met Lexa she thought she was was a puzzle but spending more time with Anya proved different. 

Anya was cautious and more in control of her behaviour as every step was with purpose. Nothing she does was done without reason. Which Raven knew was that there was a reason Anya spent time with her. 

“Do you pity me?” There was only one way to really find out and that’s what she was going to do.

“I told you to leave it alone.”

“I can’t. I like to solve things and you are something I cannot solve. Do you see the problem here?”

“I’ll give you some advice Raven. You can’t control external factors, learn to accept your limitations and you’ll be able to move on.”

“I don’t believe in limitations.”

“That is why you cannot move on.” Anya pointed with her head towards the leg. Being the intelligent woman she was, it was obvious Raven still had not truly moved on from her leg. In fact she resented the world for doing this to her harboring all her hatred and letting a mask fully consume her with every passing day.

“I should pay you for the therapy session Grounder Princess.” The name had stuck when Anya refused to reveal her background. 

For the longest time she had no idea of her nationality, still doesn’t. Anya explained that she came from the Earth, that her entire being evolved from the ground, hence the nickname. Raven only smirked again only to have it wiped off with Anya’s snarky comeback.

“For that you would actually have to be here and stop using your humor as a defense mechanism.” 

“You don’t fucking know me.” Raven strode in front of the girl to stop in front of her tracks. The anger inside her grew at the assumption being made by the blonde.

Anya only stared back at her refusing to answer. With crossed arms and a raised brow she waited curiously for what she had to say. Anger was best released on someone you care about which was easy for Raven to do as she barely knew the girl.

“You always act all high and mighty. You think you are better than everyone and that the world should be kneeling at your feet. Well I got news for you! No one gives a shit about you. You have been Lexa’s assistant for years despite knowing more and teaching her! You have no love life nor social but work all day devoted to the precious Woods Inc. So don’t tell me what to do until you get your shit show of a life together!”

Raven swirled around ignoring Cado’s excessive barking. With her limping leg she began to storm off expecting Cado to follow. Anya was quicker as she wrapped her arms around Raven’s waist to pull her close to her body.

Raven could not fight the hands though as she watched the biker speed right past them cursing along as she had been standing in the bicycle lane. It brought a flashback of memories back from the last time she had not checked where she was going.

Involuntarily her body gave out as her knees fell to the ground. Anya had fallen with her still holding her close to her own body. Although she had experienced the whirlwind of the moment her heart was racing due to the proximity of the woman. 

She had not realized how much she had missed the feeling of being held by someone. Neither did as they involuntarily fell into the embrace. It was the immediate comfort that came from it in which Raven let the first tear fall. 

Only this tear could not escape quickly caught by Anya’s fast reflexes. The hazel eyes focused in on the brown that for the first time revealed confusion and fear. It was too easy to fall back into it but they both understood the consequences that came with it.

Once you care for someone you become weaker in this world in which neither were able to be. The woman had struck a chord in Anya which alone made the woman fearful. Despite everything told to her growing up the world had stopped in that moment. 

She couldn’t hear the birds or dog communicating excessively nor could she see the annoyed New Yorkers maneuvering their way around the two. The moment was safe and comfortable but reality was waiting and it could not wait any longer. 

Quickly she let go of the girl before she whispered in her ear, “You don’t know me at all.”

Both women knew that Raven had to deal with her leg already and really get over this hump in her life. To continuously use her leg as a form a weakness proved how much she still held onto it. 

Because when Anya saw she didn’t see her leg bringing her down but only strengthening her to the woman she truly is. There was time to grieve but Anya had seen the resilience in the girl and waited for her to see her through her eyes.

Anya got up from their embrace quickly fleeing the scene. Raven turned around to see the woman stride away to leave her with her emotions. Her eyes squeezed shut feeling the guilt that came along from her mistake of who Anya was. The truth was she didn’t know enough, something she was not used to.

The iron heart’s protected by experiences of past loves was beginning to melt away with the rise of heated tensions between the two. The only problem they had to face is if they are willing to finally let go.

\----------  
 _Some nerve you have  
To break up my lonely  
And tell me you want me  
How dare you march into my heart  
Oh how rude of you  
To ruin my miserable  
And tell me I’m beautiful  
Cause I wasn’t looking for love no  
Nobody asked to get me attached to you  
In fact you tricked me  
And I wasn’t trying to fall in love but boy you pushed me  
So all that I’m asking  
Is that you handle me with caution  
Cause I don’t give myself often  
But I guess I’ll try today_

Walking through her garden she carefully searched through it for any weeds she could pull out. It happened to be a nice evening in Miami which allowed her to garden a little. There was something soothing about nature and she couldn't have much of that when she remained in the city.

It was in the city where she had finished her years of growing up. New York offered the perfect opportunity to unite the different clans that remained from the old land and create the coalition. 

People were afraid at first but this had offered many an opportunity as Lexa gave her jobs immediately to her people. They were soon offered stability and create their own lives within the culture.

With the next festival fastly approaching she knew it would be time to head back. Admittedly they were her favourite time of the year but after the last fiasco fears were put in place.

“Heda, we can have someone do that for you.”

Chopping off a flower she carefully examined it removing any excess. She twirled it through her fingers slowing down if she suspected something. 

“Indra, if you are unable to get your own hands dirty how do you ever expect your people to work as hard as you expect them.”

“I'm sorry Heda.”

“Is there a reason you grace me with your presence?” 

“Miss Griffin is awaiting to talk to you.” Bringing the flower down to her side she debated for a moment how truly safe it was that she was here.

The promise had already been made for her to see her but she wasn't entirely sure if this was a smart idea. Without a doubt Lexa was crazy about her but there was so much more than just emotions and physical attraction.

“Let her in.” Indra walked away giving Lexa a few moments to prepare herself.

Clarke was like the white rose she held in her hand. The essence of the flower remained hidden in the center of it. To reach the heart and all its being there were petals overlapping each other that needed to be peeled off correctly.

If each petal was not carefully removed it would fall apart, but that was not the only thing that kept the core hidden. There were thorns up and down its stem to protect itself. They shielded her from anyone trying to enter knowing only those who were able to get through were truly deserving of the sensation wrapped inside. 

Clarke, the white rose, remained innocent so Lexa’s past life. A taste of who she was almost killed her spoiling the flower. She couldn’t destroy that anymore no matter how right it felt when she was with her.

The reality was Clarke is a poison she wasn’t sure she could handle. Everything about her was enticing and desirable while all the dots connected with her, another taste of Clarke and she would be a goner. 

It wasn’t safe for either as she couldn’t lose another life nor could her heart handle more pain.

“I can hear you thinking from here.”

“That is physically impossible, Clarke.” She turned around to see the blonde standing at the steps of the doorway to the backyard. Her eyes trailed away from Lexa to stare at the rest of the yard when she knew they had stared each other down long enough.

A part of her made the decision already to never be with this woman and to make sure she didn’t have a chance with her. However, the second she looked at her she knew that would be impossible to do.

She wore a white dress that flowed off her knees and tight around her breasts making them fuller. The blonde curls fell down her bare shoulders with half of them pinned back. Add wings and Lexa could swear she was in heaven.

“You are beautiful.” The words fell off her lips unable to control the emotions that built up inside her when she saw her. 

“You speak dangerous words.”

“I speak the truth Clarke.” The challenge came again but it was Lexa’s favorite thing about the woman. She wasn’t afraid to make the ground under her wobble in her own control. 

Clarke was special. She was able to hold her own not needing anyone else to make her. Just as she desired she wanted the world to see her for her strengths no matter how much she was crumbling inside in which Lexa herself became a pro at as well. 

But Clarke wasn’t here for just any reason. The biggest strength she would have today would be able to tell Lexa what really was emotionally going on despite her already knowing.

“Are you ready?”

“I want my building back.” 

“I see you have built your walls higher.”

“Listen Lexa, I’ve tried but I don’t know what is holding me back. Can’t we just move on from this.”

Lexa moved towards the girl handing her the flower. Clarke stared at it intently before staring back into the green eyes she had grown fond of. Lexa had made a promise to care for Clarke and if the girl needed to come to terms with it then that was what she would help her with.

“This flower is one you have loved and cherished your whole life. This flower has helped shaping your entire being making you the woman that stands before me.”

Lexa pulled out a lighter from her pocket. She watched as Lexa carefully lit the flower on fire. The petals were quickly taken by the burning flame in which Clarke dropped to the ground then stepped on to put it out.

“Once something is gone it’s gone forever.” Lexa spoke carefully hoping Clarke would understand what she was trying to come across. “You will never have the flower again.”

“Well yeah because you just burned the one thing I only ever loved.” 

Gratefully Clarke was no dummy and understood who the flower really was. In response she pulled out another flower handing it the woman again.

“Are you going to burn this one too?”

“You can love more than one flower but you have to learn to let the other go.”

“You want me to forget my father?” A part of Lexa giddied inside knowing Clarke was finally getting into that deep emotion. Accepting her father’s death would help her move on.

“Never. Learn to love again.”

“Last time I did it only got hurt again.” Clarke tried to love again but Finn had abused her fragile heart. It was already weak only to suffer another blow. 

“My intentions are to never hurt you Clarke.”

Clarke sighed as she made her way fully into the garden now with Lexa standing behind her. She watched the girl gracefully ran her hands through the flowers.

There were an array of different flowers that revealed the softer side to Lexa. Each one was carefully cared for to allow it to nurture and grow into this exquisite state. It didn’t surprise her Lexa was the one to make sure they were all perfect it was just how she was. 

Just like now being the perfect woman she was she was trying to really get to know Clarke. Despite the physical attraction that was undeniably growing between the two, Lexa wanted to know every bit of her getting as close as two people can possibly be.

“It's not about my father being dead but how he died.”

Lexa came from behind to hold her hand in which Clarke stared at meticulously. Using her other hand she stroked the back of it looking into Clarke's eyes to get the okay.

With a small nod Lexa led them further into the grand garden of multitude of colors. It wasn't a surprise the woman had this extraordinary garden that literally brought you into a new world. Lexa did nothing half done in which Clarke quickly picked up on. They continued to hold hands as Clarke came clean.

“There was a fire in my house. We had stopped it all but I remembered I had left a very special stuffed animal to me in the house in which I ran back in to get it. I couldn't see anything by the time I retrieved it. My father ran in to get me in which he helped me lead outside the house but just before we got to the exit the ceiling started to fall.”

Clarke paused for a moment trying to gather her emotions. The memory flooded back as if she were still experiencing it. The vivid images of her father rushing in to save her were engraved in her mind.

Lexa stopped their walk to brush away the strand of blonde hair that fell. Rarely did Lexa like to use words in which she used her actions to speak for her. Clarke was not in that house as the touch had reminded her of that.

“A part of it fell on him in which he couldn't get out. I wanted to help him but he told me to run outside and tell the firefighters where he was. So I did not realizing that once I left him there the rest of the house would collapse. My father died because of me and since I haven't really forgiven myself.” 

Her eyes were trained on the floor but after the revelation she could feel the tears swelling in her eyes. With her watery blue eyes she looked up to Lexa who held the stern look she always did only this time comfort was released. 

She wanted her to know that she would be here for her, the shoulder she needed to cry on or the punching bag she needed to fight on. Lexa wanted to be there for Clarke and that scared her just as much because the last time someone was willing to give it up all for her she had really lost them.

“I lost him because I wanted a stupid fucking stuffed animal.”

“Your father died a hero.”

“I’d rather have him alive than a hero.” Lexa understood that pain knowing gaining a title like that comes with a price to pay. Nothing in life came free even if you paid with your misery.

“I wasn't looking for love.” Clarke spoke up again having hit the core emotion that was held deep inside her.

“I’ll protect your heart with my life.”

“How can I trust that you will? You've had all the power so far Lexa. You were the one who came to me in the rain, the masque ball and then my building. It's like you've always been one step ahead and I can't catch up. You already have my building and my fragile heart. What is it all for?”

It was the perfect time to reveal the truth but if she told her she knew she would lose her. She couldn't lose Clarke not after she just got her back. It was selfish but she would let her believe what she wanted.

What Lexa had to do was convince her that those things did not matter. It was what was brewing between the two that mattered most as the past was in the past. Lexa’s silence only fueled the artist more.

“You can’t just try to take me out of my misery with your affection with your soft touches or loving words by calling me beautiful. You can’t do all this without a purpose Lexa because I know everything you do is done with reason.”

Lexa took the hand she was holding and placed it over her chest. Clarke could feel the rapid beating of the heart. 

“Ai tombom teik nodotaim kom yun daun. Den ai badan yu klin, Klok. Ai swega yu klin na gouba raun bilaik yu gafen laik ai gafen.”

Clarke looked back at the woman who looked back softly. She was reminded of the night in the masquerade ball where the woman had first revealed her pain. That pain had taken flight again trying to convey to her that she didn’t dwell in pain alone. Misery loved company.

My heart beats again because of you. Because of that I swear fealty to you Clarke. I vow to treat your needs as my own.”

She translated for the girl who slowly was trying to grasp every word so that she could learn more about her world. The power laced in her words were too great for Clarke to even find the right words to respond. 

In some odd way, just like the woman herself, she had promised to be faithful to Clarke no matter what she had chose to do. Being with Lexa felt as if it brought out the worst and best in her. They were playing a dangerous love game each wanting to protect the most precious thing life offered, a beating heart.

Lexa slowly let go of the hand letting it fall back to her side. In that moment she wanted to taste the lips she had once had. The feelings that erupted in her ached to have more of the sweet sensations but she wasn’t in control of the situation. 

Clarke still struggled to find the right words but she was grateful Lexa knew the overwhelming emotions that consumed her.

“You are not the only one that is afraid of losing someone you love.”

“Your past lover?”

“Of course Costia hurt but I meant family. I was not honest with you when I told you I did not know where I came from. I had a younger sister, her name was Adriana. _(Ah-three-an-ya)_ ”

“I’m sorry for your lost Lexa.”

“I hope she is not dead. She was adopted because of her youth and when the family would not take me we were forced to be separated. Once I became the CEO I desperately looked for her but to this day I have no idea of her whereabouts. Many of the people I hire have claimed she must have passed.”

“You blame yourself.”

“Aye as you do.”

“I want to know more about your past Lexa.”

“I promise you this Clarke. Go on a date with me and I’ll tell you about my past despite how much I would prefer it to remain there.”

Clarke kissed the warm cheek grateful for her sincerity. “Then we have a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: IM SO SORRY I DISAPPEARED! I got writers block so I started a new story then I got caught up with finals and school, hopefully I'll be back posting more frequently. Stay tune to Lexa's mystery past she is not who you think she is! *enter dramatic music*
> 
> This was a very fun chapter for me to write as Anya and Raven get closer and something will soon catch up to Lincoln's past. Let me know what you are thinking! Goodnight and good morning to wherever you are! The song is by Alessia Cara "I'm Yours"
> 
> And shout out to my beta reader Caro she is the bomb!!


	14. Introducing Me

_If you wanna know, here it goes, gonna tell you there's_  
A part of me that shows,  
If we're close gonna let you see,  
Everything  
But remember that you ask for it.  
I'm trying to do my best, to impress  
But its easier to let you  
Take a guess at the rest  
But you wanna hear what lives in my brain,  
and my heart,  
Well you asked for it.  
For your perusing  
At times confusing,  
Slightly amusing,  
Introducing me 

**Clarke: Where are we going?**

**Lexa: Be ready in 20 minutes**

**Clarke: What should I wear?**

**Lexa: Be ready in 15 minutes.**

“Still nothing?”

“No. She won't give in.” Clarke looked at the mirror to fix her make up. Lexa refused to give anything up on where they were going. Every time Clarke tried she shut her down with the time.

“Have you called Raven?”

“Yeah everything is going good back in New York.”

“Can't wait to be home again.” Octavia herself was trying on different shirts she had just bought at the outlets. 

Luckily, Octavia had a friend from work who owned a summer house in Miami letting the two girls crash there until they were ready to go back to New York. It was a gorgeous house, something she imagined living in when she retired.

Octavia needed to leave sooner rather than later due to work but Clarke was a little more lenient due to the fact she was currently unemployed. With the building gone and finishing at the base there was nothing for her to do now but start her residency.

“Could you convince Lexa to move back to New York tonight?”

“Missing Lincoln?”

“Ugh I forgot how much I did. Honestly I don't care where we live my home is with him but he is constantly moving around following Lexa and I can't just drop everything I'm doing.”

“I don't know if Lexa will even follow me back to New York.”

“Well then have a good date tonight and wrap her around your finger.

**Lexa: Be ready in 5 minutes**

Clarke finished up her final touches before slipping her shoes on as the doorbell rang. Lexa had requested the date be the next day as she wanted to remain in Miami for it. With no other obligations Clarke had reluctantly agreed.

Picking up the flower she had gotten, Clarke opened the door to reveal a suited Lincoln.

“Oh Octavia is in the shower Lincoln.”

“Unfortunately I am not here to see her. I will be your chauffeur tonight.”

“Fuck. I'm so underdressed then.” Clarke scanned him top to down suddenly regretting the white crotchet crop top and matching high waisted skirt.

“You look fine Clarke. Now let's go before Lexa has my ass.”

“Ugh.” Clarke followed Lincoln into the town car. 

It had caught Clarke off guard that Lexa herself had not come to pick her up but she hoped the reason was a good one.

Much of the ride remained in silence with very small conversations about Octavia. She had to give him the best friend talk eventually in which he promised to follow his boyfriend duties.

After twenty minutes or so because of the wonderful traffic that is Miami rush hour, Lincoln pulled up the boardwalk driving right through to a platform.

On the platform was a large helicopter that was in set of getting ready to take off or just landed. Either way Clarke would not have known as she had never been on a helicopter.

“Tell me we are just picking up Lexa, Lincoln.”

She couldn't believe what Lexa was going to possibly do as she hoped Lexa seriously was just coming back from a business trip.

“I thought you knew Lexa does nothing half assed.”

Lincoln jumped out of the car to open the door for Clarke who walked into the summer heat of Miami.

Shyly she followed him to the edge of the helicopter where she had to hold down her skirt.

Lexa jumped out of the helicopter with the largest smile she had ever seen on the girl. Wearing a much more casual outfit with dark jeans and tank top covered in a black leather jacket she quickly made her way to Clarke.

“You ready?” Lexa screamed over the noise as she removed her sunglasses.

“Where to?”

Lexa nodded her head towards the helicopter keeping her smiling face.

“Are you crazy?”

“Lincoln over here swears I've been dropped as a child.”

“I think he is right!”

“Come on now Clarke. Time is money!” Lexa made her way over to the helicopter as Clarke turned to plead for Lincoln's help. She only earned a laughter from him as he waved goodbye to jump in his car.

“We can't do this.” Clarke mumbled but Lexa ignored her as she helped the girl into the seat then shutting the door. What shocked Clarke more was when Lexa sat in the pilot seat.

“You can fly this?”

“I told you, there is so much you don't know about me Clarke.”

She shut the door and put on her own headphones. If anything she was right. While they shared many stories with each other it was Clarke who revealed most of herself whereas Lexa remained very quiet on herself, only commenting on the people around her.

The helicopter began to shake for a brief moment. Clarke whipped her head over to see Lexa with a huge smile as she soon lifted them off the ground. Within seconds they were up in the air and above the water as Clarke clutched onto the handle of the door.

“Not afraid of heights Clarke are you?”

“I don't have to look at you to see the smirk on your face.” Clarke's eyes were plastered to the window in front of her as she watched the water calmly sway around. It was disrupted by the wind created by the propellers on the shaky helicopter.

“Well since you won't look at me why don't you look next to you.” Clarke looked to the side and felt her stomach drop at the beauty of the city.

Miami was a view to watch on the ground but this took everything to a new level. Due to not being so high up they were able to see all the people interacting with each other.

The skater was making his way down the boardwalk, the lady running alongside her dog, and the father walking with child in hand was like a picture perfect moment. 

From the city to the beach everything was absolutely spectacular leaving Clarke in awe. She couldn't believe how stunning the world actually was and how little she was in it. New York had made her feel like this constantly but feeling it somewhere else just made it ten times stronger. Lexa would point to different important structures or monumental sites putting context behind each one. She gave her a tour of Florida for the following half hour.

Suddenly she felt inspired like she once used to as a child. Inspired for a world of more happiness and possibilities. In a world where she could freely let herself be without the fear of suffering. Being in this helicopter and watching the world in innocence felt satisfyingly distressful.

There was only one problem and Clarke knew she couldn't avoid it. Guilt. Guilt over the fact she could not give Lexa this same whirlwind experience she was receiving now.

She was going to be dating a billionaire and she had to expect this, however, Clarke was not able to give this back. She could barely afford her tuition being in debt from school. It felt as if she would never be able to be at the same level as her.

Lexa turned her head over to watch the girl's face drop staring at the window. “Are you bored Clarke?”

“This isn't fair.”

“Do you not like this?”

“I can't take you out on dates like this. I could never compete.” Lexa's grip got looser on the control understanding what Clarke was trying to say.

“Put your hands on the stick in front of you Clarke.”

Cautiously Clarke turned towards Lexa who as per usual held her stoic look. Only with Clarke it was just another mask she was dying to get rid of. It was something she was going to be determined to finally remove to fully see the real Lexa.

Lexa only nodded her head wanting Clarke to follow orders. Doing as she was told she grasped onto the stick with both hands.

“Keep it steady.”

“What?” Clarke couldn't really hear her and if she heard correctly her head was about to burst. Suddenly she felt the stick start to shake in her hand as Lexa pressed a button and let go of her own.

“LEXA!”

“Come on you got this.” 

“Fuck, it's shaking.”

“Relax Clarke.” The shaking of the helicopter became frantic as it began to sink down.

“I can't Lexa.” Clarke's pleading voice matched her frantic eyes turning towards Lexa's whose green eyes encouraged the confidence she needed without any further words.

Clarke nodded her head as her body locked into position. With that she took control of the stick trying to keep it as steady as possible. The helicopter stopped shaking and the ride continued smoothly. 

“I'm doing it. Oh my gosh Lexa I'm flying a helicopter.” Clarke screamed into the mic on her headphones.

“Not so bad is it?” Clarke shook her head enthusiastically. With the more confidence she shifted the stick gearing it to where she wanted. 

“Number 36.” Lexa spoke up as she watch Clarke get a steady rhythm.

“What about it?” Clarke's focus was solely on the sky in front of her now unable to really focus on anything else.

“On your bucket list. Fly a helicopter.” 

When it kicked into Clarke she knew Lexa was slowly smiling at the realization. After much antagonizing Clarke had revealed her bucket list to Lexa one day. They had gone through the list many times. When Lexa had asked what she would do when it was over Clarke had simply responded by stating that she would just make another. It had sparked an idea within Lexa creating this date.

“You remembered.”

“You were right when you said you didn't want to just go through life once your father died. After Costia’s death I allowed myself to remain morbid and only survive.”

Clarke was smiling now to hear Lexa's revelation. Listening carefully as she continued.

“Life is about more than just surviving.”

“So then we create your own bucket list.” Clarke thought of excitingly as she could imagine what could be on it.

“I don't want one. As long as I'm with you Clarke then I know I'm living.”

Clarke took a large gulp feeling her stomach jump and body heat up. With Lexa she had always had that feeling though. The woman had a way of making her feel like she was the only important person in any room. She was worth more than anything money could buy, that was a feeling she never wanted to let go.

Lexa began to teach her all the basics and how truly easy it was to do. 

“Now steady it and push it towards the right.”

Leaning over Lexa kept one hand over both of Clarke's hands while her eyes focused ahead. Clarke's however was locked on the brunette. She couldn't pull away enchanted by her entire being.

“Eyes on the sky Clarke.” Lexa half joked feeling as if she was staring holes into her body.

“You're amazing you know that?”

“You're just saying that because I'm teaching you how to fly a helicopter.”

Clarke leaned forward to kiss Lexa's temple. “One day you'll see yourself through my eyes.”

“And how do I look?”

“Like perfection.” Clarke stated as if it had been the most obvious thing in the world.

Whether Lexa liked or not it was going to one of many Clarke's missions to make the girl see her the way she should.

It had been almost two hours as Lexa had taught Clarke how to fly the helicopter. Despite struggling at first then beginning to improve greatly, the real issue came when it was time to land.

“Clarke, this was very careless of me but we are running out of gas and somehow we ended in Orlando.”

“We are not in Miami anymore?”

“No we are going to have to land here then go back.”

“That's fine with me.”

With that Lexa landed them in an area that was all clear. Once the propellers died down Lexa was the first one out to help Clarke out. It was then she realized she still held the flower in her hand.

“Oh, this is for you.” She handed the woman the iris who began to laugh. Lexa reached into the helicopter pulling out calla lilies. 

“I guess great minds think alike.” Lexa joked handing her the flowers she had gotten Clarke.

Before Lexa left to see what they could do Clarke wrapped her arms around her neck pouring as much affection as she could. “Thank you.” She whispered in her ear.

Lexa could feel the chills send all over her body at husky voice whispering in her ear. She held Clarke as close as she could enjoying the feeling of the woman's body pressed against hers.

Finally Clarke pulled away not wanting to make the girl uncomfortable. Little did she know it was taking everything in Lexa's power to not bring her back into it. Then there it was again, that feeling that consumed Clarke's body as she watched Lexa walk away. She wouldn't be embarrassed to admit that she checked out Lexa from behind, taking a few extra seconds at her hips.

Undoubtedly she was the most beautiful woman she had ever laid eyes on and she lived with Octavia and Raven. Up in the helicopter when Lexa had just looked at her with reassurance, had been a game changer for Clarke. All her life she wore confidence but rarely did she ever actually feel it.

Clarke was confident in herself to fly it and make sure she didn't bring either of them down. If that was a feeling she was always going to get then Lexa was going to have a hard time to get a way.

“So we have encountered another problem.” Lexa spoke as she made her way back out.

“What's wrong?”

“We can't fly it back until tomorrow.”

“So then how do we get home?”

“Already called Lincoln, he is on his way here but it will take him a few hours.”

Clarke had a mischievous smile appear causing Lexa to quirk her brow.

“What Clarke?”

“Let's go to Downtown Disney.”

“Disney?”

“I hear it’s spectacular at night and we are in Orlando. Why not?”

“It’s very crowded Clarke.”

“You are talking to a New Yorker, nothing I can't handle.”

“Let's go then.” 

By the time they called the cab and arrived night had fallen. The stunning lights of the area consumed. Having never been to Disney before Clarke heard of the magical fantasies that came along with being in here. 

Downtown was packed as music blasted through the street while people were shopping or enjoying the evening in anyway they could. Nothing was ever like what you see in commercials or movies and this was no exception. It was better to Clarke feeling the euphoria that poured out of the town. 

“Hot dogs? You know I can get us a spot in a nice restaurant.” Lexa spoke as they looked at a map to find somewhere to eat.

“You already did enough tonight Lexa.”

“That was nothing. I own the helicopter it was free ride.”

Clarke almost had a heart attack right then and there. She was dating a woman who owned her own helicopter and rode around it for fun most likely. Dating someone with this kind of money was going to be trickier than expected. Clarke wasn't ungrateful for the gestures but part of her felt she wasn't worthy of it.

“That's like ten times worse. Please let me take care of this one.” Clarke knew if Lexa chose the place she was going to pick something where she knew Clarke could not afford so that she could pay.

“Hello beautiful ladies.” A man walked up juggling three balls in his hand. “Interested in playing a game on this gorgeous night?”

Before Lexa could decline Clarke took up the challenge. “Sure. What is it?”

“Game is simple ladies. Knock all the stacked pins down in two throws. No one has been able to knock down all not even leaving just one.”

Clarke looked to Lexa who shoved her hands in her pocket with challenging brows.

“Winner picks and pays.”

“You sure Clarke? I told you there is still a lot you don't know about me.”

“And there is still a lot you don't know about me. So ladies first.”

Lexa rolled her eyes as she picked up the two baseballs. As the man instructed where to stand she bent down to focus on her target. Checking every angle, Lexa made sure she knew every option before she hit the pins.

“Any day now Commander Slow.”

Earning another eye roll, Lexa finally threw the ball knocking all but two. With the next ball Lexa perfectly aimed it to knock only one.

With a large smirk Lexa walked past Clarke as the man set up again for Clarke. Swirling the ball in her hand she decided how she was going to toy with the billionaire.

“Almost perfect isn't good enough Lexa.” Clarke threw the ball purposefully completely missing the entire set of pins.

Lexa let out a loud laugh. “Come on Clarke give me some competition at least.”

It was dangerous for the two as the stakes were high. Neither were going to let the other win though with competitive blood running through their veins.

Clarke picked up the next ball with just as much confidence. With just one look at her target she let the ball in her hands fly out to hit it knocking every single pin down.

Lexa's jaw dropped as Clarke turned around with a huge grin on her face. Toying with Lexa proved to be more satisfying than expected.

“So hot dogs or hamburgers?”

“But-”

“Guess you don’t know me as well as you think.” Clarke spoke up making her way towards a food stand.

What Lexa did not know was the real treat she was in for when it came to getting to know Clarke. Every moment spent with her was like opening a Russian doll. Once she thought she had gotten to the core of the girl she surprised her with something else.

Clarke began to order them food, correcting it when Lexa requested no cheese. After ordering they took the bench that faced the lake. From their seats they watched as the volcano from the Rainforest Cafe bursted every fifteen minutes.

“What is your secret?”

“I used to be a pitcher in softball.”

“Cheater.” Lexa huffed attempting to excuse herself from the loss.

“Don't worry, I'll teach you a few moves one day.” 

“Remind me to never play poker with you.”

“Can't handle some competition Ms. Woods?”

She only shook her head with a grunt taking another bite of her food. This wasn't typical Lexa food. In fact the girl could not remember when she enjoyed some junk food. Just squeezing the bun all sorts of juices came out creating the largest crave in her stomach.

“You're looking at it like as if you are a child in a candy store.”

“I can't remember the last time I had something this…”

“Greasy.” Clarke finished for her earning a hum of agreement.

It was enough to make Clarke smile too. If it wasn't clear before it sure was now that Clarke had come to the realization Lexa was just not your typical average being. By not having something like this in a while was further more proof she was stripped of a childhood. It was a childhood Clarke was determined to get back for.

“I don't like cheese, only on pizza.” Lexa spoke up breaking the comfortable silence between the two. Clarke furrowed her eyebrows as to why she was explaining the reason she asked for no cheese on her burger.

“You want to get to know me better? Well here I am introducing myself.”

“Please do tell me more.”

“I love the sound of violins, I've never really liked cars but I love to fly anything, I think the moon looks like a toenail, and I like checks with lots of zeros on them.”

Clarke couldn't help but laugh at the accuracy of the statement. It was unusual for Lexa to crack a joke but the free-spirited Lexa that once attempted to come out before being ripped apart was slowly re-emerging.

“I really like flowers which is why I garden a lot, I used to pretend I was Karate Kid, and I really really like it when you say my name.”

That damn feeling was having its way tonight with Clarke. All she wanted to do was kiss the girl again and feel her body. With that came other ones she really shouldn't be thinking but couldn't help.

“Lexa,” Clarke carefully drew out seeing the blush rise to her face. “You forgot to mention how smooth you are.”

“Curtsy of yourself.”

They finished eating their burger before Clarke decided they walk around the town to walk off the food. By keeping close to the edge the two avoided the crowd meshed in the center. They walked as slow as they could with no rush to get anywhere.

Every once in a while Clarke attempted to hold her hand by slightly brushing it or bumming into her. Although her hints became less subtle Lexa was either completely oblivious to her attempts or just didn't want to. She shrugged it off hoping the girl was just off her game knowing she hasn't been on a date since her last love.

Lexa attempted to switch the subject to Clarke but she had persisted on making tonight about getting to know more about Lexa. The moment she met her she knew she was different from many people. Only she forgot to count for how crazy she was going to become about the business woman.

“I come from an endangered indigenous tribe. When I came here with a few other people it was to preserve our lineage. Once I stepped into my role I helped others come to this land and eventually recreated our own world down below.”

“That's why they call you Heda.”

“Precisely. It’s my job to protect them from any outside harm.”

“Explains why many of your people don't like me.” From being at the festival, Clarke remembered some of the death stares she received along with the attack. It was the assumption that she was new but the reality was they didn't want outside people to ruin what they had built.

“No they fear you Clarke.”

“I pose no harm to them.”

“You pose one to me and that's enough for them.”

“I don't want to hurt you.”

“Marriage outside our tribe is forbidden. To be dating you I run that risk.”

“What is the consequence if you do?”

“Death by a thousand cuts.” The words lingered in the air to speak for itself. With every further revelation it was clear why Lexa became who she is. If only she had known how deep the hole Lincoln and Anya were digging for themselves.

“There is still a lot you don't know or understand Clarke.”

“I want to Lexa. Help me to.”

“I lie to protect to you.”

“You can't keeping doing that. This isn't fair.”

“The ignorant are in complete bliss while the knowledgeable suffer. If you want to be with me then you have to understand I'm trying to protect you.”

“What if I don't want to be protected? I don't care suffering if it means I can be part of your world.”

“Clarke why can't you see?”

“You keep asking me to see but I don’t know what I am looking for.”

“Look around you. Become aware of where you are.”

Clarke followed orders checking everything in a three-sixty fashion. All she was able to see people pushing through to get to where they needed. Couples reprimanding their children, couples kissing, and tourists capturing every picture they could.

Scanning the perimeter Clarke could not see what she wanted her to see before returning to the green eyes.

“I am going to protect you whether you like it or not, this is not in debate. If keeping information from you is what I have to do then so be it. I can't bare losing someone else Clarke.”

Clarke attempted to hold the girl's hand in comfort but she wouldn't have it. They had stopped now looking between the other and the calm lake.

Lexa was going to shut down after trying so hard to be open about herself. She couldn't let that gap close without wanting to know more.

“Hey see that boat? Let's go for a ride on it.” 

Lexa nodded her head following the girl into the store to get tickets. Since no one reserved a spot the girls were next in line to get on it. The boat was from a classic Disney movie that created a fantasy world only attainable here. 

It started as a car on the shore and eventually drove into the water to become a boat. The ride was thirty minutes giving the two more time to talk.

The driver paid no attention to the two allowing them to converse freely to enjoy the ride. From the talk to getting on the boat Lexa had relaxed again. It was hard not to let herself remain unworried. Natural instincts told her that she was never safe. Clarke was doing everything in her power to remind her that it was okay.

“What are you doing for Christmas this year?” It was around the corner and the perfect way to open that case of emotions again.

“I don't celebrate Christmas.”

“Why not?”

“After Adriana left and Costia died, celebrating holidays was just not something we wanted to do.” Maybe it wasn't the smartest way to open up that case though.

“I'm sorry Lexa.”

“Don't be. What do you do?”

“Nothing special. After my dad died it became hard to celebrate so I just kick it with Octavia, Raven, and a few friends.”

The two stayed in silence enjoying the music playing in the town. Clarke began to sing along as Lexa closed her eyes. 

“I love your voice.” Clarke turned to see Lexa with her head laid back feeling as if she were on cloud nine. The brunette kept her hands on her stomach keeping her breathing to the beat of the music. 

Clarke took the rare moment to watch the normal stoic business woman distress. Since the day she met Lexa her body was always tight and rigid. Unlike other days, today she had seen the woman have this new glow to her. Clarke couldn't tell if it had always been there or she was finally looking at the woman differently

“You seem happy.” Lexa turned to the side with a smile on her face. Slowly opening one eye she saw Clarke with a raised brow.

“I'm with you.”

“I don't think you realize how smooth you are.”

“Should have met my sister.”

“You did promise more stories on Adriana.”

“That I did.” Night had completely fallen letting the moonlight reflecting off the water to be their main source of light.

“What do you want to know?”

“Anything.” Lexa sat up for a moment trying to figure out where to start. Her sister had one too many perfect traits knowing stories could not do her justice.

“My mother died giving birth to Adri (Ah-dree), that is what we call her. My father died trying to keep us both there with him, however, the Commander then would not have it. We were the last nightbloods, or royalty if you would, to survive the attacks our people faced. With that we were sent with others here who became my brothers and sisters.”

“Who were those others?”

“Lincoln and Anya were amongst them.”

“They are your brother and sister?”

“Not by blood but they are family.”

“That's why Lincoln is always defending you.”

“He is a good brother.”

“And that's why Anya is protective over you.”

“Yes, she too cannot afford to lose someone she cares about.” 

Her heart ached for the family. There was no way she could imagine what it was like to have your family ripped away from you like that. In honesty she did not know how Lexa even wanted to go day by day with suffering she has faced so much. With every revelation more understanding came as to why she kept her so in the dark.

“Anya and you are so much alike because of all the pain you suffered through.”

“Yes.”

“Who did she loose?” Lexa licked her lips eyes returning to the side of the water. Clearly she debated on telling Clarke the truth. It was already hard enough to live through it and to recount it was only worse.

Lexa had not told anyone what had happened. So much of it was kept in the dark because of the pain it brought. But this was different because the pain wasn't just going to remain there this time, it had the chance to be healed. With Clarke grabbing her hand, it was what she needed to understand the pain wasn't going to stay this time.

“My sister and my first love.”

“Adri and Costia?” Clarke had to admit she was confused as to the relation. 

“Costia was Anya's blood sister. They had come to the new land before us. When we arrived at the new home, we met the two who showed us the rope. I fell for Costia and well Anya was head over heels for Adri.”

“They were lovers?”

“They were love sick puppies with the exception that they were much better than Costia and I in hiding it. Anya took it much harder when she left becoming very angry at the world. Then when Costia died she became very attached to me. I was her last reminder of the two people she loved with all her heart.”

It made sense as to why Anya desperately pleaded for Clarke to take Lexa back that day. At first she had assumed it was Lexa's doing to woo her back but Anya had truly cared for her. The woman could not bare to see someone else, whom she loved, hurt the way she hurt again. That was a pain only she cared to suffer for and no one else.

“Anya has spent her life searching for Adri.”

“Her fate is unknown which is why she can't rest.”

“If something else doesn't find her first she won't be able to ever move on.”

Anya was stuck on a woman who never came back home for her. Lexa had remembered the day she had left. She had never seen someone turn from a caring loving woman to cold hearted. Lexa never talked about Costia but Adri was a forbidden topic.

“Crazy how you all ended up together.” Clarke whispered.

“You can't control who you fall for Clarke.” Lexa finally looked towards the bright blue eyes trying to understand the pain and take it from her.

“If you fear of losing me Lexa it will take a lot for that to happen. Even if this doesn't work out and we remain friends at the end.”

“You sound so sure.” Clarke lifted the girl’s hand to kiss the knuckles in affection and care.

“Ai swega yu klin na gouba raun bilaik yu gafen laik ai gafen.” 

“You remember?” Lexa felt her heart race hearing Clarke speak her native language. It was what she had told Clarke when the girl seemed unsure about this relationship. She vowed to treat the girl's needs as her own.

This time it was Clarke to return the favor. To reassure Lexa that this was what she wanted and was going to see it through.

“I told you I want to be part of your world.”

“You have seen what happens to the people I love Clarke. It's dangerous to even be with someone like me. You could get hurt.”

“Then I have you to protect me.” Clarke caved in allowing both girls to smile again after the very serious conversation. The mood was not only light again but weights lifted off the shoulders.

Lexa never felt the need to tell anyone about her past. Although no one ever really cared enough to ask if not for their own benefit. Not only were weights lifted off but she didn't have to spell out her feelings. Clarke read in between lines allowing her to barely speak about it just as she preferred. It was the comfort she craved and missed. It was the comfort she was afraid to have again because once you care you run the risk of hurting ten times more than before.

The ride had finished just in time as Lincoln had finally arrived to pick them up. Lexa opened the door for the two as they sat in the back. The back had been boarded up which Clarke knew it was because Lexa wanted privacy.

After minutes of small talk Clarke felt her eyes get heavy. It had been a whirlwind of a day. Part of it felt as if it happened a lifetime ago. One by one her bucket list was becoming complete and that was thanks to Lexa.

A woman so determined to take her building away was now trying to actually help her. There wasn't really a way in her mind she could pay her gratitude back but she was going to be determined to.

“Thank you for today.” Clarke mumbled. Her head rested on the brunette’s shoulder. Every ounce of her was fighting to stay awake but sleep was strong.

“Go to sleep Clarke.”

“That's so embarrassing.” She drawled out with eyes shut.

“Don't worry your secret is safe with me.”

“So are yours.” Clarke managed to get out with sleep finally winning.

Lexa hesitated at first staring at the blonde against her. She really could not see her face but found herself adjusting to the breathing of the girl. Raising her hand she stroke the blonde hair for the rest of the three hours.

Having fallen asleep herself Lexa almost jolted forward before she realized she had a body leeched onto her. Clarke had managed to snuggle even closer to her using her arm to cuddle with. Looking out the window she noticed they were just about to approach Clarke's house in the next turn.

It gave her a moment to admire the woman in her arms again. This time she was able to see the girl. The small smile rested on her lips with a few locks falling down.

Falling asleep near someone meant putting your guard down which was something Lexa had never done. But every moment Lexa spent with the blonde she always found herself doing something new, different from her norm.

There was an adventure awaiting the two of them. It was a step Lexa was sure she was ready to finally take. After their airport incident she couldn't afford to lose Clarke again. That was not something she would stand for. She was going to hold onto this girl in anyway she could until her last breathe.

“Clarke.” The groan came from the woman as if she were a child being forced to go to school today.

“We are at your house.” Lexa whispered which clearly registered into the woman as she jumped forward.

“Shit. I fell asleep the entire way?”

Lexa nodded her head watching Clarke frantically fix herself. She rubbed her eyes to adjust to the light of the car.

“I'm so sorry Lex.”

“You are beautiful when you sleep.”

“Were you staring Woods?”

“I won't deny it for a second.”

“Why is that?” Clarke hoped to put the girl on the back of her heel enjoying to challenge her.

“Because not everyone gets to stare at angel.” Lexa challenged right back causing her cheeks to redden.

For a few moments the two just stared at each other. Complete content and satisfaction filled with in their hearts.

For the brunette she could stare all day long into the blue eyes. Studies had shown a blue room brings peace and tranquility. It was exactly what she received with every look. Earlier today the woman had known without even asking when to stop pushing the envelope and when to change the topic. 

There was a natural feeling with her as if everything suddenly just made sense. There was more to do with this life than just survive.

As for the blonde a feeling of new opening doors appeared. Admittedly she never imaged dating a girl having never really experienced it. It wasn't a question for Lexa because as she stated earlier there was no controlling in who you fell for. Not a single power inside her could run away from Lexa again, not like before. 

Watching Lexa first step out of that helicopter made her mind go crazy, an image she was just dying to recreate. For the first time she had seen Lexa so casual and free. The wind taking her brunette hair as the sunglasses protected her precious green eyes. Her dark pants of course perfectly sculpted her body and with the leather jacket to top it off she felt her body go into overdrive of lust.

While she was nervous at first with the revelation of the helicopter, it only ended with her falling even more. Lexa put her heart into everything. It was not just because she was a perfectionist or trying to prove something it was because she genuinely cared for. No one had ever thought something through so much for her. 

Tonight Lexa had introduced the woman craving to break free. The only one who had a key to unlock now was Clarke. There was a reason Lexa had kept the past in the past. That truth could have the only power to keep Lexa in those chains forever.

It was Lexa's phone that began to ring as they quickly pulled out of their thoughts and stares.

“Woods.” It was Anya on the line who needed something that could not wait. She looked to Clarke who already had a look of understanding.

“Take it. We can talk later.”

“Thank you.” Clarke leaned toward to place a kiss on her cheek before stepping out of the car.

Prior to entering the house she waved goodbye as the car drove off. The house had been very quiet as she tip toed around hoping to not wake Octavia up.

“Why do you and Lexa insist on being out so late?” Octavia had turned on the lamp revealing her presence in the living the room.

“Fuck.” Clarke hissed. Octavia pointed to the seat in front of her demanding she sit. With a roll of her eyes she followed orders.

“Spill Griffin.” A voice came from the phone causing Clarke to laugh.

“Hi Raven.” Clarke spoke up as Octavia placed the phone on the table.

“We waited long enough love bird, now tell us what when down.”

Raven was going to hold the helicopter date against Clarke for the rest of her life. The girls joked about how they got stuck and all the little adventures in between. Octavia became a proud roommate upon hearing the baseball story. 

“Wait she didn't kiss you?” Octavia yelped completely floored.

“How could she be so smooth?”

“Not even a goodnight kiss?” 

“Nothing.” The girls shook their not believing Lexa did not take the opportunity to close the deal.

“Why didn't you?” Raven yelled through the phone.

“I couldn't her phone rang and it was already late.”

“Y'all both dumb.” Octavia crossed her arms disappointed in her girl.

The girls joked well throughout the remaining of the night only stopping to hear a knock on the door.

“What was that?” Raven spoke up as both Clarke and Octavia exchanged wary glances.

“You go!” 

“Heck no, aren't you the one who boxes Octavia.”

“Take the bat. I did it last time!” Octavia threw the bat towards receiving a grunt. Raven had patiently waited on the other line ready to call 911 if necessary. It had been already so late at night that it was odd for someone to be knocking at their door.

Clarke carefully opened the door with a bat behind her back. Immediately it slipped out of her hand when she saw who standing out the door. The woman had already turned down the stairs making her way back to the car.

“Lexa?”

The brunette quickly turned around as Clarke stood at the steps in confusion.  
“Is everything okay?”

“I forgot something.” Lexa quickly made her way to the to threshold where she wasted no time in getting what she wanted.

“What is-” Clarke’s sentence was cut off when Lexa pulled her forward into a kiss she had been dying for all night. Without fight Clarke returned the favor gripping onto her hips.

It started hasty as the women craved for the other so much they almost forgot to function correctly. The kiss was messy only starting to find a rhythm once they needed air. 

Clarke had kissed different people from jocks to jerks nothing comparing to her real first kiss with Lexa Woods. This wasn’t like their kiss in the pool because this time it meant something. It was a kiss so hot and deep she could feel it everywhere inside her.

“You idiots need to breathe you know!” Octavia screamed from the couch as Raven cheered from the phone. 

Clarke pulled away in laughter hearing her roommate’s comment. Lexa kept her hand tight around the back of her neck as their foreheads rested against each other. In all her life she had worked out like a mad woman only stopping when she physically could not move anymore. None of it came even close to taking her breath away just as Clarke had done.

“Thank god you came back for it.” Clarke managed to speak in between breathes. Her husky breathy voice sent shivers down her spine creating a dull ache at the pit of her stomach. “Thank you for everything for today, for introducing me to Lexa.”

“You asked for this Clarke.”

“The good, the bad, the ugly, I want to be here for it all.”

“Tell me you feel it Clarke.” Lexa pulled away just enough to look into the blue eyes.

“It’s everywhere.” Instinctually Clarke pulled Lexa closer as if the woman had been miles away from her understanding the feeling Lexa was speaking of.

“We are playing a dangerous game.” To ache and crave for someone this much so fast where living without this person was becoming more and more unimaginable was treacherous. Once that happened there was no way to ever turn around. Clarke shut her up with another kiss.

The best kiss were the hazardous ones, that were not meant to have but were so desperately needed to survive. The dangerous kisses electrified everything inside creating new desires and needs. It was a kiss, a simple kiss wrapped up in so much complication that sent the mind into a haze and the body into overdrive. A kiss that had been waited to be shared between the two finally having its way.

Lexa was the one to pull the two back to the ground as she took a step with a thumb still stroking her cheek. Naturally Clarke leaned into the soft touch wanting it to consume her entirely. 

“I don’t want to let you go again.”

“So then stay.”

“You aren’t thinking straight Clarke.”

“I can’t think straight when I’m with you.” Clarke spoke kissing her lips after every two words. The last one lasted longer not ever wanting to come up for air.

“Goodnight Clarke.” Lexa pulled away further now still barely holding on to the tips of her fingers.

“Promise you’ll come back.”

“I can’t stay away even if I tried.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved this chapter to be honest. The next one is going to be really cute with some drama but please let me know what you are thinking, it takes me so long because I want to give y'all a long chapter I'm going to try to update twice a week so if I'm not someone please get on me to do so haha Enjoy!
> 
>  
> 
> Song is by Nick Jonas- Introducing Me


	15. Tenerife Sea

_You look so wonderful in your dress_  
I love your hair like that  
The way it falls on the side of your neck  
Down your shoulders and back 

_We are surrounded by all of these lies_  
And people who talk too much  
You got the kind of look in your eyes  
As if no one knows anything but us 

It was a beautiful Sunday with only a little too much wind for any liking. Clarke couldn't believe how it nice it was out considering it was the middle of December. 

The only thing that was on her mind was the woman standing on the deck. Her breathe was taken away from the woman in the dress.

It caught her by surprise when Lexa showed up in the light blue sundress but it had been her favorite look yet. The loose brunette hair fell down her shoulders to go along with her new carefree attitude.

After yesterday's date Lexa had taken the rest of the days Clarke was here off so that they could spend some time. Not wanting to do anything extravagant or intrude on her weekend she asked Lexa to do what she normally does on Sunday while she tagged along.

To no surprise Lexa had drove them to a dock of boats where, as you can guess, her boat floated.

“I thought we were going to do something more laid back Lexa.”

“You asked me to do what I do normally so I follow orders.”

“So you just go for a boat ride casually?”

“You ask too many questions Clarke.” Grunting the blonde followed her onto the boat.

It surprised her that the boat wasn't as big as she imagined. Despite its length there was only two seats and wood floor at the rear with a metal bar wrapped around. They sat quietly enjoying the breeze and smashing waves against the boat.

So much time was spent in the crazy whirlwind of life. Surrounded by people none ever taking the time to look at her the way the woman driving the boat did.

Lexa had drove them out, far away from any visual on civilization. The boat had come to stop and floated while Clarke moved to sit at the rear feet dangling in water. 

With Lexa fixing something up Clarke took in the breeze of the sea. It was a smell she hated as a child but grown to love. The water itself had no smell but what was inside. Smells of sea creatures that is infused by the heavy smell of salt mixed with water from the spray which the wind ushers.

Rarely was she able to be at peace but the soft rocking was as if she were a child in a cradle. No worries or stress consumed her body. The only problem was she began to shiver not having worn the right clothes.

Lexa had already beat her to it as she came from behind and wrapped a blanket around the shivering Clarke before sitting down next to her.

“Thank you.”

“What are you thinking about Clarke?”

In honesty her mind was rambling with all different thoughts but one kept coming back.

“Pain.” Her own life had been well but of the recent years it seemed to be the only thing she had known.

Putting up a front was incredibly easy. Even trying to fake it until you make it motto was in use for her. At the the end of the day though nothing could remove the dull ache that rested inside.

“I’ll let you know one day if it ever goes away.”

“What if it doesn't?”

“Then maybe it was never meant to hurt only you have chosen to perceive it that way.”

“I'm not sure I understand.” Lexa looked over to Clarke who snuggled herself into the blanket like a burrito. A cute burrito, if that were a thing.

“Take your father's death. If that pain never subsides then maybe it was only you that perceived it that way.”

“Lexa he died.” She emphasized the death part as that were enough evidence in itself.

“His death wasn't meant to hurt you but allow you to further yourself in life. If he were still around who knows if you would be the same woman today.”

Clarke took in the information always knowing Lexa had some sort of wisdom hiding up her sleeve. Being a business woman was definitely a wrong career move her but she seems content so far.

Lexa turned around to grab two rods in which she handed one to Clarke.

“Fishing?”

“Practice connection.” Clarke examined the rod as if she were unsure what to do with it.

“Can you not fish?”

“I can. Just some old memories attached to it.”

Nodding her head Lexa threw it in as Clarke followed suit. She relaxed a little to lean back against the wall only Lexa remain in her spot.

“Sit up.” Lexa commanded pulling on her rod.

“Another lesson?”

“You close up your heart because you're afraid. Entrust it with someone who cares.”

“Who?”

“Mother nature. Connect with the water instead of letting your heart remain closed off.”

Clarke crossed her arms in disbelief. Lexa had proposed connecting with the water would help her get more fishes. That was absurd as fishing was just based on luck.

“I'm sensing you want a bet.” Lexa glanced to her side to see the smirk of a false victory on the blonde.

‘Very much so.”

“Stakes?”

“Winner picks what we do tomorrow?”

The girls shook on it just as Clarke was able to bring in her line that was being tugged. Smiling profusely she picked the fish up and removed the hook.

“Are we throwing back in?”

“No.”

“You eat these?”

“No. I give them to the local market.”

“Let me guess, for free.”

“They need it much more than me Clarke.”

There it was the compassion that consumed Lexa Woods. Every bone in her body was seemingly designed to put the world before her. Its was one of the many things that was making the woman in her eyes more beautiful inside and out.

After an hour Clarke was winning as she showed off her bucket in an arrogant manner.

“Don't worry Lexa, I'll keep us alive during a zombie apocalypse.”

“That requires you to fight them off.”

“I can totally do that.” Clarke scoffed while scouting closer until her skin was brushing against hers. 

She may be brining in the food but she has seen the way Lexa fought and it was probably good to have. “But I'll keep you around just in case.”

“Who says I'm going to save you?”

“Because I’m the breadwinner here and you need me.” She had wailed the fish in sarcasm in front of her face in which Lexa tried to dodge. 

“Clarke.”

“Come on Lexa, you said you gotta feel the nature. Admire my victory fish.”

Both their rods rested against the rail awaiting for their bait to be taken. Lexa tried to swat the fish away but Clarke was persistent. Causing Lexa to become advantageous as she gripped Clarke's wrist which let the fish drop.

“Is this why they call you the Commander?” Clarke took a large gulp visible to the green eyes that rapidly became dark.

With bodies touching and faces just inches from the other the atmosphere increased with tensions. It was taking their strengths not to let their bodies cave in to the desires only Lexa wasn't so sure she could wait anymore.

“I want to kiss you again.” Lexa had whispered.

Despite witty comments the two constantly threw at each other neither could really come up with one. Only one thing on their mind and that was thirst of lust yearning inside them.

Clarke took initiation this time letting her lips crash against hers. The feeling of adoration for the girl in her arms that could make her feel as if her body was in a constant state of bliss, filled inside.

This was something she was more than excited to get used to.

\-------

Sweat was dripping in her eye in which she could not remove as her shirt was already smoking wet. Flies kept biting and her muscles were becoming sore. This was the last thing she wanted to do.

“We less than a mile left Clarke.”

“I am never listening to you again when you say something is fun.” Clarke was heavy breathing with her hands rested on her knees.

“It's a beautiful day.”

“For lounging on the beach or a walk in a park not a twenty mile hike!”

Lexa walked back down to where Clarke was waiting. She handed her a bottle of water which she chugged down. The hiking could have been much more bearable if it were not for the Miami heat.

“You lost the bet.”

“The first and last time that will be.” Lexa shook her head with a smile as they finished the trail at Tropical Park.

Clarke had been winning up until the last hour when Lexa just gained a plethora of fishes. In Clarke's eyes with complete luck but Lexa went on a whole rant of connection and patience with earth. 

Clarke suggested she write a book with all that knowledge in her head. It could be a bestseller with the way she had already spoken. Her thirst for knowledge was only for her benefit she didn't really care to share that private part with others.

Lexa chose to hike as she had been missing her daily workout due to time with Clarke. It was pleasantly wonderful for the business woman to have someone beside her side to things she had done so long in solitude.

She plopped down at the edge of the trail. Heat rose from the cement causing her body to burn up. It was her last concern though as she couldn't catch her breathe.

“Working out releases endorphins.”

“I don't feel any happier Lexa.” The brunette fell on the ground to help the girl sit up.

To her enjoyment and Clarke's surprised she kissed her softly cupping her face with one hand.

“Better?”

“Much.” Clarke hummed against her lips as she pulled away with a smile.

“Perspiration is good too.”

“And what does that do for me?” Clarke arched a brow unaware of Lexa's quipped remark.

“Nothing for you. I just get to watch you all hot and sweaty.” Lexa added with a wink as she began to move towards the town car awaiting them.

Clarke really had to pick up her game.  
\-------

_You look so beautiful in this light_  
Your silhouette over me  
The way it brings out the blue in your eyes  
Is the Tenerife Sea 

“I think you can put professional lazy bum on your résumé.”

Waking up from her haze, Clarke instantly felt her mouth drop at the sight staring in front of her. So shocked, she had to remove her sunglasses to make sure she really was awake. She had shamelessly fallen asleep on the beach of Miami on her last day. The only reason still being here was because of the girl standing in front of her.

The throbbing between her legs embarrassingly increased when she saw Lexa but not just any Lexa, a very very wet Lexa. The green eyed girl was wearing a black bikini having just come out of the water from, as one can guess, from surfing. The surfboard was dug into the sand next to her as she smiled with the radiating hot sun shining from behind her.

“I like speechless Griffin.” Clarke threw her head back into the sand letting a loud groan and a ‘fuck you’ after resting on her elbows.

This was some sort of twisted fantasy she was having right now. She hadn't had a release in a very long time not even from herself. Lexa was only making it worse with a perfect six pack plastered to her body. The woman could not physically be more perfect.

Her wet brunette hair fell to the right side of her body opposite of the one leaning against the surfboard. Clarke might as well have been looking at a model from a swimsuit magazine. She hadn't really been thinking of fucking but the sudden thought had consumed her mind.

Lexa sat next to her letting the water shake off her. It caused Clarke to lay on her stomach with a loud grunt to avoid eye contact and the water.

Checking the sand Lexa noticed the sketchpad laid out on the side. Since Clarke wasn't paying attention to it she picked it up. It was herself.

Without really knowing Lexa had become the only thing on Clarke's mind. She scanned the drawing of herself in the water. Lexa casually sat on the surfboard watching the sun rise from out of the ocean.

It was in complete black and white but it was easy to imagine the colors that were meant to go there. Unfortunately she had forgotten how good Clarke's drawings were. It re-sparked an idea she had been toying with and couldn't wait to show Clarke now.

Carefully putting it down she admired the blonde for a few moments. It had been by far the best week of her life. Nothing on her mind with the exception of the girl. She had tried things she never done before and found a new flirtatious side of herself.

When Clarke had took off her sunglasses she had no idea how her blue eyes reminded her of the peace she once knew. A few years ago she laid in the beaches of Tenerife, an island in Spain. The ocean was something she admired respecting its beauty and the dangers it held as she floated void free of gravity.

The way the sun shone off the golden sand reflecting into the tranquility of the waves. No words could capture its essence yet only a few words could portray its beauty, just like the woman who laid before her.

Clarke was Tenerife. She was a beauty of wonders but lethal taking no prisoners. Staring into the blue eyes they put her on cloud nine highlight by the brightness of the blonde hair.

Lexa, enjoying the squirming of Clarke, ran a finger down Clarke's spine. To the benefit of Lexa and frustration of Clarke she wore a bikini as well allowing the touch to be against her bare skin.

“Lexa.” Clarke drew out trying to avoid the moan caught in her throat.

“So the bum does speak.”

“The bum is not home.” Lexa began to draw patterns on her shoulder as her other arm dangled over her knees. If it were up to her she could remain here all day with Clarke.

“Can I leave a message?”

“At the beep.” Clarke made a beeping noise after a few seconds signaling she could go.

Lexa got risky letting the coquettish side of her out. Carefully she jumped over Clarke so that her body hovered hers except it did not touch. With hands on either side of her she took a cautious breathe in Clarke's ear freezing up her entire body.

“Tell Ms.Griffin that not only she is the most beautiful women in the world,” Clarke smiled at the way Lexa could make the butterflies move inside her just by kissing her shoulder. “but that I also cancelled her flight to New York.”

The smile was wiped off her face in revelation. Lexa quickly jumped off knowing Clarke was going to turn around and scream at her.

As if on cue, “You did what?” Clarke sat looking up to Lexa whose arm were crossed.

“You make it sound like it’s bad thing.”

“Lexa, Octavia and I need to get back to New York.” 

It had been almost a week since their first date which meant the girls needed to get back home. 

They had explored much of the city getting to know the other better. Still Lexa had refused to hold Clarke's hand in public. At first she assumed she had a pet peeve but Lexa refused to show any affection while other people were around.

She would only kiss the girl in complete privacy. The kisses were softer than the first one. Every time Clarke tried to deepen it Lexa would pull away.

Octavia suggested she hadn't been intimate in a while so she probably wanted to take things slow. Raven thought Clarke was just a bad kisser despite Octavia vouching for her. In which Raven still tried to figure out how she knew.

“I just changed your form of transportation.”

“To?”

“My private jet.” Lexa whispered afraid Clarke was going to attack her.

As guessed, Clarke jumped up as Lexa started to back away with hands up in defense.

“Lexa.”

“I thought we had an understanding. I'm going to protect you.”

“You don't have to do it twenty-four seven.” Lexa rolled her eyes pulling Clarke closer to her.

“Okay well that and I get to spend more time with you today as the jet only leaves when I say so.”

“Do you plan to imprison me here?” Lexa toyed with their first entwined fingers. That thought had shamelessly crossed her mind. Not wanting to let her go so soon.

While Clarke noticed she wouldn’t show certain affection it was mostly due to when people were around. Luckily no one was around which meant she could be as affectionate she wanted.

“Who's to say you can’t stay here with me? You don’t have to go back Clarke.” Leaning forward Clarke captured the brunette’s lips taking advantage of the absence of people.

“Is that a yes?”

“Come back to New York with me.” Lexa sighed knowing this was going to be difficult. Neither wanted to try long distance but Lexa needed to be in Miami for a while and Clarke’s home was in New York.

“Let’s go in the water.” Lexa pulled them towards the water grabbing her surfboard in which they both easily slipped into keeping their fingers locked. The topic had been avoided all week. It was too perfect of a week to disrupt it with thoughts of anything outside their bubble. It was time though a choice had to be made.

Lexa had remained in New York for a while because of new transactions going on, however, her headquarters were in Miami. It meant she was expected to be here which made this weekend ending harder.

“Lexa.” The brunette sat on her board as Clarke shredded the water holding onto the surfboard.

“I can buy you a home here.”

“Money can’t solve every problem.”

“It could solve this one.” Clarke let go of her hand beginning to the the backstroke through the waves. 

Ideally it would be great to move down here especially enjoying the heat as much as she was now but it wasn’t realistic. Clarke feared the conversation of the building though. Although Octavia had told her to keep it out of her mind until things settled down between the two, she had bills to pay. 

Money only grew on trees for people like Lexa. It had become a part of her to fix any issues she had in the past. That wasn’t the case for Clarke. She had to always worry about money and where her next meal was coming from. 

“What are we going to do Clarke? This vacation or whatever it is has to come to an end sometime.”

“Let’s runaway and never comeback.” Jokingly she arched an eyebrow in a mix of hope.

“And if I get sick of you?” 

“Then you're fucked.” Clarke stopped swimming making her way back to Lexa. The girl shredded the water letting the cool waves splash against her hot skin from the sun.

“In all seriousness, we take this day by day Lexa.” 

“Even if this means long distance?”

“Whatever it means to try this out.” Clarke hoped she would be rewarded with a kiss from her knowledge. Except Lexa had something else in mind splashing the girl with water.

Clarke gasped in disbelief as Lexa began to swam away. “What was that for?”

“Just practicing for when I get sick of you.” 

Clarke went under the water while Lexa called out her name unable to find where the blonde went. It was too late though when she realized what Clarke was doing.

The blonde had snuck under the surfboard and flipped over to put Lexa diving into the water. A loud audible gasp came from her emerging out of the water in which Clarke could not stop laughing. As she pushed the blonde hair out of her face, Lexa cleared the water of her eyes and made her way to Clarke.

Clarke had suspected she would come for revenge but then was caught off guard when Lexa wrapped her arms around her neck and kissed her. To no surprise it wasn't a deep kiss as she pulled away denying Clarke's tongue attempt.

“What was that for?”

“I just wanted to make sure this was all real.”

“Us?”

“I know you are going to go back to New York and I won't be able to stop that but I hoped that maybe if I could stop you from going I wouldn't have to wake up.”

It truly had been an epic week of adventures for the two. Lexa's mind was completely off work solely on Clarke. She too got to explore Miami now in more enjoyable way.

One day they were in Villa Vizcaya exploring the Renaissance engraved into the home through architecture and gardening while the next was hiking through Tropical Park.

Neither saw those days as dates though. They found themselves in a phase of just trying to absorb the other person's presence and enjoying their company. It had been a weeks worth of adventure rather than exploration in their romantic lives.

“Just because we have to go back to reality doesn't mean we have to let go of this.”

“What are we then?”

“Well uh we are definitely more than friends,”

“But not girlfriends yet.” Lexa finished for her in understanding.

“Right.” It was a moment of silence between the two as they tried to sort out their feelings. The week had been filled with perfection but was that all just an illusion. After all neither could forget that when they first met they wanted to rip each other's throat out.

It was easy to pretend things never happened but it doesn't change the fact that it did. The fear that stood was how things would change once they were back in reality.

“So day by day?” Clarke suggested as the best answer she could give.

“Day by day.”

\--------

“Ai laik leksa en yu laik?”

“Ai laik klark kom New York. Clarke drew out letting a yawn escape her mouth.

“Rid op.”

“I don't want to go to sleep.”

“In Trigedasleng.” Lexa commanded making sure she spoke in it as often as she could.

“Ai nou gaf in kom gyon au kom rid op.” Lexa had been teaching Clarke after much antagonizing from the blonde.

This was Clarke's way of saying she was ready to take a step into her world. Whether Lexa liked it or not she was going to find a way in.

Lexa watched through the camera as she lay on the side with her blonde hair sprawled over the pillow. The room was dark with only the light of the computer screen to shine on her face.

Clarke had begun to doze in and out of sleep, being way past anyone's bed time. With Lexa being away and having a few moments to speak, Clarke woke up to take full advantage of.

“You learn fast Clarke.”

“Ai don os ticha.” _(I have the best teacher)_

“Sucking up to the teacher isn't going to help you.

“Seintaim taim ai biyo yu laik mokskwoma.” _(Even if I say you are a worm)_

“You just told me I looked like a worm.”

“Fuck. I meant meizen. _(Beautiful)_ I'm just off my game right now.” 

Clarke shut her eyes a little longer this time. It was inevitable she was going to fall asleep.

“Go to bed Clarke we can talk later.”

“Stay on the line with me?” Clarke mumbled through her sleepy state. Lexa nodded her head flipping another page of the book she was reading

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

“Reshop, Heda.” It was the last thing she said before she dozed into a peaceful sleep. A sleep she desperately needed and an image Lexa was getting used to.

Two weeks had gone by since Clarke had last seen Lexa face to face. Day by day was proving a lot more difficult than expected. Lincoln had joined the two back to New York where he returned to a job here to Octavia’s delight.

Lincoln and Octavia were becoming attached at the hip. Clarke and Raven began to bet on who would be the first to ask to move in. If Octavia was not sleeping at his place then they were here. Which lead to a very perky Octavia due to mindblowing sex she constantly bragged about.

Lincoln and Octavia tried kicking Clarke out of the apartment to go stop moping and enjoy the Christmas spirit. She attempted to bask in the atmosphere but in honesty she wasn't in the mood. 

After much pining around the first few days Clarke got a job as a waitress waiting to hear back from other possible employers. It wasn't ideal but it was enough to pay for bills. Gratefully her two best friends were there to help cover additional cost.

Raven was back to work enjoying more and more time with her new found friend, Cado. He proved to be a big help around the house for Raven. At work he was patient and calm protecting his owner at all cost. Her therapy sessions were a big help as she was now a year clean.

As for Lexa and Clarke, they had talked on the phone as much as possible, just as last night through the computer screen, but it wasn't nearly enough. Woods Inc was facing a lot of financial troubles. Which meant Lexa was flying all over the world from Barcelona to Tokyo to Vancouver. The brunette was everywhere in which she had no time for anything.

That included the annual Trigedakru festival in which many had expected her attendance. Anya as per usual covered for the woman and took on her roles. To her dismay, Lexa could not fly to New York in time either for Christmas sending much apologies to Clarke.

“I just haven’t seen you in over two weeks.”

“I’m sorry Clarke.”

“No it’s okay I totally get it.”

“I’m going to make this up to you.”

“Lexa don't worry about it. I'll see you when I can.”

“My flight is about to take off I have to go.”

“Have a safe flight.”

“I'll see for New Year’s Clarke. Sleep well.”

Only New Year’s came and went with still no Lexa. The three roommates had decided on a small dinner party in their apartment but after Lexa’ s cancelation she wasn't as excited for it as she hoped. 

She was face timing the girl right before the countdown began in Clarke’s timezone. All their close friends had gathered in their living room which allowed Clarke to sit outside on the steps of their apartment.

“Happy New Year’s Lexa.”

“You got ten more minutes right?”

“Yup.”

“I’m sorry I had to cancel again.”

“You work Lexa it’s not like you are trying to avoid me.” She saw the girl step away for a second to talk to someone before returning back to the call.

The brunette was getting prettier by the second. Everytime Clarke looked she couldn’t understand the beauty that radiated from her. There had to be some sort of different DNA in her system because she knew Lexa had not slept in days and looked as if she was about to walk down a runway.

“Lexa.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.” 

“For being you.” The heat rose instantly to her cheeks never really been complimented like that before. It took her by surprise.

“It’s okay to blush, Lexa.” Throwing her head back in laughter the business woman quickly tried to cover her face up.

Using the sleeve of her sweater Clarke tried to cover up her mouth from the cold night. “That cold in New York?”

“Freezing.”

“Once I get back we could-”

“Clarke! Get your ass up here the countdown is about to start.” Jasper had screamed from the window giving them the cue it was time to leave.

“I have to go.”

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow?”

“Of course, bye!”

“Bye.” Clarke shut her phone quickly running up the stairs to join her friends.

Clarke had to admit she was disappointed that Lexa hadn't showed. Despite not being an official couple, she had missed the girl and finally understood what she meant in Miami when she said she didn't want to wake up from her dream.

The extoic woman's company was becoming more of a need rather than a want to Clarke. She wanted to explore more of what they were because she knew there was something there. They were like two wires that every time they touched created spark and when held longer created fire. It was impossible to create fire though when Lexa was never around.

Gratefully Clarke had the morning shift that day which meant she bummed out for the rest of the afternoon and night. It was the third time that night she watched Home Alone as the clock struck twelve signaling a new day. 

Clarke got up to make more popcorn and hot chocolate when she heard the bell ring. With Octavia at Lincoln's and Raven late at work it was only her at home. Assuming it was probably one of them who forgot their key she rang asking it who it was to make sure. On the other line a voice began to speak.

“Oh stormy, stormy world,” The voice breathlessly husked into the mic.

“The days you were not swirled  
Around with mist and cloud,  
Or wrapped as in a shroud,  
And the sun’s brilliant ball  
Was not in part or all  
Obscured from mortal view—” 

Taking another breath they spoke every word with perfect pronunciation keeping a steady rhythm to the poem.

“Were days so very few  
I can but wonder whence  
I get the lasting sense  
Of so much warmth and light.  
If my mistrust is right  
It may be altogether  
From one day’s perfect weather  
When starting clear at dawn  
The day went clearly on  
To finish clearer at eve.  
I verily believe  
My fair impression may  
Be all from that one day  
No shadow crossed but ours,  
As though the blazing flowers  
We went from house to wood  
For change of solitude.”

"Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. Robert Frost.”

“You know Frost?”

“Come up.” Clarke buzzed the person below. With her apartment door open she waited until the elevator was on her floor.

“My father used to read me poems before bed.” Clarke explained looking at the person who walked out of the elevator.

“He was wise man.” She spoke before meeting halfway in the hallway.

The woman was exhausted. Her body didn't uphold its usual confidence with slouching shoulders. The bags under her eyes had its own bags.

The bright green eyes she had been adjusted to were dark with fatigue. It was clear she had just jumped off the airport as her bag was still in her hand and she wore her usual business clothing.

“How long have you been up?”

“Clarke.” She only gave her a stern look demanding an answer.

“Three days maybe.” She shrugged unable to keep up with the timezone change. Jetlag was beyond explanation to what her body was feeling right now.

“Come to bed Lexa.” Lexa was about to argue but Clarke grabbed her hand pulling her into the house.

“Is anyone home?”

“No.”

“Good, because I've been waiting three weeks to do this.” Lexa spun the girl into her arms to give a firm kiss mixed with sorrow and desires. It neither hasty nor lustful but an apology without the words.

They rested their head against the other missing the feeling that came with every look, touch, and kiss.

“Let's get you to bed.”

“But I want to kiss you more.” Lexa pleaded against her lips. She felt her body regenerate on the touch of the woman.

“How long do I have you for?”

“The rest of the weekend.” There was no space between the two of them but the air between their breathes.

“We can kiss more after you shower and change.”

To Clarke's request, more of a demanded, Lexa showered and changed into a pair of Clarke's pajamas. Meanwhile Clarke quickly heated something up as she couldn't imagine how hungry she was.

“Pizza from Mia's Pizzeria.” Lexa spoke up adjusting the waistband on her pants as she entered the kitchen.

“Do you train your nose too?” Clarke turned placing the plate onto the counter.

“Just more aware than you are.”

“How so?”

“The box of pizza is right there.”

Clarke groaned in frustration. Lexa was trying to teach the girl to be more aware of her surroundings in which she was failing at.

They took the food to the couch and watched Home Alone that was still running. It was quite as they sat on opposite sides of the couch.

Lexa had finished her pizza and got up for another slice, having already three too many.

“Isn’t that too many pizzas, Lexa?” Clarke joked loving to put her on the edge.

Lexa picked up her shirt revealing a toned six pack. To her delight Clarke's mouth dropped as Lexa checked out her own abs.

“I think I can afford to.” 

“That’s not real.”

“Touch them.” Clarke cautiously ran one finger down her abs to then trace every engraved muscle. Looking up to Lexa she held a stern unmoving expression seemingly unaffected.

“This doesn't bother you?”

“If you are asking if I enjoy this Clarke then you already know the answer.”

“I want to hear you say it.” 

Clarke had waited all night to make a move. Initially she had just expected the woman to crash in bed but an hour had past with no signs of her moving.

So Clarke took advantage of trying to get any physical contact Lexa would allow, which only was the intertwining of their legs. This was the closest she had gotten to making Lexa squirm under her control.

Taking a careful gulp Lexa thought out her options. With choosing the wrong one she kissed the corner of Clarke's mouth and headed back into the kitchen.

Clarke stood up from the couch clearly not happy with the choice. “Seriously?”

“What?” Lexa picked up another pizza.

“Why do you keep doing that?”

“I don't understand.”

“Every time I try to be more affectionate with you, you pull away.”

“Not sure what you are talking about.” Lexa shrugged her shoulders putting the food into the microwave.

“Don't be stupid.”

“I make a one hundred thousand dollars an hour. I don't think I qualify as stupid.”

“Why won't you let this go further Lexa? I try to hold your hand, I try to deepen a kiss, I tried to cuddle with you before the movie started! Isn't that enough green signals for you?”

“I-” Lexa tried but was caught off as she was not done.

“I'm not asking you to clear this counter, throw me on it, and fuck me senseless.” Clarke paused as the image in her head took over with a lump in her throat. It was an overly satisfying thought that she had to take a second to gather herself.

“Okay yeah I'm not asking now maybe later but that's not the point. I want to be more intimate with you but you won't let me.” 

Her eyes were filled with anger but Lexa couldn't help to laugh. Clarke had made her way to the kitchen by now completely confused. Lexa rarely smiled and to laugh without reason was beyond her.

The confusion only became worse when Lexa moved towards her and kissed her hard. Clarke didn't fight but pulled out in puzzlement.

“What's going on?”

“The longer the fall the harder it is to climb back up.” Lexa explained as if Clarke would suddenly understand.

“You were bothered by the idea of us.”

“Is it wrong to be attracted to the woman I'm seeing?”

“And you made this face, a really cute one.”

“I think you need to sleep Lexa.”

“Every time I look at you it seems like it’s never enough. I've fallen hard and that scares me. So forgive me Clarke if takes me a little longer as the last woman I loved died because of that.”

She pulled her closer before continuing the thoughts running in her mind. “I want this so bad Clarke, its overwhelming.” 

“Stop waiting then, its yours if you want it.”

Lexa kissed her with no intentions of trying to take it further. It wasn't meant to be loving and accepting that she could be patient. The two had made it beyond the getting to know you stage. 

Lexa could count all the times she had fallen for her a little more including the recent moment when the dirty thought ran through her mind.

It only made sense they wanted to go further. So Lexa filled that wish for her and caved into the hunger nestled at the bottom of her stomach.

She pushed her against the wall deepening the kiss to allow Clarke full access to her mouth. It earned an immediate moan of content and surprise not expecting the force.

The blonde made no hesitations to explore what she had been dying to do for so long. Naturally she wrapped her legs around Lexa who pick her up from her thighs.

“We should go to bed.” Clarke spoke as Lexa began to make her way down her neck.

“I can take the couch.” She grumbled against her skin as Clarke threw her head back to give her more access.

“Mmh shut up and go to the room.” Lexa did not argue more as she carried Clarke to her room. It allowed Clarke to return the favor as she made her down Lexa's neck.

The business woman couldn't help but knock them into a few walls as her head wasn't focused on direction. A low groan came from her throat when Clarke bit at a sensitive spot then running her tongue over.

Finally able to lay the girl down gently on the bed she was unable to keep her hands off her. Clarke’s nails scratched down her back needing her body closer.

Lexa pulled away to catch her breathe again. The blue eyes starred in excitement heavily breathing.

“Maybe we should slow it down.” There was an attempt at sanity from Lexa but they weren't sure if it was possible.

“Stay with me?” Lexa leaned down kissing her softly.

“Mmh let me use the bathroom first.” Quickly she got up and scurried away to come back as fast as she could.

The surprise had been one desperately needed. She had missed Lexa like crazy. It meant a lot that she had come straight from the airport to here but that didn't surprise her.

Ever since they got over that hump of Lexa being Heda, the business woman had been nothing but passionate and caring. No matter what it was Lexa constantly put her before anything else.

Today proved no different. Despite the stress her job was providing she had managed to come to Clarke first. Clarke knew she had to step up her game which meant Lexa was in for a real treat tomorrow.

“I might just give you all my clothing if you are going to look that good in it.” Lexa was leaning against the door frame in her sofie shorts and Chicago sweatshirt.

“This is definitely how I do not dress normally.”

“Please don't tell me you dress in a suit to bed or some formal gown.”

“Would that upset you Clarke?” Nodding her head Lexa moved towards the bed.

“Good. Then I do.”

“Geez you're cranky with no sleep.”

“Happens to the best of us.”

“I know I could change that but i think you need your sleep.” Clarke patted the spot next to her.

“Is this how you get people into bed?”

“Only the special ones.” Lexa crawled into bed surprising them both as she wrapped an arm around Clarke. Maybe it was a good thing she addressed the issue as Lexa cuddled into her chest.

It remained in silence as their breathing began to match each other finding a rhythm. Clarke had never been happier in that moment and she knew what she had to do.

“Lexa?”

“Mmh.”

“Would you be my girlfriend?”

“Thought you would never ask.” Lexa remained in her embrace unfazed by the question which made everything more perfect.

There was no question they had a rocky to start to their relationship. Nothing had been easy from the get go. The simple response just made everything right and more confident in her question.

“Reshop Heda.” Clarke kissed the top of her head softly as she stroked the long brunette hair.

Lexa was able to recount the moments she looked at Clarke and the world had just stopped. What she didn't know was that Clarke was finally looking and seeing what Lexa had already known. 

Clarke was falling hard unaware of the hidden truths reality was holding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what are y'all expecting to see? drama is on the lowkey we are going to see lincoln and anya past a litte more next one.
> 
> Song is Tenerife Sea by Ed Sheeran


	16. All In My Head

_Curtains like waves closing in all around us_  
Dimming the lights just so that they don't blind us  
So tongue in cheek when we're laying on roses  
But you're touching my skin and you're leaving me hopeless  
I wanna feel you un, feel you under my body  
I wanna feel you un, feel you un  
Flex, time to impress  
Come and climb in my bed  
Don't be shy, do your thing  
It's all in my head 

There is a moment when you wake up before opening your eyes and know that something great is waiting for you. You don't need to open your eyes at all it's just a feeling working inside you.

It could be overwhelming where fear to open your eyes is stronger because you don't want to ruin it. Bliss, happiness, satisfaction whatever words that could be out there just didn't seem right to use.

The only thing that came close was complete. That something awaiting her for when she finally opened her eyes filled a hole she didn't know needed to be fixed. Well in Lexa's case it was a someone.

While she remained lying in bed she let her mind sort out that someone. Clarke and her were finally official which came with fear and excitement.

Everything since their first date had been just pulled straight out of a novel. Despite her absence the few weeks, the excitement came with making this work. The only fear lied in Lexa's past.

The past held secrets that if Clarke knew would end their relationship. The worst of it was the truth of who she is. It would be easy to think she'll accept her for who she is but that wasn't the case.

Clarke had fallen for the woman she met in the pouring rain one day. Except Lexa was not the true woman behind the mask. There were moments where Clarke would joke about it as Lexa did her best to redirect the conversation.

Guilt is a terrible thing to carry within and to lie made it worse. Lexa wanted to tell her the truth but she couldn't lose her. Things were finally going well for them.

What she needed to do was find the women and learn everything about that night. There were few attempts made but once Lexa started to fall for Clarke the search fell. 

Though there are secrets in the past, there are secrets she held now that not even Anya knew. She did everything in her best to protect the people she loved since Costia passed finding secrets were the safest way. Lexa resorted to a mask as a result. A constant way she found herself pretending to be something she wasn't to the point where she believes herself that is who she is.

That didn't matter though, at least that's what she tried to tell herself. She would hold onto her lies until they were no longer hers to hold. If it meant losing a part of her so that she wouldn't have to let go of the blonde, then so be it.

Finally deciding it was time to open her eyes, she found Clarke standing at the edge of her bed.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” With only one eye cautiously opened she remained on her side despite hearing Clarke's voice.

The early sunlight beamed into the room refusing to let the green eyes open without blinding her first. Clarke picked up on it as she closed the curtains of the room to dim the light.

“Sleep well?” Lexa propped herself up on her elbows after finally turning over in a gruntled groan. She nodded her head unable to find the words of satisfaction.

Shamelessly Lexa starred Clarke down. Seeping through her tight shorts were her thick thighs that didn't take much imagination to know what was also seeping behind. As well, her tank top that sculpted her breasts revealed that she was not wearing a bra due to her visible nipples.

“I have a hot girlfriend.” Lexa boldly spoke feeling the growing smirk on her face to hide her watering mouth.

“Should I be worried?” With crossed arms Clarke made her way closer.

“Very.”

“Tell me about her.”

“Mh she has this luscious blonde hair that's fierce like a lion’s mane but kissed by the sun.”

Liking the analogy Clarke climbed onto the bed. Seduction consumed around unable to avoid what was being built up.

“Eh she sounds okay to me.”

“She has a way of bringing things to life akin to the way her paintbrush soothes out color on a plain board to create mesmerizing compositions.”

Clarke rose an eyebrow curious if Lexa could outdo herself challenging her to another description.

Lexa took a visible gulp as the sight of Clarke crawling closer was not loosening her legs that were tighten under the blanket. It threw her off for the challenge undoubtedly.

“Her breasts half-globed like folded lilies deepset in the stream.”

Clarke let out a rumbling laugh knowing nerves had gotten to brunette as she quoted a poem.

 

“Seriously? Dante Gabriel Rossetti?”

“Sorry you are making me nervous when you do-” Lexa twirls her fingers at her actions, “-that.”

It only caused Clarke to make her movements as sexy as she could. Now hovering her body she removed the blanket covering Lexa.

“Clarke.” Warningly Lexa watched as the blonde's fingers slowly walked over her stomach and worked its way up. Her fingers went right through the valley of her breasts then towards her lips letting her thumb trace the outlines.

Lexa's mind tried to rattle what was going on but Clarke wouldn't even give her time to breathe. Keeping direct eye contact Lexa could feel the warmth gather at the bottom of her belly enthralled by the blue eyes. 

Unable to contain herself anymore Lexa pulled her into a kiss crashing their lips into a heat of desperation. Clarke's hand gripped onto the sheets to hold herself up. It takes a few seconds before Lexa grants Clarke's tongue the access she wanted. They pick up immediately where they left off yesterday.

Unlike the night before her concentration came in exploring her mouth. Eliciting a moan from Lexa, Clarke could feel the surge of dominance run through her. One hand trailed down the heated skin of her thigh with a knee already slipped between her legs. Her hand hesitant in getting what it wants.

It earned another moan from the brunette whose hands were entangled in the blonde. Though victorious in her movements Lexa was slowly able to get her mind out of the clouds to focus on her actions.

She wanted to feel Clarke under her. Every touch was as if she was laying in a bed of roses. Being in cloud nine with the feeling of Clarke under her left her breathless.

Pulling away to catch their breaths Lexa took it as the opportunity to flip Clarke on her back. Once hovering over with a leg on either side of her body, Clarke meticulously watched as Lexa removed the sweatshirt attached to her body.

Thrown onto the floor Lexa resumed their session feeling slightly cooler with the heated material off, or so she thought. Only her body managed to get hotter as Clarke's hands roamed her stomach. She awaited permission in which Lexa was quick to grant.

Lexa began to suck at her neck mumbling, “Touch me.”

With a grip on her hips Clarke slightly pushed her off her neck to look at her face. “Are you sure?”

Lexa feverishly nodded her head creating a smile ear to ear on the blonde. Resuming where she left off, Clarke's hand found what she had been craving.

Slowly she rubbed each breasts giving equal attention. Her finger would trace over the hardened nipple and gently squeezing to evoke cries of pleasure. Lexa found no complaint when Clarke began to move her leg in between her.

Their make out session was quickly becoming heated and this time neither were looking to slow it down. Both bodies craved to satisfy the beast of desire that awakened more with every touch.

Lexa needed more contact though. The heat in the room was unbearable and she could feel her body get wet, everywhere. Pulling away from her lips Clarke watched again as she removed the shirt leaving her only in a black bra.

The color or its size did not surprise Clarke but the body that was attached to the business woman. She had seen it before constantly always being amazed but now she had the privilege of making it hers eliciting many dirty thoughts.

“Flex.” Clarke husked as Lexa raised a brow in amusement. She paused though unsure of showing her body off like that.

“Really?”

“Please make my gay ass happy and flex your muscles.” 

Following commands, she did as told watching the blue eyes become dark and lustful. Clearly impressed Clarke's fingers outlined the sculpted body by the gods as Lexa mumbled that it wasn't really a big deal.

“You look like a horny teenage boy.”

“It's my spirit animal Lexa, don't judge.”

Lexa’s laugh consumed the room enough to create a bubbly feeling inside Clarke. The smile on Lexa's face was quickly contorted though into a shock of pleasure as lips attached to her body.

Clarke's tongue began to work its magic as it traced her abs peppering with kisses and bite marks. Slowly she was discovering how Lexa liked and it was rough. 

Clarke found her face nestled between the two pillows or what Lexa would call them her breasts. 

Within minutes Lexa found her body reacting as it began to grind in Clarke's leg. No protest came from the blonde though as her heavy panting increased. Needing the friction in between her throbbing legs they found a rhythm.

It doesn't take long as the teasing had built her up enough. Just at the edge needing to be tapped over, Clarke’s lips work at her neck as hands kept busy with the two pillows.

Lexa attempts to unravel beneath her feeling cries of pleasure swell in her throat, it's enough to wake her up. From closing her eyes in pleasure she opened them to suddenly not feel Clarke underneath her.

Jolting from the bed, Lexa batted her eyes repeated as she carefully scanned the room. Not only was there no clothing on the ground but no Clarke in her room. It was a dream that left a wet ache between her legs having not truly released.

Lexa suddenly realizes what had happened and thinks she might need a few showers to get over the sex dream. However she doesn't have much time to really think about it as she could hear murmurs outside the room.

Clarke's roommates were in the house which meant she had to get up unable to finish what her dream had started. Groaning she slammed her head back into the pillow trying to find the motivation to get up.

After a few minutes upon doing so she sluggishly walked out of the room and into the kitchen where noise was coming from.

Clarke stood by stove cooking something up. From the smell it was chicken sauteed in lemon juice, it was actually one of her favorites.

“Are you cooking dinner?” Lexa hoarse out in a groggy state. Rubbing her eyes she tried to adjust to the bright room. Her cheeks turned slightly red when she looked at Clarke feeling the recent images in her head. She had to remind herself that it was all in her head.

“Good evening sleepyhead.” Clarke smirked flipping the chicken over.

Her face dropped at the realization of what she had just done. The voices coming from the living room confirmed that.

“It's about time you woke up.” Looking into the living room Lexa caught glimpse of Octavia reading the newspaper as Raven worked on some sort of contraption on the table.

“Yeah and you snore really loud.” Raven chimed in keeping eyes locked down. 

She whipped towards Clarke who was already shaking her head in disapproval. Lexa spoke in a whisper voice of slight embarrassment. “I don't snore?” 

Clarke turned around with a smile hearing the rare insecurity from the girl. Taking a moment she got to admire the brunette in an innocent state. Lexa had always shown the strength inside her but waking up from her sleep she could see the child within.

To no surprise either she was just as beautiful waking up as her hair was much more frizzy giving her bed hair. As well her green eyes seemed impossibly brighter. Sleep clearly was a necessity as she physically looked much better than she did last night. With the memories of last night in her head she could feel her body shake in excitement.

“No.” Clarke snaked her arms around her waist pinning Lexa against the wall where her other two roommates couldn't see.

“You're just saying that to make me feel better.”

“Yup.” Clarke husked waiting for what she wanted gratefully Lexa picked up on it.

“So now that we are uh you know.” Lexa motioned with her finger between the two. “Does that uh mean I can you know whenever I want?”

Clarke just shook her head this time not bothering to speak. With much joy Lexa gave her what she wanted by taking her lips between her own.

Even though the two had last night Lexa had really missed her during the weeks she had been away. Their week in Miami was as if it had happened a lifetime ago but she was determined to make it work now in their reality. She was drunk on Clarke Griffin with every touch and kiss she couldn't help.

Clarke pulled away breathlessly excited to have the girl in her own home. “Why did you let me sleep through the day?”

Lexa had her rested on her biceps to let her fingers rub up and down the skin.

“I didn't want to wake you.”

As much a she loved the brunettes voice she wanted one thing only. Another kiss she took the woman off her stability and knocking her into the wonders of her lips.

With every second passing a simple kiss was not going to suffice either. While Clarke's hands rested on her hips Lexa began to run her fingers through the luscious blonde hair earning a significant moan from the other.

“Clarke if you could pull your horny body off of your girlfriend for a second you would know the food is burning.” 

“Fuck.” Pulling away upon Raven's comment she returned to her food to lower the heat and flip the chicken again.

While normally Lexa had trouble showing affection around other people she couldn't help but want to give that to Clarke. This time she took her own hands and snaked it around her waist to rest her chin on Clarke's shoulder.

“They know?”

“I told them. Too soon?”

“No. And what are we having tonight?”

“Actually.” Clarke placed the spoon down and turned in her arms.

“We are going on our first date.”

“But we have already been on one.”

“Technically not as a couple and I haven't planned one yet so it's our first date planned by me.”

“So why cook?”

“Its for Raven. Don't ask it's just a favor.” Pecking her lips she returned to the food. 

Lexa walked out to the living room where the two other roommates waited to rightfully greet them. Octavia smiled mischievously offering her a seat at the table. Warily she took the seat as the other two squared her up.

Taking a visible gulp Raven scooted closer as Octavia crossed her arms. Unaware of what was happening she actually had been intimidated.

“We need to talk.”

“Okay.”

“Has anyone ever told you you're snores sound like moans?”

Her face drained white hoping they did not know what she did. It wouldn't surprise her if they had heard her. Raven picked up on the ghost face and let out a loud laugh.

“I'm fucking with you, relax. Should have seen your face pricless. Oh god, anway on a serious note, Clarke is a good person.” Raven started out earning a nod of agreement from Lexa. “Her and Octavia took me in when I felt my shit fall apart.”

“And Clarke took me in when I had no family other than my brother. Her dad passing cracked her heart.”

“And the last person she dated shattered it even more.” Both girls continued finishing the other’s thought or sentence.

“That heart is fragile as it is whether she admits it or not.”

“My intentions are not to hurt her.” Lexa spoke understanding where the conversation was going.

“In all honesty Lexa I don't trust you but Clarke does despite what you did to her building.” Octavia jabbed reminding her of their past. Lexa had clearly made their roommate happy which is why they didn't mind their relationship. But both kept an eye open just in case things went south.

It reminded her much of what Anya thought of Clarke. All friends only pushed for the relationship because it clearly made the other happy. However, they were all overly cautious still harboring earlier spite.

“I can make you disappear without anyone finding you or even knowing you were gone.” Raven finally made the threat to secure the seriousness they were trying to portray.

Now that had definitely gotten Lexa's blood pumping harder after hearing from Clarke how smart the girl really was. She knew she was going to get the best friends talk but the two had put it in such a way that she was going to blow up the world if she wasn't careful.

Lexa had to admit the two were very good at this. “I plan to take our relationship very seriously.”

“Stop scaring her she only said yes to me yesterday.” Clarke walked in with the plate of food to hand to Raven.

“Just doing our duties.” Octavia spoke as she got up. She pointed two fingers into her own eyes then back at Lexa to signal that she was watching.

“Anyway I have to go, Lincoln is waiting for me.” Kissing both her roommates on the cheek she grabbed her things and left.

“Then there were three.” Raven mumbled through the food in her mouth.

“Actually Lexa and I are going out now.” Clarke led the girl to her room to help her get dressed before heading out the door and walking to the train station.

“Then there was one.” Where the last things they heard as the door slammed shut.

Instinctually Clarke grabbed Lexa's hand as they made their way down the calm street.

“You know I can call one of my people to pick us up. Or we can even take a cab.” They headed down the subway stairs as Clarke rummaged through her purse for her metrocard.

“No, I told you we are doing this my way, my date.” Clarke handed her the card as Lexa inspected it.

“You've never used a metrocard have you.” Clarke stated rather than question as she noted the confusion on her face.

“I'll have you know I never needed to use public transportation, like we don't need to now.” Shaking her head the blonde swiped for them both quickly hopping onto the train to grab a seat. Unfortunately rush hour was getting the best which forced them to stand.

Lexa was clearly wary at first. The amount of people had caught her by surprise. She wasn't used to being around many strangers without one of her guards close by. Immediately her guard went up as she shifted closer to Clarke.

It worked to her benefit because as the train began to move, Lexa started the stumble forward not holding onto the rail. Clarke was fast enough to grab her by the waist to pull her into her.

“First rule of the subway, always hold onto the rail.” Clarke whispered in her ear. 

It sent enough shivers down her body with already red cheeks of embarrassment.

“What if I did that on purpose?”

“You're too smart for your own good.” Lexa turned around holding onto the rail now. Clarke allowed her hand to continue to rest on her hip unless told otherwise.

“Clearly you like it since we are going on our first date.” Lexa emphasized the first to mess with her as she still could not understand why Clarke insisted on another first date.

“You have never been on a real date.” Lexa looked over confused.

“I think I recall us flying over Miami.”

“I mean a normal people date.”

“That was normal!”

“Says the billionaire.”

“You've lost me Clarke.” The grin on her face got larger as she grabbed her hand and played it with her fingers.

“Those were adventures Lexa.”

“So what is a real date then?” Lexa purred as she leaned in closer due to the subway coming to a stop.

“I'll teach you. Now come on.” Clarke took their intertwined hands and led them out as they reached their stop.

“Where are we going?”

“First rule never reveal your location.”

“You had no idea we were going to fly a helicopter.”

“That wasn't a specific spot we moved.”

“We landed in Orlando.”

“By accident.” With a grunt she gave up knowing she wasn't going go to win this one.

Their destination was next to their stop making the walk short. Clarke stopped right in front of a semi abandoned building that to Lexa was enough to avoid and never return. Clarke pushed away the plastic at the door with Lexa pausing at the entrance.

“Is this where you kill me?”

“Even if I did you probably use your superhuman fighting skills to stop me.” Referring to the time where Lexa sent a knife into a man, she shrugged her shoulders knowing the accuracy of the argument she could not disagree with.

Upon entering the building much of the dirt and construction lied around the floor with only a small clear pathway to the back. The flickering lights revealed the dark purple walls as the setting sun barely peeked into from the windows. 

“Well, well, well if it isn't Clarke Griffin.” The two had reached the back of a wall where a desk and woman sitting behind it remained. The young woman had long blonde hair with two different braids flowing down her slim fit body. The dark hair held in place with a headband matched the brown fiesty eyes.

“It's been a while.” The girl came around to give a quick hug as Lexa waited patiently.

“No one is upstairs, right?”

“Next time you wait this long to drop in it won't be.”

“Thank you Harper.”

“You forgot to mention how incredibly hot she is.” Harper mentioned as she reached out her hand.

“Harper.”

“Lexa.” She shook her hand noting the confidence oozing out of her.

“You have a girlfriend, Harper.”

“Yes and she would greatly appreciate how much I am admiring this beautiful woman.”

“Okay enough checking out my girlfriend and let us up.” Lexa felt her body ache with joy at the mention of ‘her girlfriend’. It was a much more enjoyable way she would much rather be introduced by instead of Lexa Woods. 

Clarke grabbed her hand as they entered the very old elevator that still was manual and half a door to close.

“Tell Monroe I said hi!”

“Same for Blake and Reyes.” With a sudden jolt the machine began to move and lifted them up the building.

“So the second rule is an affordable date,” Lexa opened her mouth to argue but she continued, “for both people.”

That quickly shut her jaw as Clarke mentioned the next rule. “The third rule is that the location is active enough to keep you busy if you get bored of them but also allow time to talk if it's going great.”

Just as she spoke the elevator came to a complete stop with a fence blocking their view and entrance onto the floor. Lexa rattled in her mind where Clarke could have possibly taken her with that description.

Clarke expertly opened the fence then carefully stepped out as Lexa followed. They were greeted by a gust of wind revealing they were on the rooftop. As she followed her footsteps Lexa finally was able to see what she had planned.

The whole roof was covered in string lights as the sun had already gone down. The course had already been set up for them with different obstacles set in place at each stop.

“Mini golfing?” Lexa looked over as Clarke squatted down to choose her putt and ball. 

“Yup.” She handed Lexa hers who got a feel for the equipment.

“Is rule number four to make it a cheesy cliché date straight out of a rom com?”

“No, rule number four is something you both like.”

“How do you and I like this?” Lexa followed the blonde towards the first hole who began to explain.

“You like sports, I like cheesy things.”

“Yes your favorite movie is Say Anything.” Lexa teased walking closer only to get nudged in the shoulder by her remark.

“Oh shut up it's a good movie!”

“If you are into that stuff sure.”

“Says the girl who stood outside my apartment reenacting the most classic scene of all time.”

“I was just trying to impress you.” Letting out a chuckle Clarke scanned the hole even though she knew exactly what to do.

“Did it work?” Lexa kept her eyes trained on the blonde.

“What work?”

“Did I persuade you enough?” The smirk held on her face letting her tongue peek out through her teeth as she thought of an answer.

“I'll tell you after tonight.” Lexa shook her head knowing the games she liked play. It meant they never knew what was coming next and it made their relationship all the more exciting.

“Rule number five, square up your date. So, ladies first.” 

Clarke motioned for Lexa to start their game off. Shrugging her shoulders she lined herself up. Clarke knew she was a dork at heart which is why what came next did not surprise her as she couldn't hold in her laugh.

Lexa squatted down to eye her angle making purposefully dramatic motions to find the perfect spot. It was funnier when she missed the perfect straight lined hole. 

“Its harder than it looks Clarke.” And with just one quick motion Clarke got her golf ball in the hole.

“Beginners luck.” Lexa grumbled as she took another shot before getting it in. They made their way to the next hole slowly and in conversation.

“So how did you find this place?”

“Harper is an old friend. It's actually always super busy up here. You would be surprised, there are multiple floors you play on before reaching the top.”

“How did we get this place alone then?” 

“If you think I bribed her breaking a rule you are wrong. Harper owed me a favor.” Clarke didn't have to look to know the smirk on Lexa's face.

“Which was?”

“She had a seizure when we were kids and I knew what to do which saved her life. My mom is a doctor, I knew how to take a pulse before I could walk.” 

Lexa’s smile widen watching the girl scan the next hole for a new move. Hearing about the girl's past was always enchanti, to learn more about how she became the woman she is.

In another single swift move Clarke got her ball in whereas Lexa took three. Undeniably Lexa was getting frustrated and that was to Clarke's excitement.

The same thing happened after the next two holes. Clarke was an expert mostly due to playing it with her dad when she was younger a secret she has yet to reveal. Lexa on the other hand struggled not realizing something so mini could be the death of her.

Clarke lined up for the next shot taking quick glances of the hole and her ball. Waiting patiently on the side, Lexa leaned against her putt trying to figure out how she did it.

“Rule number six comment on the way she looks tonight, like how cute her outfit is.”

“These are your clothing Clarke.” When getting dressed all Lexa had in her bag were business outfits. Despite her protest Clarke did not want them to go back home so she gave her some jeans and a button down flannel.

“Exactly.” The blonde winked not even looking down as she hit the ball and got it in the hole. Lexa grunted loudly as she knew how badly she was losing the game.

“What if I don't like her outfit?” Lexa decided to challenge her rules to test how efficient they were.

“Then tell her you like her hair.”

“It's frizzy and a mess.”

“You tell her she has incredibly special enchanting green eyes.”

“A lot of people have green eyes.” With every challenge came a step closer till the two were just inches apart.

“I'd tell her that even if her clothes aren't the best, that she has crazy hair, or she has these colloquial green eyes that she is still the most exceptionally beautiful woman my eyes have ever had the pleasure to look at it. I see a woman filled with radiant beauty, selfless, thoughtful, generous, and bold despite the world seeing you as stubborn, stoic, and unamusing. I see behind your mask.”

Clarke a knew a while ago they stopped talking about the rules. The moment Lexa's insecurities slip she's quick to assume people would hate them but forgets the possibility that someone could love it.

“And what happens when they suck at mini golf?” It was overwhelming to hear someone speak highly of her. Fortunately Clarke knew she was grateful for her compliment despite changing the subject. It was just how Lexa was and Clarke understood it.

“Remember rule five?” Lexa nodded her head keeping her gaze.

“You square them up because if your date is good you want to be bad and if they suck then you can do this.”

Clarke walked behind Lexa fixing her posture and position on the hole. Kicking behind her knee the girl squatted slightly to get a good angle. Then Clarke moved in behind her placing her hands over Lexa's on the putt. She rested her chin on her shoulders so that she could speak into Lexa’s ear.

“Just follow my motion.” With her back pressed to the front of Clarke, Lexa's mind flashed with images of earlier that she truly craved to fulfill. She really needed to get it out of her head because it was not helping her body right now.

Lexa's tension did not go unnoticed. Clarke moved her hands to her shoulders to press down. 

“Relax. Close your eyes and listen to my voice.” Clarke continued in a rhythm as Lexa followed. “Breathe in and breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. You do well grasshopper.”

It was enough to get the girl to laugh in which Clarke took full advantage of. Lexa's shoulders relaxed and Clarke motioned their bodies to swing the putt and send the ball in the hole.

Lexa had now fully relaxed in her arms watching the ball fall right into the hole.

“See what happens when you are too tensed.” Clarke joked in her ear then pulling away to see her smile ear to ear. 

“You just wanted to do that move.”

“I won't even deny it for a second.” 

Lexa finally got into the grove and gave Clarke competition when they played their second round. It was the last hole and all tied up.

“Just because you won the last one doesn't mean you got this.” Clarke lined up her shot listening to the girl trying to throw her off her game.

“I thought girlfriends were supposed to be supportive.”

“Its war here Clarke. No mercy will be given.”

“I feel a bet coming on.”

“Count me out I've learned my lesson the last time.”

“Come on Lex afraid you'll hurt your ego?”

“Very much so, I like my ego where it is.”

“If I win we take the subway and if you win we take your damn town car.”

“Sounds fair.”

“And ultimate bragging rights.” Quirking eyebrow she did love the challenge and the winner would without a doubt hold onto this for a very long time.

“Deal.” Clarke stuck her hand out to seal it. Lexa, however, shook it before kissing the blonde with as much passion as she could.

“That was mean.”

“Just trying to be supportive.” Lexa winked knowing the kiss was to throw her off her game.

To her benefit it worked as Clarke made it in six attempts and Lexa in five. Lexa began to cheer as she pumped her fist in the air doing a little dance.

“You are ridiculous.”

“Jealous Clarke?”

“Another rule don't taunt your date.”

“Sore loser?”

“Yes.” Lexa wrapped her arms around Clarke's waist from behind. To shake the grumpiness out of her she spun the blonde in a circle.

“Lexa! Put me down!” Clarke let out in a shriek before being put down with a few more spins. Lexa continued her dance unable to hide her excitement. Being the secret dork she was she wasn't afraid to booty pop her butt at the blonde who grudgingly slapped it away.

“I'm never taking you on a date again.” 

After bantering back and forth their ride came to take them back to Clarke's. Comfortable silence followed, holding hands in the back seat. Lexa would occasionally rub her thumb back forth enjoying the touch of the soft warm skin.

The evening had settled down enjoying the noise of the city. Carefully listening there was something special about the city that never sleeps. Each time of day elicited a different noise. Mornings were the hustling and bustling of workers trying to make it on time. Noons were dominated by tourist too distracted by the skyscrapers looming over to notice the approaching taxi trying to speed it's way through the street. Evenings were the returns of tired bodies already worn out from the strenuous day.

Then there were nights, just like this one. Many had reside into their homes by now as a whole new set of beings emerged. Without the crowding of the busy New Yorkers on the street the sounds of the lively city were heard. From the cries of the ambulance to the flashing cars avoiding potholes and double parked cars to the man on the sidewalk still trying to sell late night tickets to a show.

There was a sound that illuminated from the city that if you took a moment to stop and listen you would view it in a totally different light. Except none of those distractions were strong enough to pull her eyes away from Clarke.

All her senses seemed to be attuned to only one channel. Seeing Clarke left her to gasp for air. Touching her skin set her own fire. The natural smell consumed her airways blocking all other scents attempting to lure in. Tasting the soft lips akin to a child on a constant sugar high leaving a smile unattainable to capture twice.

To be able to feel all these emotions just when looking at her reminded her there was more to life than just survival. Then to hear her was the best reminder. To hear her smokey voice, melodious laugh, heavy breathe, or even the sound of her heart beat was the epitome of her serendipity.

Hearing Clarke was her reminder that this was real. That what they had was a force not to be recokened with. The lying and the secrets she held onto this morning didn't seem to matter anymore because she was determined never to make it factor.

“Well this is my stop.” They stood at the bottom of her steps afraid to let the night end.

“So how did I do on my first date?”

“Besides your taunting, I think you earned a B.”

“That's unacceptable.”

“I might be willing to give extra credit.” Lexa smiled as she pulled the blonde closer.

“Do share.”

“Guess what rule seven is.” Lexa didn't have to guess though having seen enough movies to know what to do next. With a playful kiss she moved her mouth giddly against the girl. She also caught the blonde by surprise dipping her down evoking much laughter from her.

“Cute, but that bumped you to a B+.”

“That's it? Come on it can’t get more cliche than that. You and your rom coms are stubborn.”

“Yes that was very corny but I need to be wowed.”

“Okay fine how about this.” Lexa gripped the back of her neck pulling Clarke into a sensual kiss with more pace and desire. She knocked her into the back of the door placing her hands on it to trap her in between. 

Clarke's hands found her hips to bring their bodies closer to use the door as a stand to prevent from their legs from giving out. She could feel her body heat with desire that her mind was now lost in the brunette.

Lexa slowly moved away knowing she needed air only to bite on Clarke's lower lip and pulled it away with her.

“How was that teacher?” Clarke's eyes remained closing still trying to enjoy the feeling worked up inside.

“You're the devil Lexa.”

“I'll take my A graciously don't fret.” Finally opening her eyes she shook her head in grimace. Lexa was good and knew what she was doing to Clarke.

“Yes.” Lexa quirked her brow hoping Clarke could expand on it more.

“You did persuade me.” Clarke continued, answering the question she asked earlier.

Lexa placed a softer kiss against her lips not being able to get enough of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is All In My Head by Fifth Harmony.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic, so I hope you enjoy! I have something really awesome planned for this but don't hesitate to ask for something or if you want to see something happened! Also im looking for a beta reader if you are interested, I will give you credit! Thank you!


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